Sorry this took a while. Finals and family came first, and then deciding which route I wanted to take. I decided on the more dramatic, but I think it'll have a bigger payoff ;) Thank you to all who have reviewed, even if I don't respond I read each and every one and love them all.

Jim smiled as she walked through the ship to the bridge the next morning. Though she still felt a little confused over some of the events of last night, she felt also rather happy for some reason. Almost buoyant.

She walked into the bridge and smiled when she saw Spock was already at his station. Striding over, she smiled and leaned over. "Morning Spock!"

Spock didn't look up. "Good morning, Captain."

Jim frowned slightly. Spock wasn't the kind of guy to not look at you when he spoke, especially if all he was doing was double checking his instruments. She was about to tap his shoulder when Chekov called her so she walked over and began Alpha shift instead.

Now and then she would glance over at Spock but he wouldn't look back at her and she frowned more. He hadn't acted like this since before when they were still on rocky terms. When shift was over she stood to go talk to him but he made a B-Line for the exit and left before she could. Frowning, she went to the mess, thinking he would be there getting lunch, but he was nowhere to be seen.

"Hey, Sulu, did Spock come in for food?"

"No…maybe he's eating in his quarters. He's pretty busy."

"Yeah…"

"Is something vrong, Keptin?" Chekov asked.

"No, I guess not…mind if I eat with you guys?"

"Of course not."

Jim smiled and got her food before sitting down.

"How vas your game last night, Keptin?"

Jim blinked. "You know about our game?"

Sulu shot his friend an almost annoyed look before smiling. "Well, word is around the ship you and Mr. Spock had a chess game last night. And that you had played a few times before your, uh…"

"Transformation?"

"Yeah."

"It was good…" She blushed a little remember what had almost happened afterward. "I won one, he won one, but our tie breaker was broken up when Scotty decided to play hopscotch with the thrusters."

"Yeah, that screwed everyone up."

"Da, I hit my head in da shower…big moose egg."

"Goose, Pavel, goose egg," Sulu corrected.

"Ah, yes, Goooose…English vords, to many sound alike…"

Jim chuckled. They continued to chat during lunch. When it was over he went back for the second shift. As it began, she was surprised when Spock didn't return. She asked the science officer that took his place and he said he was working overtime in the science department and thought you would understand.

Is he working more on the reversal…? She thanked him and went back to her shift.

However, when this kept up for two more days, she was getting progressively more annoyed and worried. She sent him a message asking if something was wrong, but all she got back was a status report of the reversal being "near the stage when it can be implemented with caution."

When she actively tried to hunt down the Vulcan for a face to face conversation, she could swear he would leave the room just as she was entering. It was like a bad game of hide and seek.

"Hey, Uhura?"

"Yes Captain?"

"Off shift, call me Jim. That's not the point, um….did I do something to make Spock…upset with me?"

"Upset with you?"

"Yeah, he's been avoiding me the last couple of days…"

"Really?" she sounded a little doubtful and Jim frowned.

"The only place I see him is on the bridge and he only talks to me to give me status reports on whatever the heck's going on there or in the science department. I enter a room, he leaves. I call him, he gives me a short answer and then hangs up. If I say I just want to talk, he says he has work to do and we can talk later. Except we never talk later cause he never calls back. And if I go to see them he's not there. If I try to find him, I never can. It's driving me nuts!"

Uhura stared a while. "You…have been actively seeking out Spock? And the fact that he won't give you the time of day is driving you this crazy?"

"Yes, what's your point?"

She rolled her eyes slightly. "Nothing I suppose. He hasn't said anything to me about you, sorry." Jim frowned, looking honestly worried. Uhura frowned as well before sighing. "I really don't know Jim…you don't remember doing anything that could've upset him?"

"No, I…" she flushed and tensed when she remembered the almost kiss when she had been leaning in. Then she felt her stomach twist. Oh god…is that why? Is he disgusted? I mean…I'm his captain…I'm human…I'm supposed to be a man…I'll be a man again soon…and my reputation, he probably thought I was just trying to add to my list of "where no man's gone before"…

"Jim? Is something wrong?"

