A/N: At last. Thanks again to Aura Kuran for keeping me motivated. Please enjoy~
Chapter 11: On the edge of Insanity
Kaname groaned ungracefully as he surfaced from unconsciousness, rubbing at his temporal lobe assaulting him with its aching vengeance; anyone would've thought he'd had a grasp on that wretched pain by now, but each time it only came back with an even greater fury.
He shook his head, thinking it would magically make the pain disappear as he reached blindly out to the body that should've been beside him, only to be met by the cold absence of nothing, as he felt the fading warmth of the bed sheets; it left a behind a biting bitterness that Kaname couldn't describe.
Alone.
It had been a while since the vampire lord had felt as such. It was a sensation that Kaname loathed, although he had spent the vast majority of his existence basking in its very embrace. It was something that remained even when everything else abandoned him.
This loneliness... This feeling he knew well.
Unwilling to recall, events of the night prior came crashing down like a vindictive bombshell, unleashing all kinds of untold havoc on his mind, soul and body.
Physical sickness. He hadn't experienced physical sickness in a very long time, not bad enough to make him keel over, grasping desperately at his abdomen like he'd just been kicked with a steel-toed boot right in the stomach.
"Yuki" his dry lips parted to let the moan fall out; an unplanned complaint that wouldn't reach her.
Had she left him too?
At this point, it honestly wouldn't surprise him.
Stiff eyelids fluttered open like the broken wings of a butterfly, his eyes trembled in search among darkness. Unable to control his own body, he shuddered intensely even in the absence of fear and cold. Each muscle of his body punished him; sore, tense, like knotted plates of armour that screamed only the direst of confinement. This ache that rattled his being... it was deadly enough to immobilise.
Was he dying?
Is this what it's like Zero?
The air around him was stifling with oppression, even in its cold, fresh crispness. It made him claw at his throat with unease as he pressed his head back into his pillow.
Was this what it was like for you?
Letting his eyes fall close, he dug his nails in the slender column of his neck. He couldn't breathe, but he dug deeper, merciless with restraint.
Or did you feel worse?
Deeper.
Did it hurt?
Taking him by surprised, more than the warm sensation of trickling droplets of blood down his neck, was the deafening attack of the door against the wall, and the rattle of the frame trembling on its very hinges.
What the fuck was he doing?
Immediately releasing the clasp on his neck, he turned his head to the door, and for a split second, he could've sworn he'd opened startled eyelids to see a face shrouded by a curtain of unmistakable silver, familiar lips set into a fierce sneer directly at him; they were mocking him as if... as if they had won the game.
Mocking as if... Kaname had lost the game that he invented.
He laughed manically, as he stared into a sudden pair of beautifully petrified brown orbs.
"I-I smelt blood." Yuki announced, yet she made no move to approach him. That look in his eye... It wasn't right. The laugh ringing in her ears...
It wasn't Kaname.
Glaring red orbs stared back at her with the vacancy of a soulless vessel. "Why are you bleeding?" Mustering up her courage, she took a cautious step toward the lifeless bundle on the bed. With a vicious tilt of her head, confusion and fear embraced her little form. She reached out her hand to rest on his forearm. "L-let me-" as she moved her mouth to his neck, he pushed her away.
"It fine" he uttered distantly, any desperation in his tone that had been present last night; gone.
"B-but-"
She reached out a quivering finger, daringly trailing the digit down the wounded length of his neck, a mix of desire, wonder, and a fear Kaname could never understand glaring brightly in her iris. She was scared, he knew that. Being afraid... it was such a feeling she grew up with; it was all she ever really knew. Kaname knew. And if he didn't, he would know through the way it flowed like a river through the bond, a torrent of emotions, an unrestrained attack that she couldn't control. He knew.
He knew.
It wasn't her fault.
It was never her fault.
Staring blankly ahead, his arm moved without so much as thought, snagging her frail little wrist in his grasp, before trailing his tongue across the generous slick of blood that marred her perfect finger.
"I said its fine" His sharp tone had the power to kill, like the edge of a sharp knife. He discarded her wrist, Unwanted, yet his eyes; they didn't leave hers, not for a second.
