A/N: I don't own the rights to any of these characters, settings or anything to do with Wizarding World. This is a work of fiction based on the universe created by J.K Rowling.
CHAPTER ELEVEN – PETER
October 1977
A wave of noise rolled across the Great Hall as students ate their breakfast. A group of first year Gryffindor's ran along the Hall and straight into James and Lily. Peter chuckled as the Head Boy and Head Girl reprimanded the boys before heading in his direction. Peter kicked Sirius under the table and tilted his head towards James and Lily. Sirius grinned and stuffed another piece of toast in his mouth. James and Lily sat down and James slung his arm across her shoulders. Lily leaned in to James. Sirius spat out some of his toast.
"About time you two joined us!" Sirius said, helping himself to another piece of toast.
"Careful there Padfoot, you're getting more toast on the table than in your mouth!" James laughed.
Remus shook his head, "My boyfriend everyone. The classiest boy around."
"Shut up, you love me." Sirius said flipping his hair back and puckering his lips.
"Even when you can't manage the simplest of tasks!" Remus said and kissed Sirius, "Yes dear, I love you."
Peter shoved the last of his sausage and eggs into his mouth and noticed Marlene and Dorcas laughing together further down the table. Dorcas linked his fingers through Marlene's and she leant forward to kiss him. Peter's stomach flipped and he dropped his fork.
"You alright Wormy?" James asked and looked over at Marlene, "Ah..."
"What? What's wrong?" Lily asked and peered around anxiously.
"Marlene and Dorcas." Remus said and nodded in their direction.
"Ah." Lily said and gazed at Peter, "They've been seeing each other since the summer break."
"Yeah..." Peter said and tore his eyes away from Marlene.
Sirius drained the remainder of his juice and cleared his throat, "I don't think this weather is going to clear up."
"No, I think it'll rain all day. I guess you two can forget about flying practice." Remus said and poured himself a cup of tea.
"God, we'll never hear the end of this." Peter said, eying James.
James groaned, "It's been ages since we got to fly!"
"See what I mean?" Peter chuckled.
"You flew three days ago." Lily said.
"Exactly, ages ago!" James cried and threw his hands in the air.
Lily rolled her eyes and stood up, "I'll see what Marlene and Dorcas are doing today. Maybe we can all do something together?"
"Sounds good Lil, I'm sure these two will come up with something to do as well." Remus said and gestured between James and Sirius.
"Oh yeah, give them five minutes and they'll have the day planned." Peter said and pushed his now empty plate away from himself.
Lily ruffled James' hair and wandered down the table to Marlene and Dorcas. Remus chuckled and pulled out his planner, his spoon stirring his tea for him while he read over his to do list. Sirius and James leant across the table towards each other and began brainstorming alternative plans in hurried whispers.
Peter frowned at the rain that was lashing against the windows and found himself looking back at Marlene who was laughing with Dorcas and Lily. Peter thought of her every time it rained, she loved the rain. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't bring himself to let her go. It was worse, so much worse when it rained. Peter shuddered as he remembered the days they spent studying, laughing and sometimes running through the grounds as the rain fell around them. Marlene never told Peter she loved him. Peter stared at Marlene as she swept her long black hair behind her ear while Dorcas ran his hand up and down her back. He wondered if she loved Dorcas and what he had that Peter didn't.
Peter sighed to himself and turned back to the boys, James and Sirius now laughing with one another and Remus was sipping his tea.
"What have you come up with then?" Peter asked.
"Secret room on the seventh floor." Sirius said.
"So you've figured out how it works then have you?" Remus asked.
"Seems to just give you what you want doesn't it?" James said.
"I wish we could put it on the map." Peter sighed.
"I tried, but every time I added it in it would disappear again." Remus said.
"Well as long as it gives us what we want... And I what I want is a record player and comfy couches and cushions to lay around on." Sirius said, a grin across his face.
"We're thinking a day of music, smoking and lazing around. What do you say boys?" James asked.
"I don't know... The last time I smoked that stuff I was sick all night!" Peter said.
"That was because you smoked too much. We won't let that happen again Wormy." James said and got to his feet gesturing at Lily.
