Author's Warning:: So let me just remind you not only is this story classified as horror/romance it is also rated M (mostly just to be safe, I'm not sure if it deserves M, though it probably will someday). So dearest readers, after 10 chapters, we finally get to Lexi's backstory. This chapter contains some... oh... we'll call it brief gore. Yes. And maybe a smidge, just a smidge, of romance.
Anyway! Fluff readers aside, enjoy what is probably my favourite chapter so far!
7 Years Ago: Aurora, Illinois
Even for Illinois, even for March, it was cold that day. So cold, the kids at the bus stop all had their winter coats on. The skies were gray, overcast. It looked like rain but it didn't feel like rain and it didn't smell like rain. There were two little girls, one little boy, and one mother waiting for a school bus. None of the children were much older than 8. An old faded yellow bus rumbled around the corner slowly. The mother, the only one not wearing a puffy winter coat, bent down and kissed the boy and his sister on the cheek.
The siblings scurried on to the bus quickly, the other girl took her sweet time climbing the steps and taking her seat near the front, alone. She wondered why her mother didn't walk her to the bus stop. She wondered why she was always alone. No one knew it then, but there was a darkness brewing inside her. Under those wide brown eyes and golden tresses, hatred was hardening in her heart. Caitlyn was slowly becoming a victim of nurture. Loneliness turning to jealousy turning to rage.
Lexi and her brother Kyle took a seat closer to the back, near the other kids. It was a picture perfect snapshot of childhood. Girls playing patty cake, boys with their little army men, and the one kid with glasses reading. Everything seemed so normal. How could an 9-year-old girl know that this would be the last day of freedom? Of childhood?
When the bus pulled into the lot at school the kids scampered out and found their homeroom teachers. Lexi split off from Kyle; being a year younger than her he had a different homeroom. Caitlyn, along with about 15 other students, joined Lexi near a small round woman of about 30 with a black bob cut and vibrant green eyes. She went by the name of Mrs. Mary because asking a bunch of 8 and 9-year-olds to pronounce Wapinski seemed a little unnecessary to her. She hustled all the kids indoors for fear of rain, and because she had plum forgotten her coat inside even though it was so damn cold out.
The children always started their day with spelling, which Lexi excelled at. Spelling was always followed by math, which Lexi did far worse in, but she wasn't quite failing it either. She grumbled and flubbed her way through a pop quiz, which was really just filling in a timetable. Once they had finished with their quiz, Mrs. Mary gave them a short assignment for the night and they moved on to Lexi's second favourite class, Art. It wasn't just plain old fashion art; it was more of a free form class. Some kids were drawing, some were painting, some were playing with play doh, some were writing, and some were just… expressing themselves. Lexi was sitting at a short round table in the middle with an array of coloured pencils splayed out in front of her. She was drawing something that almost resembled a horse. She laid her pencils down occasionally to talk to her friends or simply to consider precisely what shade of blue the horse's, it was a horse right? eye should be.
Art went by quickly enough and faded into lunch. Lexi got excited as all hell when it turned out to be chicken nugget day. She took her share and even made her friend Amber, who had brought a lunch, wait in line for another helping of nuggets. Lexi and Amber sat at a table with at least ten other kids for their lunch period. A few grapes were thrown, pudding was traded for cookies, and bananas were sacrificed by children who hated fruit to children who were still hungry.
After lunch came recess, most of the kids' favourite time of day. Lexi started on the swings with Amber and Kyle, her sister Cassie was already in fifth grade so she attended a different school now and they no longer had recess together. After only five or six minutes the children, as children are so wont to do, grew tired of the swings and moved on to a game of hide and seek. However, their playground was a little too exposed for this game to last terribly long.
Amber got a bucket of sidewalk chalk from the recess monitor and began drawing a hopscotch board on the pavement. She insisted on doing every box a different colour. While Lexi waited she hopped in the few boxes Amber had already drawn. Unfortunately, she was facing the wrong way to see what happened next.
Wssssssssssssssshhhhhhhh-thwack!
Something flew across the playground and beamed Lexi in the back of her pig-tailed head.
"Hey! That hurt!" She exclaimed turning around. Amber looked up at her, confused, and Kyle scurried behind her. Her eyes scanned the playground but she couldn't for certain pinpoint the attacker.
Lexi had a sneaking suspicion it was the blonde girl off to the side of the slide, standing by herself. The expression on her face flashed from anger to revelry when Lexi locked eyes with her, still rubbing the back of her head.
"Why'd you do that?" Lexi hollered across the playground.
"Because," Caitlyn responded, "You're a stuck up… BITCH!"
The bell rang right as Caitlyn started yelling and all the students rushed inside, not wanting detention for being late to return from recess. Lexi felt her little brother squeeze her hand as a particularly large cluster of children jostled her. She turned and ran inside with Kyle in tow.