And there it was again, guilt, nuzzling itself into the very core of his chest; a guilt he constantly ignored, a guilt that angered him enough to make him grind his teeth hard enough to hurt.
How dare him.
How dare the hunter make him feel like this
How dare the hunter... How dare he think that he could beat him at his own game. The game he created.
'He's already won' The small voice in his head whispered, a voice that made him claw at his head like a madman, fiercely trying to will the harsh whisper away. He wanted to tear the voice out of his conscious, kill it the same way he killed- Kaname clenched his teeth, sharp canines glaring angrily.
"Kaname" She shook madly at his shoulders, tears suddenly glistening in her eyes like the glaring of headlights in the darkness of a rainy night.
"It hurts." He groaned dully, voice monotone, face... replaced with but a blank mask.
This game of his, it had already met its end; Kaname its victor.
Or so he thought.
Breathing a sigh, he closed tired eyes, forcing away the grief stricken image of his sister that had embedded itself into his vision. He needed fresh air, badly. Pulling himself up, which proved a great feat, he pushed Yuki away once more without really looking at her. Kaname had left her exactly as he had been found; a lifeless miserable heap on the bed, staring after the image that had abandoned her yet again. He had been good at that lately; sucking the life and soul out of the one person he loved. He shook his head of the unwelcoming thoughts once again as he stumbled out of the room, trying desperately to find his way down the dark of the corridor. Had it always been this damn long? He thought, massaging his aching head once more as he felt pointlessly at the walls for some guide in direction.
He suddenly felt very lost.
Such a sight, it didn't go past one of his very surprised looking subordinates; who looked on with an expression of both awe and concern. Somehow, Kaname found it very hard to fathom how he had found his way straight into the body of his loyalist friend. He was so self-absorbed, that he hadn't even realised. That wasn't like him, not at all.
"Ichijou" He almost had to hide the surprise himself, but as soon as Kaname had sensed the presence of another (which was probably a little too late), his expression become that of a stone mask, his outward demeanor expertly steeled.
"My lord..." Ichijou paused, closely analysing the man infront of him, as he supported the stiff body in front of him. To Kaname, that red glint that suddenly glared in Ichijou's eyes was all too bright. "You and Yuki- a fight?" Fading emerald orbs couldn't hide their shock, nor could they hide their desire; the scent, it drove him wild with an internal longing he tried so hard not to show, never wanted to show. Yet, he couldn't help it. All he could do was stare, as the fresh droplets of blood fell from freshly made wounds, beckoning against the slender length of Kaname's neck, just like the droplets of rain falling against a window pane.
Such a sight, it was enticing indeed.
Takuma Ichijou, he was not one to disagree, yet he outwardly denied it nevertheless.
Kaname didn't miss it though, the way the scent of his blood roused an unespeakable excitement among his subordinates. He swiped a thumb along the wound his neck, staring wordlessly into eyes that once glowed a beautiful green. He swiped his bloodstained finger across Ichijou's bottom lip, only to simultanously have see his tonge dart ot unconsciously after it.
Kaname could never really understand, not even if he tried. What the effect, the taste... the very scent his blood had on others. Yet, when he could, Kaname exploited it; this power he held over others. Although it was a burden as well as a blessing, he utilised it, controlled the best way he knew how. Oh how he was an expert by now.
Ichijou's eyes glared with a dull seductiveness, as he licked his lips like a cat that had just feasted on the finest of tuna.
He didn't even know he was doing it.
His reaction... It was nothing like his.
Not enticing in the least.
Zero was the only one... The only one conscious of it... The only one that knowingly fought it. Such a stubbornness, it was almost admirable. Had Kaname not looked in the mirror of Takuma's vermillion gaze, he wouldn't have notice the smirk that pulled desperately on the edge of his lip. The unfamiliar feeling of suffocated him like the cold hearted callous hands of a murderer, it choked him with the mercilessness only a pureblood knew of.
and all of a sudden, he felt empty.