"Uh, no…I think maybe there was something…I…I gotta go." She dashed off before Uhura could ask if she was alright. She rushed through the turbo lift and then through the halls till she got to the science department, stepping through the door with as much of the air of a captain as she could muster despite the near desperate beating of her heart. "Alright, all those who's name is not Commander Spock, clear out. I need to have a private conversation with your head officer."

The science officers all looked up in surprise before looking at Spock. Spock continued to remain hunched over a microscope, not reacting to Jim's entrance or demand.

"I'm your captain, which means if I say leave I mean now! Uh…unless of course anything you're working on will explode if you don't do something now…But otherwise out!"

They all scrambled, some saving their work and others quickly writing out their results before leaving. Spock made to rise but Jim pointed right at him. "Plant it, Spock, you and I need to talk!" Spock remained where he was, still not facing her. A few science officers cast worried glances back at their commander and captain before the door shut and Jim locked it.

"Captain, was breaking up our work really necessary? You may have postponed the reversal process for your transformation again by-"

"Spock, I don't know what Vulcan manners dictate, but usually looking at people when you talk is a good thing rather than making me talk to the back of your head."

There was a pause before he turned and Jim felt more worried when she looked at his eyes. Normally he could see a glimmer of emotion, of life in there that let her know what Spock was really feeling. Now they looked listless, like he was keeping his emotions even more tightly capped to the point he must be suffocating them.

"Spock…I…Look, about what happened the other night on the observation deck…" She saw him tense just slightly at that.

"I'm not certain I know to what you are referring Captain."

She frowned more. "Spock, I was kind of there…I, uh…know what happened…" She sighed, trying to keep up her calm but firm demeanor though it was getting progressively difficult. "I, uh…I know it was out of the norm and everything and…inappropriate…for a lot of reasons, probably…even if we didn't actually do anything…" His lips twitched down slightly though she didn't see. "But I don't want you to hold it against me like this. I mean, it was just a small slip up, and it's not like it went far. I can promise it won't happen again."

Spock took his usual stance with his hands behind his back, and Jim couldn't see how they tightened.

"So, can we just agree that we're both friends, nothing more? I promise, I won't flirt with you. I mean, I haven't before, not seriously. Just teasing and stuff. And that…well, you know, I've been through a lot so it was probably just hormones. I didn't mean anything by it."

"Indeed…" There was a flash of something in his eyes, too fast for Jim to catch but she smiled and took it as a good sign.

"So we're agreed? Just friends, no more, uh…almost romantic gestures."

"…I believe I will no longer find that satisfactory, Captain."

Jim blinked. "Huh?"

"I have come to realize over the last few months that your…persistence in maintaining my company has led to me making several concessions on my part. Dominantly in my emotional responses. I find this to be detrimental to my behavior as a Vulcan and unsatisfactory to my role here on this ship These responses are both unwanted and could possibly lead to poor function in the workplace."

She blinked again then frowned. "Spock, I don't want to get the wrong impression again, but it sounds like you think I'm a bad influence on you."

"Indeed Captain, that is a just impression from what I am saying."

Jim gaped at him a moment before glaring. "What the hell?! You seemed fine with it before!"

"That was before I realized the extent of my concessions in allowing myself to break from my traditions and-"

"Fuck your traditions!" Jim growled. "You're saying your upset at me for making you feel?"

"Quite," he said a bit more tersely.

"Well like hell I'm apologizing for that!" She stalked closer and missed the slight green flush to his ears as she stood toe to toe with him. "I like it when you 'feel' things! You're actually fun to be around rather than when you have a stick up your ass! I…I like that you joke a little. Sometimes I even see your lips twitch in a smile…." Her hand half rose with the intent to cup his cheek but she forced it back down. "What's wrong with that?"

"Such emotions are the gateway to others which could prove detrimental and even dangerous in a Vulcan."

"Spock, I don't think you would hurt anyone."

"That has not been my previous experience when I allow my emotions to get the better of me."

Jim winced but then smiled. "I was literally asking for it that time though. And I don't think-"

"That is not the only instance. There have been others. In my youth, I beat another boy quite badly."

Jim was surprised by this. She'd always pictured Spock as a well behaved child, the opposite of him. Then she was thoughtful a moment. "…He insulted your mom?"

