If anyone has forgotten, recall I mentioned it'd been six days since Maka cut last a couple chapters ago. :) Also, I apologize if it is overly obvious that my thoughts are all over the place. enjoy my lovelies! :*

Maka's POV:

'But Blackstar said he was like my brother.. It's wrong to fall in love with your theoretical baby sister... But Soul, and... UGH!' I thought, trying ever so desperately to sort my brain out.

I didn't know if I had feelings for Blackstar, that was the problem. I didn't even know if he had feelings for me! 'But I know I love Soul, and he me. Except I'm hurting Kim, even though she DID hurt me...'

I was sitting in the bathroom, ready to go for a 'shower' with multiple destructive devices laying around me.

It had been 8 days since my night out with Blackstar and Soul's apparent possessive nature for me. Oddly enough I didn't mind it though.

I hadn't been eating well lately; So I fricken gorged myself at dinner tonight! I wondered how much I weighed... I felt so sick though. So fricken nauseous.

"Well... It made 'Baki feel better... So why not me?" I whispered quietly, justifying my next actions.

I crawled over to the toilet and slipped my finger in my mouth and pressed down on my gag reflex. It worked. Immediately. Portions of my meal came out, still yet to be digested entirely.

Tears came to my eyes for some reason, but I finished up quickly and went to wash my hands RIGHT after. It was disgusting, after all.

However, I knew enough not to brush my teeth after, because that would just wear down my enamel and I would have ugly teeth in no time.

Instead, I grabbed the glass of water with baking soda in it and quickly chugged it. (I secretly loved the taste)

I felt good, surprisingly. Cutting seemed so overrated. I didn't have a high, but I certainly didn't have any more cravings, and I didn't feel like I was a glass doll slowly cracking. I was... Okay.

I smiled at myself. A little proud, as sick as it was. Maybe I didn't need to have scars anymore, maybe I could stop cutting...

I climbed into the shower after removing my clothing, and let it rinse away dirt and grime while I stood and stared at the wall. I was thinking, thinking about what I had done. It didn't seem wrong in anyway whatsoever... I didn't understand.

I shrugged it off and slipped into some jammies, exiting the bathroom and heading straight for my room. I was tired as hell.

I climbed under the covers and started to doze off when I heard my door click open, then close, and a weight added to my bed.

I turned around to stare into the red irises presented to me. The light was glinting off them in a beautiful manner. Soul.

He stoked my hair and gently smiled.

"Go to sleep, beautiful." He whispered, and wrapped an arm around my waist before snuggling into the blankets with me.

"I love you." He said later.

"I love you too..." I mumbled, half asleep. I'm not even sure if I said that.

Later I realized why it felt so good to have puked up my dinner. Because it was destructive, and harmful. I didn't do it everyday though. Oh no, I had my beautiful teeth to take care of. But, I could last for days on it without feeling the need to hurt myself again. It definitely seemed like a better idea than cutting.

No blade had touched me in two weeks, and my life certainly didn't get easier. It was strange, going from thinking about it all the time to hardly at all. I didn't need to cut!

I laughed in excitement at this revelation from my bed. It was time to wake up though and get ready for school, so I settled down and did just that.

I noticed the house was quieter. I didn't have to call Soul's name to realize he wasn't in. 'I suppose he went to school early?' I presumed, but that seemed highly doubtful. Soul never went in early.

I shrugged it off and prepared a simple breakfast of Cheerios before taking off for school. I thought of how Blackstar had been these past eight days, and how Soul has been. I certainly was getting a lot of attention from the competing boys, and although everyone else at school still hated me, being a person of interest of the two most popular guys in school definitely lowered confrontations.

Blackstar would do things that'd annoy me, and he would guide me protectively with his hand. I usually scolded him because my body had become my.. Place of practice, if you will, and it seemed damaging and tainting to let others come in contact with it. Seems kind of stuck up, now that I think of it.

