Happy Chanukah, Merry Christmas and now, Happy Kwanzaa! Yay holidays!

If you didn't already know, you will soon figure out that I'm a Jewish girl. You know, I've never come across a Chanukah fic. Only Christmas. Not anymore! Bring on the Jews! Lmao, I can already feel a few of you ready to send me an uncomfortable review, not sure how to respond to this. Score!

Anywho, there's a good heaping of Yiddish, so I kindly put the translation in as well. If you don't think the word is right, Google it. This is my holiday gift to you guys. I'll just say it now, there won't be an update by New Year's, so yeah, don't expect it. This is fourteen pages, by the way. Like, five thousand words.

And my dear lydia, I want you to enjoy the holiday break, so don't worry about editting for awhile.

Let's do this bad boy!

Better Than a Fat French Fry

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Purple streaked the wooden sculpture, raging into the bright red. The twisting figure was halfway done and promised a very fat Chanukah budget. He snorted, only hours ago Naruto had been searching the web for coupons, bargains, sales… an old lady in the making.

His list would be very short as usual, though he would need to be extremely sentimental and full of cash. He screwed up last night with Sakura and he needed to apologize the old fashion way: buying an unnecessarily over-priced piece of jewelry heavier than the crap load he dumped in her heart. But this time, a simple necklace, a pair of heels, a nice dinner out, none of that would patch up the mistake.

He stood back from his almost complete piece, it towering a good foot higher than himself. Maybe… Maybe he'd need to make another. Just in case.

"Bastard, you won't believe the deal I'm getting here! Seventy-five percent off an entire freaking purchase!!!" Naruto shouted.

"I'm sure." He growled, hunching over his paints.

"Hey," Naruto said quietly, shuffling over to his roommate. "Hinata called."

"Congrats." He continued brushing swirls into the base.

The blond ignored his usual snobby response. "She told me Sakura isn't mad."

He looked up, expressionless, but obviously in shock. "She… She's not mad?"

"She's scared. Of and for you." He slumped down next to him.

"What the hell do you mean she's scared of me?" He whispered, trying to maintain his cool.

"I don't know what happened to her before, Hinata wouldn't tell me. But obviously drugs really scare her. You're smarter than me, so I'm sure you can figure out the rest." He patted him hard of the shoulder before getting up to leave.

"Hey Naruto," Said teen turned to his artistic best friend, ready to accept his thank you modestly. "You need to send a mail-in rebate to get that discount. It'll probably cost more than just buying the crap."

"Shove it, asswipe."

"Up yours. Sweetie."

"I'm off now, so I'll see you for dinner." He leaned against the door frame, his arms folded across his chest.

"M'kay," She distractedly clicked away at her laptop.

"Hey. What's wrong? You've been very down all morning." He walked in and sat down on her fluffy bed awkwardly in his suit.

"I'm just PMSing, I guess." She shrugged, her dad flushing a shade brighter than her favorite lipstick.

"A-Alright, then. Take it easy for the day. I'll see you when I come home." He stood quickly after kissing the top of her head and closed the door behind him.

She snapped her laptop up and pushed it to the side. She smothered her makeup-less face into a pillow, long groan included. After about five minutes of empty thoughts, her phone began to jingle that familiar obnoxious tune.

"Hey, Ino."

"Shikamaru is taking me out for a smoothie, do you want to catch a movie or go shopping after? I found the cutest pair of flats the other day but they weren't in my size so I ordered them to the store. I also think I'm in the mood for some new perfume and-"

"Ino,"

"I love that skirt Temari had on, so I need to find a better one. She is like,"

"INO!" She yelled, her voice vibrating off the walls.

"What? I wasn't finished."

"Sasuke was at my door last night completely baked." She quietly spoke.

"Oh god, Sakura… Hey, I'm sorry. You want to talk about it?"

"I just wanna stay in today and chill. I'll talk to you later."

"Well, if you need me to beat that adorable hunk of an ass up, text me!"

"Thanks, pig."

"Smooches, dahling!"

Back to pillow smothering.