Spock's surprise broke through and she smiled. "It's the only thing I can think of that would make you that angry, especially as a kid. But Spock, both those times you were going through a lot. Childhood is difficult for a lot of people in terms of emotions and that other…well, you know. I don't think just letting them out sometimes will-"

"You are not an expert in Vulcan mentality, nor are you clairvoyant, Captain Kirk. You cannot account for what can happen. It is better that I maintain my control."

Using her last name almost felt even colder than the simple Captain he always used. "Spo-"

"Furthermore I find your lack of respect for my beliefs to be highly intolerant and a breach of protocol 143 of the-"

"I am not intolerant of your beliefs! I'm just intolerant of you following a belief that is obviously countering what you really feel and-"

"You are not an expert on what I feel, Captain," Spock practically growled. Jim started and looked up at him in surprise. "I find these emotions distracting and unwanted. There is nothing good about them. I would rather feel nothing than what I feel for you now as it is unnecessary and creates nothing but trouble for me."

Jim stared, feeling suddenly numb. "Spock, I…I'm trying hard not to misinterpret that, but it sounds like you…don't want to be my friend anymore…" God, is this grade school or something?

"…Indeed, that would be an accurate assertion from what I am saying."

For a moment Jim was about to say You're lying, but Vulcans don't lie she reminded herself. Spock's eyes flickered a moment, maybe catching something on her face, but then hardened again. Jim turned on her heel then, keeping her voice as level and poised as she could. "Alright then. If that's what you want, fine. I'm the Captain, you're the first officer, and that's where it ends."

"…Very good, Captain."

"Yeah…very good. I'm sorry for interrupting your science officers and their work, Commander. I will send them back in after I leave." She marched briskly towards the door again, cursing that Spock insisted on working so far away from it for some reason. All the while in the back of her mind she kept thinking Stop me, goddammit, stop me, don't let me go, say your sorry, don't let it be like this please I like you, I like you, you're my friend, DON'T DO THIS!

The door shut behind her without so much as a "See you at Gamma shift, Captain."

There had been hurt in her eyes, in her lips, in her entire body when he'd said those words. Jim was strong, had endured much physical pain, but he had put hurt there. Hurt and betrayal and…loneliness. He felt a weight settle in that chest, carved with that look. A vice like grip of something much like regret and more than likely guilt around his ribcage to squeeze the strength from him.

It was the right thing to do though. Emotions would hinder him in the long run. His feelings for the captain would develop more, his…infatuation growing. Even after she changed back, maybe especially after. He would pine for him and inside it would hurt with every new person he was with, ever person he flirted with. He obviously had no interest with him, and no interest in a monogamous relationship, so it would hurt more and more as he realized he would never be with the Captain in that way. He would worry more about him on away missions, try to stop him from doing dangerous things that captains had to do, the things that made him Jim. Eventually it would end badly somehow, with him more than likely being the one left alone.

For days he tried to avoid her, to try and stop anything before it grew into something he couldn't handle. He avoided looking at her, though he could see her(or him) in his minds eye whenever he wished. He did his best not to foster more feelings. He should've known the captain wouldn't like the sudden end of their camaraderie with each other. The confrontation so soon was unexpected and he had not fully prepared himself for it.

Still, he got his job done and managed to convince her to let it go.

He would not admit he was the one who was having trouble letting go.

Jim wouldn't admit she felt her eyes pricking, water gathering anywhere in there. She was angry, angrier than she had been in a long time. And when James T. Kirk was angry, he would do one of two things: Fight or fuck. Sometimes both.

Given how the rest of the crew was apparently avoiding him in that last respect, he was hoping they would at least spar with her. She headed down to the gym where she was happy to see the security officers were doing some hand to hand exercises. They were reluctant at first, and her chagrin rose when she caught a few hesitations based on her new sex.

Several minutes later though, when most of them were flat on their backs or hanging over the ropes, she was less frustrated but still ragingly angry. At least she didn't feel like hitting anything right now, which was good cause she was heading up to the sick bay to try and vent more to the one other person she knew would listen to her.

"Bones!"

"The hell-Good God Jim, what's the matter?"

She grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled him to his office. "I need to rant, so get ready."

"Oh joy…"

Bones sighed and went to his desk, sitting down and fishing out his tumbler and glasses. "Okay, what dare I ask happen…oh god, please tell me your period didn't come again. Wait, it's only been a few days…"

"Don't joke, Bones, I'm seriously angry and, and...AAAAH!!" She threw up her hands as she started pacing, Bones watching her. "He thinks he can just suddenly decide he doesn't want me, and decide I'm a bad influence on his stupid sensibilities?! Damn him!!"

