Serena sat on the couch staring at the end of a romantic movie that she wasn't even paying attention too, she was too busy thinking about how she woke up in the morning with a smile on her face, it took her a moment to realize that everything that happened earlier that morning was not actually a dream and that it was the first night in a long time that she had such a dreamless sleep, she told Nate about her past with Tripp and her accident and he made her dance to no music in the middle of their kitchen.

Her relationship with Tripp had been really complicated, she knew he was married when they began their affair and Serena thrived on the danger of it, he was heavily involved in politics and if their affair was ever revealed it would have been disastrous to both their futures. Her parents were trying to be the parents they were supposed to be when she needed them and Serena hated that they decided it was so easy to slip back into their parenting roles and that they wanted to try and control her so she took the offer to leave with Tripp when he asked her to, she wanted to leave the Upper East Side so badly, she wanted to start over.

She and Dan had just started out so they weren't really a couple yet but they were steadily moving in that direction until he found out about Tripp, he screamed at her, calling her selfish and childish and she took everything he said and left. She remembers feeling worthless when she packed her bags and got into that car, she remembers Tripp talking about what his wife said when he walked out the door and she remembers panicking because there was something in the middle of the road. After that it gets fuzzy, she knows the car crashed into a wall at the side of the road, she didn't know if Tripp managed to avoid the person or thing in the middle of the road, all she really knows is that her head hurts and she can hear sirens and see lights and when she looks for Tripp she can't find him.

She woke up in hospital the next day, her brother was sitting at her bed waiting for her. Her parents were in the room before the doctor and assured her that the entire ordeal would be buried and she had nothing to worry about. It was only when Dan came by later that day did she realize that Tripp called his wife and moved her so it looked as if she drove into a wall and disappeared. Her parents didn't speak to her for a while after that and Serena felt like she a little girl again waiting for her mom or dad to just comfort her. She and Dan reunited and she vowed to never leave him again, her parents came around after a while but made sure she knew that they were disappointed in her and she started turning her life around slowly.

It took her more than three years to trust that her parents were going to be there for her when she needed them, to finally feel like she could stand on the pedestal that Dan has always had her on and to believe that she may just belong in the Upper East Side.

She bit her lip hard, thinking about the fact that she just cheated on Dan again and how bad she felt about it. It was true that she didn't feel that their relationship wasn't at its best at the moment but that wasn't a good enough reason for her to cheat. On the other hand she was really falling for Nate and she was allowing herself to get caught up in their budding new romantic relationship. Nate was everything any girl could want in a guy, he was charming and sweet and you could never get tired of looking at him and Serena was really starting to feel things for him that rivaled anything she ever felt for Dan.

"We're a few days off our scheduled meeting time, so I assume you want to talk about something that isn't the weather?" Blair said when she found Serena. Serena shut the TV off and stood up, she waited for Blair to sit down before sitting again and putting a pillow on her lap.

"Thank you for coming Blair," Serena said with a smile. "I wasn't sure if you would."

"To be honest I wasn't going to but Nate convinced me," Blair said crossing her legs. "Why can't you leave the house yet? You look fine to me."

"I am but fast movements are still making me very dizzy so the doctor suggested I stay at home until our next appointment," Serena said twisting her wedding rings around her fingers.

"Its home now, is it?" Blair said with a knowing smile on her face and Serena looked up at her completely confused so Blair rolled her eyes and explained. "In every fake conversation we've had and every phone conversation I've heard, you have always referred to it as 'my temporary house' or 'that place' or 'where I stay for now' but you've never called it your home, until now."

"I haven't actually noticed that," Serena said Blair gave her a crooked smile.

"Nate sounded pretty happy this morning when I told him about your message," Blair said after a few minutes. "Would that have anything to do with why I'm here?"

"We kissed," Serena said and Blair raised an eyebrow. "Not like we do for the camera's, this time it was just us and it felt like it meant something."

"Did it?" Blair asked, tilting her head slightly to the side as she watched Serena.

"It did, I mean to me it meant something," Serena said thinking about the night before and smiling. "It felt like everything had fallen into place."

"I don't need all the gory details," Blair said closing her eyes and holding up a hand. "You want to know if you should break-up with your boyfriend."

"Well, no, not exactly," Serena said hesitantly, she had initially wanted to ask Blair that question but she was afraid to. "I just want to know from someone close to Nate what this might mean to him because I … I really think I might be falling for him."

