I am going to post this quickly as I promised I would try post it today but I am struggling to stay awake lol that will teach me to stop fiddling about on twitter on my iPad lol, I've only just started getting into it properly and fill it with rubbish but if anyone wants to be bored to death feel free to follow me Michelle1053 anyway I'm sorry if there are any stupid mistakes in it.

Thank you again for the reviews and for adding this to your alerts and favourites, I love reading what you have to say and it all means a lot. I'm not going to give much away about this chapter but what I will say is it took me a while to write this one as it has quite a lot of emotions coming through from both girls, I just hope I have got it right. I have to also apologise as a couple of tiny bits of this are repeated from an earlier chapter but I kind of needed them here too, hopefully it will become obvious when you read.

Anyway on with this chapter, next one up soon hopefully...

Chapter Eleven

Emily

A week had passed since Naomi and Effy had surprised me with the yoga, time really seemed to be flying by so fast which was surprising as I wasn't really doing anything much. Naomi had been amazing since I opened up to her, she hasn't judged me and she hasn't pushed me and I wanted to show her what she has done for me. I looked down at my journal and took a deep breath before picking it up and making my way to Naomi's room, I knocked on her door and just about heard her shout come in over the music she was playing. I couldn't help but notice how cute she looked lying on her bed in her skinny jeans and plain black t-shirt; she pulled off the casual look so well. She smiled as I closed the door behind me "You missing me already?"

I laughed "In your dreams." I tried to cover up some of the feelings that were slowly pushing to the surface, if I was completely truthful I did miss Naomi during the times we didn't spend together, I couldn't tell her that though. I was putting it down to the fact she made me feel safe but deep down somewhere even I knew I was trying to fool myself.

I looked at her again before holding out my journal to her. She looked very confused "Em this is your journal what are you giving it to me for?"

I smiled slightly "I want you to read it."

She shook her head "No Emily I can't its private, it's your place to write to help you move on."

I nodded "I know it is but Naomi I want you to read it, I want you to see how much you have helped me and I want to let you in on how I have really been feeling. It is my way of communicating with you a bit more about what's been going on in my head."

She looked down at the journal before looking back at me "Are you sure?"

I nodded again "I'm sure."

She smiled slightly "Ok."

I turned to leave not wanting to disturb her anymore and also I was hoping she would read it now before I changed my mind, yes it was something I wanted her to read but I was also shit scared as really I was opening myself up to her so much and there would be no going back "I will leave you to it, just let me have it back when you are done, it is helping writing stuff down but I know I still have a way to go yet."

She nodded "I'll read it now and come see you later."

I smiled "Ok." Then quickly opened the door and went back to the sanctuary of my own room.

Naomi

I looked down at the journal in my hand, I still wasn't sure I should be reading it but Emily seemed pretty insistent about wanting me to. I opened it up and started reading from the beginning

I was always used to feeling like the lesser twin, mum always favoured Katie, she was the one who was in to fashion, the one always bringing boys home and she always agreed with whatever mum said. I however kept myself to myself, wore what I felt comfortable in and never brought boys home. Mum would always be at me 'when are you going to bring a nice boy home Emily.' If I am honest the thought of it made me sick. I knew I liked girls but couldn't quite admit it to myself until that day at school I kissed that girl and Katie told me I wasn't gay just stupid. Hearing her words made me realise I couldn't keep burying my feelings and I had to be honest with myself. When I decided to tell my parents I knew deep down that mum wouldn't be happy but I didn't expect her to react like she did. I thought she loved me enough to try and accept who I was, was it not the job of a parent to love their child unconditionally. I guess my mum didn't get that memo because she had no intention of accepting me she showed that by throwing me out with nothing but my phone and that was only because I was lucky and it was in my pocket. I felt so lonely out on the streets, I knew I had nobody and I honestly didn't know what I was going to do…

Her mum sounded like a complete bitch, I know Emily had told me what had happened but reading it written down in black and white made me so angry. How could anyone treat their own daughter like that just because they didn't like what they had been told, so Emily liked girls, so what it didn't change who she was as a person. I took a deep breath before continuing reading.

I was cold and lonely and doing my best to find the odd scraps to eat. I never was one for the dark but I had nothing else I could do, I could just about cope with the dark, the cold and the lack of food until that night, the night I knew would haunt me for a long time to come if not forever even for a small part. I knew it would never completely leave me. Every time I close my eyes the darkness takes over again and I feel like I am back there all over again, I can feel his boot making its mark on my body, I can feel the pain all over again however hard I try to block it all out. I could cope with the beating though, wounds would heal eventually and bruises would fade and be a distant memory. It was what he did following the beating that I would never completely get over; I can always feel his hands all over my body, his hot breath over my face as he pressed his body against me. I was trying to scream out but no sound would escape not that it would have mattered as I always found somewhere quiet to stop for the night, there was only so much staring I could take in one day. There was nobody around that could help even if I could get my screams out. I didn't have the strength to push him off, he was too strong for me and he had made sure of that by kicking the shit out of me first.

I could see the dried teardrops on the page from where Emily had obviously been crying as she was writing. I'm not surprised though, it brought tears to my eyes sitting here reading it. It must have been terrifying for her, there are some sick bastards around and he had completely taken advantage of an obviously young, pretty, vulnerable girl and hurt her in one of the worst ways possible. I wasn't sure I wanted to continue reading but I knew I had to for Emily's sake, her opening up to me like this could help her and that's all I wanted to do.