"We should take everything we need when we go up, because there is no way in merlin's beard that I'm trooping all the way down to the kitchens and back to the seventh floor when I'm stoned." Sirius whined and Remus chuckled.
"Let's go get some food supplies then." Remus stood up, pulling Sirius up with him, "James can you make sure you bring his records. And my navy cardigan?"
"Sure thing Moony. Make sure you grab some dinner rolls." James replied.
"So what are we doing then?" Lily asked as she approached them again, Dorcas and Marlene came up behind her laughing.
"Follow us to the seventh floor. There's a secret room we found, we're going to have a lazy day smoking and listening to music." James said and winked at Lily.
Lily grinned, "Perfect."
"I'll grab Carodac and Frank as well? They need to blow off some steam." Dorcas suggested.
"Alice will come too, she's also got some fire whiskey..." Marlene added.
"Sounds good." Peter said and avoided Marlene's eyes, "Let's get moving and round everyone up."
"Bring any records you have and whatever else you want and meet us at the Barnabus the Barmy tapestry." James said and tugged on Peter, "Come on Wormy, let's get moving."
"See you soon." Lily said and smiled at James.
"See you Evans." James replied and he and Peter strode out of the Great Hall.
Peter looked back over his shoulder to see Marlene kiss Dorcas and the pit in his stomach dropped further. He followed James up the stairs and along the corridors listening to him babble on about music and the secret room. Peter felt the dread growing stronger and by the time they reached the dormitory he sat down on his bed and scrambled to find an excuse.
"You know, I'm not feeling the best." Peter said and sighed.
James snapped his head up and dropped a pile of records on his bed, "Oh yeah. Bad case of the Dorcas and Marlene flu?"
"That obvious huh?"
"You hid it well in the Hall... But you forget that I know you."
"I don't think I can spend the whole day with them Prongs."
"So what's the alternative then? Stay in here on your own and feel sorry for yourself?"
"I can get some homework done."
"Wormtail... No!"
"What? You don't get it. I'm not... I'm not past it yet."
"Listen Wormy, I'm going to give you some harsh truths."
"Oh god."
"Sometimes things don't work out. And you've got to let it go. She's moved on mate, you can't be shutting yourself up in here pining for her because I promise you, she's not doing the same."
"Thanks for that."
"It's time to move on Wormy. You've been doing so well with getting along with her."
"That was before she had her tongue down Dorcas' throat!"
"Which she is well within her right to do..."
Peter frowned and stood up, "I want you to promise me that if it becomes too much for me you won't give me a hard time for leaving?"
"I promise."
"And maybe... Maybe come with me? Keep me company?"
James sighed and picked up the records, "I think you'll be alright Wormy."
"Just promise me."
"Alright, I promise."
Peter smiled at James and nodded at the navy cardigan hanging out of Remus' trunk.
"Don't forget his Grandad cardigan."
James laughed and grabbed the cardigan on his way out. Peter scooped up his jumper and tugged it over his head following James out the door. On their way to the seventh floor James carried on about Muggle music, raving about the shows he'd gone to with Sirius and the records they'd been collecting.
"And this one here, The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars. This is my favourite."
"Bit of a mouthful for an album title don't you think Prongs?"
"It's perfection."
"It's weird."
"But Bowie embraces that... It's part of what makes him so brilliant. I wonder if he's a Muggle though? I bet he isn't. He's just that extra bit eccentric you know? A little bit wizardy!"
James rounded the corner and cursed under his breath. Peter, not paying attention, bumped into James and fell back on to the floor.
"Prongs what the fuck?"
Peter looked up at James who was glaring down the corridor. Peter following his eyes and saw them lounging on the stone bench in the window. Snape, Rookwood and Avery. James began reaching for his wand when Peter kicked him.
"Don't."
James looked down at Peter outraged, "Those bastards support the people who killed Evan's parents, you can't expect me to do nothing!"
"Cursing those losers isn't going to bring back her parents. And Lily won't thank you for picking a fight with them."
James narrowed his eyes and looked back at the three boys, "She doesn't need to know."
"She'll find out... She always does."
James sighed and stowed his wand away before reaching out and helping Peter to his feet.
"Come on, we'll go back this way and cut across the other staircase." Peter said and tugged on James' jacket.