Nothing. Kaito could find nothing. Not a single trace. He had stalked all the way back to the barren place he'd discovered Zero's bruised, battered, and broken body that night, but not a single scent lingered, not any clue as to what could've led to such a brutal disaster.
Kaito sighed, grinding his teeth together in raw frustration.
In fact, frustration didn't cut even half of what he was feeling.
"That damned pureblood." He uttered under his breath, fingering a lifeless strand of grass between smooth, nimble fingers. It had to be him... Why else would Zero cry out his name in the throes of sleep?
This was seriously beginning to piss him off. He hated being in the dark, especially when it came to those close to him. He and Zero may not have seen each other for a good couple of years, but in his heart, Zero was still one of his closest friends; he always had been, and always will be.
Kaito needed answers. Soon.
Zero was the only place he could get them now.
And he needed to start talking.
The sudden glaring light of the sun wreaked havoc on Kaito's room, and Zero's poor unsuspecting sleepless eyes.
"What the fuck?" Zero grumbled sluggishly, pulling the blankets up and over his head, shamelessly burying himself into the dark warmth of Kaito's bed.
"You've been in bed for three days straight" The voice broke through Zero's unconscious haze. Kaito feigned annoyance, as he fixed a glare at the form hiding safely under the covers. "If you stay there any longer, you'll start growing roots." He put his hand on his hips, surveying the situation.
Zero was cocooned in his bed sheets like a wingless butterfly.
"Or maybe I'm already too late?" he murmured with a tilt of his head and a smirk that spelt out pure amusement. It was like waking up a child for school, a very stubborn child, might he add.
"Five more minutes" Zero mumbled sleepily into the pillow. Really, he wanted to stay there all day. Sleep never came easy for Zero, and the one time of day he was getting any, he was being forced to part with it.
He clung to the pillow as if it was going to be taken away from him; snuggling further into the scent he recognised and found a strange sense of comfort in. His childhood friend smelt a lot like what he once considered home.
"No, now" Kaito playful, but aggressively pulled at the covers, having a little too much fun watching Zero squirm in the absence of its heat. Zero trying to reclaim possession of the blanket was like watching a kitten play with a bit of string.
Priceless.
It was almost cute, he thought, as he tried to hide his growing smirk. Had he had his phone on him, he might've filmed Zero and teased him with it later. It really brought about a sense of nostalgia this scene before him; Zero never really had been a fan of the mornings.
"Come on, we're going out"
Zero ceased up at that.
"What...?"
"I said come on, we're going out." Kaito poked his foot, only to have Zero jump half a mile into the air.
"What for?" Zero said a little too cautiously for Kaito's comfort, as he hid his face in the pillow. Kaito's scent; it allowed him to relax in a way he hadn't for a very long time.
"Shopping."
Scorching hot water cascaded through uneven threads of pure silver, down unbelievably smooth, yet tormented skin, falling between each perfect groove, each carefully sculpted crevice of his body. It felt so refreshing, exhilarating; the feeling of water against his body. It was like he was being cleansed of everything but the present... finally cleansed of him. This sensation... it was deliriously pleasant.
He had missed this.
He had missed this a lot.
Zero didn't know how Kaito got him to agree with today; well not that he had much of a choice exactly. It hadn't been entirely easy forcing himself out the front door without trying to put a face on in front of Kaito.
Though, somehow, the entire day had flown by, not dragging like it had in the darkness of what he was once so accustomed to. It was a strange thing to admit, but Zero had actually had fun.
It had been countless years since Zero had found himself close beside another, wheeling a trolley around filing through isles and isles of random tidbits, clothes, and food, bickering and reminiscing like an old married couple. The scene alone was absurd, though, why they needed an entire trolley to themselves made him wonder if Kaito was secretly harbouring a family of 8 he didn't know about.
A rare smile surfaced on his wet lips as he tipped his head back under the showerhead.
It was one particular isle that kaito stopped in that caught Zero by surprise. He would never have guessed his childhood friend was a candle lover, of all things. He shook his head, the urge to laugh pulling at his lips. He had made a mental note to tease Kaito about it later. Mind you, Kaito always did have a particularly strong sense of small, one that even put a hunter of Zero's calibre to shame.