"I'm sure I don't need to tell you that if you hurt him you will be answering to me," Blair said and Serena nodded obediently, Blair scared her sometimes. "I think you should talk to Nate about this instead of me but that kiss may have meant more to him then you realize."

"How so?" Serena asked, Nate said he wanted to do that for a while but it was probably just because he thought she was hot and he wanted to make the most out of this marriage thing, Nate was a sweet guy but he was also just that, a guy.

"Like I said, you should talk to Nate," Blair said gently. "If that's all, I have a dress to try on again."

"Oh, yeah I think so," Serena said getting up as Blair did. "I'm sorry if I pulled you away from the wedding plans."

"I rescheduled, my mother's designing it, the less time I spend with her, the better my sanity," Blair said walking out of the room but stopping at the door and turning back to her. "If you wanted my advice I would tell you to break up with the other guy and give Nate a chance, I can assure you won't have any regrets."

Serena nodded and smiled, "Thank you Blair, for everything."

Blair gave Serena what could have been considered a genuine smile before walking out and Serena sat down again thinking that maybe she and Blair could have conversations that don't require her commenting on the weather when they were together.

It was a little later that day that Nate sent her a text to say he was going to be working a little late because he had a meeting and she shouldn't wait up, Serena frowned and threw her phone onto her bed, she really wanted Nate to get home as soon as possible because she wanted to talk to him or kiss him again she couldn't be too sure. 'Home', she liked thinking about the huge townhouse as her home, it made her feel grown up to think that she had her own home away from her parents like she wanted with Dan all that time ago.

Serena decided that it was time to go back down to the TV room and find something to watch, surely that would be more productive than staring at the four walls in her room. She thought about calling her grandmother a few times to ask about the necklace but she didn't know if she wanted to know. A key rattled in the door before she could get to the room and Serena heart went into overdrive because Nate was coming back early and she was going to see him for the first time since their kiss.

When the door opened to reveal Dan, Serena didn't know how to hide her disappointment, she had a smile frozen on her face as he greeted her and started to tell her about his day, not realizing that inside she was in full panic mode. She completely forgot about Dan's afternoon visits and this was the thing she was supposed to be looking most forward to during this year, she nodded when she knew she needed to and wondered how she was going to survive this.

She knows that she told Blair that she was falling for Nate and Blair told her to break up with Dan but she just didn't know how to, she loved this boy for four years, that doesn't just go away because she's fake married to what could be the hottest man alive. Thinking about breaking up with Dan when she was with Nate was easy because Nate evaded all of her senses and stopped the part of her brain that usually reminded her that things are easier said than done from working.

"I don't think Jenny really understands what she's getting herself into with these mean girls," Dan finished and Serena looked at him from the other side of the couch. "You'll speak to her won't you?"

"Yeah of course I will," Serena said, she didn't know what Jenny was doing exactly but she was part of the mean girls in high school, they could be much different now than they were back then.

"You seem a little distant, is everything ok?" Dan asked watching her closely.

"I think we need to talk," Serena said somberly, she didn't know how to do this, Dan was her first real relationship and she had no idea how to end something like that.

"What about?" Dan asked sitting up a little straighter and knitting his eyebrows together and Serena could see the panic in his eyes and nervousness in the way her rubbed his hands together, almost as if he knew what she was thinking.

"About that shirt," Serena said in a fake haughty tone and Dan laughed, obviously relieved that what she was about to say was so jovial. Serena was so close to breaking up with him but she couldn't, she knew she had to do this to avoid hurting him more in her need to get closer to Nate, it wasn't like it was even her choice anymore, she just gravitated to him every time he was around. "It's Hawaiian, we're in New York and it's not even summer."

"No, it isn't," he said slowly and then laughed. "I'm sorry, for a moment there I thought you were going to break up with me."

Serena smiled, biting her tongue because she was about to say 'for a moment there, so was I' and that wouldn't have been a conversation she was ready for yet. "Why … why would you think that?"

"You were acting sketchy," Dan said and Serena smiled uncomfortably, she didn't know how to say it, she had to break-up with him soon, she could not string him on like this, she was not that kind of girl, she didn't want to be that kind of girl, she didn't want to be a cheater again. One of her two relationships had to end today, she was not going to lose herself.