"Yeah, yeah." James said and walked off.
Peter looked over at the three boys again and found himself making eye contact with Avery. His stomach squirmed and he quickly looked over at James who had stormed off down the other corridor without him. Peter looked back at Avery who nudged Rookwood who winked at Peter and got to his feet. Peter quickly backed away and ran down the corridor after James. James didn't say another word until they reached the staircase leading to the seventh floor.
"Thanks Wormy."
"Don't mention it Prongs."
They reached the tapestry to find the others waiting for them. Sirius was clutching a large basket and Remus was leaning against the wall next to him holding an assortment of cups and plates. Lily was laughing with Alice, Frank and Carodac but lit up when she saw James approaching. Peter's eyes lingered on Marlene when he spotted her, she had her arms around Dorcas whispering to him.
"James!" Lily cried out, "We were about to send out a rescue party!"
"We took the scenic route." James said and nudged Lily playfully, "But we made it in the end and we brought a nice collection of music with us."
"Brilliant." Carodac said and peered at the records, "Excellent choices."
"So what's this secret room then?" Frank asked and draped his arm over Alice's shoulders.
"Ah, observe my dear Longbottom." Sirius said and moved away from the tapestry.
Everyone huddled around Sirius as he stood in front of a large vacant stone wall. Lily raised her eyebrows and looked at James who winked in return. Marlene and Dorcas stopped whispering to one another and watched Sirius. Marlene looked sideways at Peter and gave him a small smile. Peter couldn't bring himself to smile back at her so he moved closer to Remus and waited for Sirius to open the room.
Suddenly a door began to appear in the wall, spreading across slowly until it was fully formed and inviting.
"Well I'll be damned." Frank said.
"How on Earth did you lot find this place?" Marlene asked and stepped forward to the door, running her hands along the edges.
"Remus and I found it one night." Sirius said.
"They were looking for somewhere to shag." James said and chuckled.
"James!" Remus said, throwing a cup at him.
"Well you were!" James replied and caught the cup, "But don't worry everyone that's not why we're here today."
Sirius pushed the door open and everyone followed him inside. The room was decked out with an assortment of rugs, couches, armchairs and cushions. A record player sat on a large wooden cabinet with speakers on either side. Hammocks hung in the back-left corner and oversized bean bags were strewn on the opposite side. Windows adorned the left-hand side while a fireplace was on the right side surrounded by lanterns.
"Brilliant." Carodac whispered, "Just... Brilliant.
Sirius sauntered over to a couch and flung himself down, "Get comfy everyone."
Peter wandered over to an armchair and nestled in watching James and Lily and walk around the room inspecting everything. Carodac, having grabbed the records from James, headed straight for the record player and soon music began playing all around the room. Frank and Alice sat down together on the large blue couch by the fireplace and began speculating on the magic of the room. And finally, Marlene and Dorcas sat down on the large cushions near Sirius, the three of them chatting.
Peter willed himself to relax and be friendly. But seeing Marlene so comfortable with Dorcas was taking all his attention. A gentle hand squeezed his shoulder and he looked up to find Remus smiling at him.
"Don't do this to yourself Peter." Remus said and sat down in the armchair next to him.
"Do what?" Peter asked and his eyes flickered back to Marlene and Dorcas.
"Torture yourself." Remus said, "Try to have a good time today okay?"
"Yeah, yeah." Peter said and kicked his legs over the side of the chair, "Easy for you to say."
"Hey, let's just have a smoke and talk some shit like we usually do. We don't have to mingle with them right away... Not if you don't want to."
"Thanks Moony."
Lily and James came closer to everyone again and sat down on a couch next to Sirius. Marlene pulled out a few bottles of fire whiskey and Sirius flicked his wand at the basket and food began to float out and set itself up on the coffee table nearby. Lily leaned back into the couch and watched as James began rolling joints for everyone.
"What if someone comes in?" Lily asked and James chuckled.
"They can't Evans. The room is great like that." James replied.
"What do you mean they can't?" Dorcas asked.
"Well." Sirius said, sitting up, "When I thought about what I wanted the room to be I made sure to think that this was only for us."