"Think we should have a candle –lit dinner." Kaito had nudged at Zero playfully, as he fingered the wick of a random candle, before picking out a lavender scented one and bringing it up to his nose, inhaling deeply.
"These candles... They always remind me of you." Zero had scoffed at that, inhaling the candle that was then held up to his own nose.
"I smell like a girl?" He grimaced.
"It's not a bad thing." Kaito shrugged.
"Is that supposed to be a compliment?" Zero raised an eyebrow glaring menacingly at the candle. All Kaito could do was smirk.
It was the random scene that had kept repeating itself in his head, bringing a faint smile to his lips every time, yet as he kept thinking back, it was these pleasant feelings that accompanied newly made memories that left him feeling a guilt he knew he shouldn't. He couldn't describe it, nor could he fully comprehend it.
Someone like him, Zero Kiryuu, did he really deserve these moments, these scarce fragments of happiness? These tiny sparks of light in his dull jaded life, this existence of his...
Did he really, truly deserve it?
Zero shook his head, turning the hot water dial up until it would no longer allow. The water heated to an alarmingly searing temperature, burning mercilessly at his skin until the pain was all he could focus on.
This harsh burning of his skin, this was better. This was what he was used to.
The guilt soon faded, as did his thoughts.
Zero didn't look in the mirror; he didn't want to. He knew if he did his face would be as red as the devil's, flushed with shame, feverish with guilt, ridden with sins that were not his own. No, instead, he closed his eyes as he mopped up the fiery remnants of his shower, and wrung his hair of its damp inferno. Kaito had been kind enough to lay his clothes out on the side; Kaito's kindness, it had no end. He knew he didn't deserve it, but he tried not to think about it; if he did, it would only shower his conscious with more guilt.
Finally leaving the sauna he'd made Kaito's bathroom, he set out for the small Kitchen, where the aroma of something surprisingly familiar wafted through the entirety of Kaito's apartment. It was a scent that forced him to relax in the same way Kaito's pillow had allowed.
Zero shivered as he stood at the door frame of Kaito's kitchen, a sudden coldness spreading through him although his skin was flush from the aftermath of his shower. He ignored it, finding his way on one of the stalls beside where Kaito was preparing food; collected, organised, as though he did it every day.
He leaned languidly against the counter, cheek propped up on his fist, thoughts on everything and nothing as he stared listlessly as Kaito professionally cut up an onion. Kaito's face was unguarded, strangely mesmerizing; it was hard not to stare.
"Have a nice shower?" Kaito asked, voice surprisingly soft, as Zero noticed the hints of a smile rising across his lips. Kaito didn't avert his gaze from the onion, his beautifully mellow hazel eyes only turning to properly regard Zero when he'd finished cutting it.
Zero watched as immediate concern surfaced and etched its way across his features, as he was approached. A hand out, ignoring the way Zero shied away from the touch. Kaito placed his cool hand across his forehead.
"You're boiling." Kaito looked on thoughtfully and Zero finally averted his gaze. "The poison... it probably still lingers in your system." Kaito wouldn't be surprised, with that of a caliber as strong as that of a pureblood's, Zero was lucky to even be alive.
"The serum, maybe it didn't work as well as I thought." a heavy frown soon replaced his concern.
"Poison?" Zero half questioned, a few steps late.
That's right... the bastard had tried to poison him.
The bastard had tried to kill him.
Kaito grabbed the small washcloth that lay on the side of the sink, running it under a stream of ice-cold water, before wringing it and then placing it where his hand had once lain across Zero's forehead.
"Hold."
Zero did so wordlessly, only watching as Kaito moved to stir the pot that threatened to boil over. As familiar the aroma was, Zero still couldn't discern what it actually was that Kaito was preparing. He watched mindlessly as he added the perfectly cut onions.
"Pass me the carrot in that bag," Kaito took his eyes away from what he was doing to point over at the plastic that held their shopping. With his free hand, Zero reached in the bag, but he could pay little attention to the plastic he reached his hand in, what with the cut that glistened with fresh blood.
