*Clarke's POV*
She woke up feeling cold, staring out into a grey sky. Rolling over, she noticed the absence of Bellamy, and got a strange feeling in her gut, and when she noticed it was 6:00 am, it got even worse. Quickly, she sprang up and got changed trying to get home before she burst into tears, feeling the strong sting of rejection. He was the first person she had loved in a long time, he had snuck up on her, and now he was gone. She didn't want him to know how hurt she felt, she didn't want him to pity her or feel obligated to help her- she was fine, she was a survivor, even if she had to stop feeling to be okay. Finding a piece of paper and pen wasn't an easy job, but once she had she scribbled quick Thanks for last night- but it was a mistake, we're better as friends Bellamy – C.
It was so childish of her to want to feel like she was rejecting him, when he left her, but she couldn't help it, she felt the flush of shame creep into her cheeks as she left the apartment as she recollected her irrational behaviour. Why did the only time she lost control have to be around Bellamy? She tried to lie to herself, and make herself believe she didn't know but really she knew that Bellamy was the one to make her lose control, to bring out the irrational behaviour in her. Violently, she shook her head, desperate to remove the images from her head.
*Bellamy's POV*
Shit. Shit. Shit. Bellamy was panicked, what the fuck am I going to do? Nice one dickhead, get the girl drunk and then take advantage of her, he thought to himself as he saw Clarke's beautiful figure snuggling into his side. His brain knew that they were both drunk, so it wasn't exactly his fault, but Bellamy felt slightly hollow since he'd realised he had fallen for Clarke years ago and had been lying to himself for years about it, only to potentially mess things up now. His heart felt excited yet worried, but his body just felt excited- specifically because of the woman laying next to him.
He leapt up, and got changed to go running. He needed to clear his head.
"Clarke?" his low voice bellowed through his apartment, pointlessly, he knew it was empty. Her presence would have been immediate to him. Still, he hopelessly scanned to apartment, wishing for some sign of her, until he spotted her note.
It was a simple note. He had gone through his dad walking out on him, becoming an orphan and raising Octavia almost single handedly, so why did this simple note hurt as much as any of them. He wasn't good enough, he would never be good enough, his princess deserved better and, as much as he would love to love her, she would never love him back – she would always see him as a friend.
After peeling off his clothes and slipping into the freezing cold shower sprat, he sunk to the tiled floors of his cubicle and sat there, not washing his hair, or body, perhaps not even breathing- not living, just feeling, feeling every molecule in his body scream as the tendons of his heart slowly and painfully were ripped apart.
Should he call her? He should call her. He knew he should call her. Picking up the phone apprehensively, he stared at it like it was a snake, before he dialled in very familiar numbers.
"Hey" the woman greeted.
"Hey O, how are you?" Bell started, half surprised that he had called O instead of the little blonde, and half unsurprised, not wanting to go through heartbreak once again. His baby sister was talking very quickly and for a while Bellamy couldn't really get his head around what she was saying, until he realised she was talking about Clarke, and then he couldn't stop listening to every hurried breath. Octavia was saying she thinks Clarke is mad at her because she hadn't replied to any of her calls or texts and wasn't opening the door when she knocked. Octavia sounded deeply hurt, and Bellamy felt even worse, knowing it was his fault because he freaked Clarke out.
"Bell… is it true you asked Clarke to marry you?" Octavia asked, full of scepticism.
"Yes- but…" Bellamy tried to explain but Octavia was screaming "I knew it, you two have always had a thing!" until she remembered that Clarke hadn't talked to her and that probably wasn't a good sign of how she responded to Bell's proposal.
"It was a legal thing O, I- uh, there's um nothing between me and Clarke, just business, I'm not even sure if we're friends anymore" he replied quickly, "wait, what do you mean 'we've always had a thing?!'"Bellamy questioned, trying to mask his desperation with offense. Octavia explained how she's always thought that Clarke and Bellamy would get married one day- she would be both maid of honour AND the best man- and skip happily into the sunset. Bellamy chuckled, hoping O couldn't hear his tight throat.
"What legal thing?" Octavia then questioned him back, so Bellamy explained the situation. "… but we don't need to anymore, my lawyer called and he's spoken to the judge who agreed it was self defence and it wasn't my fault he died because I was only protecting the princess and myself." Was Bellamy relieved or upset at this turn of events? He couldn't really decide. The worst part was that he had text Clarke as soon as he found out, feeling like a teenager who finally had an excuse to text his crush, desperate for a response. He didn't get one.
