Thanks for your reviews and for reading. I really struggled with this chapter, so I hope it worked...I'm not sure. I don't own 24 etc...this one as usual is for adults not kids:)
They barely had any sleep at all. They tossed and turned and neither one of them could stop thinking about everything that had happened. Tony held Michelle in his arms and through the night they whispered their love for each other and tried to encourage the other one that things would be ok, that they would get through this. Tony had never felt more connected to anyone in his entire life. Just the idea of lying with Michelle for hours and never wanting a second to go by that he wasn't touching her in some way, that he felt like he could tell her anything. More than anything though, she showed him a love that he had never knew even existed.
The next day after breakfast, the first thing they did was go and buy new cell phones. They sat over coffee setting up their new phones and then letting only their closest friends and family know the new numbers. A few of Michelle's friends asked her and Tony to come join them for drinks that night. They hadn't seen her in awhile now and were worried about her. Tony's friends asked the same thing so in the end they agreed to get everyone to meet at the same bar in a few hours. Tony picked a bar that was somewhere that neither he nor Michelle had ever been to before. He was determined until he had been notified that everything was clear and he knew what was happening with Mark he didn't want any chances being taken. He didn't want anyone to know where they were staying; he didn't even want them to go to their same coffee shop or video store. He wanted them to keep as low profile as possible. Even going out to a bar made him feel nervous but he knew they couldn't stay locked up and he figured it would do Michelle a lot of good to have a laugh with her friends.
Tony spent the afternoon on the phone with Brad and his family. He had organized for their places to be swept for bugs as well seeing as Leon knew the connection with Aiden and that Tony and Michelle spent time there. His family was upset to hear what had happened but were so good at allowing CTU to come in and have the place checked.
Michelle spent a long time getting ready to go out. Not because she was fussing but because she found herself constantly drifting off and just staring and thinking about everything. She was getting very worried about Tony. He had gone into super protection mode and it concerned her the toll of all the stress it must be having on him. She thought a lot about Mark as well and what she had been through. She knew she had to start finding some ways of really moving past what had happened, she just wasn't sure what the answers were. Tony had suggested a few times that maybe she should go and talk to someone and she had always brushed it off but now she wondered if he was right. She didn't want what had happened to affect her relationship with Tony and she didn't want to carry the weight of thinking about it all the time on her shoulders either, so maybe getting some help was a good idea. When he came into the bathroom to check on her she told him what she was thinking and he was very supportive. He almost seemed a little relieved. He pulled out a pile of numbers from his wallet and handed them to her.
"You already have numbers?"
He smiled. "I looked into it before. I didn't want to rush you but I figured if you did decide you wanted someone to talk to then I wanted to make sure you had the numbers for the best people in town."
She stood up and hugged him. "You really are one of a kind Almeida. What would I do without you?"
He just responded by kissing her all over the neck until she was laughing. Then he whispered into her ear, "I just want you to be happy sweetheart."
At the bar within an hour Tony and Michelle's friends were all getting along so well you would have thought they had known each other for years. Tony had invited Jack. He wasn't sure if he would come and they hadn't seen each other since the hospital so when he walked in the door he was really happy to see him. He made his way over to him, they went to shake hands but it ended up being more of a hug and handshake.
"How you going Jack?"
"Better Tony, better. Everything that has happened has made me really wake up and want to get back into everything again."
"That's great, and Kim?"
Jack smiled. "Kim is good. We are talking and it gets easier and better every time."
"I'm really happy to hear that."
Jack leaned in a little closer to Tony. "CTU has asked me back. I am seriously considering it. Once things calm down with you a little they want you and I to discuss the possibility of running the office together – you taking over tactical and me with field."
"That would be great and maybe even get division off our backs a little as well."
"So you would be alright with having me back there?"
Tony laughed and patted Jack on the shoulder. "Are you kidding me? I'd love to have you back Jack. I know we have had our ups and downs but you and Michelle are the only 2 people I really trust. I'd love to have you back and I think CTU needs you."
Jack seemed genuinely humbled by Tony's words. "Thanks Tony, let me buy you a beer."
The 2 of them made their way to the bar and ordered some drinks. When they turned around they both watched as Michelle laughed with her friends over something. "God Jack, you have no idea how nice it is to see her having a good time."
