Chapter 11: Con amore
"No man is an island, entire of itself… any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee."
"I'm so grateful that you agreed to talk with me at such short notice."
"No, Chiaki, I'm glad you rang… it's been a while…" Kuroki hesitated before continuing. "And I had a very strong suspicion that you would want to talk to me about Megumi-chan."
"Was it that obvious?"
"It was very awkward… I admit… all three of us meeting together in such a manner. I'm sure you have a lot of questions."
"I do… but it's not probably along the lines of what you're thinking."
"Chiaki, I went to see her as a friend… She needed a friend… I think it helped her a lot to be able to talk about things that she's kept hidden over the years."
"It's not my place to ask you about things said in confidence… but I am worried about her. You must know about her illness by now…"
Kuroki nodded. "It was one reason why I went to see her."
"She is refusing all treatment…"
"Do you know why?"
"A friend in America said that she had given up on life."
Kuroki thought a while before saying what was on his mind.
"I don't think that is what it is." Kuroki said circumspectly. "Maybe I'm wrong but… I think it is more the case that she is looking for a reason to live." So saying, he gave Chiaki a shrewd glance.
"That's not the impression I got when we talked yesterday." was Chiaki's wry response.
As was his habit, Kuroki did not answer immediately. "At the start of her world tour, I went to see her perform here in Tokyo. As expected, she was amazing... technically quite brilliant. She was completely immersed in the music and was in complete control. The consummate professional obviously. But it was more than that… it was as if she and the piano was in perfect symbiosis in their search for the music and I have seldom seen such harmony between the instrument and the player. Megumi-chan's incredible gift is her ability to draw the listener in to that symbiosis to help them perceive the beauty of every single note she plays. She is as much the instrument as she is the player. It's a rare thing but what is rarer still is that she doesn't seem to know it. She is the genuine article. But now her body is flagging… and from her perspective, the music appears to be drifting away… "
Chiaki was deeply moved by Kuroki's comments but said nothing. This long-time acquaintance, sometimes friend had managed to articulate so clearly what he had known since the beginning.
"It is up to you, Chiaki… you have to help her find the music again. After all, you are responsible for setting her on this path in the first place."
The rest of the conversation did not always revolve around Nodame although she was never far away from their thoughts. The two men reminisced a little, made the odd joke, and then talked some more… about the past five years… Kuroki was now lead oboist with the NHK and was considering returning to Europe once he was certain of finding a position somewhere. He was curious about Chiaki's perspective on his breakup with Nodame but the opportunity did not present itself. Better let them resolve this themselves. He was not one to pry and Chiaki didn't seem too eager to raise the subject.
It took them a while to get to the matter that was weighing heavily on Chiaki's mind.
"Do you remember someone, from your student days in Paris, called Francois? He used to frequent a drinking establishment near the Conservatoire."
"Francois, Francois… the name does ring a bell… Why?"
"I heard Nodame mention him in passing." Chiaki felt compelled to lie. To explain would only open a can of worms.
"Hmmm… oh, that Francois… he was the manager of the tavern… If memory serves, he was the owner…" Kuroki racked his brains to sift through the many individuals that had come and gone in his life. "That's right. Megumi-chan worked for him… part-time, I think…"
"She did? Doing what?" Chiaki had nightmarish visions of Nodame breaking dishes, dropping wine glasses and pouring drinks all over customers.
"Playing the piano there…"
"I didn't know anything about this…"
"It was probably while you were conducting for the London Phil… the three months you were away. I think it was a gig that she picked up during that time."
"Was she that desperate for money?" Chiaki now had visions of Nodame begging on the street.
"I don't think she did it entirely for money. I remember her being rather coy about the whole thing."
This time Chiaki's imagination really went wild. Nodame in her younger days could be quite naïve and who wasn't to say that she hadn't been taken advantage of by some unscrupulous man… a man named Francois, for instance…
"Her flatmate Monica said that it was some kind of surprise and that all would be revealed eventually. But she was very good."
"Monica?"
"No… Megumi-chan… she played all kinds of jazz standards by ear and took requests. Sometimes she'd improvise… mix up tunes and play all kinds of musical games.That's the part that really got the crowds going. Someone would hum a tune and she'd play it verbatim. I think Francois thought that she missed her calling. Didn't she ever tell you about it?"
"No… she didn't…"I never gave her the chance.
Some of the questions that had plagued him these past years were coming to light. Armed with this newfound knowledge, Chiaki was now anxious to return to Kyushu… to see her… to find closure and if fate permitted… for them to reconcile.
His first attempt had been less than stellar but at least it gave him some notion of what he was up against. Nodame had always looked a little pale but at that last encounter, she was looking as white as sheet. Her face and arms were worryingly thin. The thought of someone as vital as she was, fading away by choice, brought him anguish.
