11. You can have half

Some days felt like they were never going to end. Today was one of those days. In fact, every day felt like that these days. The knowledge that Philip Stroh was out there somewhere, no matter how far, left Sharon Raydor unable to relax. She hadn't slept through the night for months now. Every creak would wake her if the nightmares didn't get to her first. She had grown used to the level of tiredness and borderline exhaustion her body seemed to function on. It was hard to imagine a time where she hadn't felt constantly on edge.

Rusty discovering that he was being followed, and assuming it was someone working for Stroh and not an SID security detail, had only rattled Sharon more. She wanted to protect him at all cost. But she also didn't want him to know she had him followed and she wasn't prepared to tell him. In a way she felt an immense sense of pride that Rusty had spotted someone watching him but at the same time it unnerved her; she had been relying on this method to provide herself some peace of mind and now she had lost that too. Detective Cooper seemed to think they couldn't keep doing this forever but Sharon wasn't prepared to give up yet.

"You look like you could use some of this."

She looked up to find Gavin standing in front of her holding two large glasses of red wine. He handed her one before sinking down on the oversized couch. Sharon had never liked the way Gavin chose to decorate his home and the couch was downright ugly but it was comfortable. She'd curled herself up into the corner, her feet tucked under herself, and she swirled the burgundy liquid around in the glass. The look in her eyes was distant.

He was taken aback by the fact Sharon wasn't wearing her glasses. He saw them on the couch's arm rest. He was struck by the depth and intensity of her green eyes but also how different she looked without the spectacles. She seemed harder somehow, and older too. Suddenly he could see the dark circles under her eyes that the glasses somehow seemed to mask. The last few months had left their mark on Sharon and this was the first time he could truly see it.

"Stroh?" Gavin guessed and Sharon looked up.

"Is it that obvious?"

He dint even have to nod. "It always is."

Sharon sighed. Something felt heavy in her chest. "Rusty made his undercover detail today." She shook her head and wiped over her eyes. A smudge of mascara was left on the back of her hand but she ignored it. "Maybe Cooper was right. He trained Rusty to notice people following him. It was only a matter of time…"

"You're doing what you think is right, Sharon," Gavin said. "No one blames you for that?"

"Rusty would," Sharon answered. "If he knew..."

"But he doesn't," Gavin reminded her. He put his glass down on the expensive glass coffee table and kicked off his shoes. He then mirrored Sharon's position on the couch and she couldn't help but smile. Sometimes Gavin was a bigger girl than she was.

"What the kid don't know won't harm him." He eyed Sharon up. She didn't look at him but seemed lost in thought. "What's the latest?"

"Just a couple of unverified sightings in Cyprus and Crete. Interpol is investigating but it's not looking good. Stroh has gone so far off the grid…." Sharon dreaded saying the next words out loud. "I doubt we'll ever find him."

"He's a creature of habit. Sooner or later he won't be able to stop himself. Serial killers always do. They take their cooling off period and take their time to collect themselves but eventually the urge becomes too strong and they will kill again. Stroh is just like that, even if he would have us believe he isn't."

Sharon didn't answer but took a sip from her wine instead. The alcohol tasted slightly bitter down her throat but also left a fruity aftertaste on her lips. She took another sip followed by a third. Gavin watched her in amusement.

"Not so fast, Sharon Raydor. You'll have finished that before I've even started mine."

"You have more, don't you?" Sharon looked over her shoulder in the direction of the kitchen and saw the opened bottle standing next to an unopened one on the side. "You have another whole bottle."

"You can have half," Gavin answered and put a protective hand on her arm. He had seen with his own eyes what effect wine could have on the Captain and he wasn't going to let her make that mistake again, especially not considering her current mind state.

"Half the bottle, Sharon. I need you to sleep tonight and drinking the whole thing isn't going to help with that. Besides, you need to be able to give the cab driver your address." He studied the wine in his own glass as he picked it back up. His eyes narrowed a little as a thought flooded into his mind "Speaking of red wine, did you talk to Brenda?"

"Yesterday."

Sharon checked in with Brenda Leigh Johnson every other week. Since Stroh's escape, Rusty wasn't the only one considered a target and Brenda had her own security detail in Washington. Sharon had thought Stroh would go straight for Brenda because he couldn't get to Rusty but when nothing happened, she'd started to wonder if this was all part of a bigger plan. Something they had yet to discover. But Fritz Howard had been nervous enough and assigned his wife protection, against her will. As far as Sharon knew, an agent still followed Brenda everywhere she went.

She didn't know how long it was going to be but she knew Stroh would eventually reappear. Gavin was right. He was a creature of habit and his compulsion to rape and murder would eventually force him back out into the open. She suspected he was even that set in his ways, it would bring him back to Los Angeles and when he did, she would find him. Even if it took every last breath her body had left, she would make sure she was the one to put Philip Stroh behind bars. And this time, she'd throw away the key.

She leaned back into the couch and brought the wineglass back up to her lips. Her lipstick had left a faint mark along the rim. She took another sip from the wine. Rusty was home tonight, unaware of the internal struggle his mother was facing. She would come home and check on him the way she always did, usually when he was already asleep, and she would promise him she would keep him safe.

And she was going to keep that promise. No matter what it took.