"After what you guys have been through Tony I bet it is. You know, I still haven't had a real chance to thank Michelle."
"Well I know she would love to talk to you."
Just at the right time Michelle lifted her head and caught eye contact with Tony, he waved her over. She got right up and came over to them. She looked a little nervous as how to say hi to Jack but he gave her a quick hug before anything became awkward.
"Michelle, I haven't had a chance to thank you for everything you did for me that day. You didn't even know me and yet you stuck by me and I could never have gotten through any of that if it wasn't for you."
Michelle blushed a little. "You were doing the right thing Jack and I was so angry at the way CTU treated you. I'm just so sorry we got caught before we could finish helping you..."
"You and Tony were amazing. You could have gone to jail for what you did. I am so grateful."
"Well thanks for trusting me Jack. And for everything you did, you were amazing...except when you knocked Tony down." She giggled to let them know she was joking.
Tony put his arm around her and smiled. "That's alright, Jack and I know I could kick his ass any day if I really wanted to..."
Jack laughed, "Sure Almeida...you just keep thinking that. I barely sneezed and you went down!"
"You just caught me off guard is all. Speaking of that...anything going on with you and Kate?"
Jack immediately blushed a little. "Kind of, sort of...maybe. I don't know."
Michelle laughed. "That's a yes then! Why didn't you bring her tonight?"
"I don't know, she is going through a lot right now and I wasn't sure if she would want to..."
Tony pulled his phone out of his wallet and handed it to Jack. "Call her, give it a chance Jack. Trust me, coming out tonight and having a laugh is doing us both the world of good."
Jack smiled and nodded. He looked at the phone for a minute and then turned and took a few steps to the side to make the call. When he hung up a minute later he looked very nervous. "She said yes, said she would be here soon. Fuck, I need another drink!"
They all laughed and ordered more drinks. Michelle introduced Jack to their friends.
3 hours later they were all still going. Kate had joined them and it looked like her and Jack were having a great time talking and getting to know each other. Everyone had drunk way too much and was well and truly drunk. It was the first time Michelle and Tony had let their guards down in a long time and it felt good.
Tony had been sitting with his arm around Michelle listening to everyone joke around. The more drunk he got, the more emotional he started to become. At first it was just fleeting thoughts and images from the past few weeks but the more his mind drifted off the more he started to seriously think about everything that had happened. He was really angry at the situation he and Michelle had been put in. He was beyond humiliated and angry at what Leon had done and what he had heard. It made him feel like he had let Michelle down. He felt like he was always promising her everything would be ok and he would look after her and yet so many things had gone wrong and he didn't feel like he had protected her from anything. His anger started to switch from Leon and everyone else to himself. His anger then bought up his insecurities about Michelle. Would she get sick of how hard all this was and want to leave? Would she feel like Tony didn't look after her well enough or protect her?
He could feel himself getting really riled up and he was sure his eyes were going a little watery so he excused himself from the table and went to the bar. He ordered a couple shots and then downed them as quickly as they came.
Michelle watched Tony go to the bar, sit by himself and down a couple shots. She could tell just by looking at him something was wrong. Just his posture as he sat at the bar and the way he had walked over to it gave everything away. She got up to make her way over to him. One of his friends Evan, just beat her to it though.
Evan sat next to Tony, "What's wrong buddy?"
"Nothing."
"Why did you change your number and why you are not staying at your place? Is everything ok?"
Tony kept staring straight ahead. "Because I fucked a lot of things up Evan and now Michelle and I are paying the price."
Michelle rubbed her hand across his neck and then sat on the other side of him. He looked shocked that she was there. He didn't know what to do so he ordered more shots.
Michelle put her hand on his arm. "You haven't fucked anything up Tony. What are you talking about?"
He sighed and shook his head, almost as if he couldn't believe she would even say that. His voice was sarcastic, "Oh no, I've done everything right, that's why we are in this wonderful position. That's why you have been through hell..."
Michelle was really worried about him. "None of it is your fault Tony and I wouldn't be able to be getting through any of it if it wasn't for you..."
Tony smirked and then looked at Evan, back at Michelle and then straight ahead. "You wouldn't have gone through any of that if it wasn't for me."