"Let's see… Sasuke," He glanced at the Xbox game wrapped in the Sunday comics with a bright red bow. "check."

His hands shoved it to the side, another box under it. "Sakura…" He giggled, a gag gift for the girl who has everything: a rainbow condom and a can of whipped cream.

"Ino, psshh!" Another gag gift, or not… An STD encyclopedia.

"Tenten gets the coolio gift." A blow up hammer, preferably to bop Ino with. Or Neji. Neji rather than Ino, he decided.

"Hinata…" He sucked in a deep breath as he held the wrapped box containing two tickets to Italy.

A knock on his door made him jump and drop the gifts back onto the bed. He jolted off of the rumpled sheets and cracked the door open. "Who goes there?" He demanded.

"It's me, Naruto." A soft voice replied.

The door swung open and in a flash, the blond tenant glomped his girlfriend. "Hinata! I was just thinking about you! Sasuke let you in, right?"

"Um, yeah. Sorry I didn't call or anything. I really should have." She stared down at her shoes shamefully.

"No, no! You're always welcome here. Hey, let's go do something..like bowling!"

"You want to go bowling?" She asked doubtfully.

"Not really, it sounded good in my head. How about a movie?" He grabbed her hand and led her into the tall living room. Sasuke was nowhere in sight, statue as well. "Sasuke gone?"

"He was leaving with a huge statue when I came in." Naruto grinned a grin larger than usual.

"So…We're aloonnee..?" He pulled her down onto the couch with him.

"Y-yeah…" Her face flamed up as he squeezed her into a bear hug.

He covered her face in butterfly kisses and laid her down onto the black leather. His kisses finally landed on her lips, the flavored lip balm encouraging to step it up. She shyly responded, a bit more reserved than usual. His tongue dipped into her mouth longingly. The hormones were heating up and his hands were becoming more daring. Still, Hinata was barely responding, if at all. He broke it off and stared into her eyes with confusion.

"What's wrong?" He shifted so he was supported on his hands and knees instead of her.

"I..I don't want to um," She fumbled for words.

"Go all the way?" He finished for her with a half-smile.

"Naruto, I'm sorry. I just-"

"Stop, Hinata. It's nothing to freak out about. I want you to be ready for it. If you don't want to have sex, that's fine. I can wait." He smiled fully then kissed her.

"Thank you." He pulled her up and with his legs crossed held her in his lap. Her hands locked gently onto his shoulder.

"Now let's pick a flick! Oh yeah! Hoot, hoot!"

"What's with you lately?" His hand squeezed hers as they walked out of the pizzeria.

"Nothing." She shrugged dismissively.

"I know it's not nothing, Tenten. Don't lie." They crossed the street, careful to dodge the crazed lunatics racing through the red light.

"It's just, you know." He quirked an eyebrow at her, obviously not knowing. "Look, Sakura's such a good friend. She's never done anything to you or anyone, actually. She should be able to date who she wants freely without anyone making her life a living hell."

"He's a complete burnout. Nothing good will come of this." He sternly explained. Two kids were rolling up snowballs to throw at cars.

"And so what if he really is? I don't think so, but in the case that he is, let her make the mistake and learn from it herself." She pulled her distracted boyfriend closer so a man loaded with a big box of ornaments could hobble by.

"Do you even hear yourself? She's dating a pot head!"

"I don't think you hear yourself, Neji!" She stopped in her tracks and turned to him with burning eyes. "Everyone knows this isn't about her safety or even your concern for our rep! You're just scared that you're losing control! Get over it!" She took a deep breath, glad to have finally gotten that off her chest.

"Here," He slapped a twenty in her palm, "catch a cab." He stormed off down the sidewalk, not even flinching when he bumped a man with bags of presents. They spilled open into the slushy snow, small boxes hitting the sidewalk with a thud. "Hey!"

"Crap," Tenten cursed, rushing to help the guy collect his purchases. "Thanks." The man sighed as he stood up.

"Sorry about that. Merry Christmas!" Tenten smirked before chasing after the Scrooge.