After lunch Lexi split off from her brother to go to her choir class with Amber. She remembered that this was the beginning, when she realized how much she loved singing. They sang "Swing Low Sweet Chariot" and "Danny Boy," going over some of the harder parts a few times with the less-gifted students. After Choir they had a very basic science class, doing the whole baking soda and vinegar experiment. Lexi and Amber, of course, made a huge fucking mess, which they had to stay late and clean up, making them miss the first ten minutes of gym.
Lexi's absolute favourite class was gym. There were two gym teachers for their grade, Coach Carson, who taught the more "masculine" games in gym: basketball, soccer, baseball, kickball, those sorts of things. The other teacher was Ms. LaFayette, who taught the more "feminine" activities: ballet, volleyball, even cheerleading. Each teacher would pick an activity for the day and the students would divide based on what they wanted to do.
About three days a week Ms. LaFayette instructed the girls in ballet. That was why it was Lexi's favourite class. They only did basic moves and none of the routines were very long, but it was good practice for her since she only had ballet lessons after school on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Friday. Not that Lexi was inclined to pray, but when she did, it was always for more ballet lessons. There was nothing, nothing, as exhilarating to her as flying across the stage in a jump. Except for maybe losing herself in the spins.
Today however was… ribbon dancing. Lexi shuddered and ran her short little legs over to Coach Carson's side of the gym for kickball. Most of the boys were nice enough to her, but there was a good handful that made fun of her. Calling her a "lezbean" behind Coach Carson's back as they all filed out the side door to play outside. She ended up nailing one of those boys in the face with the ball during the game. Thanks to all the ballet she had strong little legs.
Lexi shrugged as she trotted to first base, "Well that's what you get for standin' so far in the infield dumb dumb."
"Lezbean," The boy she had pegged said as he held his nose. Lexi just shrugged it off as she took her spot on first.
When the next person on her team kicked she made it to second and almost made it all the way to third but was forced out. Again, she just shrugged as she was jeered and returned to the dugout, also known as the sidewalk.
The game ended when the bell rang and the score was tied. The students filed back in the building and everyone returned to their homerooms for the last hour of their day. It was silent reading time. Most students attempted to get away with a nap. Lexi and Amber typically tried to see how long they could pass notes without getting caught. Today that only worked for about ten minutes, so Lexi actually set to reading her book pretty quickly. She was reading what was fast becoming her favourite book, and probably series, Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone. She managed to get through a chapter or so before 2:25 rolled around and most students were leaving. Lexi ran to her cubby and grabbed her little purple gym bag. Her face lit up as she ran down the hall. She met up with her brother outside his classroom and kissed his forehead.
"Are you going to wait in the gym today?" Lexi asked.
"I'm gonna go to the swing set till all the teachers leave, then I'll come wait in the gym for you, k?" Kyle said, his S's were whistling slightly because he was missing a front tooth. It was the first tooth he'd ever lost and he was damn proud.
"Okie dokie," Lexi said and sprinted down the hall to the gym
It was Wednesday afternoon ballet class. She practically squealed with excitement once she got into her pale blue leotard. Lexi languished that the class was only an hour long. They always spent the first fifteen minutes warming up. She was a little worried when her brother wasn't in the gym after they finished their warm ups, but if more kids were waiting for rides, the teachers would still be outside. Over the next fifteen minutes they went over a new move, today it was a jump, until everyone had it down. She was getting a little more concerned; Kyle still hadn't showed. Lexi told herself that some other kids were waiting longer than usual for their parents and Kyle would be in soon.
Over the last half hour the girls, and the one boy in their ballet class, went over the routine for their recital in two weeks. Whatever stress Lexi harboured as a kid melted away sometime during ballet. And before she knew it, the class was over. She ran back to the locker room to change into her school clothes before darting back out into the gym.
"Kyle?" She called. She knocked on the door to the boy's bathroom but got no response. She hesitated before opening the door and stepping inside. "Kyle?" He wasn't in there. Maybe he was already outside waiting in the car with their mother. That happened sometimes.
Lexi jogged all the way through the school and out the front door to the parking lot. She didn't notice anyone in the parking lot. Their mother must have been running a few minutes late, which happened from time to time; sometimes she got stuck at the bank for a few extra minutes.
That was about when Lexi heard a yelp. She looked over towards the dirt baseball diamond and saw two figures near home plate. She hesitated at first, but started walking over to see what was going on. As she got closer she began to realize that one figure was standing over the other. The closer she got the clearer it became that it was a girl kicking a little boy in the stomach.
"Hey! HEY! Leave him alone!" Lexi yelledand started running towards the scuffle.
The bully looked up and Lexi realized it was Caitlyn. Then she realized where her brother had been for so long.