"What?"
The shots landed in front of Tony but Evan moved them to the side so his friend couldn't just down another one. Tony looked at him. "You see Evan...Michelle is one of kind. She was pretty much tortured just to keep me safe, because she was scared of something happening to me. How many women do you know would go through hell for you?"
Michelle wasn't sure what to do. She was so uncomfortable, she had never heard Tony talk like this before and because he was so drunk she had no idea how much he was going to say – clearly he wasn't in control.
Evan looked stressed as well. "Michelle is amazing Tony but you have done everything..."
Tony put his hand up and stopped him. "Yeah, good point! Let's talk about what I have done. Starting with letting Michelle go home that morning when I knew in my gut I didn't want her to. Then after I found out the hell she has been through, I promise her over and over that I will look after her, that no one will hurt her again." Tony stopped for a second and shook his head. He grabbed the shot from Evans hand and downed it. "Yet I wasn't able to keep my promise and she got hurt again! All my training and I couldn't even keep the most important person in the world to me safe..."
Michelle started crying. She hated hearing Tony talk like this. "Stop it Tony! That's all bull shit..."
He turned and stared at her, "how you keep managing to believe anything I say is beyond me."
"Why are you saying all this? I trust you, I believe you more than anyone in the world."
"Well you're wrong Chelle. So fucking wrong! There are a million guys that would have looked after you better, make you safer and...comfortable."
Michelle wondered if his last word of 'comfortable' was in reference to what Leon had said. She was shocked at the way he was acting. He was so angry. She couldn't tell if he was angry at her. "What do you mean by comfortable Tony?"
She cringed thinking that Tony was so drunk he would say it out loud without thinking about it. Just as he went to answer she felt Jack put his hand on her shoulder and the other on Tony's. "What's going on guys?"
Tony ignored Jack at looked Michelle. "Does it matter how much I love you? Does that count for enough? Cause it feels like I've got nothing left to offer you."
His words made her burst into tears. They literally felt like they broke her heart. He threw his hands up in air. "And now I've managed to make you cry. There are other men Michelle...other men that will be able to be everything you deserve."
Michelle was barely able to get her words out. "I only want you."
"I wouldn't blame you. I'd understand. I'm giving you an out..."
Jack couldn't believe what he was hearing. Tony was so drunk his words were slurred. Michelle yelled at Tony, "I don't want a fucking out! But if you do, if this is what this is all about than just say it, don't make it about me."
Jack leaned down. "Whoa guys, calm down. Tony, stand up."
"Why?"
"Just stand up, I need to talk to you."
Tony used his hands to help push himself up, he began to sway a little. Jack literally dragged Tony to the side.
"What the hell is going on Tony? Why are you saying all that to Michelle?"
"I don't deserve her Jack. I don't. Look at what she has been through. Look at what she has done to protect me and I haven't even been able to protect her. Then all this shit with Leon...how could I let that happen? How could I let someone hurt her so much?"
Jack's voice was raised and assertive. "You didn't let ANYTHING happen Tony. You have done everything you possibly could to look after Michelle. Things happen, you can't control everything but you have managed to keep picking up the pieces and look after her."
"But I..."
Jack cut him off. "Do you love her Tony?"
"More than anything or anyone in the world. She is everything to me."
"Then why are you pushing her away?"
"I'm not, I'm letting her know I'd understand if she wanted out. I'm..."
Jack grabbed Tony and turned his body around so he was facing Michelle. Evan was trying to console her but she was almost hysterical and she got up to walk outside. Jack held Tony's shoulders roughly. "LOOK at her Tony. Look at how upset she is. You are scaring the hell out of her...look!"
Tony felt sick. Seeing Michelle like that was hell...knowing he was the reason she felt like that was even worse. She was getting closer to the door. He pulled out of Jack's grip and ran over to her. He grabbed her by the arm and she turned around. "Chelle..."
She pulled out of his grip, "Don't Tony, I can't hear anymore. Please stop." She pushed past him and straight out the door.
Jack had caught up with them. Kate had come over to see what was going on. Jack asked Kate to follow Michelle and make sure she didn't leave. To give him a couple minutes with Tony. Kate nodded her head and ran out the door after Michelle.
