Jemma Simmons' Harem of a Certain Security Level and Income decided to pool intel in Felix Blake's apartment.
"Good job keeping Simmons talking so we could gather intel," Coulson congratulated Garrett. "Blake?"
"Fitz is worried about Simmons," Blake answered. "Wanted to make sure that I warned everyone that we are to be on our best behavior or else he'll kill us. Death by 'The Seven Dwarves', sounds deliciously Disneyfied Death."
"I like Fitz," Garrett laughed.
"What's your analysis, Felix?" Coulson asked.
"Very concerned. Impression I got... concerned because of a reason…. Issue… incident in her past," Felix admitted. "Deliberate in his threats on how we had to behave. Had to treat her well. Now that she's passed the 'OMIGOD they're so goddamn fucking old and crazy' stage, she's still… jittery. Like it's the first time…."
Phil curled his lip and appeared terrified, "Oh good God, no. This is where I get off this crazy train."
"No, not that. Kicking the tires would not brought into the conversation. Or that simply classy comment about her strange fetish to watch you and John dominate me while I was catatonic in true terror. Most virgins don't talk like that unless they've been busy highlighting 50 Shades in hot pink highlighter."
"You've got to like a woman who's willing to explore," Garrett commented. "Though I did warn her that comment was in very bad taste. I told her that you don't swing that way."
He sat down next to Blake and gave him a simpering look. "Oh, honey, you're more into…"
"I'm in Gagging Garrett about now," snapped Felix. "Anyway, she's acting like's it's the first time in a long time that she's been out."
"Kid gloves then," Garrett announced. "Getting a beer. Anyone wants some?"
Two head nods.
"I'll know more after she finishes the questionnaire. I'll run the data analysis on it and let you review my findings," Felix explained.
"Forty two pages, what the hell did you ask her?" Phil questioned.
"I grabbed most of them off eHarmony," Blake admitted. "Then I sprinkled in a few questions to keep it off balance so she couldn't detect a pattern. If she was a flower, which one would she be? Does she like dogs? What's the difference between an egg and a rock? If you were on an island and there was a box, what would be in the box? Those will take her several hours to answer as she's quite verbose. Hey, John? Grab some chips while you're there, ok?"
Blake leaned towards Phil and whispered, "I don't think I'm up for this assignment. I need to recuse myself."
"You're not leaving me with John on this," protested Phil.
"My condition… my illness… there are thoughts that my mind might focus on," explained Felix. "Not nice thoughts involving Simmons. I couldn't deal well if those thoughts were in my mind. It's a possibility now as she did make that rather rude comment."
"Oh," Phil exhaled.
"Yes. I need to be immediately relieved of this assignment. However, I'd really prefer that the reason for my withdrawal is not made public."
"Felix, there are many different ways your condition can present itself. You check things compulsively, you worry about unintentionally screwing up and causing someone to get hurt, and you need order and symmetry. You're not a hoarder, you don't wash your hands until you bleed, and I can assure you that I highly doubt you've ever had a moral thought in your head. Plus, Sitwell and Ward are still among the living so you have not had any homicidal thoughts."
Felix relaxed slightly.
"Have you ever had a sexually violent thought about anyone, Felix? Answer me truthfully, because I will get you removed from this if you tell me yes, but I want the truth," Phil quietly requested.
"Never," Blake admitted. "But since New York, I don't think about it, at all."
"Liar," Phil retorted. "You're not dead, Felix. I know you've done the Frickle Frackle since New York."
"Two people I trust that can handle me if I freak out," Felix admitted. "Who the hell calls it Frickle Frackle. Say it what it is, fucking. Rub and tug, even, but frickle freckle?"
"Don't use that naughty word in front of Dr. Simmons," John chastised. "Couldn't find your chips, so be a good host and find them, wontcha?"
Garrett settled while Blake cursed a blue streak, muttering that Garret was too lazy to actually look for anything.