"So, if someone comes along that wasn't included on the list the room won't appear." James said.
"And we can stay in here as long as we like, uninterrupted." Sirius said winked.
"That sounds good." Lily said, "I could use a day away from everyone else."
"Are people still asking about your parents?" Carodac said as he flopped down on some nearby cushions.
"That or they treat me like I might break or something." Lily said and took a joint from James, lighting it and taking a drag. She closed her eyes and smiled as she breathed out the smoke, "I just need a day with people who treat me like a normal person."
"You got it Evans." James said and took the joint from her taking a drag, "Smokes are here guys, take what you want."
Soon they were all sprawled around the room, different conversations rolling around. Sirius sat with Carodac discussing Rock and Roll and getting lost in tangents about the Rolling Stones. Frank and Alice had moved over to the bean bags and were curled up together talking about the war in hushed whispers. Lily and James were still on their couch, perhaps unaware that their hands had become entwined, while they talked about their plans after Hogwarts. Peter and Remus were still in their armchairs laughing with one another as they reminisced about their early days at Hogwarts. Every now and then Peter's eyes would flicker over to Marlene who was sprawled on the floor with Dorcas making holiday plans for Christmas.
"We'll have to go to my family's manor first. Mum and Dad want to meet you." Dorcas said and Marlene beamed at him.
"I'd love that... Will your sister be home then too?" She asked.
"She should be, you and Clara will get along well." Dorcas said and ran his fingers through her hair.
"I can't wait." Marlene whispered and tilted her head up for Dorcas to kiss her.
Before Peter could stop himself, he began to laugh.
"What's so funny Wormtail?" Sirius called across the room.
"Yeah, tell us the joke Wormy!" James cried out.
"The joke?" Peter said and chuckled again, "I'll tell you a good one... There's this girl right. She encourages this boy to fall in love with her, right. She spends hours with him around the castle telling him all about herself and tells him how much she enjoys spending time with him, right."
"Peter." Remus said and reached out to him.
"Let me finish the joke Remus!" Peter snapped and ignored the concerned stares from around the room, "So this goes on a bit. He falls further in love this girl. This beautiful, beautiful girl. And he tells her. He tells her he loves her and you know what happened next? Hmm? Anyone?"
"Wormy, mate-" James said but Peter cut across him.
"She dumped him. She dumped him and she never said she loved him. But this new guy comes along and now it's all about meeting the family and being in love. And I just think. I just think it's hilarious. It's the biggest fucking joke of all."
Peter drained his cup and felt the burn of the fire whiskey in his throat. The room spun slightl.
"Maybe we should go." Marlene whispered.
"No... No don't." Sirius said.
"I knew this was bad idea." Dorcas muttered.
Peter looked up and shrugged as Dorcas got to his feet, pulling Marlene up behind him. Marlene gazed at Peter and frowned.
"I thought we were past this sort of thing Peter." Marlene said.
"Yeah well we're not." Peter replied.
"Then I'm sorry to hear that. But I won't be made to feel bad for moving on. And I'm sorry that you don't like it but that's just how it is." She said and slung her bag over her shoulder, "Enjoy the rest of the day guys, we'll catch up another time."
"Mar..." Lily said and reached out, "Do you want me to come too?"
"No Lil, stay here. Don't let your day be ruined too." Marlene replied.
"So I ruin your day now do I?" Peter said and lit another joint, "Well that's wonderful to know."
"You know what Peter, why don't you take a good look at yourself and how our relationship really was. I think you'll find it wasn't quite as you make it out to be." Marlene said and wiped a tear away.
"Come on Mar, let's go." Dorcas said and led her to the door, "Bye guys... Look after him."
Peter scoffed and watched the door close behind them. Lily got to her feet and wandered over to Alice and Frank and they began whispering to one another. Peter felt his face grow hot, he was sure they were talking about him.
"Sod it." He whispered and inhaled another drag of his smoke.
"Peter." Remus said gently, "That was cruel."
Peter looked at Remus who was frowning and rolled his eyes, "I couldn't keep it in anymore."
"There's a time and a place Wormy." James said as he approached them and tugged the joint out of Peter's hand, "This was not it."
