I wanted to get this to you as soon as I could so here you go. Thank you so much everyone for your support, it really means so much to me. I'm slowly going back to writing and I already had half this chapter done, so I decided to finish it. Hope your holidays went well, and you have a happy new year! (As always give love to the fabulous captainsassmerica for being the best rp partner, writer, friend in the world.) SMALL ASIDE HERE I'm posting this from my phone, that's how bad I want this UP. I hope you enjoy it, and in so sorry for the wait. I have no idea how soon updates are going to come now, but I'm trying to get back to this. Thank you loves :3
Steve woke early, taking his time to open his eyes. He took a deep breath, finally popping them open, and was greeted with the back of Tony's head. He smiled and let out a humored breath before pressing himself up to lean against the headboard. After stretching and stifling a yawn, he stared blankly, trying to wake himself up. Steve heard the door creak open, and he flicked his eyes to it quickly. Upon realizing it was Clint, he smiled warmly, straightening his hair out a bit. "Morning," he mumbled.
"Hey," Clint opened with, sauntering over to the bed and sitting on Steve's side. The bed was enormous, so there was plenty of room. "Sorry to wake you." Clint hadn't been expecting either of them to be awake yet, so he had hoped he could sit and wait, thinking about what he wanted to say to Steve. "So uhm," Clint rubbed the back of his neck, looking down to his lap, then back up to meet Steve's bright blue eyes. "What's actually going on with Tony? I just...I feel like a shit friend, and like, I should have seen this, and just...God, please say something to shut me up."
Steve replied with a surprised look, laying his hand on Clint's shoulder. "Hey, don't beat yourself up over any of this. He hadn't even told Pepper, and the only reason I found out was because I walked in on it all. He wanted to keep things quiet, so we tried to keep it that way as best we could. And asking what's going on is...kind of a vague question," he said, folding his hands in his lap. "There's a lot going on - some of which, I probably still don't know. The rest, you've found out much too quickly for you to be expected to make sense of. But please understand that you're not a bad friend, Clint. You couldn't help when you didn't know."
Clint looked down, still feeling heavily ashamed. "Just-when I saw him with that gun to his head, everything got real. He could have died, right then and there. I can't...I would never forgive myself. Please, tell me how I can help him."
"That's when it really set in for a lot of us, myself included," Steve replied, looking toward Clint. "Up until that moment, things had been rough, but I never expected it to get to that point. We're all just going to need to show support," he continued. "Don't act any differently than you normally would. Don't pity him, and don't act sympathetic. There's a balance between showing that you care and treating him like a child. If you cross that line, no one's going to be comfortable. I know this sounds complicated, but honestly, just be yourself. Don't think that you need to walk on eggshells around him. If he wants to talk about it, he will, but if he doesn't, that's okay, too, y'know? He's not upset with any of you, I hope you know that."
Clint nodded. "Okay, I can do that. Just, I mean, he knows that we all are here for him, right? I don't want him to think he has to put up that stupid mask he always has up with us."
"I think he does, now. Don't be offended if he comes across as a little resistant, though. A lot of things have been flipped upside down, lately, and from what I've seen, it takes him a bit to be comfortable with new situations. Give him time. He'll come around." Steve smiled slightly, shrugging.
Clint sighed, nodding. Tony turned then, stretching and pulling the covers closer around him, then cuddling into Steve's side. "What's going on with you two, anyway?" Clint asked, amused glint in his eye.
Steve smiled down at Tony as he pressed closer, but hesitated at Clint's question. He looked back up, trying to remove the smile from his face, but he did a terrible job. "What do you mean?" he tried to ask, but he knew from the look he received that Clint wasn't buying any of it. He sighed and leaned his head back against the headboard. "Gosh, it's complicated," he breathed out quickly, shaking his head. "I..." he paused, twisting his face, then sighed once more. "I really...really like him. A whole heck of a lot. He just has so much going on right now that, I just...I really don't want to push anything on him right now. He has enough to handle." Steve's face was pressed into frustrated lines as he attempted to keep his composure.
