What's My Line (Pt. 1)
"Are you a people person, or do you prefer keeping your own company?" Xander read as he and Buffy walk through the halls of the high school, "Well, what if I'm a people person who keeps his own company by default?" He asked.
They walk over and join Willow at a nearly empty lunch table. Their red haired friend is working on her own aptitude test. "Mark none of the above then." Buffy answered.
"Well, that's just it, there are no boxes for none of the above. That would introduce too many variables into their mushroom head, number-crunching little world."
"I'm sensing bitterness." Willow interjected, looking up from her test.
"No, it's just these people can't tell from one multiple-choice test what we're gonna be doing for the rest of our lives. It's ridiculous!"
Willow smiled and added, "I'm kinda curious to find out what sort of career I could have."
"What, and suck all the spontaneity out of being young and stupid? I'd rather live in the dark." The boy replied.
"You're not gonna be young forever." Willow advised.
"Yes, but I'll always be stupid. Okay, let's not all rush to disagree." Xander joked, then his face fell, "Okay, don't everyone jump in to disagree."
"You're not stupid." Buffy deadpanned.
Xander gave her a sarcastic grin, then looked up when he heard Cordelia. She had a clipboard, and was taking her test as she walked into the lounge accompanied by two of her groupies.
"I aspire to help my fellow man. Check. As long as he's not smelly, dirty or something gross." Cordelia said as she walked by their table.
"Cordelia Chase, always ready to give a helping hand to the rich and the pretty." Xander said venomously.
"Which, lucky me, excludes you. Twice." Cordelia retorted.
Xander had no reply, so Cordelia just walked away followed closely by her cronies.
Xander turned to Buffy and Willow, "Is murder always a crime?" He asked rhetorically.
Buffy ignored him, focused on her own test, "Do I like shrubs?"
"That's between you and your god." Xander offered.
Buffy looked up to Willow, "What'd you put?"
"I came down on the side of shrubs."
"Go shrubs! Okay!" Buffy suddenly let out her frustration, "Ugh! I shouldn't even be bothering with this. It's all mootville for me. No matter what my aptitude test says, we already know my deal."
"Yup, high risk, sub-minimum wage..." Xander said.
"Pointy wooden things..." Buffy added.
"Then why are you even taking the test?" Willow asked.
"It's Principal Snyder's hoop of the week. He's not happy unless I'm jumping. Believe me, I would *not* be here otherwise." Buffy answered with a sigh.
Willow felt sorry for her short blonde friend and placed her hand over top of Buffy's, giving the slayer's hand a gentle squeeze. "You're not even a teensy weensy bit curious about what kinda career you could've had? I mean, if you weren't already the Slayer and all." She asked.
"Do the words sealed in fate ring any bells for you, Will? Why go there?" Buffy snapped.
Willow was clearly hurt and drew her hand back. "God, I'm sorry Will." Buffy said, upset with herself, "I didn't mean to snap at you like that. I just get jealous sometimes when I realize that everyone else in the world has choice of the path they take in life…for me, it's only one option. It's depressing when it hits like that, especially at times like this when everyone is being shown the options before them, and to top it off I have to participate and see what I'll never get to be."
Willow wrapped her arm around the shoulders of her friend and hugged her from the side. Buffy sighed and leaned into the comforting hug, momentarily laying her head on
Willow's shoulder.
A few blocks away at Sunnydale Junior High, Faith was settling in well to her first day of classes. She only shared two class periods with Dawn, but she was unworried about making a bunch of friends, so she just took it a moment at a time. At lunch she was introduced to Dawn's small group of friends which consisted of Janice and Amanda. Faith liked Amanda, she was a nice girl, even if she was awkward and slightly shy. Janice was a different story, the slayer watched how Janice interacted with the other two girls as well as how she treated the other students. She's one of those privileged types who is used to her orders being followed. Faith thought to herself, I'm surprised people like Dawn and Amanda hang out with her.
Faith voiced her thoughts carefully to Dawn later that day as they were walking home from school. She made sure she was careful in how she phrased her questions, seeing how she was not interested in getting Dawn upset with her, "So, D, your friends are nice. Janice seems a bit…intense though." She started and left it at that to see how the lanky brunette would react.