After conversing for a while further, both men excused themselves and promised to keep in touch. Kuroki couldn't help wondering what plans Chiaki had in store. Chiaki couldn't help wondering if this was his second chance… a chance to make things right.
I was a fool… I didn't know what I had until it was gone…
In the hands of the player, the scale… the arpeggio becomes a study of bell chimes. The beginning looks deceptively simple but it is a piece that stretches both hands to the limit.
She hunches over the keys. The little bell tinkles… Allegretto… Staccato… The right hand stretches dexterously… large jumps over two octaves… The left hand joins in. The two hands race with one another to gain mastery over the keys. More jumps between intervals. Large intervals… sixteen note jumps. Trills… fast ones…
The music takes hold of her… she doesn't flag… she doesn't tire… Her head bops up and down as the fingers speed up, giving her a rush… which turns into a frenzy. But she is in complete control… After all, she has done it before in front of hundreds. The bell is chiming… vigorously… distinctly… like melodious peals of laughter… She weaves her magic, enchanting the listener, casting a spell over him.
Chiaki got off the taxi with two large suitcases and stood immovably to the music that was drifting out of the house. It was music that demanded to be experienced. The energy, its raw power was unmistakable. Now and again he could hear the notes falter but by and large, she had not lost her touch.
Chiaki abandoned his luggage as he felt the call of the pied piper… she was beckoning and this time, he went willingly, his own feet urging him along. One step at a time… then two steps… then three and then quicker ones into the house. There she was sitting at her shrine in the house, the place where music was revered… her right hand speeding up and down the black and white keys and her left hand keeping up in perfect unison.
Mr Noda stood next to Chiaki for a few moments before saying to him, "She has been playing this for the last two days."
Chiaki gave no response but continued to stand there in awe of the spectacle he was witnessing. The older man soon left the younger man's side for he saw how entranced the latter had become. Chiaki was a man bewitched.
A single solitary tear rolled down his face… he had not thought it would happen so soon. To hear her playing… anything… would have been fantastic but it was La Campanella! It was a moment worth being witnessed to. He stood there dumbstruck, glorying in a memory of a time and place. She had played it at the Tilburn competition completely immersed in its intricacies and demands and when she struck the last note… she was greeted by a thunderous applause… There was no doubt in anyone's mind that day that she had arrived.
He had been there among the audience. Sorrowful, yet proud… Chiaki had joined the standing ovation and chorus of "bravura"… his only regret being that he did not stand alongside her.
She had done it once… four years ago, without him and perhaps she could again. Standing as the sole witness to this present-time encore, Chiaki applauded involuntarily.
She had not realized that he was standing there… She turned around and found herself saying, "Senpai… you came back…" as if she was a woman who had just emerged from a dream. She pushed back the chair abruptly and stumbled towards him.
"Yes, I came back…"
"Why?"
"Because you and I have unfinished business."
"Do we?" She was swaying from sheer exhaustion and he just managed to catch her in his arms before she fell onto the floor. Now in his arms, she smiled contentedly and sleepily. "I missed you, senpai. You were gone so long."
Too long. "I'm sorry… I came back as soon as I could." He whispered gently.
"You're here now… that's all that matters." She muttered before drifting off to sleep.
He watched her sleep… her lashes flickered… She tossed and turned, talking in her sleep. It was a long time since he was this close to her… He held her hand as if his life depended on it… He caressed her disheveled mop, studied the lines on her face and reminded himself of the softness of her cheeks.
She stirred slightly and then as if she had been awake the entire time, spoke audibly.
"Why are you back here?" Her eyes still closed but speaking with great urgency.
"Don't you know… do you still have to ask…?" He said quietly.
She let out a big sigh. "You shouldn't have come back… it's too late… for me... for us..."
"It's not too late… you know what every doctor you've seen has said to you about your chances…" He insisted gently but then his tone of voice changed to a more familiar one. The one that stood over her during their informal sessions at the piano. "You're much too thin though. It's about time you started eating properly again. You've really let yourself go… the last five years."
"So you've come back just to tell me what to do." She snapped suddenly and opened her eyes glowering at him. "I don't need you to tell me all that, you know…"
"Perhaps…" Chiaki responded, momentarily caught off guard by Nodame's display of spirit. "But I need you… your music and your mad, coloured world." Then an idea occurred to him. "Five years is a long time to keep a man waiting."
"Keep a man waiting? I kept you waiting? What are you talking about? Who kept who waiting?" She looked at him indignantly. "Senpai, you can be conveniently forgetful. It was you who kept me waiting, remember?"
Good, that's better. "Is that so? I was the one that came home from London to an empty flat. I had tried to contact you all day on your cell phone and I even left a message with your flat mate.
