Disclaimer-This is fan fiction. Note that the key word is 'fan'.
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Chapter 11-
What was I thinking?
I kissed Sirius.
Oh Merlin...
Why did I do that? Why? That was completely stupid. He's my friend and I have a boyfriend. That breaks two rules right there! I don't even like him!
Do I?
Oh no. What if I fancy Sirius? I can't fancy him! For the past three years I've been betting on his love life and let's just say that he's not exactly the type of person that you want to be involved with. We've only been friends for a little over a month and now I've gone and ruined it!
Wait...He was the one who kissed me...
Great. That's even better. I have become just another mindless ditz in his eyes and I didn't really do myself any justice when I kissed him back. Ugh. I've had a boyfriend for less than twenty four hours and already I'm unfaithful.
What was I thinking?
Why, oh why, did I kiss Sirius Black? What would ever posess me to do that? It's Sirius Black. That should have been enough to send off alarms in my head. But no. I blatantly ignored them and snogged him anyway. This is possibly one of the most moronic things I've ever done in my entire life.
OK, nothing is getting accomplished here. As much as I would love to wallow in self-pity all morning, I need to eat. I have to show my face. People might get suspicious. Although the last thing they would suspect is that I'm hiding from Sirius because I kissed him last night. Or he kissed me. Bloody hell, it's all the same! Either way, the story is quite unbelievable because, well, I'm me. There's no logical reason why he would kiss me...actually, the whole idea of someone kissing me is quite absurd.
"Good morning!" Lily chirped, ripping the hangings on my bed back.
I gave her a blank stare, whimpered, and then hid under my blanket.
"What's wrong?" she demanded, fighting with me to pull the blanket away.
HA! Like I was going to blab about last night...
"Nothing," I growled, tugging on my blanket.
"Do you really expect me to believe that?" Lily scoffed, finally wretching my blanket away from me.
"Yes," I mumbled back.
"Ahhh," she said knowingly, "I know what happened."
I'd be a liar if I said my eyes didn't turn the size of dinner plates.
"You do?" I squeaked.
"You feel rotten because you're leading that poor bloke on," she nodded.
I let out the breath I was holding, only to suck it back in quickly a few moments later.
Phillip...Why can't I just disappear?
I wonder how much secret underground liars go for these days...
"Er, yeah, that's it," I sighed dejectedly.
"Just break things off at breakfast," Lily suggested, running a brush through her auburn hair.
"Lilllllly, you just don't understand," I groaned, trudging to the bathroom.
She gave me a puzzled look before I snapped the bathroom door shut. I leaned back against it and slowly let myself slide down, hitting the floor with my bum harshly.
I can not fancy Sirius Black.
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"Pass the butter, please," Peter asked, finally breaking the silence.
Everyone was strangely quiet. I have the feeling that James suspects something. He keeps giving me funny looks. Well, that might be because I'm darting my eyes around in a paranoid kind of way. It's quite difficult to keep an eye out for my annoying boyfriend and avoid Sirius's eyes at the same time.
It's actually really odd. I would have imagined that Sirius would have avoided me like the plague, but he sat down right across from me and has been staring at me ever since. It's rather disconcerting. I swear he hasn't blinked in like three minutes. And you know what? The sick bloke is enjoying it! I know that he's indulging in the way I squirm around uncomfortably, like an ant under a magnifying glass.
"Courtney!"
I can't say I didn't wince and shrink down in my seat when I spotted Phillip coming my way.
"Hey, Phillip," I greeted with a pained smile as he sat down beside me.
"Drink some bad pumpkin juice?" Sirius sneered.
I glared at him before turning back to Phillip. I was very, very startled (and somewhat alarmed) when he kissed me. He's like-like a surprise snogger! Nobody likes a surprise snogger. What have I gotten myself into?
I panicked when I saw him coming in for a second kiss. My eyes desperately scanned the table for some help and nobody seemed too willing to give me a hand. I guess I had to get out of this myself. The first thing I saw was a plate of toast, so I did what I had to do.
I shoved a piece of toast into his opened gob.
And he choked.
I don't mean he coughed and sputtered a bit, I mean he choked.
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A half hour later, here I am in the hospital wing sitting next to Phillip. He was blue by the time I got him down here. Madam Pomfrey threw a fit when she saw me come in with him. After I was scolded (apparently I should have known how to save him), I was permitted to sit in a chair beside him.
"I'm so sorry about that, Phillip," I apologized.
"It's alright. I knew you wouldn't intentionally hurt me like that," he said, smiling.
I tried my best to pass my snort off as a cough, but I think Madam Pomfrey knew I really wasn't coughing.
"I, er, just thought you might like some toast," I lied weakly.
Merlin, I'm going to burn in hell.
A few awkward minutes later, Lily came in to get me for class. My stomach dropped when we got outside. Lily wasn't alone. She brought along the whole gang, all of which were glaring at me.
"What were you trying to do? Kill him?" James cried, throwing his hands up.
"Not really," I mumbled.
"Don't you ever think before you do things?" Lily asked sharply.