Dawn looked intensely at her companion for a second, ready to defend her choice in friends. Then she sighed when she realized that Faith was not actually criticizing her and Amanda, nor was she putting Janice down. "Yeah, Janice is a bit intense, even downright mean at times, but she and Amanda were the only two friends I've made here who are my age. I tell Buffy and the others all the time that I'm not a little kid, but it's nice to have people around who're closer to my age and maturity level. And have the same pop culture views I do."
"I understand that D, but the way she treats you and Amanda…I don't know if I'd be able to handle that…and she's supposed to be your friend."
"In all honesty she isn't usually that bad, but she kinda sees herself as the alpha of our group, something I haven't chosen to challenge her for, and I think she might have sensed you as competition for her." Dawn answered and seeing the look on Faith's face continued, "What!? I read a lot and I found a box of mom's old college textbooks, apparently she was like two or three classes away from a masters in psychology when she settled for her art history degree."
"So what? You're like a female junior high Doctor Phil or somethin?"
"Oh come on Faith!" Dawn shouted, shoving her friend playfully, "Besides, I look terrible with a mustache."
When they got home the duo walked past a sulking Buffy while on their way to the refrigerator for refreshments. "Wassa matter Buffy?" Dawn asked, taking the seat next to her sister at the kitchen island.
"Aptitude test." Buffy replied simply.
"What about aptitude test…oh, I get it. It's a slayer thing right?"
Buffy nodded and had a slight repeat of her earlier conversation with Xander and Willow. "Well, Buffy, with two slayers now you guys could like share the slay-load, find a nice part-time job and be pretty happy in life really."
"But B and I don't know how long we're gonna live, D. Hopefully we both get nice long lives and die peacefully in our sleep, but who really knows? Slaying tonight, we might both get taken out." Faith interjected.
At that point Joyce walked in, even though she had missed most of the conversation she had a good idea what it was about, "Yes, Faith, that may be true, but life's a multi-lane highway. Dawn could get tangled up in her sheets on waking up in the morning, fall out of bed and break her neck. I could get killed by some thug looking to make a quick buck off my art gallery." She said walking up behind the two slayers and putting a loving hand on each of their shoulders. "You two may have a high-risk calling, but no one's life is certain."
"Yeah," Dawn added, "After all, the hardest thing in this life is to live it." Said the young girl sagely.
Three sets of eyes turned to look at the twelve year old, "What?" She asked checking her reflection in the screen of her phone to try and see why they were staring at her.
"You need to stop getting so wise, sis." Buffy stated, pointing at Dawn and wearing a genuine smile.
Damn she's smart! And hot too! Faith thought, Yeah I got it bad. The Bostonian snuck glances at Dawn while the conversation moved to what they wanted for dinner.
Later that night Buffy and Faith are patrolling together. They are walking through one of Sunnydale's many cemeteries when they hear a strange clinking noise coming from a large mausoleum. Buffy signals for Faith to be ready while she goes up to the door and peeks inside. She sees a balding vampire with glasses chipping away at the wall and removing something.
Buffy stepped back next to Faith and they wait for the vamp to come out. "Do the words rest in peace mean nothing to you people?" Asked the elder slayer once the door closed behind the bespectacled vamp.
"Oh wait, we forgot, you aint people." Faith said immediately after.
The two slayers made a move toward the vamp, who was obviously carrying something from the recently raided tomb. Before they could get to him though they were intercepted by five vamps. Buffy took on three of them, leaving the other two for Faith and soon they were so many piles of dust. "Now where were…" Buffy trailed off seeing the other vampire was long gone.
"Shit, B, he got away." Faith stated, "Whad'ya think he was afta?" She then asked, briefly letting her Boston accent show through.
"I dunno, but I guess we should go inside and look around real quick before we go home. I'll talk to Giles about it in the morning, I don't think we need to bother him tonight." Buffy answered, Faith nodded as she followed the other girl into the mausoleum.