Regardless of my constant irritation, he wasn't someone I wanted to lose right away, although I wasn't putting any effort into the friendship. I didn't deserve the care, although having him mother hen me all the time made me angry. And very much so. I had learned to appreciate my isolation, and people parading into it made me... Less than sane.

Soul on the other hand, always needed a hand on me. But this I didn't mind. He acted like we were a couple in public and out of, yet he had neglected to make anything official. Small kisses on the cheek, and arms protectively slung around me told everyone else I was his.

However he knew I didn't kiss people in public, so we reserved that for hot steamy make out sessions at night. I was reveling in Souls attention, and despising Blackstar's. 'But if he gets this much of a reaction out of you, you must care about him, right?' I reasoned, so torn on this.

My decision would always be Soul, but something about the idea of Blackstar liking me didn't have me pushing him away, unlike most people. Don't get me wrong, I am and was greatly hated, but that didn't mean guys didn't like me. My solitude seemed to be an attraction to them, actually, because of the obvious fact I didn't have a girl army to kill them with if they did wrong.

All of this thinking was stopped once I arrived on the school grounds and was so rudely interrupted of my ponderous mind by shouts of rage and a crowd encouraging two male individuals to fight.

On most circumstances I would have ignored them, but this particular fight just so happened to be on my way towards the doors, so I figured why not see what's up on my way inside.

Fluffed up hair of white and blue was NOT what I wanted to see, especially when it was distinguished I was the topic of this fight.

"You know I fucking love her, 'star. What the hell do you think you're doing, when not three weeks ago you laughed in my face for it!? You can't just leap into her life when I'm trying to sort things out with her!" Soul screamed dangerously close to Blackstars red face.

"I can do whatever the fuck I want, and so can she!" He retaliated, swift to pull the 'freedom' card. "Quit acting like you own her, when you haven't even asked her to be your girlfriend yet." Soul's hand clenched in pure fury.

"That's none of your business, fuckwad. Besides, you think prying yourself into her life will help you, or her for that matter!? At least she enjoys my company. After she hangs out with you she comes home and tells me all about your annoying antics. You'll never change."

"She needs someone to save her god damn it! Why can't you see that?"

"Save her from what, exactly!?" Soul screamed back, rage growing immensely. Before Blackstar replied, my attention was pulled when I heard someone mutter,

"Oh shit!" To my left. I looked over to see a boy whispering to his friends and pointing at me. Quickly the news spread around the circle, and the chants of "fight!" Died down. Two sentences were exchanged between the two boys before they realized the change in atmosphere.

"She fucking cuts herself, asshole!" Blackstar shouted, making my body go rigid. How the fuck could he announce that with an audience present! I fumed, making note to slap him.

"I know!" Soul shouted back, and all anger dissipated in the area, except mine that is. The boys huffed, catching their breath as what was said soaked in. In their silence, they glanced around to see the quiet crowd had parted to show me, standing there with books in hand, ready to blow a fuse.

The itch to hit something arose, and I strode over to slap Blackstar, my anger at him being stronger. I eyed Soul wearily before flipping on my heel and storming off into class.

"Maka, wait!" Soul called, literally sprinting after me. He grabbed my arm, and I recoiled reflexively. He pulled me to the side of the currently empty hall, and caught his breath. "I'm sorry I didn't say anything, and I'm sorry to have kept it a secret that I knew. I was waiting for you to come forward with it. I know what it's like to feel pressured into telling secrets." He rushed out, and I didn't notice him rolling his sleeves up. "I know why you do it, and why you like it, and how fucking hard it is to stop, and how goddamn amazing it feels! I know Maka." He nodded his head down towards his exposed forearms, gesturing for me to take a peek.

I stared in pure awe, entrancement, and bafflement. There, staining his wrist, were rows of red and white scars, just like mine. They were beautiful; to me at least. It meant we were the same; it meant he understood.