Clint smirked. "I think that if you hide it from him, and he finds out later you didn't tell him, he's gonna beat your ass." Clint laughed out loud, but clamped his hand over his mouth when Tony flinched and mumbled something unintelligible. "Do what you want, but I think he's got it for you, too." Clint glanced at the clock, then sucked in a breath, "Shit, I was supposed to meet Tasha, fuck, she's gonna kill me..." He sent Steve an apologetic look. "Good luck, man. I'll see ya later"
Steve shook his head and held his hands up in defeat. "Not much I can do, at the moment. I think you're the one that's going to need the luck," he added with a grin as Clint slipped through the door. Once he'd left, Steve's attention went back to Tony. "Sleepy head," he murmured, smiling.
Tony grumbled, rolling over to put his face in Steve's shoulder. "Mmph," he grumbled, blinking against Steve's collarbone. "Ssstoo early."
"It's hardly too early. You just sleep too late," he replied, curling his arm around him. "As long as more than one person is awake, it's not too early."
Tony sighed, cracking open his eyes. "Hey," he whispered, before tucking his head back under Steve's chin. "How did we get up here, anyway...? Tony looked down to see he was simply in his boxers from last night and one of Steve's t-shirts. He definitely hadn't fallen asleep in that. "Did you...change me?" Tony asked, raising his eyebrows.
"I..." Steve bit at his lip, then shrugged lightly. "I mean, I thought you'd be uncomfortable sleeping in your clothes, and I didn't want to just leave you on the couch, so..."
Tony outright laughed. "It's okay, I'm not mad. Thanks, though. That was nice of you." Tony sat up in bed, stretching a bit. As he was about to get off the bed, Bruce came strolling through the door, looking right at Tony. Steve gave Tony a fleeting glance and excused himself to get coffee, leaving the two of them in the room. "What's up, Bruce?" Tony asked, trying to calm the nerves he was feeling.
"I just wanted to have the chance to talk. Alone," he added, making his way to the bed and sitting calmly. He looked to Tony, then quirked a small smile before continuing. "I want you to know that I really am here, if you ever want to talk about anything. I know that sometimes it's not easy talking to people about things like this, because they just don't...understand. They try to, but it's not the same." He paused, looking carefully at Tony's reaction before continuing. "I know what it's like, going through all of this. I understand how it feels to not really have anyone to say anything to. I know what you go through when you pick up that blade, and I know exactly what was going through your mind when you were holding that gun." Bruce folded his hands together, staring at them quietly for a moment with pursed lips. He took a deep breath and looked back up, face soft. "So, I understand," he said. "And I want you to know that...if you ever need to talk to someone who's going to connect on your side, as well, I'm here. And I'll be the first one to try to help explain the situation, if the others can't quite understand. It's not easy handling things like this alone, and I don't want you to end up like me. You don't get second chances like I do."
Tony was baffled at Bruce's admission, but took it in stride. "I...thank you," he answered quietly. He couldn't look into Bruce's eyes, but let out a sigh. "This is just a lot more complicated than I ever wanted it to be..." he told Bruce, eyes glazing over a bit. "I just feel so lost," he whispered.
Bruce nodded briefly, not looking the least bit surprised by Tony's words. "It can be tough, finding your way back to the path after something like this. And you feel strange, suddenly having all of this help after having none at all. You don't know what to do, now that you have it. I'm not wrong, am I?" He glanced to Tony, giving him a knowing look. "The hardest part of getting through all of this is getting past yourself. And whether you're at the point of realizing it or not, you truly are your own worst enemy. Shortly after we met, you told me that the...the Other Guy... saved my life. I spent so much time hiding... so much time trying to get rid of myself, because I genuinely thought I'd be doing the world a favor." He paused, shaking his head. "I couldn't accept him, and because of that, I couldn't accept myself. It's because of you that I genuinely started giving myself a chance. I feel like it's my turn to return the favor. You've helped me. Let me help you."