When they got back to the house they saw Dawn and Willow in the living room, talking on the couch. Seeing her sister walk in Dawn looked up from her conversation with Willow. "Hey Buffy. Mom got a last minute invite, all expenses paid, to an art show in New York. She'll be gone a few days. And Willow called while you guys were out, she was feeling lonely so I invited her over."
"You didn't walk over by yourself did you?" Buffy asked worriedly.
"No your mom dropped Dawn off at my house on her way out of town and we walked here together…with shotguns." Willow explained.
Buffy and Faith both frowned hearing that the two had walked through half the town by themselves. The looks went unnoticed by the other two girls however and Dawn soon changed the topic of conversation, "Oh and Buffy, Willow figured out a new spell to hide our weapons when we carry them. Take a good look at me right now." She said standing up. She was wearing a light-weight tank top that clung to her developing body and a pair of boy shorts, "See anything out of the ordinary?" She asked.
Buffy looked her sister over quickly and shook her head. Faith just stared, eyes taking in the figure before her, with her mouth hanging slightly open. If anyone noticed the girl was blatantly staring they failed to mention it. "Okay…you're in your PJs. So what?" Buffy replied.
Dawn grinned and pulled out her katana which was strapped to her back. She then drew her FN five-seven from her hip holster. By the time she was finished removing her weapons she had revealed that she had been well and fully armed with six stakes, four total pistols, her katana and three knives.
Willow and Dawn smiled, proud of themselves while Buffy and Faith processed what they'd just seen. "Wow, D, Red, that's pretty fuckin cool!" Faith praised them.
"I agree, very cool, but what if someone bumps into you can you hide it then?" Buffy asked.
Willow turned to look at her accomplice, "I think another demonstration is in order Dawnie."
Dawn in turn stepped up in front of Faith, "Give me your hand." She said, to which Faith quickly complied.
Dawn gently grabbed Faith's wrist and guided the slayer's hand until it rested high on the younger girl's hip, "What do you feel, Faith?" She asked.
"Hot," Faith mumbled causing Buffy and Willow to snicker while Dawn just smiled, "Um…I feel your hip D." She continued with a blush growing on her cheeks.
Dawn then moved her hand and slowly drew her last weapon from its sheath. As the dagger came into view Faith felt her hand pushed away slightly from Dawns hip by the still invisible sheath. "Holy shit! That's weird, but cool too!" Faith exclaimed.
"The weapons remain invisible until drawn and the sheath remains invisible while it's on your body. The only time some would be able to feel the weapon or sheath is when you draw it and the sheath remains invisible, but, as Faith found out, while the weapon is being drawn the sheath can be felt by someone else. That's a minor inconvenience, but if you're already drawing the weapon it won't affect anything." Willow explained, neither she nor Buffy noticing that Faith's hand was still resting on Dawn's hip.
Dawn and Faith were standing still, seemingly lost in one another's eyes, before being brought back to reality by Buffy, "You guys wanna go to the store and pick up a couple pizzas?"
"Sure thing sis, damn I love Fridays!" Dawn replied, "I just gotta go get changed."
Faith was hesitant to move, but she soon did. She stepped to the side to let Dawn past, keeping her fingers in contact with the other girl as much as possible, until the last second when their lingering contact would be obvious to the other two in the room.
Faith went down to her room in the recently finished basement and put away most of her weapons and to find a favorite sword of hers for Willow to cast the new invisibility spell on.
Willow followed Buffy up to her room for the same reason. While Buffy was digging out the gladius she wanted en-spelled Willow's eye was caught by a picture she had not seen before. It was of a younger buffy with ice skates at an ice rink. "I didn't know you used to ice skate Buffy."
"Oh, my God." Buffy laughed as she walked over next to Willow, "My Dorothy Hamill phase. My room in L.A. was pretty much a shrine. Dorothy dolls, Dorothy posters, I even got the Dorothy haircut. Thereby securing a place for myself in the geek hall of fame."
"You wanted to be like her?"
"I wanted to be her. My parents were fighting all the time, and skating was an escape. I felt safe."