"…Are we talking about the hobgoblin?"

"Yes! He has the damn nerve to tell me the reason he's been avoiding me is because I "compromise" him and our job by making him actually give a damn about something!"

"…That something being you?"

"What? How the hell should I know, the bastard just basically said h didn't want to feel so he didn't want to be friends anymore! We got a working relationship now, and that's it."

"…I'm not seeing the problem."

"Bones, I'm serious. Spock…" Jim deflated a little, starting to feel the anger become shadowed by the hurt and sadness he also felt. "I…I thought it was going well. I mean, we weren't at each others' throats-"

"He was mostly at yours if I recall." Jim gave him a withering glare and he poured a drink. "Uh, sorry…go on."

"…Well…Its just…He started being more open…I mean, he was still mister straight laced, don't show what you're thinking or feeling Vulcan tight ass most of the time but…when we were alone, I…I could get him to smile sometimes…just a little…" Bones eyebrows rose, not only at the idea of Spock smiling but from the wistful, warm way Jim talked about it. "And he would joke a little too…It was dry, but sometimes he could be really funny. And sometimes…Sometimes I even got him to tell me things I don't think he's told others…and…"

"And what?"

"…Nevermind, you'll just think I'm stupid…"

"Jim, I've been your friend for years now. I know your not stupid. Reckless, idiotic, sex crazed, egotistic and narcissistic to a fault, but not stupid."

"Gee Bones, tell me how you really feel…"

"Jim."

"…I…When he would open up like that…And I knew somehow it was just to me, I felt…special. No one has ever…confided that much in me. Except you, of course, but…well…"

"It wasn't the same?"

She shook her head. "This felt…different. You're my best friend, Bones. The best friend I've ever had. Really, all my life I can't think of a better friend than you. And that hasn't changed at all, cause I still think of you when I think of my best friend." Bones blushed a little and sipped his drink to try to hide it. "But...I think of Spock a lot lately…even before I was…like this. I want to spend more time with him. I like…liked spending time with him. It made me feel different than when I spent time with you, or with the other guys, or anyone else."

Sometimes I still feel alone even when I'm with all of you, she thought to herself. Not always, but sometimes….but never with him…I never…felt alone…

Bones suddenly looked shocked and stood. "Jim?"

"What?"

"You're…"

Jim blinked then reached up to her face when she felt something tickle her cheek. She started when she realized she'd actually shed a couple of tears and blushed, rubbing them away. "Dammit, the hell?! I…God, I'm really a girl now, huh?" She laughed a little brokenly, sounding too much like the James Kirk he knew when Jim would let down his guard for a moment. Most people never knew how raw he was under there, how much he craved not just attention, but affection and a connection.

Bones didn't say anything but stood up and went over, setting a hand on Jim's shoulder and trying not to wince at how much thinner it felt in this form. "Its okay, Jim."

"No it's not, I'm the captain dammit! I shouldn't be this…this worked up over my stupid First Officer saying we aren't friends. It's stupid…"

"You're also human, Jim. And unlike that greenblooded jackass, we can understand that feelings can be hurt just as much as flesh and bone."

Jim looked at him a long while before nodding. "Yeah…"

Bones squeezed his shoulder and then patted his back. "Why don't you go rest? Maybe take the next shift off, you're still pretty tense and…well, seeing Spock might make you want to hit the guy. I'd support you of course, but it might lower crew morale to do it on the bridge."

Jim nodded a little. "Maybe…I'll go rest though. Thanks Bones, you really helped."

"Happy to do it."

Jim smiled before heading for the door. "Oh, and Bones…"

"This conversation never happened, got it."

She smiled and headed off. Bones sighed and returned to his desk, sipping down the rest of his glass. He regarded the empty glass a moment before stowing it all away. Pushing the comm. Button on his desk, he tried not to growl. "Nurse Chapel? Tell Commander Spock I want to see him in my office ASAP."

So yes, tiny bit more of a hiccough, but I figured Spock wouldn't be that enthused to be having feelings for his captain and would be fighting them. It's a loosing battle though 3