Lacunar
11. Help
"What was I doing on the highway?" Edward asked Bella, nudging her with questions. "Where were you that night?"
"Stop bringing all of this up again," Bella pleaded with a lazy groan. "It's late."
She started to move away from her husband. But Edward didn't let her escape so easily. He held onto Bella, persuading her to fall back against his chest again. A grimace was etched on Bella's face as she fruitlessly fought against Edward's expanding curiosity.
"Is it too hard for you to relive?" Edward asked, pained. "I'll promise to stop asking if it hurts you too much. I just want to know."
Bella shook her head guiltily, not wanting to discourage her husband. "It's not too painful. That night, I was at home, Edward. Plus, I deserve every crappy thing that's coming my way."
"Why do you keep saying those kinds of things?" Edward asked with a scowl. "It's like you're punishing yourself for something I am totally clueless about."
"I'm not," Bella said, placing a kiss on Edward's chest. "Honest."
They were wrapped up under the blankets, listening to some classical music as they cuddled in bed. It wasn't the first time Edward had touched her after the accident. Their passionate lovemaking did not swerve even when Edward still had his cast on.
For Bella, it had felt like a while.
A while since she had her real husband.
Furthermore, as he didn't have any more broken bones left, things were able to escalate and get more adventurous in bed.
"Will you ever answer me? What was I doing alone, that night?" Edward asked, tracing insignificant shapes on Bella's naked back.
"You... you wanted some space," Bella answered shakily, unwilling to experience the roller-coaster of emotions that had flooded her on that dreadful night. "You decided to go for a drive."
"Were you safe at home?"
His worry for her safety brought tears to her eyes, catching her breathless and unable to answer Edward's question. As he attempted to penetrate the unfathomable inside his own mind, he continuously placed Bella ahead of his own endeavors. He never stopped caring about her well-being as he desperately struggled to unveil the enigmatic blanks that had once ruined him.
"I was safe," Bella replied quietly.
"I wasn't drunk when I was driving, right?" Edward asked worriedly.
His mother had died when he was young. They'd told him that she'd suffered no pain. That she was killed on impact by a selfish, drunk driver. Carlisle had never been the same after Esme's death. Edward had lost two parents on that moonless night.
"No," Bella reassured him.
After turning off the lights and the stereo in the bedroom, silent darkness descended upon them. Edward got back into bed, snuggling next to his wife. He found refuge in the gentle sleep that cradled him, accompanied by the soft lull of Bella's breathing. But just before he lost all consciousness, he heard the troubled whisper of his beloved.
"Forgive me."
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.
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