"Neji, stop!" She yelled, running as fast as she could in her knee-high boots. She feared the four-inch heels would snap under her.

"What do you want?" He snapped, turning to her.

"I want you." She admitted. "I want you to be happy and to chill out already. Everything will be fine, I promise. Plus," She giggled, "how bad can they be if you have me, huh?"

He finally broke out a grin and held her close by the arms. "Not half bad, I'm sure." His lips warmed hers more pleasantly than a mug of hot chocolate. She eagerly wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her bundled body against his.

"I'd say pretty damn good, actually."

"Stop embarrassing me."

"You? By this?" He grabbed a handful of his boyfriend's ass for the world to see.

"Stop. Now. People are watching you guys." He turned, his face reddening.

"You're just jealous because you don't have that adorable girl to hold now." The older brother teased.

"Shut up." He glowered, his fists clenching.

"Yeah, Itachi, he's so sad. Don't push him too far." The voice of reason leaned affectionately into the dark-haired hunk, cuddling into his side.

"Ugh. If you really don't have anything important to say, I need to get going." Sasuke turned to leave, but his brother's hand stopped him. "What?"

"How much?" He asked, eying the wrapped art.

"It's selling for twelve hundred, but I won't get anything if I'm any later."

"Twenty grand." His look-alike stated.

"What?" His eyes narrowed into slits.

"I'll pay you twenty thousand dollars for it." He smiled. "Think of it as... brotherly love, if you will."

"Daddy, it's really okay." It wasn't.

"Sweetie, I promise to make it up to you." With a freaking credit card.

"I know... Look, just... Just get home when you can." When it's too late.

"You know I will. Is there anything I can do for you even though I'm here?" Leave the hoe behind.

"Just stay safe, Daddy." Use a condom, don't give another reason to hold onto you.

"Alright, Cupcake. I love you." Then explain who you're with.

"Love you, too." Even when you're not here.

"Merry Christmas, Sakura."

"Merry Christmas, Daddy."

She hung up the phone and poured herself a steaming cup of coffee. Christmas Eve and her dad was stuck in an airport with his wifey. Snow had blocked the runway and there wouldn't be a flight for a day or two.

Everyone was out of town with family, it seemed. Ino went to California, Tenten was out in Virginia, Hinata over to Wisconsin... She was alone.

What about... No. He had hurt her and even though a week had passed, she wasn't going to forget the pain for quite some time.

She walked into her bathroom, lazily combing out the random knots that formed overnight. The mirror revealed a tired girl, one missing her daddy and barely-still boyfriend. She kept combing her hair with one hand and clutched her mug in the other as she plopped down onto the sofa.

Her thumb repeatedly pressed down on the remote button, the long search for a decent show resulting unfavorably. She sighed, finally giving up. Silence swallowed her whole as she sat in thought. A trip down memory lane was inevitable, she realized.

Her eyes locked onto the designer Christmas tree, red and silver ornaments placed in a very orderly manner on specific limbs. Light and generic, nothing personal about it. As she spaced out with her head leaning into the cool leather, she reminisced back on all the fun she had with Sasuke over the summer. The old Sasuke, that is.

The one that always had a witty comeback, a random adventure, a pervy comment. Something, anything. Anything at all that he knew would make her smile or laugh, usually both. She herself smiled just at the memory of them at the lake, him swimming in the nude while she was perched up in a tree. She wanted to go back, back to those few but cherished days.

A knock at the door caused her to jump and spill a little coffee onto the floor. A few drops stained her favorite slippers. She shuffled to the door and cracked it open. Naruto stood there with his trademark smile, brighter than the blond of his hair.

"Hey, Naruto." She stood to the side and let him in.

"Merry almost Christmas!" He greeted, graciously entering the majestic penthouse.

"What'cha doing here? It's Christmas Eve." She followed him back into her kitchen as he ever so rudely broke open the fridge and stole a V8.

"Well, Sasuke's bro is in town, so they're out with a Jewish family that they know for Chanukah. Used to be pretty close when he was little, so he couldn't turn them down." He chugged the juice down.

"He's Jewish?" She leaned against the counter.

