Dear Editor,

So, here's the thing, my buddy Clint and my buddy Dave and I were hanging out at the Rabbit Hole a couple of nights ago, and we started talking about the fact that this town doesn't have any live music, which sucks, right? I mean, we got all these peeps who can play, and nobody ever does. Like, what up? So we were thinking maybe we should start a band, but Clint was all like, "Dude, we can't start a band. The only songs we know are from 1987."

I was all like, "Bro, we could write our own stuff." But, Dave was all, "Dude, do you even know how to write music?" And I don't, which sucks, but I know there's got to be, like, someone out there that writes music, right?

Before the curse broke, we used to chill with Emma Swan at the Rabbit Hole a couple of nights a week, which was boss because she had, like, hundreds of songs on her iPhone, right? It kicked a-. She'd play them, and we'd jam out. Swan-girl totally rocked the house on Tuesday and Thursday nights, but then she broke the curse, and it sort of killed our buzz.

Like, she never goes to the Rabbit Hole anymore, so we can't jam out to her music. Man, she doesn't even talk to us anymore. It's like she's too good for us or something, which I guess makes sense because she's, like, a princess and we're just the guys that used to be part of her 'rets' army in the EF.

But, whatever, my point is, we need some live music up in this b-h, right?

Clint plays the drums, Dave's got bass, and I'm pretty good at guitar, but no one wants to hear any of us sing. Like, whoa, you do not want that, bro. So is there anyone out there that can totally kick a- as a front man?

We need someone on vocals and someone to write stuff, but, like, none of the crap bard music from the EF. That sh-t sucked a-. Nah, man, we want to do rock or maybe alternative. Swan-girl had this one band, Nine Inch Nails, and they were incredible. Like, it blew our minds. We want to do that kind of music.

Anyone know what we're talking about? Jerry at the Rabbit Hole says he'll let us play there on Friday nights if we can get a decent set list, and we'll share whatever we make with whoever writes for us because we're not deadbeats, right? We're not in it for the money, bro. We're in it for the love the music.

And, if anyone is still chilling with Swan-girl, could you ask her if we could borrow her iPod for a few days so we can learn some of the songs because the internet doesn't work anymore. I mean, like, we see stuff other people in Storybrooke put online, but we can't get anything outside of the town. It sucks so hard, dude. I am jonesing for some Netflix or Google or something, right? You know what I'm saying?

Best thing anyone's done since the curse broke the first time was set up that social networking site for the town. It's not Twitter of Facebook, but at least it's something. My bros and I posted about the band on that site, too, but we figured it couldn't hurt to put something in the paper about it because it sucks that we don't have more music in this place.

The EF always had something going down on Friday and Saturday nights. The guards used to get wasted on Friday nights and see who could throw a battle axe the farthest. Jerry Ozturk always won those, but it didn't matter because we were having fun and blowing off steam, and there was always someone singing and someone playing something and it was fun.

We don't have anything like that here, but we totally should, right? Maybe not with the axe throwing because, you know, someone could hurt someone and go to jail, but we need more stuff to do than just sitting at Granny's or at the Rabbit Hole and drinking on the weekends.

Dude, I've seen the movies playing in town so many times I think I dream about them. Like, for real, I could quote whole scenes from Star Wars word for word, and I don't even like that movie, bro. There's nothing okay with finding out you kissed your sister. Not cool.

So, anyway, if you're down for helping start up some bands, Kenny Austin said we could go practice on his ranch any time. We just had to call ahead so he'd know who was in his barn, which is awesome because that means no one is ticking people off by practicing in their garage. Kenny said he's totally okay with setting up a schedule so everyone's got a shot at practicing when they want.

Kenny's the best, man. We got to do something for him, like bring him beer or something. If you are going to ask him for some time for your band, be cool about it, okay? Because he's being a bro, and it's not cool to f—k with your bros, right?

If you want to be our front man or our writer or whatever, hit us up online. We started the 'We Need Music!' thread on the website, and you can message us there.

In it to win it,

Brad Johnson

What? They can't all be ground breaking commentary on the town. ;-)

As always, reviews are appreciated.