Tony looked down into his lap again, not sure how to respond to such kindness. "I-I can try," he admitted quietly. "But I'm just...I'm not used to people helping me. People caring about me. I've always been alone, and now I don't have to be anymore, but I just can't get myself to let you guys in. It's just so difficult. I want to, but I just can't. I suck at social situations, and I've always been a loner, and now I'm overwhelmed with all this attention and love I'm getting, and I just don't know what to do with it all!" Tony felt a drip fall to his shirt, soaking in the cotton, and he realized he was crying. He wiped his eyes hastily, and suddenly pulled Bruce into a tight hug. "Thank you for understanding. For being here for me. Everyone is trying so hard, and I don't want to seem ungrateful, but they don't get it. So thank you." Just as they pulled away, Steve reentered the room, somehow juggling three steaming coffees.
"Major heat notice," Steve warned, passing a mug to each of them. He quietly took a sip from his own before letting his eyes drift curiously between the two. "You two have anything planned?" he asked, simply to escape the awkward silence.
Tony looked to Bruce. "I'd love to go down to the lab for a bit, if you don't mind, Bruce..." Tony looked down sheepishly. He knew he needed to be with someone at all times. Bruce thought this a fabulous idea, and they stormed down into their cave to work. Nothing blew up, which was a plus, and Steve came down to check on them around 3 PM, being that they hadn't been up all day. Tony looked up to meet Steve's eyes as he walked in. "Hey, Cap, down here so soon?" Seeing the heaping plate of sandwiches, Tony's stomach grumbled. "Jesus, what time is it?" Seeing the clock, Tony had the decency to look a bit embarrassed, grabbing Bruce and a sandwich, dragging them all over to the couch.
"Well, it's not like you're not allowed to be down here that long. Though I've got to say, the complete silence upstairs was a little unsettling. I was going to leave you both alone, but the fact that I hadn't heard a single crash down here made me a little nervous. ...Not to say that you guys are usually chaotic. Just...rowdy?" Steve tried, knowing he was digging himself into a deeper hole. "In any case, neither of you came for food, and it's well past lunch. If anything, that was reason enough to stop in." He shrugged, placing the plate down onto the table. "Need anything else? Otherwise I'll just...skedaddle. Do people say that? Skedaddle?" His question was directed more toward the wall than at anyone in the room. He shook his head and looked to the pair.
"No, no stay." Tony reached out to grab Steve's wrist and gave Bruce a pleading look.
Taking the hint, Bruce made a quick excuse and exit, shooting Tony a knowing smirk.
"So...what've you been doing today?" Tony asked quietly, beckoning Steve to sit on the couch with him. Steve looked somewhat nauseous. "Hey-what's...what's wrong?" Tony asked gently, touching Steve's hand, which was quickly shaken off. "Is everything okay? What's going on?" Tony asked more insistently, worry rearing its head.
"It's nothing!" Steve quickly assured him, though he knew immediately that Tony wasn't buying it. He gave him a smile, turning back to the original question. "I uh...I cleaned, today. Everyone tried to stop me, because the cleaning people wouldn't have anything to do, but then I wouldn't have had anything to do, so I did it anyway... And I made lunch." He nodded once, internally kicking himself. "What did...you guys do?" he asked, doing his best to keep up the conversation.
Tony looked down at his hands, curious as to what Steve was hiding, but not pushing it. "You know...worked." Tony smirked up at Steve, aware that if he got into the complexities of what he and Banner had been up to on the suit, Steve would be bored. "Honestly though, what's going on in that pretty little head of yours?" Tony questioned, clasping Steve's hand in his own and leaning his head on his shoulder. He was feeling tired already, the mild tranquilizer meds the doctor had given him making his sleepy, just as the label warned. He yawned softly and snuggled closer into Steve's side, reveling in his warmth. "You can tell me, you know. You've listened to enough of my shit, least I can do is return the favor."
