My birthday was in a couple weeks and everybody has been asking what I want for my birthday. I hate when people ask me that. When they ask me, I don't know. When they don't ask me, I have a list of a million things that I want and when I go to tell them I can't remember. It's a terrible cycle.

Since I've gotten back from Albuquerque, I've been feeling really good. I was enjoying being back in Nashville and I wasn't quite ready to get back on the road again. Troy sent me a picture of Carly and the kids when they stopped by. I even talked to them for a couple of minutes. They were on their way to New York now. I love New York.

I was strumming on my guitar when I picked up my vibrating phone. Molly was calling me. "Hello?" I asked answering the phone.

"Hey Gabi. We're on our way to New York and I'm on your bus. And you have to listen to this. Don't speak okay?" Molly said talking quickly. I didn't speak as I was told. "Okay, Troy." She said. "I just had to get my guitar for you."

"Alright, well it's rough because Gabi usually wrote and did all the music but here it is." Troy said in the background. I heard the soft strumming of the guitar before Troy's voice filled my ear.

"Got a guitar, got a guitar on my back,
And I'm standing on this lonesome railroad track.
Trains a-coming, It'll be here 'fore too long.
And I don't think I can stop it with a song.
Girl, that's kind of the way I'm feeling.
Trying to stop your leaving.

Got a pebble, got a pebble in my hand
And I toss it out into the middle of the Rio Grande.
But the river keeps running.
Don't even know that I'm around.
Could throw in a million more and not slow it down.
And that's kind of the way I'm feeling.
Trying to stop your leaving.

There's nothing I wouldn't try
If I thought it would change your mind.
But you don't love me.
You don't love me anymore
And I know as soon as you walk out the door.
Trains a-coming.
Rivers running.

Trains a-coming
Rivers running.
Pains a-coming.
Tears a-running.
And that's kind of the way I'm feeling.
Knowing I couldn't stop your leaving."

"It's perfect Troy. She's going to love it." Molly said. "I'll be right back." I heard some swishing. "Gabi? Did you hear it?"

"Did they break up or something?" I asked, confused.

"No." Molly said slowly.

"I don't get it." I said, putting my guitar down.

Molly sighed. "Oh, my Gabi. The song is about you."

"What?" I hissed, clutching my phone a little tighter. "What do you mean it's about me?"

"I heard him singing it the other day so I asked him to sing me the song. He explained it to me, but it's not my place to explain everything to you." Molly said. "Who else left Gabi?"

I sighed. "I have to go."

"Wait, Gabi! Don't-" Molly started but I hung up on her.

Why was the world making it so much harder to get over him? He got over me just fine. I needed to know how he got over me. I just needed to know. I picked up my phone again and sighed, looking at it. I've made too many spontaneous trips this year. You know what? Fuck it. I need to know.

I dialed Joey's number as I pulled out a bag. "Hey Gabi!" Joey answered, chipper.

"Hey, How long are you going to be in New York?" I asked.

"We have two shows so pretty much all weekend. How come?" He asked.

I sighed. "I'm going to come. I'm not going to stay long but I need your hotel."

"Really?" He asked, excitedly. "I'll send you the details."

"Thanks Joey." I said, hanging up.

I finished stuffing my bag and locked up. I called a cab and got to the airport. I was traveling just as much as if I was on the road. The lady sighed as she saw me approach her window. I knew she was tired of seeing me. I know I was tired of seeing her sassy ass.

"Where to this weekend Miss Montez?" The lady asked.

"New York, Bethany." I said, looking at her name tag. I gave her a tight lipped smile. I handed her my card.

She returned the smile and my card then nodded. "Alright. You flight boards in 30 minutes."

"Thank you." I said, taking my ticket from her and walking away.

I got through security and boarded the plane. I needed to think of what I was going to say to Troy when I see him. I sighed to myself and sipped the overpriced cocktail I brought. I made sure I hadn't taken any medication today. I didn't want a repeat of Georgia. It was only three weeks ago but it felt like forever. I guess I have come along way since David died. I just hoped he was proud of me.

I finished off my drink and threw the cup away as the attendant walked by with a garbage bag. I fiddled my thumbs and the man next to me was watching me. "Are you alright?" He asked.

"Tired, excited, nervous." I said, looking at the seat in front of me. "I don't know what I'm doing. I'm telling the man I'm in love with that I love him. He has a girlfriend. She thinks were friends but I honestly cannot stand her." I rambled, spilling my guts to some stranger.

The man chuckled. "I hope all goes well."

"Shit, me too." I said, looking down at my phone which I had turned off. "Do you know how much longer?" I asked.