He didn't get anything from Clarke anymore.
*Clarke's POV*
"Come on Clarke, you can do this. Man up. Get a grip" she murmured to herself as she stood outside his front door with some takeout and a new action movie Bell had wanted to see. Letting herself in, until she heard his low voice, "there's nothing between me and Clarke". Well, she'd heard enough. She was going to stage a whole movie night and then tell him how she felt. Clarke had never been one to beat around the bush, she just dove in, but there was no point now. Leaving the apartment building she dropped everything into the nearest bin- DVD and all- and flagged down a taxi.
She hadn't been to a bar since – the incident. Trying to shake the thought out of her head, she made a beeline for the alcohol, and ordered a lot- it would take a lot to quell her embarrassment and forget her hurt.
"Nateeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, what are youuuuuuu doing heeeeeeeeeere?" Clarke giggled into Miller's chest.
"You called me Clarke, you sounded a tiny bit drunk so I thought I'd come get you home, ok?" He replied, and without warning picked her tiny frame up into his muscled arms.
She was in a taxi- it was hot. She was outside- it was cold, but there was a burning in her throat. She was in her apartment- she felt constricted, Miller put her down and she took off her dress- in front of Miller. If she was sober she would have heard his deep intake paired with his dark muttering about how much of a good friend he was. Instead she was drunk, so she pretty much heard the buzzing in her ears. Collapsing into her bed she heard Miller ask why she was drinking alone, especially after what happened. She stiffened, scared remembering the event, before she relaxed and replied "I was sad. I needed a drink"
"Why were you sad?" Miller questioned.
"I'm unlovable" Clarke replied and cried, Nathan tried to calm her down and disagreed- somewhat awkwardly- but she didn't hear anything, her inebriated mind just played the scene that she had been trying to ignore over in her head, and she couldn't escape. She just fell asleep instead.
*Miller's POV*
After Clarke was asleep he pulled the blanket around her small frame and left the room. He pulled out his phone and called Octavia.
"O- we messed up", and he quickly explained the situation to her.
"This isn't our fault" O hastily replied, sounding guilty despite her words.
"We meddled, and now Clarke is feeling so shitty she wanted to drink her sorrows away- after last time she tried that it shows how messed up she feels."
"They love each other, they're just idiots. I'll find out what my brother did-"
"What we pushed him to do but using me to make him jealous" Miller interrupted.
"I'll find out what my brother did to upset Clarke and let you know. She hasn't been speaking to me for a few days, and it didn't seem like she was speaking to him either. Stay with her." Octavia finished the phone call.
Miller sat on the couch and felt guilt. He didn't have a clue how Octavia had roped him into all of this, but then again this was O he was thinking about- she had her ways. Hoping that it all worked out for the best and he hadn't just been the worst best friend in the world, he lay his head down and tried to get a crappy night's sleep on the couch.
I'M SO SO SO SO SORRY IT HAS BEEN SO LONG UPDATING! I HAVE HAD EXAMS AND I'M FINISHING TOMORROW SO I SHOULD BE REVISING BUT I DID THIS INSTEAD!
JUST TO CLARIFY MILLER, OCTAVIA (AND OTHERS THAT YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT) ARE IN ON A PLAN TO TRY AND GET BELLAMY AND CLARKE TO REALISE THEIR FEELINGS FOR EACH OTHER HENCE WHY MILLER KISSED CLARKE PURPOSEFULLY IN FRONT OF BELLAMY. THEY WANTED TO MAKE HIM JEALOUS ENOUGH TO REALISE HIS AFFECTIONS FOR HER.
HOPE YOU LIKED THIS CHAPTER EVEN IF IT IS LONG OVERDUE! THANK YOU FOR ALL THE REVIEWS- I HAVE READ THEM BUT I USUALLY REPLY AFTER I HAVE WRITTEN THE NEXT CHAPTER SO I WILL GET ONTO REPLYING ASAP! AND THANK EVERYONE BASICALLY FOR BEING AWESOME AND READING THIS WHEN YOU PROBABLY HAVE MUCH BETTER THINGS TO DO!
SEE YOU SOON (HOPEFULLY)