"You did?" Nodame was wide awake now. "With Monica?"
"Yeah…"
"That girl." Nodame growled. "I will personally wring her neck the next time I see her." She promised with more than a touch of malevolence. "But senpai, didn't you know? Monica was as reliable as a second-hand car dealer. She probably wrote the message on a newspaper and forgot all about it after that. That girl was ridiculously man mad and kept her life interesting by having two boyfriends on the go all of the time I knew her."
"Speaking of dating two men, who was Francois?"
"Who?" Nodame's face registered a blank. "Francois?" The wheels in her mind were turning over.
"Someone you met in France. According to Kuroki, the owner of the drinking establishment near the Conservatoire. You worked for him at one stage."
"Gyabo! I had forgotten about that... yeah… Him… that Francois…" Nodame reverted to a familiar giggle. "It was suppose to be a surprise."
"For whom?"
"For you, of course, idiot."
Chiaki was bewildered. What had she been up to? "What does it have to do with me?"
"The masquerade ball – he was giving me dancing lessons."
"He was? Why did you ask him and not me?"
"Er… no, senpai. You're too impatient and you were away… in England, remember? Besides, it was supposed to be a surprise. I wanted you to have a graceful partner... someone you could be proud of."
"Well, I was certainly surprised." Chiaki commented wryly.
"How did you find out about Francois if I never told you about those dancing lessons?"
"I saw you two together the night I returned."
"You did?" Nodame looked horrified. "What were we doing?"
"Laughing, drinking and flirting." Chiaki tried unsuccessfully to look indifferent. He was soon to regret saying so much.
"We did?" Nodame felt slightly guilty. "Oh yeah, I remember now. I drank too much… had a terrible hangover the next day. Francois was a dreadful flirt… he was forty at the time and thought he was God's gift to women. But I think he an ulterior motive for flirting with me. He probably just wanted me to continue to playing the piano at his bar."
Chiaki wasn't sure what to make of this… whether to be relieved that it was all a harmless flirtation or angry with himself for making such a monumental error in judgment.
"Let's see… when did this happen… now?" Nodame's interest in these events was piqued. "That's right… it happened right about the time you were supposed to return from England."
"It doesn't matter now, Nodame…" Chiaki tried vainly to keep her from continuing her train of thought.
Unfortunately for him, the ramifications of these events hit her quickly. It was as if someone had turned the light switch on in a dark room.
"You saw us together?"
Chiaki was conspicuously silent.
"And you thought that we were…"
Again, he stayed remarkably silent.
"And because of that you thought I was unfaithful to you…"
And yet again, Chiaki appeared reluctant to speak.
"Do you mean to say that I went through hell the last five years because you thought I was cheating on you?"
Still Chiaki said nothing. The absurdity of the entire situation spoke for itself. He could now only brace himself for her reaction.
Quite unexpectedly, Nodame burst into a chorus of vociferous laughter. "Senpai, I do believe you were jealous."
In an effort to defend himself, Chiaki managed to find his tongue. "What else was I suppose to think?" He tried to bluster his way out of this hole he'd dug for himself.
"Admit it, senpai, you were jealous." She declared gleefully.
"I wasn't… I was just worried… you were so naïve where men were concerned." He sounded unconvincing.
Nodame made the logical inference. "If you were jealous, that means you did care."
Chiaki looked distinctly uncomfortable. "Of course I cared – I fed you and picked up after you, didn't I?"
"The great Chiaki Shinichi… jealous… how funny is that?" She convulsed into playful laughter.
"Look here…" He grabbed her by the arm and drew her to himself. "That's enough." Leaning closer against her, his lips gently took possession of her lips for the first time in a long time.
Her eyes grew as round as saucers in that instant but she allowed herself to be taken. She thought about the first time and the many times after that… she couldn't remember what they felt like but this one would stay with her forever.
"I've almost forgotten how exasperating you can be. " He whispered when their lips parted.
She saw the longing in his eyes and knew… that the last five years had been an intermezzo… an interval… a detour… and at long last he had come back to her…
As he leaned over to kiss her again… she pulled away with exaggerated belligerence.
"Don't think you're going to get off lightly, Chiaki Shinichi, for putting me through hell the last five years. For making me believe that I wasn't good enough for you."
"Nodame, I didn't mean… It was nothing like that…" Chiaki was now on the back foot reeling from this change of mood.
"And don't think that a mere kiss is going to be sufficient penance for all your sins." She reprimanded him sternly.
Showing surprising strength, she fell on top of him and knocked him onto the matted floor. He could only moan in feeble protest.
"You're dead meat, Chiaki." She stuck her arm under his chin and whispered in her most foreboding voice.
I think I went overboard. And now she's going to kill me.