Kyle's face was swollen and purple. He was covered in dirt and was now missing two teeth instead of just one. His fingertips were bloody and so was his nose.
"What do you think you're doing? Caitlyn! LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Lexi screamed, her little 9-year-old body ready to charge down the girl harassing her little brother.
"Make me!" Caitlyn said and slammed her foot into Kyle's gut. Lexi wasn't even sure he was conscious anymore.
"What's your problem?" Lexi's voice got louder the closer she got.
"You two are my problem! You think you're so much better than everyone else just cuz you got two parents and they love you!" Caitlyn screamed.
"I don't know what you mean, but leave my brother ALONE!" Lexi darted towards Caitlyn, ready to knock her to the ground.
But the angry little blonde swung her foot back and kicked out as Lexi got close, her foot connecting with the dark haired girl's jaw, sending her sprawling backwards onto the ground.
"You two are such BRATS! Someone needs to show you it's not all gumdrops and lollipops!" Caitlyn screamed.
"Leave him alone!" Lexi's body felt like it was on fire. She thought she might explode if she didn't get this girl off her brother. Her skin felt all tingly. Something weird was going on, she knew it. Deep down she felt something stirring, something on fire.
Caitlyn raised her foot above Kyle's head.
But it never landed, not on him anyway.
Lexi let out a high-pitched shriek that could probably shatter glass and everything weird and hot she felt inside seemed to explode out. She hadn't been wrong. She did explode. The diamond lit up with multi-coloured light. And when the light faded, Lexi was left standing in the middle of a scorched baseball field. She looked down where her brother should have been. He was gone, just a black scorch mark left. Caitlyn was gone too. The fence behind home plate was toppled back.
"K-K-Kyle? M-M-Mom?" Lexi stuttered, her eyes were filling with tears. She looked around.
Off to the side of the field was a small wooded area. Lexi had no idea if it was actually a forrest our just an outcropping of trees. But something about it caught her eye.
It took her young little brain a second to process what she was looking at.
Hanging from the lowest branch was what she could only assume was her brother's arm. It was his tiny little hand connected to his tiny little wrist connected to a scorched forearm ending in a tangled mass of muscle, bone, and tendons.
"Oh… oh god," Lexi fell to her knees.
Above his arm, hanging from another branch was his… his…
Lexi wretched on the ground in front of her.
Kyle's torso had been blown into pieces; the biggest surviving chunk was his collarbones, shoulders, neck and head. Bits of what Lexi could only figure to be lung or some other organ were falling from the half of his chest that was intact. She didn't want to see anymore. She didn't want to know where the rest of her little brother was.
At the base of the tree sat, sort of, Caitlyn. Her right arm was ripped off at the shoulder and god knew where that was. Her left leg was torn at the knee revealing ligaments and what a kneecap really looked like. Her calf and foot were laying a few feet behind her. But that wasn't the worst. From her throat to her naval she was blasted …well… open. Revealing a burnt rib cage that was barely housing her lungs and heart and whatever else was inside of a human. Lexi was certain she could see the back of Caitlyn's throat before her head threw itself forward and she heaved again.
She heard a horn honk somewhere in the distance. Then a car door slam. She wasn't sure if it had been 30 seconds, 5 minutes, or 6 hours before she heard the clip-clop of her mother's heels. She heard her mother pick up her pace. And finally, before she blacked out, she heard a scream.
"And when I came to, I was home, in my bed. I could hear my parents crying and trying to talk. Th-they said they couldn't let me go back to school. I guess officially the explosion was caused by a gas main bursting or something just as stupid. But my mom knew. She knew it was me. She knew there was something fucking WRONG with me. And now you know too," Lexi said, finishing her story.
Sam and Dean just looked speechless.
"That's why they started homeschooling me. That's why I barely ever leave the house anymore. That's why I haven't gone swimming, that's why… the demons want me I guess."
"Lexi…" Dean sighed; he had no words that could make any part of her story better. If Dean had killed Sam…no, he couldn't even let Sam die, let alone be the one to kill him.
"Hey," Sam tilted her chin up, "Lexi, you know it wasn't your fault? You were little, you had no control over your powers."
"I shouldn't have gotten so angry," Lexi's voice was hard. She was fighting back tears and almost winning for once.
"No, if I could explode, I would have too if someone was hurting Sammy that badly," Dean said as he sauntered over to their mini-fridge. He grabbed a bud light out of it and walked back towards Lexi.
"I mean, I'm not saying that little girl deserved it, but you gotta stop beating yourself up about something that happened seven years ago," Sam told her as he took the beer from Dean. He twisted the cap off and held it out to Lexi.
She tentatively laid her fingers around the neck for a moment before pulling it out of Sam's hand and taking a swig. She shuddered, it was truly awful, but took another gulp.