Tears made their way down Tony's cheek and he rubbed at them roughly. "What have I done? What do I do? I don't know what I am doing Jack, I don't want to lose her."
"Kate won't let Michelle leave. We will take you both back to the hotel. You need to talk Tony, tell Michelle how you are feeling. Stop trying to pretend you have everything under control and are fine, when you are so clearly not. Face this but do it with Michelle. If you don't want to lose her, you will let her in."
Tony nodded his head. "I have to go to her, let's go..." Just as he was about to head out the door he realized he was going to be sick. He made a mad dash for the bathrooms and only just made it in time. He vomited violently over and over. Once he was finished he washed his face and stared in the mirror. He was so vulnerable he didn't know how to deal with it. He felt a lot better for being sick. He didn't feel quite as drunk and his stomach was settled. Now he just had to go out there and face Michelle and Jack. He pushed the door open and went to find them.
Michelle was sitting outside with Kate waiting for them. She was still in tears and completely confused. Jack had told her that he and Kate would take them back to the hotel and make sure they got in ok. Kate tried to comfort her but seeing as she didn't really understand what was going on it was hard. She hugged Michelle and told her to call her at any time.
When Jack appeared with Tony, Michelle could see straight away that Tony was a little better. He walked straight over to her.
"Tony?"
"I just threw up...a lot."
She wrapped her arms around him. "Are you ok? Can I get you something?"
He held her back. "Just tell me you are coming back with me tonight."
"Of course I am Tony."
Jack flagged down a cab and they all jumped in. The ride luckily was a quick one because no one really knew what to say. Jack helped them inside and told them to call him if they needed anything. As he walked out the door he whispered into Michelle's ears if she needed help or anything to call, that Tony was going through some things he could relate to and if she needed him to help talk to him then he would be there anytime. She thanked him and told him she would call him tomorrow.
Once the door was shut Michelle turned around and faced Tony. His shoulders were hunched, his eyes were watery and he looked miserable. "I'm so sorry I just humiliated you like that Michelle. That I made you cry and I ruined your night when you were finally having fun..."
Michelle knew Tony was in a bad place and a few words wasn't going to make a whole lot of difference at this point in time. She wished he could just have a glimpse into her mind for 1 minute and then he would realise just how much she loved him, how much she believed in him and how he meant everything in the world to her. She didn't want them to fight.
She walked over to him and pulled him down onto the bed. He looked confused but went along with her actions. Michelle began kissing Tony's neck. He tilted his head to the side to give her better access. God he loved her touch, she managed to transport him and his thoughts to a whole new place. He felt her start to undo the buttons on his shirt and then she kissed his chest and all the way down to his stomach. He put his hand on hers. "I don't deserve this..."
She didn't even lift her head, "I don't want to talk yet..." She continued to kiss all over his chest and stomach and her hands began to run all up and down his thighs.
His eyes were watery, she managed to get to him in a way that still didn't make sense to him. He couldn't take his eyes off her as she kissed him, it felt like heaven. She turned him on so much and he wanted her so badly. He couldn't believe after everything that had just happened this was what she was doing. Shouldn't she be yelling at him? He wanted to be close to her, emotionally he felt like with every touch she gave him a little more confidence back. He went to reach for her top but she stopped him, "No..."
He was surprised at how she was taking control. He loved it even though he was so confused. She pushed his hand back to his side and then continued. She ran her hand firmly across his groin over and over making his entire body jerk in response. He tried to look at her eyes, they were still teary but she also had a look that he had not seen before. He didn't know how to place it. He reached up and ran his hand through her hair, she allowed him to do it so then he let his other hand run down her back and arms.
She reached for his buckle and undid it. Tony wasn't sure where this was going. She undid his pants and pulled them down. He thought they were going to make love so he tried again to reach for her shirt buttons but again she grabbed his hand and put it back on her head. His heart began to race and his whole body was pounding. "What are you doing Chelle?"
She ignored his question but stopped and looked him in the eyes. "Do you know how much I love you?"
"Chelle..."
"Tony, do you know I love you?"
He nodded his head. "Yes."
"Do you still love me?"