Steve gripped lightly at Tony's hand, but he edged away, enough so that he was able to remove Tony from his shoulder. Biting at his lip, Steve stared at the floor before sighing. "I..." He swallowed, looking up, but not necessarily at Tony. "Gosh, Tony, it's kinda complicated, I'm not gonna lie." He sighed softly once more, forcing himself to make eye contact. If he was really going to go through with all of this, he was determined to do it right. "Tony, I... I love you." He was quiet for a second, allowing the statement time to sink in before continuing. "I love you," he repeated. "I love absolutely everything about you, and there's nothing I can do to make it stop." He licked at his lips, looking away quickly with a shrug. "So uh...yeah. That's...yeah." He rubbed his neck nervously, looking back to Tony.
Tony sat stock still while digesting that information. "You...love me?" Tony asked quietly, the words sounding wrong coming out of his mouth. "You love me." Tony looked up to try and meet Steve's eyes, but he was still staring at the ground, so he opted for putting his head in his hands. "You-you can't love me, Steve. You can't. I'm no good for you. I don't...deserve you. You deserve someone good. Someone who can take care of themselves and take care of you. You can't love me Steve. You must be mistaken." Tony was disappointed to be saying these things, but he couldn't let the man he loves fall into the trap of Tony Stark. Even though it's all he wanted, his body was screaming to say those three little words right back, he wouldn't. Not when Steve could have so much better. SHOULD have so much better.
"I know exactly what I deserve." Steve lifted Tony's head from his hands, finally making eye contact, before leaning in and kissing him.
The kiss was soft and slow in the beginning, but quickly turned dirty as Steve gripped at his hips, and Tony slipped his hands into Steve's hair. Tony moaned when Steve licked into his mouth, allowing him in and kissing him with all he had. It was Tony who pulled back first, not able to compete with the lung capacity of a super soldier. Both panting, somehow with Tony now firmly planted on Steve's lap with his legs wrapped around his torso, Tony finally got a look into those gorgeous eyes. The eyes he loves. And he knew, he knew that this could work. They could MAKE this work. Tony leaned in a pecked Steve's lips before holding his face between his hands, looking straight into his eyes, and whispering "I love you, too".
Steve was beaming as soon as the words came out of Tony's mouth. He kept him close and brought a hand to Tony's cheek, brushing across it with his thumb. "You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that," he chuckled.
"You have no idea how scary it was to say that," Tony whispered before burying his face in Steve's neck and just breathing in his scent. The meds were really starting to hit him, and he sagged into Steve's hold on him. "Mmmm, Steve." Tony kissed Steve's ear lobe before shutting his eyes, drifting off on Steve's shoulder.
Steve continued smiling, entirely content with just sitting there and holding Tony, but soon, he, too, began to feel a bit drowsy. "Tony," he mumbled, then repeated himself when he received no response.
"Mmph," Tony mumbled, breathing deeply and leaning more into Steve. "Comfy."
"You'd be more comfy if you were in bed," he murmured. Ignoring any protests he received, Steve adjusted Tony in his arms and pulled him closer before standing, cradling him against his chest. He placed a kiss to his head and smiled, then made his way to Tony's room.
Tony flailed his arms a bit but pulled himself to Steve's body and curled up in his arms. Upon reaching the bed, he didn't let go, allowing Steve to pull back the bedding and cram them both under, where Tony nuzzled against Steve's neck and left a soft kiss there. "Love you," Tony mumbled somewhat unintelligibly against Steve's neck before falling back into his deep slumber, breathing evening out as his body went lax.
Steve smiled once more, draping an arm around Tony after pulling the blankets up over them. As Tony slept, Steve took the time to consider exactly when he'd stopped wishing for the past and began dreaming of the future. All he knew was that, as long as Tony was a part of it, he couldn't wait for more to come. He placed a final kiss to whatever skin he could reach, and within minutes, he joined Tony in his slumber.
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