"Yeah, Bar Mitzvah and everything. He speaks Hebrew, too." He crushed the can and looked around for a trash can.

"Under the sink. Recycle, please."

"So, where's your old man?" He asked, hopping up on the counter across from her.

"Vermont. Snow storm is delaying their flight." She quietly grumbled.

"Their?"

"His wife is with him. They aren't gonna be back for a day or so." She awkwardly shifted, not sure if telling him this was the best idea.

"So you're alone?' He questioned, not really at all affected by her misfortune.

"I guess. I'll live though, so whatever." She shrugged and walked toward her room.

"Sakura," Naruto laughed right behind her, "that's no way to celebrate the holidays!"

"So what?" She turned on her laptop as they both sat on her bed.

"Hey, why don't you come spend it with us! It'll be so cool to have you around." His eyes widened with excitement.

"Thanks, but no thanks. I'm not in the mood for another pot fest." She grit her teeth and opened her email, though not expecting anything in particular.

"Itachi and Kiba are here. They said they wanted to see you, y'know." He smiled.

"Well, give them my regards then."

"Sakura..." He sighed, getting serious. "He's a screw-up, I know. Itachi found out about it and is giving him hell at the moment. You don't understand how happy you make him."

"Obviously the drugs are doing a better job since he chose them over me." Her voice faltered under her emotions.

"He's gonna quit smoking. That's his big gift to all of us for Christ- sorry, I mean Chanukah." He rolled his eyes.

"Whatever. He hurt me, Naruto. Badly. That's not making it any better at all. He did this before, remember? Seriously! I'm sick of all this crap! I'm tired of his shit already! I just want the old Sasuke or no Sasuke at all!" She sobbed. "I've been covering for him with my dad for awhile now and if he ever finds out what he's done, his career is over! He doesn't understand how nice I've been or how generous! I haven't seen him in a week and it still hurts like hell! God! I'm so fucking sick of this!"

Naruto pulled the crying girl into his shoulder and let her calm down without a word. After a few minutes, she became quiet. "He misses you." He whispered.

"I miss him, too."

"I promised I'd be back by ten." He whispered as he picked at his food.

"Then get out." Itachi shrugged lightly.

"You're not very helpful." He growled.

"You're not very polite." The older man smirked.

"Sasuke, dear! Open your gift! Little Konohamaru picked it out." His aunt insisted.

"Why not. Let's see what the nudnick got me." Itachi elbowed him in the ribs. ("nudnick", annoying person)

"Hey! I'm not a nudnick!"

"I'm gonna smack that cute tuchis of yours unless you behave." His aunt warned. ("tuchis", tush)

"I'm just playing." He smirked charmingly.

He ripped the blue and silver wrapping paper open and smiled softly at the leather sketchbook. He opened it up and recognized the kid's scribble-like handwriting on the inside of the cover. He had been practicing his Hebrew, it seemed. Barely legible, but it was progress.

"Thanks, Kono. I appreciate it." He pulled the small brat into a hug before fluffing his hair.

"You're still a mean cousin, Sasuke." He pouted.

"Love you, too."

Then from Kiba, just to kill the moment, "Who's got the damned dreidel!?"

"It's nice here," She decided, "spacious." Her heels echoed against the high ceilings.

A menorah was lit on the mantle of the fireplace by the short Christmas tree. Lights were strung along the walls and blue and silver confetti shaped like Jewish stars and dreidels was sprinkled onto the coffee table. As Sakura walked around, she noticed a pile of gifts wrapped and tucked under the tree as well as stacked on the sofa. Her eyes didn't miss a certain tag with her name written on it, either.

His cellphone rang and Naruto quickly answered it. "Hey, how's it going?"

A silent pause as he listened. Sakura sat down in her glittery silver cocktail dress in the armchair across from the presents. "For real? Are you sure?"

There must have been at least fifteen boxes, she decided. "Alright, alright. As long as there's food, you know I'm in."

She looked up at Naruto, smart enough to realize he had just made plans. "See ya in a few, then." Plans for right now, apparently.