Gina Campbell was like an angel sent from above, I would be lying if I said she didn't terrify me when she first approached me, she was a stranger and well look at what the last stranger that approached me did. Gina was different though, completely different, she was genuine and after talking to her for a bit I could see she wanted to help me. I couldn't understand why but I was grateful I really don't know what I would have done if I had, had to spend another night out on those streets, it was so cold, I was in so much pain and every noise terrified me. I wasn't sure when we got back to the house Naomi seemed to have taken an instant dislike to me although it can't have been easy for her having a stranger brought into her house. The last thing I had wanted to do was cause trouble between them. I offered to leave, my heart hammering against my chest at the thought of going out there again but Gina insisted I stay and Naomi reluctantly agreed.

Gina made me feel so welcome; she cleaned me up, let me have a shower, cooked me the most gorgeous meal and didn't push me to talk. I hadn't felt this cared for in a while and it felt good. She continued to look after me but I kept myself to myself staying in my room, I didn't want to upset Naomi.

The poor girl had been through so much, my mum had been her usual kind self and of course wanted to help her and I had been a complete and utter bitch towards her, all she needed was some kindness something she thankfully received from my mum. Reading this was making me feel so fucking bad about the way I had behaved. I really am a bitch and need to take a long hard look at myself.

Naomi came round to the idea of me being there and was being a little nicer; she seemed to have started caring a little and was trying to get to know me. I didn't know how to take it at first as I wasn't sure whether Gina had put her up to it, sounds like both Gina and Effy had been persuading her and she had given in. I was going to open up to her after all I needed to tell someone what had happened but in the end I couldn't bring myself to do it. She suggested just getting to know one another until I was ready to open up. It had been fun, I found myself laughing for the first time in a while and I would even go as far as to say I even felt like I relaxed a bit. I was enjoying the time I spent with her until all my barriers came crashing back up and I ran off into my room again. I was so frustrated with myself I needed to offload all my emotion to someone and that was the perfect opportunity until I shut down again. Naomi didn't give up on me though and eventually I told her everything. She pulled me into a tight hug and yes I put up some resistance but I let her, I needed to feel safe and I did feel safe in the house, I felt safe around Gina and Naomi and I will always be thankful for the way they have helped me.

I will always be especially thankful to Naomi for the support she gave me when we went to the hospital. When she first mentioned it I panicked I hadn't thought about any of that, not only did that bastard almost ruin my life but now he could have given me some kind of infection or got me pregnant. To say I was shit scared was an understatement. I knew Naomi had promised to be by my side the whole time but that still didn't stop me having a panic attack as we came to leave the house. Naomi was the one who sat with me encouraging me to breathe, she truly was amazing and I know I wouldn't have got through the day without her.

She still wasn't sure about me back then; I can't believe I was so fucking horrible. All I can say is I am glad she enjoyed spending the time we spent together talking, and I am so happy that she didn't regret opening up to me. I didn't realise she had been that scared about going out to the hospital that day, yes I know she had the panic attack and that should have given it away I just hadn't realised it was panicking her as much as it was. I was just glad I had been there for her and managed to help her through the day as much as I could, I just hope she thought I was less of a bitch now. I guess I would find out as I continued reading.

I was getting on so well with Naomi, I could honestly say she was my first proper friend and someone I could feel myself trusting more and more. We were spending more and more time together, yes I know she was trying to distract me and it was working, I was spending less time thinking about what had happened and that can only be a good thing.

We had a bit of a fight today though, it all started when she came up to see me wanting to take me out, apparently I needed some fresh air, deep down I knew she was right I've not been out properly for two and a bit weeks and I need to get myself sorted before college, I need to be strong because I can't keep breaking down there. The thought of going out terrifies me, every feeling from that night comes rushing back however hard I try and push them away. I have no idea who he was, who he is and I'm scared that I will bump into him again and he will remember who I am and try again. I know it is a long shot and I also know that Naomi would always be by my side but I just can't get rid of the feelings. I hate the way I keep feeling about my life, I just want my life back I want to be able to have fun again and whilst I still feel like this I know it can't happen. I also hate fighting with Naomi when all she is trying to do is help me, now who is the bitch.

Now I feel bad for pushing her I really thought I was doing the right thing for her, she said it herself she can't keep breaking down at college and I didn't want her to have to go through that either. I want her to have her life back but all I seemed to do was manage to make her feel like a bitch which she most definitely wasn't, that was my department. I wasn't sure I wanted to know what came next.

I sat up in my room for a while thinking about the argument and really thinking about what Naomi had said and I realised she was right. I put my shoes on and slowly went downstairs to find her. She was surprised to say the least but I think she was pleased as well, she promised to be with me every step of the way and I believed her I knew she wouldn't let me down. Once outside I knew I had made the right decision, the fresh air felt great and the change of scenery was definitely something I needed. Naomi suggested going to the park and I agreed, it was only when we got there I panicked I felt bad for Naomi it must have been embarrassing for her but the thought of the wide open space terrified me. I had also slept in the park one night before the worst night of my life and I guess that brought back memories plus I hadn't told Naomi anything about that. Eventually though I took that step and I did have a very good afternoon, yes every noise made me jump and I was constantly on the lookout but Naomi was doing everything she could to help me relax and made sure I had a good time, she even bought me ice cream which is always a winner with me. Naomi Campbell was seriously helping me put my life back together and I would always be thankful. A friend for life.

Pleased was an understatement, it isn't often something makes my day but when Emily agreed to go out that afternoon she made my day. She hadn't embarrassed me at all it was the insensitive pricks out there that should have been embarrassed staring at her like that. I know I keep saying this but my goal at the moment is to help Emily, I don't know why and if anyone asked me to explain I know I wouldn't be able to but nothing else seems to matter at the moment. She is right when she says friend for life because now I have Emily Fitch in my life I can't lose her, I know that for sure.