The fact that she said the word 'still' panicked him that he had really thrown her tonight by the way he had acted. "I love you more than you will ever understand Chelle, you are my everything."
She gave him a smile and he could see a sense of relief flash across her face. She slid down the bed taking his pants and shoes with her. When she crawled back on the bed she sat between his legs. Her hands ran firmly up and down his legs and thighs to his stomach and chest. He felt stunned. He had never seen her take control like this before. He had never seen her act this way before. It was the biggest turn on in the world. She lowered her head and kissed his stomach again at the same time that she slowly and gently took him into her hands. Shivers ran down his spine. "You can't do this, you're not ready..."
"I don't want to talk about it."
They way she was stroking him was sending him crazy. He was having trouble speaking now as his breathing got heavier and heavier. He let it go on for another few seconds before he went to sit up a little, "No, no...I feel like because I got drunk and said a pile of shit I have made you feel like you have to do this."
She pushed him back down. "That's not true."
"Why...why won't you talk to me sweetheart?"
"Because you are not in a place to hear me right now and accept what I am saying. Maybe though I can make you feel how I am feeling and thinking."
Her words ran over and over in his head. He wished he was stone cold sober so he could know how to respond properly or take more control. She was incredible. "I'm scared my behaviour is forcing you to do something you might regret." He wanted to say so much more but he didn't even know where to begin and the more she touched him the harder it became to even think.
"I don't want to talk about this Tony. I'm making my own decision, I know how I feel. Unless you don't want me to do this...if you don't want me to because YOU don't want it..."
"Of course I want..."
He didn't even get to finish his sentence before she had leant down and taken him into her mouth. He groaned loudly and his head landed roughly on the pillow. He tried to lift his head again to watch, his entire body was responding to every single touch or move she made. She was unbelievable and he was shocked at how intense and intimate the moment had become. He felt so vulnerable, he knew she was feeling vulnerable as well – she had to be but she wasn't showing it. She made him feel like there was nothing else in the world she wanted to be doing right now than this.
Michelle looked up and caught eye contact with him. He had tears streaming down his cheeks, his mouth was wide open and it felt like she could see nothing but love in his eyes. She could tell he was shocked, stunned by her actions. She was a little as well. She had never taken control of a situation like this before. She had thought for a moment before she began that she might lose it, start to cry or break down like last time but she didn't. In fact, the moment her mouth met Tony, she could think of nothing else but making him feel good and how incredible it was to be with him in this way. Every second that past gave her some confidence back. Doing this, being with Tony like this felt like the most natural thing in the world and she couldn't have been happier that she had managed to face it because now she knew she could put Mark behind her. Now she knew, with Tony she would get through all of this.
She loved watching his face and his whole body react to her touch. She upped the pace and he responded with a long drawn out groan. He tried to say something but nothing but 'shit' and 'chelle' and 'oh my fuck' managed to come out. She slowed it down a little and looked up and him and smiled. That sent him insane and he begged her for more. She felt a rush of adrenalin and excitement run through her body as she gave Tony everything she had and bought him to a climax. His entire body shook on the bed, his toes curled, his stomach muscles tightened showing the most impressive 6 pack, sweat dripped down his forehead and he grunted and growled like she had never heard him before. She didn't think she had every been so lost in somebody as she was right now with Tony.
She held him and stayed over him until she felt him reach down and pull her body up so she was rested on his chest. He kissed her head over and over and told her how much he loved her.
In just above a whisper, "Thank you Tony."
He was still trying to catch his breath, "Thank me? Chelle...thank you."
He felt her tighten her grip on him a little. He lifted her head by her chin so she would look at him in the eyes, "Are you ok baby?"
"I loved being that close to you Almeida."
"I've never seen you like that before Chelle."
"I've never felt like that before."
"I feel like I pushed you over an edge tonight. I know you said you didn't want to talk before but we need to sweetheart."
Michelle rolled so she was on her back. "Are you angry with me?"
He shook his head. "How could I be angry at you? I'm angry at me."
"All those things you said tonight...did you mean them?"
He didn't know how to answer that, he wasn't even sure if he could remember everything he had said. He shrugged his shoulders. "I guess so..."