"When was the last time you put on your skates?"
"About a couple of hundred demons ago." Buffy sighed.
"There's a rink out past Route 17, it's...closed tomorrow, for renovation." Willow said, excitedly, before realizing that it would be out of business for a couple days.
"Well maybe we can go when it reopens." Buffy offered, stepping closer to her friend.
"Hmm, I don't know if Xander likes ice skating." Willow said unable to step back because of the wall behind her, so she dropped her gaze to the floor.
"Who said anything about Xander?" Buffy asked placing her fingers under the shy girl's chin to make Willow look her in the eye, "Maybe I want some Willow time." She said in a voice that made the red head's breath hitch.
"Hey! Are you guys comin with us or what!?" Dawn suddenly called from the bottom of the stairs.
"Be there in a second!" Buffy called back, turning her head so as to not yell in Willows face. "I really would like to hang out just you and me Will." Buffy said as they left the slayer's room.
Willow just nodded, she had some things to think about. Things she had never really thought about in her Xander focused world.
On Monday morning Xander was in the quad looking at the bulletin board where the results of their aptitude tests were posted. There was a crowd standing around it already so he was patiently waiting his turn. As the crowd thinned out he heard the ever annoying voice of Cordelia Chase, Sunnydale High's number one bitch. "Here's me! Personal shopper or motivational speaker. Awesome!"
"Motivational speaker for what? Ten ways a bitchier you?" Xander asked.
"Okay, Mister Harris. What about you?" She asked while scanning the H-K list, "Oh, wow, you're…" She trailed off giggling and walked away, her posse in tow.
Xander walked up to Buffy and Willow soon after his run-in with Cordelia, "Would the two of you say you know me as well as anyone else? Maybe better even than I know myself?"
"What brought this on?" Willow asked with one eyebrow raised.
"Do I look like a prison guard to either of you? Cause that's what my test results say. Corrections official."
Buffy tried not to, but eventually burst into a hearty laugh. "Laugh now Miss Summers, but you've been assigned to the law enforcement professional's booth."
"You mean police?" She asked, her happy face falling instantly.
"Yup, polyester, donuts, and brutality."
"But hey, donuts. So it's not all bad right?" Willow asked, trying to be helpful.
"True, donuts are of the good."
Buffy goes off to check in with Giles and Xander turns to head to his next class. Willow grabs Xander's arm, "You didn't happen to check what I was assigned to, did you?" She asked.
"I did Willster, but your name wasn't on the board. Maybe you should ask Snyder about it, or better yet, one of the other teachers." Xander answered and took off, leaving a confused Willow in his wake.
In the library Buffy is in conference with Giles over what she and Faith discovered while patrolling Friday night.
Across town in an abandoned warehouse Spike was talking to his psychic/psychotic lover Drusilla. She is concentrating on the item that the vamp who escaped Buffy and Faith brought to them.
"This is it then?" Spike asked.
Drusilla removed her hand and opened her eyes again, "It hums. I can hear it."
"Once you're well again, we'll have a coronation down Main Street, and invite everyone, and drink for seven days and seven nights." Spike said to her
Behind them the other vamp spoke, "What about the Slayer? She almost blew the whole thing for us. She's trouble."
Spike looked at him, "You don't say, Dalton, old boy? Trouble?! She's the gnat in my ear! The gristle in my teeth! She's the bloody thorn in my BLOODY SIDE!" He shouted and violently kicked the table. "We gotta do something. We'll never complete your cure, Dru, not with that bitch breathing down our necks." Spike sighed, "I need to bring in the big guns. They'll take care of her once and for all."
"Big guns?" Dalton asked.
"The Order of Taraka."
Drusilla dealt three tarot cards. One is a Cyclops, the second a centipede, and the third is a panther. "They're coming to my party. Three of them." Spike walked back to the bed to look at the cards.
"Uh, yeah, but...The Order of Taraka, I mean...isn't that a bit overkill?" Dalton questioned.
"No, I think it's just enough kill." Spike answered, "Now shut up and get back to work." He ordered, shoving Dalton across the room.
T.B.C.