"Didn't you hear them? Making their Christmas plans, being all lovey. It was... It was." Peter said and stared at the fireplace angrily, "It was everything I wanted with her."
"I know you did." Remus said, "But Peter, it ended. Months ago."
"And that makes it okay does it? My feelings don't matter?"
"No one is saying your feelings don't matter Wormy."
"Prongs. Stop. Okay, just stop."
James sighed and got to his feet, "I don't know what else to say to you Peter. You've got to let this shit go."
James walked away to the record player and new music began to play that Peter wasn't familiar with. Remus frowned at Peter and got to his feet.
"You're better than this Peter." He said and left to join Sirius on the couch.
Peter stayed in his armchair, fuming. He watched as Remus ran his fingers through Sirius' hair while they talked with Carodac. Lily had come back to the couch with James and they sat together with their heads resting on the back of the couch, their foreheads tilted together as they spoke with one another.
"You bought the album." Lily said, beaming at James.
"This beautiful girl I know told me it was worth listening to." James replied and their hands entwined again.
"It's my favourite." Lily said, "Wait til You're My Best Friend plays... I get very in to it."
"I look forward to it." James said and chuckled.
Peter summoned the fire whiskey to himself and poured another drink, aware of eyes on him as he drained the cup.
"Wormtail. Settle down." Sirius called out.
Peter laughed and poured another drink, draining that one just as quickly.
"Wormy. Stop!" James yelled and jumped to his feet.
Peter narrowed his eyes and poured another drink, he gripped the cup as it tried to leave his hand. Remus sighed with his wand pointing at Peter and James strode over to him. Peter struggled to lift the cup to his mouth as Remus tried to summon it from him but managed to pour the liquid down his throat.
The room spun around him as James reached him and yanked the cup and the bottle from him. Peter was barely aware of his legs shooting forward and suddenly he was wobbling in front of James.
"Give it back." He slurred and tried to reach out to James but couldn't make his arms work.
"You've had enough." James said and the bottle and cup went soaring across to Remus.
"You don't care." Peter spat. "None of you do. You've all got your own people to love."
"Wormy..." James said and reached out to steady him as he stumbled on the spot.
Peter tried to focus on James but the room had begun to spin again, faster than before.
"He's going to throw up." Sirius called out.
"No, he's not, he's going to pass out." James said.
Peter scoffed and stepped forward, the room continued to spin and the music became hollow and distant. Suddenly the room tipped and Peter felt James' arms around him as he collided with the floor. Everything went black.
"I've never seen him like that."
"Me neither."
"What are we going to do? There's no way Marlene and Dorcas will hang out with us anytime soon."
"He needs to apologise."
"Fat chance of that happening."
"Sirius!"
"Oh come on Rem, it's Wormtail. He gets very stuck in his ways sometimes."
"Sirius is right. An apology is not coming anytime soon."
"Well, we need to talk to him when he sobers up."
"Urgh, that's not going to be pleasant."
"We'll do it tomorrow. Let him sleep it off."
"You want to lecture a hungover Wormy? You're on your own Moony."
"Fine, James. We'll do it on Monday then."
"Just make sure you boys do it soon. Otherwise things are going to get worse..."
Peter opened his eyes to find himself in one of the hammocks in the back corner. Tucked away out of sight, like a stain or a problem you wished would go away. Peter remembered the words he spat at Marlene earlier and tried to push away the memory of how everyone looked at him. A wave of shame rippled across body. He had hurt Marlene and he had angered Dorcas. Who knows what Frank, Alice, Carodac and Lily thought of him now. He struggled to find common ground with them enough as it is. But it was the reaction of James, Remus and Sirius that caused a knot to form in his stomach.
He'd always felt just on the cusp of truly belonging with them. Sometimes he wondered how they were still his friends after all these years. They were brave, smart and popular. Who was Peter really? Peter wasn't sure and that was the problem.
Peter willed himself not to cry and closed his eyes again. He listened to the music filling the room and every sound of laughter was like another pang in his heart. Peter had never felt so lonely in his life until now and drifted off to sleep again cursing himself for behaving the way he did. He would make it up to them, to all of them. He couldn't bare it if everyone left him. After all, all he's ever really wanted was to be a part of something.