"Shit" Kaito mumbled in the midst of cutting the second onion. Avoiding Zero's obvious stare, he quickly cleaned the blood on the sink, before making himself scarce almost immediately after.
What an idiot, Kaito thought, as he bandaged his finger in the bathroo,. Cutting your finger with a vampire in the room. He shook his head slowly in frustration.
Zero still couldn't seem to move, as he sat frozen staring at the ghost of where Kaito stood mere moments ago.
Never had he wanted to taste the blood of his childhood friend more than he did right in that moment- to take the wounded finger in his mouth, and run his tongue along- he shook his head to snap himself out of it.
The thought of wanting to do that so badly... it made him sick to his very stomach.
~Over dinner~
"So Zero, when are you gonna tell me?" Kaito stared intently at Zero, a determination that he recognized strongly glinting in hazel eyes, though all Zero could really seem to focus on was the neatly wrapped bandage around Kaito's finger. He'd almost- Zero had almost lost it. He had salivated like a starved beast, deprived of even its basic necessities, he had almost given into his desires.
Almost.
He could hardly look in Kaito's eyes.
"Tell you what?" Zero spoke around a mouthful, avoiding the gaze that screamed full well of what he was talking about.
"Don't be coy with me." Kaito looked on skeptically. "You're gonna tell me about it sooner or later." He spoke definitively. "Sooner the better." He looked on like a mother that was scolding her child.
"There's nothing to tell" Zero's infamous stubbornness was beginning to shine through.
Kaito slammed his fist down on the table. Had dinner not been sitting in front of them, he might've leaned over and grabbed Zero by the scruff of his neck.
"I know there's something going on. I wasn't born yesterday Zero." It had been a while since Zero had seen such an expression on Kaito's face, yet that didn't phase him.
"I don't know how it happened." Zero spoke, voice firm, his own expression very much guarded.
Lies.
A weightlessness, a light that had promised freedom beckoned. He had been lured in like a moth to a flame, got what he had wanted for but a vanishing moment before the harsh of reality had burned him with its existence. He had been recaptured again and again like a bird that had escaped it's cage, only to be forcefully dragged straight back time and time again. He had been discovered, like a dear caught in the headlights of a car that had no idea of its destination.
He knew exactly how it happened.
"I don't remember" Zero continued tonelessly, not giving any hints whatsoever as to what he was thinking, what he was feeling.
Lies.
A desperation only the longing of a lover could really understand. A soft and sinful warmness that burned each and every nerve ending across the surface of his lips. A conflicting harsh pair of hands around his throat, crushing until the resistance between them had all but vanished. A sudden pain, a sudden pain so great one could focus on nothing more. Dying, he was dying. A memory, it was a memory one could never forget.
He remembered everything.
"I don't know who-" He cut himself off. He feel he had said enough.
More lies.
Kaname. It was Kaname. It was everybody's perfect pureblood lord.
He knew exactly who done it. How could he even live to forget?
"To be honest, I don't want to know" Zero's avert his gaze once more. His mind was racing, and he had long since forgotten about the food sitting in front of them. He wasn't hungry anymore... He just wanted to sleep.
Kaito pursed his lips together, tightening the ball that was his fist, as he saw through each and every one of his lies, saw through Zero's perfect barricade of resillience.
It hurt Kaito that Zero had to lie to him like that.
What hurt even more was the fact that even though Kaito silently listened, Zero was unknown to the fact that he could see through these empty truths.
He hated to admit it broke his heart that he couldn't be trusted.
Kaito wordlessly shook his head.
What was he going to do with Zero?
A/N: Woah, longest chapter yet, that's unlike me.
I don't think I've ever had so much fun writing Kaname. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it.
Ah D: I totally wasn't happy with the ending, but I knew if I kept attempting to rewrite it, I wouldn't be updating for another week.
Sighs. I hope this was worth the wait anyway, as always, I'm forever sorry my updates take so long~
Just out of interest, what would you like to happen next?
And, What do you think will happen next?
Thanks for all your support~