"So you're a nova or whatever then?" Dean asked.
"Um, what?" Lexi responded with a completely clueless expression that Sam actually found adorable.
"You… you manipulate light. That explosion you caused, that was pretty much, wow this is going to sound dumb, starlight. Basically combusted gases, but really really combustible gases that burn as intense as…well... the sun," Sam explained to her.
Lexi's eyes widened and she thought she just might faint. She took another drink of the horrible brown brew in her hand.
"So… that's why you've been doing this to yourself?" Sam said, rubbing his thumb along one of the freshest cuts on her arm.
"It… it helps keep my anger in check. And I mean… someone needs to… I don't know; rebuke me, for what I did. Why not me?" Lexi reasoned. Dean thought it almost sounded logical, shit he felt that way sometimes, but it just didn't quite sound right.
"No, Lexi, no one does," Sam started but was quickly interrupted by his brother.
"Look, this whole emotional talking crap is Sam's deal, so I'm going to get a hold of Bobby, tell him what we've found. Do some digging around," Dean said before grabbing his jacket and cell phone as he walked out of the room.
"So this is why you don't eat either?" Sam asked her quietly.
"Well, I figure, if my body is weak, maybe m-m-my powers, as you put it, would be too? And I mean… I killed two little kids! Killed them! With a thought, an emotion; in an instant I DESTROYED them!" Lexi was getting hysterical; tears were slowly falling from her face, landing in small crystals on the floor. Sam thought that was such a weird ass side effect.
He grabbed her shoulders with just enough force to keep her still but without hurting her, "Lexi, calm down. Listen to me. What happened was not your fault. If you were trained, if you KNEW how to control your powers, it wouldn't have happened, alright? Please, you've got to forgive yourself for this. I'm sure Kyle has and I'm sure that's what he'd want you to do."
"I, I just… I can't. It's my fault," Lexi stammered.
"Look, when I… before I knew… The first vision I ever had… was of my girlfriend, Jess, dying in the exact same way my mother died. And you know what I did? I ignored it. I left town with Dean. I didn't believe it. And you know what happened?"
Lexi just nodded.
"Yeah, she died. Just like I dreamed she would. I beat myself up for months about it. It took me almost a year to even think about opening up to another girl. But… Dean was right for once. It wasn't my fault. How could I have known? And it's not your fault Lexi. You didn't want it to happen, you didn't try to make it happen. It just happened and there isn't anything you could have done to stop it," Sam brushed the hair out of her face and cupped her cheek. He looked her straight in the eyes with the best pleading puppy dog eyes he thought he had ever mustered up.
"I could have… I… Sam, please don't try to convince me that I'm not some kind of evil freak of nature, because I am and I know it. My whole family knows it. Everyone I've ever met knows that I am… wrong… that I should be dead. They just can't bring themselves to do it," Lexi whispered.
"And what does that make me?" Sam asked, his face hardening into a mask of anger, or maybe it was just frustration.
"No Sam… you're just a psychic, you have visions. You haven't hurt anyone," Lexi said, sounding like she was begging him to believe her.
"You have no idea how many people I've killed. How much wrong I have done by mistake. But I don't let it ruin me, and I won't let it ruin you either," Sam stated. He was not going to leave her a choice in the matter.
"Sam, please. I don't deserve this, what you and your brother have done for me. Just take me back to the seclusion I came from before I hurt you guys too," Lexi begged.
Sam was tempted to just say fuck it and take her home right then and there. If this girl didn't want to be helped then fine. If she was so hell bent on hating herself and taking the fucking pussy way out, let her. He didn't need her around reminding him that deep down there was something wrong with him too.
Sam was tempted, but he didn't.
What he did do was scoop her up so fast she didn't know what the hell hit her.
"Sam…" Lexi whispered, she had no idea what else to say, but Sam didn't give her a chance anyway.
His lips smashed into hers so hard she thought she'd have a fat lip in the morning. Sam's kiss was completely different from Dean's. Dean was peaceful, relaxed, and just very in the moment, simple almost. Sam was passionate, strong, and very must have this right now! He kissed like there'd never be another kiss again in the world. Lexi thought the room might catch on fire and if they burned up with it, that'd be just fine. She could feel her pulse over every inch of her body. Sam tightened his hold on her as she finally found the rhythm his lips were moving to. He practically fell back onto the bed with her in his arms.
Lexi somehow managed to find the strength to pull her lips away from his, even though that was the last thing she ever wanted to do. Even though it felt like a part of her was ripping out of her chest when she pulled away from him.
"Um, Sam," Lexi panted, he had literally taken her breath away.
"Yeah, I know, I'm a fucking hypocrite," Sam said before cradling her head in his hands and meeting her lips with his again.