"… and whatever you do, don't think of a white bear."
"No problem."
I am taking part in a time honored tradition which all broke college students do at some point or another. It's something you can only do when you're this young, out in the world, and are this broke.
I am selling my body.
There are many methods in which one may do this. Some work at strip clubs, some sell their eggs, and those of us who wish to retain a slightly higher amount of dignity take part in medical research.
All types of medical research. The ones I qualify for usually pay pretty well too. After all, not many are willing to put themselves out there, proclaim they're a mutant, then head with the nice nurse back into the doctor's office where they hook you up to god knows what to measure whatever it is they're measuring.
I tell people it's my effort to help further the field of mutant medicine, but mostly it's the nice five hundred dollar or so checks I get as a result of 'donating' a few hours of my time. It means I get to pay me rent on time and eat this week! If that's not a cause for celebration, I don't know what is.
Today's experiment is a psychological survey sponsored by one of the more liberal psych practices in town. The purpose? To prove that mutants have the same responses as humans do on traditional psychological tests.
I'm all for proving that mutants are as normal as humans when it comes down to stuff like that. I'm just not sure I'm the best one to prove that point.
Nevertheless, here I was in a room with a double sided mirror, a table with a buzzer on it, and a lovely psychologist sitting across from me.
The task was simple: I had to talk for five minutes about whatever crossed my mind, but I couldn't think of a white bear. Every time I did, I had to ring the buzzer.
Simple stuff.
"I'm starting the timer… now." The psychologist in front of me started the timer on a small handheld stopwatch.
Right then. How hard could it be not to think of a white-
Buzz!
"Alrighty! So I'm supposed to say whatever's on my mind. Let's see… well did you know I almost didn't get here in time? See, it all started when a cockroach ejected itself out of my DVD player. Normally I clean my apartment every day- you know how the bug problem is around here, but my boyfriend came over.
Buzz!
"Ah, heh…. Well, it's not that my boyfriend reminds me of a-
Buzz!
"Right. My boyfriend. My bedroom. Ummm… I mean… that is to say we kept each other… occupied-
Buzz!
"Oh god. I don't mean that sex reminds me of a-
Buzz!
"I didn't get to clean! That's all there is to it. I didn't get to clean. Geez, that kind of made it seem like I have a fetish about-
Buzz!
"I don't. Have a fetish about that thing I'm definitely not thinking about. Really."
Buzz!
"Moving on! Back to the gigantic flying roach. Someone ought to check those things for mutant genes. Because bugs that big and that nasty can't be natural. And you should have seen how fast that thing flew by my face! We're talking mere inches away, and that thing flung itself against the wall on the other side of the room and hung on for dear life. I don't know what the projection speed on that thing was, but maybe that's normal when cockroaches eject themselves out of machinery. But I was traumatized I tell you! I mean I knew the DVD player had been making some weird noises, but I never thought of that, you know? And the sound that thing made as it went. It sounded kind of like a-
Buzz!
"Well, I guess that doesn't make much sense of you think about it. How can cockroach possibly sound like a-
Buzz!
"The noise was weird, anyway. I mean I may be a mutant human, but I swear I had a mutant roach living in my DVD player. Better than a white-
Buzz!
"I'm sorry, I guess I'm not good at-
"Your time is up Miss Garcia. Thank you for your participation." The older woman showed me to the door .
"Guess I didn't do you much good in proving your point, did I?" With my luck I'd not only disprove their theory, but find myself bunking in a room with nice white padded walls from now on.
"You performed exactly as we expected you to. In all honesty, your reactions were perfectly normal." She gave me a reassuring smile that almost hid the traces of humor in her eyes.
"Really? I'm normal? How weird!"