Chapter 9: Rich Swiss Miss

Pam Beesley: "I'm really sorry... if you misinterpreted things. It's probably my fault."
Jim Halpert: "Not your fault. I'm sorry I misinterpreted our friendship."
Pam Beesley and Jim Halpert, The Office

These are the facts: Caroline Bingley is crazy. Picture a stereotypical sorority girl with twenty four hour a day access to tanning salons and bleach stations and no sense of social niceties, and you get her. And that's a generous description.

Charlie Bingley is not so crazy, but such an easy going (and by easy going I mean pushover) guy that he has never seen fit to stop his sister from tagging along and making an embarrassment of herself.

George Darcy is cute, but when not talking about her work hardly speaks. Like, at all, and I'm considered a fair conversationalist (or maybe I just like to break awkward silences, is that the same?).

Darcy (is it weird that I call a man I've slept with numerous times by his last name? Because it might be a little creepy.) is just socially inept.

I'm awkward because I feel bad about what I did, and that I witnessed the humiliation of Charlie, and that my Aunt and Uncle are here at a party with my friends.

Sounds like a good time, right?

Luckily it's a party and I can mingle. I've never been so eager to network, and quickly find myself in a conversation with a Swiss banker, George, an Italian painter, and a Chinese diplomat. Then Darcy starts to hover, and I think the conversation went like this.

Rich Swiss Miss: I love your work Vincent, how many gallery showings have you done?

Italian Mister: This is my first. The beautiful Miss Darcy here was kind to give a young artist a shot.

Rich Swiss Miss finds her chance for a hook-up with one foreign man ruined, and moves on to the other.

Rich Swiss Miss: And how are you enjoying our beautiful country Mr. Yen?

Diplomatic Innuendo Man: If the ladies are any indication (insert creepy look here) very beautiful indeed. I look forward to getting to know your, country, very well.

Me: Well, if nothing else you make some fantastic chocolate! Say George, have you gotten to tour the chocolate factory? I know you're here so often with work that you might have never played tourist.

Hot Chocolate leads off her new boy-toy (although he is a creepy middle aged man) to a more intimate corner.

George: No, not yet.

Vincent: Oh, you must. I'd love to take you, as a sort of thanks.

And by that, I mean I'd love to get into your pants. Because you're rich, and like my art.

Me: Say, where are you from George? Your brother doesn't have the same accent at all.

And is creepily watching us from five feet away where Caroline keeps trying to stick her hand down his pants. Literally.

George: Will moved around so much that he never got a huge accent, but when I was a toddler we started to settle down more in the London area.

Darcy, noting that we are talking about him, moves over. Caroline and Charlie come with. I feel bad for Vincent.

Me: How much more adventurous, my life has been pretty sedentary. Say Vincent, what part of Italy do you live in?

Vincent: Rome. I mean, I mean Florence. I used to live in Rome.

Me: Too much competition from the dead masters?

Vincent: Yea, hey, I just saw my friend. I'll see you later George.

And then he winked at her. And my one relatively painless conversation was gone.

Caroline: Willy, why don't you drive me back to my apartment. I don't think you've seen all the rooms yet.

Darcy: I've seen enough.

Burn.

Me: Hey, it was good seeing you all, I'm going to hit up the snacks.

And then I walk off and try to find Chelsea or John, because this is just not fun.

After having a lot of really delicious appetizer things I found myself admiring a painting. Vincent was a douche, but he did have talent. Or at least in my very undeveloped aesthetic taste views he did.

"Do you like my sister?"
"She's lovely. Although now that I know her I'm kind of sad you don't have a British accent."

He gave a small smile at that, and I was glad that things weren't as awkward as they could have been. In the spirit of my being a good person (it was almost New Year's after all), I decided to apologize.

"Look, I read the letter, and I'm sorry I acted the way I did. I just, I really, misunderstood."

He tensed up a little, "Well to be fair I did act like a jackass."

"At least you didn't write me a love poem."

"Isn't that what you would have wanted? I'm quite good at rhyming."
"I think Colin is the only person who would have rhymed my name with United States Senate. In fact, every time I think of the government I still feel a little sick."

"Colin has that effect."

"I'd normally defend Charlotte's honor, but I seem to have forgotten."

"Listen, I'd like to hang out while you're still here. I understand you aren't interested in that way, but we never just got to be friends."

He probably would have gone on, before I cut him off, "That'd be fun. I'd like to show your sister the chocolate factory anyways, and without the creepy, but oddly talented, Vincent."

He nodded and then Charlie came over and Darcy excused himself.

"How's your family?"
"Good, they're good."

"Jane?"
"She has an internship she really likes, she wants to take a year off and go to law school actually. How are you?"
"I just want her to know that I'm sorry, I've always known she's more than a pretty face, and what I did was unforgivable, but can you let her know?"
"Sure Charlie."

