A/N: First off, I would like to apologize for not writing an authors note last time. I was on my way out the door to someplace I can't remember so I just posted!

A/NN: THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS. Thank you Char for telling me that you ship Belle/Lanie because I was a bit worried that I was making the story to much of a Joe/Lanie... I'm not sure where it will end up though. Also, hello new Nonny! I look forward to hearing more from you!

A/NNN: I do celebrate Christmas, so happy holidays/ New years (Assuming you also celebrate). ENJOY!

I wasn't able to get much sleep that night. Since their essays were due the same day they were written, I wanted to have them all graded but there was a big problem with grading them all in one sitting- they were all the near exact page.

About halfway through the stack, my sister came strutting through the door in the way only she could do.

"Need some help grading?" She asked, fingering the corner of the stack.

"No, I'm going to let them grade their own."

"I'm afraid the only person who will grade their paper like you will, is Liz Sutton."

"Oh! No, I meant their grade will depend on them tomorrow. These papers are so identical that I'm going to erase the names and any identifying marks and make them choose their paper from the pile." I revealed, and Rachel shook her head.

"The girls are going to kill themselves to please you... they can't be that bad, Lane."

I cringed at the nickname. As if Lanie was short enough, but she didn't seem to notice as she skimmed through two papers at the same time. When she finished, I waited patiently to hear her response but her eyes didn't meet mine and she grinned bashfully.

"I told you! They think they are so smart, and it has made them stupid." I exclaimed and Rachel snorted.

"It's not quiet that bad. They just lack creativity."

At Rachel's declaration, I fell back onto my bed, shoving the box of papers off the bed with the heel of my foot and an exaggerated sigh.

I nearly jumped when Rachel also plopped down beside me. I was sure what to think.

"Scoot over, I don't have any room." She said, clearly trying to joke since she had plenty of space- I scooted over anyways.

I wasn't ready to sleep yet, so I sat up on my elbow.

"Let me do your nails." I blurted out before I could actually, and she cracked one eye open.

I hoped off the bed and grabbed the few nail polishes I had from the counter top and made my way back into the room to find Ray sitting up.

Rachel was always a easy going person. She didn't fuss about anything, but especially about her hands. I finished quicker than I wanted to, after painting each nail a perfect mint green.

Even after I was done, we sat up in bed giggling with each other and I had the sudden urge to hug her- so I did.

"I missed you, Rachel." I whispered as she clutched me.

"You and Abby left." She whispered and I almost felt my heart jump from my chest with pain.

"I didn't know. I- I didn't know she would leave you alone. She didn't lose anyone, I don't understand why she was so hurt." I revealed, laying my head down on her shoulder so I wouldn't have to see her face.

"She loved them to."

Rachel's hand brushed through my hair as she said this and I felt the familiar sting in my eyes, but I wouldn't cry in front of Rachel.

"I think Warren loved Abby as more than a sister." I said, as monotonouslly as possible, but Rachel just kissed the top of my head.

It was the first time I had said my worries outloud, but I had thought about it to the point it drove me insane. It would explain so much.

"Not with the way he looked at you. Warren loved you more than you could see."

Long after Rachel had fallen asleep, I lied awake staring at the roof. I shifted to give her a kiss on the cheek.

"I can't promise I will stop running, but I can promise you'll never be alone again and that I'll always come back." I said quietly, and pulled the sheet up more.

When I woke up, Rachel was already gone but I could sense something wrong.

I walked from my room with my gun. Despite what I told my girls, it was useful to have -when scouting. The halls were cold, and my shoes weren't where I had left them. In fact, I couldn't find any of my shoes. I didn't coke across anyone as I inched my way to the grand doors, but nothing prepared me for what I seen on the front lawn.

The scream formed in my throat, but nothing came from my mouth and my gun dropped on the ground, shattering into a million pieces like it was nothing more than glass.

it's just the dream. I screamed to myself, but I still couldn't react... I was never able to react. It was always a different setting, different villans but always the same message.

Everyone you love will die. It's already started.

I woke dead before the dream came to its usual finish. My jolt sent Rachel into a defense immediately until she realized it was me.

"Are you okay?" She asked as I tried to control the anxiety attack the dream always gave me and I tried to nod.

Rachel set on her knees behind me and wrapped her arms around my chest and laid her on my neck. I was momentarily suprised that she still remembered how to help me during an anxiety attack.

I remembered when I first found out Gallagher Academy was a school for spies. When I was just a 7th grader, the lowest on the totem poll, and the idea of being a spy was so... marvelous. They sold Rachel and I on the benefits, the educational opportunities, telling us about the fields we could go into and the missions we would face. Nobody told us, me, about the cost of being a spy. Nobody told me that eventually Rachel and I would split up. That she would take a safe job after Matt died and I would become even more reckless. Worst of all, nobody told me that I would be reduced to a shivering, hyperventilating mess.

It took the better part of an hour, but I was able to calm down enough to sleep, with a thought on my mind, "I was never cut out for this."

Not even Rachel's hold on me could break the chaos of thoughts, even after I fell asleep.