Serena sat curled on the couch her chin rested on her knees and her arms wrapped around her shins, hugging her legs closer to her body, facing away from the door when Nate finally came back to the house.

"Hey I know I'm late but my meeting ended later than I anticipated and I have take-out," Nate called out and Serena nodded, bumping her chin onto her knees. "Am I talking to myself?"

She almost smiled as she pictured him putting the bag on the table and going for the stairs when he saw her sitting in the lounge. Serena stared at the wall, still bumping her chin on her knees as he walked closer to her, she listened to his footsteps coming closer until it came to a stop behind her and she froze.

"Hi," she heard him breathe into her ear and she closed her eyes and shivered, pulling her legs in tighter to her body. "Brought you flowers."

Serena opened her eyes to see a bouquet of flowers in his hands being held out to her as he walked around the couch to take a seat next to her. "They're beautiful," Serena said with tears in her eyes, taking the flowers and bringing them to her nose. "Thank you."

"I wouldn't have gotten them if I thought they'd make you upset," Nate said with a slight chuckle and Serena shook her head and laughed.

"It's a good kind of upset," she said and then paused because no, that made no sense. "I'm sorry, I don't know what I'm saying."

"It's ok, I do," Nate said giving her a cocky smile and leaning back against the couch comfortably. "I didn't know what you liked so I just got the one that looked pretty."

"Usually men like to buy red roses for their wives, it's the rose of love," Serena said giving him a coy smile, knowing full well that she just made that up even though it could be true. The fact that she just called herself his wife like that made her feel giddy. "But my favorite flowers are sunflowers, not very usual but I like the sun and they remind me of the sun."

"Red roses and sunflowers," Nate repeated. "I'll remember that."

"I'm counting on it," Serena said touching the petals of the soft pink and white flowers. "I'm doing to put this is a vase, I'll be back now."

"I'll be waiting," Nate said and Serena smiled and got up to get a vase and fill it with water. She smiled to herself as she set the flowers in the vase and leaned in to smell the sweet fragrance again, Nate was the perfect, that's the only way she could describe him, perfect.

Serena walked back to the other room and placed the vase on a table next to where she was sitting and went to take her place again, in the seat next to hers Nate had his eyes closed and he looked like he was sleeping so Serena just stood there and watched his chest rise and fall rhythmically, she was trying to find the perfect words to say when he spoke again.

"I can feel you watching me," he said, his lips curling into a smile as he slowly opened his eyes. "Like what you see?"

"You have no idea," Serena said biting her lip to stop her smile from getting too big.

Nate chuckled and held his hand out to her, Serena shook her head and sat down on the other end of the couch facing him. "You look serious."

"I am serious," Serena said rubbing her face and pulling her knee's to her chest again and looked away from Nate. "We have to talk."

"Ok, now you're making me nervous," he said sitting up so he could properly face her and Serena looked away from him and back at the wall she was staring at for most of the afternoon.

"I um, I spoke to Dan today when he came over after school," Serena said and Nate tensed his body for a second relaxing it before she realized it seemed but she already caught his reaction and she knew she was about to make it worse. "I couldn't break up with him-"

"So what does that mean for us?" Nate asks impatiently, cutting her off.

A/N : I know you guys probably hate me right now because I havent updated for such a long time and how this chapter ended and I am sooooooo so sorry

Thank you for your patience, this chapter was supposed to come to you last week but I finished my cap last week which basically meant that I was internetless until this morning. Worst week of my life! The good thing is that I have most of the next chapter done as well and I will post that early next week.

These past few weeks have also been getting myself back into studying and omg I dont know why it's so hard to start studying again after a 3 months break lol it wasnt even that long but I'm getting back in there and finding some balance with my writing so you should hate my updating skills less in the coming weeks

Thank you to everyone for the amazing reviews, I'm truely blown away by the response that this story is getting so please review this chapter adn let me know what you think about it :)

I miss GG, I keep wanting new episodes but then I think about the DS it would have and change my mind lol anyway I hope you guys are well, thank you again for the response to this story and please review and let me know what you think about the latest chapter

Until Next Time(^^,)

**Oh and I hit 100 reviews with the 9th chapter, I was supposed to thank you guys in the last post but I'm probably the most forgetful person ever so before I forget, thank you so much for getting me to such a milestone this early in my story you guys are the best