And then John and Chelsea were guiding me back to my flat.

I love chocolate, and I don't mean to sound all stereotypical female on you, but I really love chocolate. I wish it were a man, so that we could get married. But then I'd be arrested for cannibalism, and probably into the loony bin. Really, it was better that chocolate was only a food item.

George was all excited, I'm sure normally she was stuck doing pretentious boring stuff, and a chocolate factory tour was…well, not very exciting. But I was making an effort!

They were a pretty adorable pair of siblings, actually. I couldn't see much resemblance, Darcy was dark and handsome (and broody), and George was more like a less emaciated/drugged up Olsen twin.

By the time that the tour was over we were actually getting into a good conversation, having been making fun of the tour guide for most of the time, and I think that maybe George was starting to warm up to me.

I know this is bad, but I'm just going to say it. I wanted her to like to me, because I wanted Darcy to like me.

Which is so not the path I should go down, but you know. Okay, I don't have good logic. I'm just not that kind of girl.

Then a vibrating sound alerted me, quickly checking my phone I saw that it was a call from my Dad.

"Do you two mind if I take this, it's my Dad? He normally doesn't call my cell."

They nodded agreeable and shifted their bodies away from me like polite well breed people.

"Daddy! Did I miss one of our Skype appointments or something?"

"Darling," and with that tone of voice I just knew. "It's Lydia, we let her take a trip with the high school band up to Vancouver, but she ended up running away. Her friends think it's with a George Wickham, he's been on the news. Not only is this pedophilia, but he deserted the army. They're lose in Canada, and your mother is going insane."

"Oh God, has any one heard from her, how have we known, are you okay?"
"I'm fine, I'm calling John, he'll hopefully have some bright ideas. I'm just worried for her, Lydia is only 15, and he is seven years older. I just can't believe we let this happen."
"It's not your fault. We'll find her Dad, I'll get on a plane and come home if that's what it takes."
"No, Liz, neither of us can afford that. I'll keep you updated, I've got to go. Love you."
"Love you too."

And then I started crying, hysterically. Lydia was in fucking Canada with someone who had fucking deserted the military, and she wasn't even sixteen. I wasn't sure I'd ever get to see her again, she could never come back if she was charged with aiding a deserting officer or some such legal bullshit.

"Lizzy, Lizzy are you okay?"
"It's my little sister, Lydia, she ran away to Canada with George Wickham. I knew that he was a horrible person, I should have said something. God, this is all my fault, now she'll spend the rest of her life living with moose and saying 'eh' and eating Macintosh. I'm so sorry, you told me what he did."

And what did he do? He tried to seduce George for all she was worth when she vulnerable at the death of her father. And then when Darcy caught on he tried to sue the family. Will had reimbursed his legal costs and sent him to Washington State, but poor George was never confident in herself.

I found that it was her who was hugging me and I returned it. In a way I suppose he had hurt us both.

"I can't even go home, my Mom must be out of control, and poor Jane and Kit. I just never thought she was this stupid."

I remember George calling me a cab and giving me her number if I needed anything, and I remember crying myself to sleep on my bed even though it was two in the afternoon. I woke up at five to a loud banging noise, and sleepily dragged myself to the door.

There was Darcy, and he was hugging me and mumbling apologies into my hair and I was crying again.

"This was never your fault."
"That doesn't matter, Lyds is still gone. I don't know if we can get her back. She probably thinks that she's in love."

"It's okay."

I just buried my head into his chest, I had never been happier that he probably has a personal shopped to pick out really soft shirts, slowly my crying lolled.

"We've had a lot of miscommunication in the past, and I want you to know that I have people looking for Wickham right now. They've got a lead, he'll be charged in criminal trial but because you're sister is so young my lawyers will be able to get her off free. He was taking advantage of her, it's what he does."

"You don't have to do that Will, it'll cost a fortune and my Dad and I will figure something out."
"I want to do this for you Liz. Please just let me bring your sister home."

I nodded then and we laid like that for a while.

AN: Because in the spirit of a man who destroyed his last chance at a relationship with her due to big communication differences (and I've always thought Darcy to be intelligent) being upfront right away made more sense to me.

Sophie: Coincidence, or conspiracy? Which, off topic, I own a book by that name, mostly because I can't stop going to used book sales. Anyways, thanks.

DL: Thanks

Lucy: Head convos are the most fun to write.

Icarus: I update so fast, I could easily have been doing my homework right now. And I assure you that I have a lot of homework. Happy birthday! Hope it's a good age.

I hope that you if you have to beat me up with a ram, you also film it, because I would definitely watch it.

Gil: May I present…Canada? I've been hinting towards the Swiss for a while now, but no one was ever like, where will her Aunt and Uncle visit her, what adventure, why doesn't she want a relationship. Or maybe I'm just not a good foreshadower.