"Grab your coat get up, we're gonna go parrrtaay!" He cheered.

"Uh, where?' She asked suspiciously, though she still gathered her clutch and black suede jacket.

"You'll see." He responded cheekily.

"Naruto! My favorite schlemiel! It's been so long!" The plump woman at the door cried before wrapping the boy in a ferocious hug. ("schlemiel", Yiddish term for "dobe" haha.)

"H-Hey, Ester!" He choked out.

"Ah! And who is this pretty girl here? You're girlfriend?" She pried as she let them in.

"She's actually just a friend of Sasuke and me. This is Sakura. Sakura, meet Aunt Ester." Naruto introduced, adjusting his tie.

"Nice to meet you," Sakura greeted with a smile.

"Stop with this formal crap! We're all mischpacha here!" She pulled Sakura into a hug similar to the one Naruto received seconds ago. ("mischpaca", family) "Come, you must be hungry."

They entered the living room which was crowded with people of all shapes and sizes, many of whom were speaking in what Sakura assumed was Hebrew. One of those people was actually Sasuke.

"Attention, everyone! Two new guests have arrived!" Everyone reluctantly quieted down. That is, except the numerous kids who ran around until a few old women smacked the back of their heads so they'd zip it. "I'm sure some of you remember Naruto, Sasuke's friend. And this here is Sakura, another friend who we're meeting for the first time. Make them feel at home, it's Chanukah!" Those with glasses of wine and such raised them in acknowledgement. The others smiled warmly.

"Nice of you to join us, you two." Itachi smiled a little, a flirtatious sparkle in his eye.

"Naruto's idea." Sakura sighed, pointing at the blond.

"Very well, then. Happy Chanukah, have some latkes." He offered her a breaded patty that gave off a delicious fried aroma.

"What is it?" She asked, hesitantly picking up the slightly greasy food.

"Oh, a potato pancake. It's like a fat french fry, only better. Here," He brought over a plate with applesauce. "dip a piece in this. You'll love it."

She put her faith in him and gave it a try. As soon as it hit her tongue, she knew she wanted more. If she was in a room of this, she'd eat her way through it for sure.

"Sakura." Sasuke called. She turned to him, her mood spoiling.

"Sasuke." She formally responded.

"I'm glad you came with Naruto." He half-smiled.

"I didn't know we were coming here." She coldly told him.

"Oh," He faltered. She didn't know if she was happy or not to see him hurt.

"Sasuke, when are we bringing them over?" Naruto popped up, a mouth full of bagel and lox (smoked salmon that you eat with bagels).

"Whenever." He shrugged, not really caring.

"So tell me, dear. You Jewish?" A older woman with dark red hair -obviously dyed- asked Sakura.

"Uh, no." She smiled bashfully.

"Eh? This sheyne medel's a shiksa!? Bah, Sasuke! You will marry Jewish, Sasuke!" She wagged her finger wildly in Sasuke's face.

"Yes, yes." He sighed.

"Sasuke, what'd she call me?" Sakura asked with a worried tone.

"First she called you really pretty, then a non-Jewish girl. In a bad way, like a whore. Nothing serious, though."

"O-oh." She looked down to her shiny purple pumps. They were the same ones that she had on when she was flying home from Italy. It was like deja vu! This exact same thing happened on the plane when she bumped into Sasuke by the bathroom..!

"Come, before more old Jewish grandmas call you more crap." She allowed him to lace his fingers through hers and pull her into the kitchen.

Earlier, many people were in here preparing the feast. But now they were all mingling in the other room where the food was moved to.

"So... I take it you're Jewish?" She laughed.

"No way, I'm just in it for the eight cheap gifts of Chanukah and the loads of cash for my Bar Mitzvah." He leaned against the counter next to the stove.

"Sasuke!" She slapped his arm.

"I'm kidding!" He laughed.

The room quieted, except for the muffled noise and talk of the family out in the living room. Sakura stepped closer, her eyes glued to his black sweater vest and tie. "I can't believe you're wearing this," She giggled softly as she adjusted his tie and smoothed down the fabric over his chest. His eyes just followed hers intently, not a word spoken.