"Felix is thinking deep thinky thoughts, isn't he?" Garrett quietly asked.
Phil wearily nodded his head once.
"Mainly worried that he might start having sexually violent fantasies about Simmons."
"Not Felix," protested Garrett.
"It's a possibility with my diagnosis," Felix admitted as he handed Garrett a bag of chips.
"If you did start thinking… these thoughts…would you act on them?" Garrett asked.
"NO," Felix protested.
"Starting acting like Marcus Daniel?" Coulson questioned. "Stalking or otherwise putting her in danger? You haven't this urge to start spouting off ridiculous poetic nonsense of her being the light of your kife, the center of your universe?""
"No," Felix intently stated. "No, never. And seriously, Phil, I'm the most unpoetic soul I know."
"If for any reason, I thought you were a danger to Simmons, I'd put a stop to it. Yet, I'm not sure if this is a legitimate fear or just you worrying about hurting someone… which is another OCD symptom that you have in spades. When's your next appointment with your counselor?"
"Monday night," Felix admitted.
"I'll talk to him?" Phil offered. "Get the lay of the land, and if he believes you to be a danger to Simmons, then I'll get you removed."
"Please," Felix requested. "I'll stay away from Sushi night."
"No," Phil insisted. "If you misbehave, I'll taze you."
If you were a flower, which one would you be? Why?
How far east can you go before you're heading west?
If the answer is blowing in the wind, then is the question swimming in the waves?
If you jaywalk in a J shape, then are you automatically considered a criminal mastermind?
Phil is to _ as John is to _ and Felix is to _
If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his iPod?
If man evolved from monkeys, how come we still have monkeys?
How can something be "new" and "improved"? if it's new, what was it improving on?
What type of animal is Snuffleupagus?
If you had a three story house and were in the second floor, isn't it possible that you can be upstairs and downstairs at the same time?
You're a new addition to the crayon box, what color would you be and why?
Jemma Simmons took a quick gander at the questionnaire and decided it was time for bed.
Sunday 4:00 PM.
There was a knock on her door, and Simmons peered hopefully at Skye and Fitz who had decided to have dinner in the Fitzsimmons' apartment. Perhaps they'd decide to leave.
No such luck.
"I wonder who that could be," Fitz asked.
"I don't know, why doesn't Simmons open the door and find out," helpfully suggested Skye.
"I hate you both," Simmons firmly stated.
"Be home by eleven, but maybe I should tell your gentleman friend that," Fitz insisted, in his best paternal tones. "Invite your gentleman friend in."
Simmons scowled as both Skye and Fitz giggled. Thankfully they stopped when she opened the door to reveal John Garrett in black jeans, obligatory turtle neck, black leather jacket, and he had two motorcycle helmets.
"Hello," Garrett announced. "Wearing leather boots, that's good. I figured we'd can practice in the parking garage for a bit before we get out on the open road."
"Practicing what?" Skye asked.
"Riding double," Garrett gleefully exclaimed. "On my Harley. Shall we go?"
"Is it safe?" Leo Fitz protested.
"You want safe, catch a ride with Phil or Felix," he retorted. "In this Great Trinity, I'm Maheshwara."
John Garrett gave her explicit instructions on how to ride as a passenger, a great deal of practice in the parking lot …. All of which she promptly forgot when he left the parking lot with her in tow. She just grabbed his waist and hung on for dear life.
Bastard was laughing, she knew it.
She clung to Garrett like her life depended on it (As really it did) but as her fear faded, she realized that he was actually cruising at a sedate speed with plenty of stopping distance and a slow acceleration. They were soon joined by another motorcyclist who had a passenger also. They acknowledged Garrett and she would have waved…. Or done something, but she was still holding onto Garrett.
The other passenger was relaxed and he was most assuredly NOT clutching his driver.
They drove side by side for a bit until they both turned left and pulled into a small side street. There was a small parking lot and they pulled into it, where Garrett turned off his bike. He stood and she stayed glued to the bike.