Michelle climbed off the bed. Even just thinking about what had happened at the bar made her feel tearful again. "Do you want an out Tony?"
He became stressed that she had climbed off the bed and was now pacing the room. He couldn't believe she could think that for a second. "NO!" He shouted and then he tried to calm his voice down a little. "No, I don't but I can't understand why you don't."
Michelle looked at him. His eyes were moving everywhere like he was so nervous he didn't even know where to look. His shoulders had become hunched and his voice was shaky. "How could you think that? I love you more than anything in this world. You have saved me Tony, you make me happy, and you are everything to me."
"I feel like I keep letting you down. I keep promising that I'll look after you that no one else will hurt you and then they do."
She could hear in his voice how much he was struggling with this. She just wasn't sure how she was ever going to make him feel ok about it all. She challenged him a little, "I think that Leon got to you a lot more than you want to admit."
Immediately he got defensive, "Why are you saying that?"
"A few reasons but one for what you said at the bar about me being 'comfortable'..."
"I'm drunk Chelle, I said a lot of things..."
"Yeah and all that says to me is that your guard is down and you are actually opening up more than you normally would. Why are you so worried about letting me know how much his words got to you last night?"
"Because I feel like an asshole, like it is wrong that I could let that prick even affect me like that."
Michelle was happy that Tony was finally being so open. She could tell he was still a little drunk but nowhere near as bad as before. "Sweetheart, I don't think anyone in the world wouldn't be affected by what he said and did. You are putting too much pressure on yourself."
"Aren't you angry about it all Chelle?"
"I am so angry about it Tony, I think I am still even a little bit in shock about it all. When I think about that prick listening to all the things that we said...I mean that was one of the most emotional experiences of my life and to think that some asshole was probably sitting there having a laugh about it all makes me feel sick. I'm humiliated; I'm scared that he has told other people. I feel like I've been violated but more than anything I am more worried about you."
"I could kill him for making you feel that way. I've let you down. I am just so..." his voice dropped and tears ran down his cheek, "so scared you are going to leave me, that I'm not enough..."
"Almeida, I'm not going anywhere."
"How can you just accept all the things I've promised and not been able to follow through on?"
"Like?"
"Like that I'll protect you..."
"You have Tony, you do protect me."
His voice started to raise a little. "Not enough, you continue to get hurt."
She raised her voice to match his, "I just don't get how you don't understand, why you don't get it. YOU saved me from Mark. YOU are the reason why I am still here. He was going to rape and probably kill me Tony and you found us and saved me. You got me through the most traumatic time of my life afterwards by being the most perfect, beautiful soul I could have ever asked for. When you put your arms around me, I feel so safe, comfortable and content." She walked over to him. She was really yelling at him now. "Do you hear that Tony? Do you understand that? When I am with you, everything feels ok. With everything that has happened all I think about is how much I want to be with you, how much I want a future with you. I love you so much, you are my everything."
Tony took Michelle and walked her up against the wall. He kissed her passionately on the lips. At first he was going to just kiss her quickly but he found himself opening her mouth and letting his tongue find hers. It felt intense and heated right from the start. He only pulled his lips back barely an inch, "I'm so sorry I lost it tonight. I don't think I realised how much everything had gotten to me. As soon as I got drunk it was like the flood gates opened and every little thing became so huge in my mind."
He started kissing her neck. "I'm glad in a way that it happened Tony. I need to know how you are feeling. You don't have to always put on such a strong front for me. You broke my heart when you asked me if your love counted enough because that was all you had to offer me. It felt like it my heart literally stopped. The look in your eyes, the way you said it..."
He pulled back and looked her in the eyes. "I don't even know what to say..."
"I want you to say that you know that your love is all I need. That if we had absolutely nothing else, your love would be enough and will always count for more than anything in this world."
"Chelle..."
"It is true for me."
He put his hands on her cheeks. "Our love for each other is all we need. The world can keep throwing all this shit at us but I know we will be ok if we stick together and keep loving each other."
She smiled. He kissed her again and then laughed a little, "But, I want to offer you everything. Thanks baby, thanks for being with me tonight and for everything."
Please let me know what you think. If I should continue etc...Is there anything you want to see happen in this story? Thanks for reading but please let me know your thoughts:)