"Shouldn't be long now. An hour maybe." He said.

I sighed. "That's not quick enough."

"You could use my iPod. Country music always makes time go faster." He said, pulling the device out of his pocket.

I smiled at the man. "I have my own, but thank you. Who is your favorite?"

"I like old school, but the new comers are reeling me in." He said chuckling.

"I know Troy Bolton." I said.

He looked at me. "I don't believe you."

"Look." I pulled out my iPod and started flipping through pictures. "He's my best friend."

"Photoshop does wonders." The man teased.

I scoffed. "These are not photo shopped!"

He chuckled. "I was just messing with you. If you see him, tell him the guy that was sitting next to you on the plane said hello."

I laughed. "Will do." I looked back down at the picture and smiled at it before turning off my iPod and leaning my head back against the headrest.

After I got off the plane I got a cab and was going to the hotel they were staying at. Joey had texted me the address earlier. He assured me that Madison was in Georgia and he gave me Troy's room number. I tapped the seat nervously as I was driven to the hotel. It finally started sinking in that this was a terrible idea. What the hell am I doing?

"Okay, we're here." The driver said, pointing to the meter.

I paid the man and tipped him before getting out of the car. "Shit." I said as I looked up at giant hotel. "Its now or never." I walked inside, holding my bag. I walked up over to the elevator and pressed the button to the fifteenth floor. "Fuck fuck fuck fuck." I muttered to myself, shaking my hands nervously. The elevator stopped and so did I. I stepped out on the fifteenth floor and looked for his room number.

I found his room and stood in front of it, holding my hand up to knock on the door. I let out a breath before I actually knocked on the door. I put my hand at my side and held my stomach. My nerves were all over the place and my stomach was going crazy.

"Gabi?" Troy asked as he opened the door. "What are you doing here?" He asked, in awe with a beautiful smile on his face. I walked inside the room without saying anything to him. I sat down on his bed, shaking my legs. "Gabi?" He asked again, confused as he walked closer to me.

"I heard your song. Molly called me and put me on the phone while you were singing to her." His eyes widened. "And that day that I left, I sort of lied to you. I partially did leave because of your story. I mean, My best friend blurts out to me that he was in love with me and he is now over me? At first I didn't know how I was supposed to feel. But then I just wanted to cry. I wanted to cry forever because you don't love me anymore. You don't love me the way that I love you anymore. I wake up and I think about you. I go to bed and I think about you. When I try not to think about you, I think about you. You encompass my mind and turn me into a twelve year old fan girl." I said, letting the words tumble out of my mouth before I could even think about it. "I love you. I've loved you since that day we sang karaoke together. I was so scared of losing you that I sucked it up for five years. I watched you talk to countless girls, Kiss Madison and introduce her to your parents. You don't know how bad I wished that was me. I know it's too late but I just needed you to know because I'm tired of keeping it to myself." I looked up at him. He was just staring at me. I gave him a half hearted smile. "Have a great show."

I turned and walked out of his room and down the hall to Molly's. I knocked on her door. "Molly. Open up." I knocked again.

"Gabi?" She answered, excitedly. She jumped on me, hugging me tightly.

I hugged her back tightly. "I just wanted to say hey, before I went back to Nashville." I sighed. "I told him."

She gasped. "What did he say? When did you even get here?"

"I got here about an hour ago. He didn't say anything, I just kind of left." I said shrugging.

Molly shook her head. "Gabi…"

"Well what was I supposed to do? Let him go on about how I should have told him earlier. He moved on. He's in a relationship with your sister, and it's too late. I don't want to get hurt anymore." I said. "I'm thinking of laying low for a while. I'll see you later." I gave her another hug and I walked over to the boys room. I knocked on the door.

"Coming!" I heard Ray yell from the other side of the door. Once he opened the door I jumped on him. "Gabi? What are you doing here?" He asked me.

"Just visiting. I had to tell somebody something and it couldn't wait." I said sighing. I pulled away from him.

"Come in." He said, closing the door behind me.

"Hey guys." I said as I walked in the door.

"Gabi!" Tim and Kevin said, getting up. They rushed over to me and hugged me at the same time.

"We missed you." Tim said squeezing me tighter.

I hugged my boys. "I missed you guys too." I leaned my head against theirs. "Come on Ray, Group hug."

Ray came in and joined the hug. We all started laughing. They sat down on the couch and I laid across them with my head in Kevin's lap and my feet in Timmy's lap. "So tell us why you're really here Gabi." Kevin said, stroking my hair.

I sighed. "I told him I was in love with him." I said.

"Who?" Ray asked.

"The guy you wrote the songs about?" Timmy asked after.