"You can get off now," Garrett offered as he removed his helmet.
The other motorcyclists were revealed to be Felix Blake with Phil Coulson in the bitch seat. Phil easily got off the bike as did Felix. They looked at each other, looked at Jemma and then wordlessly extended their arms to help her get off the bike.
And both being perfect gentlemen, they didn't say a single word when after she got off the bike, her knees gave out and she nearly fell.
"We'll need to take our boots off," Phil explained to Jemma. "They have tatami floors."
"Oh," she said, because she suddenly remembered that she was wearing a rather funky pair of socks.
"This is a traditional Japanese sushi restaurant. I found it one day and I keep coming back as the fish is always fresh," Phil explained. "Felix and I will help you with some of the traditions. Just follow us, and don't jump when they yell, 'irasshaimase' when we come in."
"There's yelling and raw fish," Simmons repeated. "Sounds delightful."
"Sorry, Phil wasn't in the mood for Pizza Hut," Felix Blake growled.
"Come on, Jemma, this is a chance to experience something that you normally don't do. Enjoy it," protested Garrett.
She was standing in her hot pink sock clad feet when the staff member yelled, "irasshaimase!" Fortunately, she didn't jump.
"Smile, nod your head," Felix hissed while Phil spoke in Japanese to one of the staff. "They will hand you a wet towel, wipe your hands with it. Don't use it as a napkin. Phil's ordering the omakase from the itamae which means that he's trusting the chef to prepare the best of what he has."
"Him?" Simmons asked.
"Women's hands are deemed too warm to serve sushi," Felix explained. "We order the sushi from the itamae, while everything else is from the waitress."
"This is all very confusing," Simmons admitted.
"Don't worry, we'll take care of you," promised Garrett, which is how she found herself snugly sitting between Felix and Phil. John was sitting on the other side of Felix and she was staring at the raw fish, wondering what each was. Meanwhile, the boys chatted in Japanese with the itamae, who seemed familiar with her delinquents as he pulled out a bottle of sake for them. Fortunately,Felix kept up a running translation for her. He seemed… in an odd mood, as though he was forcing himself to be sociable.
"No Winston?" She asked as really, she was a little nervous as Blake still seemed rather prickly.
"I don't bring him everywhere," Blake tersely explained.
"We usually don't bring him when we're having dinner," Garrett inserted. "One time Phil turned his head and Winston ate his Kobe steak."
She couldn't help it, she giggled and Blake glared at her. He had really intense sky blue eyes, she noticed so she looked towards Phil, who was nodding his head in agreement.
"He's really a remarkable dog," protested Blake.
"Felix, your dog ate a forty dollar piece of steak," protested Phil. "Took it off my plate."
"Actually, I gave it to him," admitted Blake. "He was hungry, you were flirting."
Jemma giggled at the horrified look on Phil's face.
Dinner was surprisingly relaxing, as the men…. Boys… Harem members… seemed to settle down. She learned proper etiquette, how to slurp her soup, how to hold her chopsticks. She tried different types of fish and most importantly, she watched the boys interact.
John was the instigator, Felix was the introvert and Phil was the buffering influence that kept the team working together. Phil had laugh lines around his eyes and a wicked smile, Felix had surprisingly graceful hands and Garrett's laugh was infectious.
Plus Blake and Coulson smelled really delicious. Two complimentary colognes, wedged knee to knee with two men.
Really, a surprisingly enjoyable meal and she was disappointed when dinner was over. The men escorted her out, but Blake stayed behind and helped her put her boots back on. Since John and Phil had already 'booted up' they were outside, waiting for them.
"So, I didn't put this on the questionnaire, but I'd like an answer. Why do you have this need to watch Phil and John dominate me?"
Her mouth dropped open. Felix's smile was brittle and his eyes were an icy blue.
"Do you really dislike me that much that you want to watch me have a panic attack? Seriously, what the fuck have I ever done to you?"