In another room, an older couple were sharing a moment of pillow talk.
"Do you think they are going to be alright?"
"Who knows…"
"Maybe we should go and make sure."
"Stay where you are, woman." The man commanded.
The woman relented and heaved a sigh of relief. "At least our daughter isn't going to die a virgin."
Nodame was in the middle of enforcing judgment, when she collapsed on top of Chiaki and broke into a fit of coughing.
"You're lucky that I'm not myself." She wheezed, after recovering slightly.
"Nodame, are you alright?" He looked at her gravely concerned.
"I think I still have some warm water in that flask." She was pointing to a navy blue object on her dressing table.
Chiaki went over and poured the contents of the flask on into a mug. She took it from him without much ado and took several mouthfuls of large gulps.
"Be careful you don't choke." He cautioned.
Nodame slumped onto the floor from fatigue. "You shouldn't have come back, senpai." She said in a tone of voice that was difficult to decipher.
"I'm not afraid of you." He was feigning nonchalance but he could see that she was struggling to speak.
"I didn't want you to see me like this."
"Like what? You're still as mad as ever."
"You know what I mean…" She looked at him with heartbreaking sadness. "I just wanted you to remember me the way I was, not as some walking corpse."
Chiaki stretched himself out beside her and pulled her closer to nestle up against him.
"It doesn't have to end that way, you know." He drew her further in.
"I don't know if I can do it. I'm so tired, senpai. Everyday is getting a bit more difficult. And the music…" She turned to hide the tears and buried in her face in his chest.
"Is just as strong as ever."
"Don't lie to me."
"Would I dare? I live in fear of your deadly kicks… and besides that, you do pack a mean punch."
"Idiot…"
"I saw you play La Campanella at the Tilburn."
"You did?"
"Uh huh… It was a magnificent display of speed and technique… you exceeded all my expectations."
"Why didn't you come and find me…? We could have talked."
"Ask me something easier…" He hesitated. "My pride perhaps… I don't know… Or realizing from that moment you hit the first note that you didn't need me – that you could go on without me. It rankled."
"I'm glad you came… and to know that you didn't hate me."
"I could never hate you, Nodame, even if you did drive me crazy in those early years." He paused for a moment. "No, I didn't hate you. Not then, not now."
"Then why did you stay away so long?"
"I think I was in conflict."
"Over what?"
"Over you… I had never known anyone like you. And even when I got used to you, I was never sure what it was that we had. It was only when you were out of my life that I realized how much you were a part of it. A very important part. By then, it was too late. Or at least I thought it was…"
"But senpai, I have nothing to offer you now…"
"The only thing I want from you is to hear you play for the rest of my life."
Nodame coughed again before answering. "In my present condition, that is going to be a tall order."
"Not for you, Nodame. And not that you need me... but I will be there with you every step of the way."
She was still asleep when Chiaki got up and left the room as quietly as he could. He noticed that Nodame's parents were sitting at the table and having breakfast. He acknowledged them and took a seat with them.
"Is she still sleeping?" Mrs Noda asked, inquisitive about what had transpired the previous night.
"Yes…" Chiaki said briefly. "I'm glad that you're here. There's something I want to speak to both of you about."
"Oh, yes…?" They looked at him expectantly.
"It's about Nodame."
"Is everything alright with you two?"
"That's what I want to talk you about. I wish to marry your daughter."
Author's Note:
I hope and pray that you like this chapter… everything I've written before has been to lead up to this point. Initially chapters 10 and 11 were meant to be a single chapter but two paragraphs in, it became rather unwieldy. I thought it was best just to separate them. But then 11 just got longer and longer and longer…
YDKM: You're right in thinking that the first convo between Chiaki and Nodame was "weird". It was deliberately written to give an unsatisfactory feeling. I hope I managed to achieve that.
Ebony: I'm not sure if this is the juicy bit you were expecting… but here it is… ten chapters later.
Tacitus: What can I say? You make a lot of sense and show great insight in your comments. That rushed feeling you mentioned is for the most part, deliberate… one for practical purposes (I'm driving my family crazy with my preoccupation with this story) and the other, is an attempt to create a sense of urgency. If I haven't done so effectively, I daresay it is a result of the shortcomings in my writing skills. But that's what I'm here for, to learn and to find my niche.
You'll be glad to know though, that the story does slow down a little from here, mainly because it is much more Chiaki/Nodame focused. Still, I do agree that jumping around from one thing to the next probably does little for overall cohesion which I've tried to work hard on in 11.
Quadrono: Thanks for your interest in the story and taking time to review. I definitely think we could do with a lot more Nodame fics but I'm beginning to understand why more people don't do it. It has a way of taking over your life! And the amount of research… although I haven't had to do as much for this one as I had to for A Roman Holiday.