I nodded and sighed. "Troy."

"I knew it!" Ray said.

"I'm so predictable." I said, closing my eyes.

"If it helps, I had no idea." Kevin said.

I opened my eyes and frowned at him. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, no need to be sorry." He said, giving me a soft smile. He continued to stroke my hair.

I covered my face with my hair. "I don't even know why I did it. I just came here and I just told him and I just left. I fuck everything up. I don't know who to talk to anymore. He was my best friend and it feels like I lost him. I already lost my brother and I don't know if I could take losing Troy too." I felt the tears start to form on my face. "Fuck. I need to stop crying over everything." I said, laughing, wiping my eyes.

"You do not mess up everything Gabi." Ray said.

"You make everything better, not worse," Kevin added.

"Touring is so boring without you." Tim finished.

I sighed. Before I got to speak again, there was a knock on the door. I climbed off of the guys so one of them could open the door. "Who is it?" Kevin asked.

"It's Me, Molly." Molly said from outside of the door. Kevin opened the door from her and I laid on one of the beds, hugging a pillow. "So this is where you were. I should have figured since you definitely weren't with Troy." Molly noted as she sat on the couch where Kevin was sitting.

"I was just having a little chat before going back to the airport." I said. I looked around and sighed. "Shit I forgot my bag in Troy's room. Fuck, fuck, fuck." I put my face in the pillow. This couldn't have gone anymore wrong.

"That means you can't go. Please don't leave again." Ray said sighing.

I looked up at them. "I have to go now. I can't talk to him! What do I say?" They were all silent. "Exactly."

I put my face back in the pillow. I felt like crying but I was so tired of crying. I just wanted to take some pills and go to sleep. "He doesn't believe you." Molly said.

My head shot up. "what?"

"He doesn't believe what you're in love with him." Molly said.

I looked at her in disbelief. "I flew all the way out here in the middle of the day to tell him I love him and not mean it? Please tell me you're joking."

"No." She said.

I sighed and got up. "I'll be right back."

I walked out of the room and over to Troy's room. I knocked on the door loudly. Troy opened the door. I walked in, inviting myself inside. I walked straight to my bag and dug through it. "What are you doing?" He asked quietly.

"You don't believe me?" I said, looking at him in disbelief. "That's bullshit." I pulled out my songbook and pushed it in his hands. "Read it and mail it back to me." I said, walking to the door. I turned around and faced him. "I never let you see my song book because I didn't want to creep you out with all the songs I write about you. My last item on my bucket list was to be in a relationship with you. But that is never going to happen. Goodbye."

I slammed the door behind me, walking over to the boys room. "You got your bag." Molly said when she answered the door.

"I'm leaving." I said.

Molly frowned. "Please don't go."

"I'll call you when I get the details. Bye Guys." I called inside the room. "Bye Molls."

The tears were welling up in her eyes. "Have a safe flight." She said hugging me tightly. The boys all joined in on the hug.

"Come visit us soon." Tim said.

Ray said after Tim. "We miss you."

"We love you Gabi." Kevin said, kissing the top of my head.

"I love you too." I wiped my eyes. I pulled away, waving to them.

I walked away from them, clutching my bag. I got in the elevator and closed my eyes trying to keep my emotions under control. Why did I always say goodbye? Why couldn't I just have stayed around long enough to hear how he felt? Why do they even put up with me anymore? Once I got out the hotel I walked down the street. The hotel they were staying at was down the street from Central Park.

When I was a good ten minutes into Central Park I sat down on a bench. It was getting cold in New York. I shivered slightly, looking around the calm park. It would probably take Troy a couple days to digest this. Another couple of weeks to figure out what he was going to say to me. Hopefully we would be talking by my birthday. It probably wouldn't happen but at least I sure hoped so.

I had Troy's voice stuck in my head as I headed back to the airport. I got home back in Nashville around midnight. I put my bag down and curled up on my bed. This is the first time in my life I've ever felt truly alone in this world. I knew I had Molly and the boys but they didn't understand. I was alone and even the weight that was lifted off my shoulders couldn't change that.

I picked up my guitar and started strumming. I closed my eyes.

"There is nothing I wouldn't try.
If I thought it would change your mind
But you don't love me.
You don't love me anymore.
And I know as soon as you walk out that door.
Trains a -coming.
Rivers running
Trains a-coming.
Rivers running.
Pains a-coming
Tears a-running.
And that's kind of the way I'm feeling
Knowing I couldn't stop your leaving."

I dropped my guitar on the bed and let the sobs overtake me. I fell back against the bed, letting the tears roll down to my ears.

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Song: Trying to stop your leaving by Dierks Bentley