"It still looks good, though." She smiled, finally looking up at him. When she saw his emotionless expression, her smile faded into a look of concern. "What?"

His hand combed through her shoulder length hair, straightened completely. His other rested on her lower back, right on her tail bone. Slowly, he drew her forward as he bent down and she up. His lips reached hers, a firm kiss of compassion shared between them.

As they pulled apart, both still wore their serious faces. "Sasuke, we can't keep doing this." She whispered.

"Doing what?" His fingers ghosted down her arm, goosebumps raising after.

"I don't..I hate this whole drug thing, Sasuke. It's sick and annoying. Really, I don't think I can handle anymore of it." Her eyes were lined with tears.

"I know.. That's why I'm going to quit smoking. That, and I'll tell Gaara and the guys I've had enough, too."

"Really?" She asked.

"Really." She locked eyes with him, searching for any sign that he was lying. When she found none, her lip quivered lightly before she crashed her face into his chest.

She let out a shuddering breath, clutching him tightly. "Sakura," He smoothed down her glossy hair, "I love you."

She pulled back and looked up at him, wiping her eyes carefully. "You what?" She couldn't have heard him right. Or maybe she just wanted to hear it again.

"I said I love you." He repeated.

"Sasuke, I love you too." She kissed him again, wrapping her arms around his neck while his arms pulled her closer and caressed the side of her face.

"Those guys aren't idiots, so let's go before they start barging in demanding I have sex with a Jewish girl."

"Mario kart? Sweet!" Another kid celebrated before hugging Sasuke excitedly.

"I love PINK! These are so cute!" A tween girl squealed as she hugged the Victoria's Secret hoodie and flip flops.

"Wow, you went full-out, didn't you?" Sakura praised, combing her fingers through his lush hair from her comfy seat in his lap.

They were in the corner of his sofa watching the children find and rip open their Chanukah gifts from their now-favorite uncle/cousin Sasuke. Said Jewish Santa sipped at his white wine and kissed his love's forehead affectionately.

Naruto was racing toy cars with Konohamaru on their stomachs while Itachi and Kiba were nowhere in sight. The rest of the relatives unwrapped pieces of delectable gelt in their gold tin foil, letting the chocolate melt in their mouths.

"How long do you think everyone will be here?" Sakura asked, snuggling her head into the crook of his neck. When she inhaled, she was immediately intoxicated by his natural scent mixed with a light cologne.

"Not too much longer. When they start getting a little drunk," He dipped her fingers into his wine. "I'll start offering to call up the cabs and kick 'em out." His mouth engulfed her digits, sucking the alcohol off.

"Are you going to kick me out, too?" She asked with a suppressed giggle.

"Maybe, if you misbehave." His husky tone sent shivers down her spine.

"Don't use those cliché lines about being "naughty" now." She told him.

"But they're so much fun." He whined.

"I'm gonna use the bathroom. I'll be back." She got up and straightened her dress.

"And a Star Wars quote isn't corny, then?"

"Yes, 'cause I live to quote the movies I dream about."

She walked down the hall, careful to dodge the running kids along the way. When she opened the bathroom door, she yelped in astonishment and almost fell backwards. Itachi was laying on top of Kiba in the bath tub, heavily making out and ready to step it up.

When they noticed her there, they calmly got out and fixed their clothes before exiting the bathroom. "All yours," Kiba told her with a smile.

"Are you by any chance referring to the mental scarring?"

Feel a tad more Jewish? You should. Reviews are awesome and can be served hot or cold.

Not the last chapter, okay? You can even scroll aaaallll the way up to read that this fic is still in progress. Oh yeah, check out my profile again. There's this poll I have up that only 18 people have voted on. Since this story is rounding the last turn, it's crucial that you vote! In your review, can you let me know if you're a guy? I don't think I have any penis-bearing readers, but I might as well check. See ya in '09. Peace, homez.

December 28th is the last day of the Victoria's Secret Semi-Annual Sale!!!

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happy unbirthday

--frumpyrox