"Obviously not," Sirius snorted.
"I didn't expect him to choke on it!" I protested.
"You expected him to swallow a whole piece of toast when you shoved it down his throat unexpectedly?" Remus questioned, raising an eyebrow.
"Peter, would you like to add anything to this?" I sighed wearily.
He shook his head at me.
"That's spectacular!" I said dryly, "You are going to be my new best friend."
I grabbed his arm roughly and proceeded to drag him down to Charms, leaving everyone else behind. To be honest, the boy looked terrified. I've always had the feeling I kind of intimidated him...
"W-what?" he stammered.
"Right now, you are the only person that isn't going to spout insults at me," I replied smartly, pushing him into the seat next to mine.
He gave me a wary look and let out a shuddering breath.
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I have come to the conclusion that Peter Pettigrew is a mute. Either that or he's too frightened to engage in conversation with me. I've tried to talk about everything. I started out with the next Hogsmeade trip, went to candy, and then quidditch. I even tried to talk to him about girls! Although now he might think I'm a lesbian...
That's just peachy.
On top of all this, I swear that Sirius's eyes are burning a hole in the back of my head. He's been staring at me the entire class. I'm not sure why though. It's really bugging me.
A piece of wadded up parchment smacked the side of my face. I looked over to see Lily with her eyes transfixed on the note. I think she believes that she's sending me telepathic messages or something. I've always suspected that she might have a few loose screws in her head...
Did you break up with Phillip yet?
I couldn't help but laugh out loud. That seemed to alarm Peter seeing as he scooted his chair a little farther away from me. Did she really expect me to just break up with him today? What was I supposed to do? Tell him I didn't like him on our way to the hospital wing as he's choking?
No! I told you I have to wait a while.
She scowled at me before returning to her conversation with James.
I can't please everyone, now can I?
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Sirius's POV
I am a horrible person. I don't think horrible even begins to cover it.
The day after one of my best mates tells me that he likes a girl, I go and snog her. Not only did I snog her, but she snogged me back. She also has a boyfriend. So, to sum it up, I snogged my friend's crush of two years who is some other blokes girlfriend who is also a close friend of mine. There are too many 'friends' in that sentence...
After that, she pretty much tells me that she wants nothing to do with me.
I will admit that this girl perplexes me. I honestly don't have any idea why I fancy her (yes, I've come to terms with it). There's really nothing special about her. She's not tall and leggy, which is quite desirable. She's average in height, which is alright. Her hair is long and jet black with loose curls at the bottom. She definitely doesn't make an effort with it. It's brushed out and that's it. Unlike other girls, she doesn't obsess over hair. Hair is quite important. And then there's her eyes. They're grey, definitely not something special. I'm more of a blonde hair and blue eyes kind of guy, so why am I falling for her?
Courtney Meadowes frustrates me.
She keeps giving me funny looks because I've been staring at her. I'm just trying to figure out what it is about her that I like so much. There's just something about her. ARGH! I just want to know what that bloody something is so I can get over it!
"Courtney doesn't seem to like her boyfriend that much," Remus commented quietly.
"I don't think she likes him at all," I muttered, finally taking my eyes off of her.
"Why is she dating him then?" he hissed.
"I dunno," I shrugged.
Remus gave a defeated sigh and slumped back in his seat.
I'm a terrible friend.
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"Sirius, can I talk to you for a moment?" Courtney asked on our way out of Charms, "In private?"
She gave a significant look to Lily, James, Remus, and Peter who stood rooted in their place. Once she realized that they didn't intend on moving, she got all huffy and shoved me into a broom closet. I can't say that this didn't excite me a bit.
"I knew you couldn't resist me," I said arrogantly, groping around in the dark to find her.
"I would really appreciate it if you stopped staring at me all the time," she snapped, "You've had your fun watching me squirm around under your piercing gaze, so now it's time to stop."
"I'm not trying to annoy you," I bit back.
"Oh, really?" she asked dryly.
Why did give me the urge to snog her senseless?
"Really," I growled.
"Either way, you need to stop gawking at me. To be honest with you, I find it quite alarming," she said.
Silence followed and I wasn't about to stand here in a broom closet all day with her. I mean, come on, I'm Sirius Black. I don't just stand in a broom closet with a girl. My hands started groping around again until I found her hair. It was soft and almost silky. I ran my fingers through it and tried to pull her closer, but she wouldn't budge.
"Lumos," she whispered.
Bugger.
"Sirius, why are you molesting that duster?" Courtney asked, giving me a funny look.
I stared at her and then the purple duster that was wedged in between two shelves. After it sunk it, I had the decency to open and close my mouth like a fish and turn red. I guess she's on the other side of the broom closet...
"Er...it's very soft and I was thinking about knicking it," I replied haughtily, ripping it from the shelves.
"Why would you steal a duster?" she questioned.
"Why wouldn't I?" I retorted, throwing the door open and stomping out with my purple duster in hand.
I attempted to salvage what little dignity I had left as I walked through the corridors, proudly displaying my purple duster. Many people did double-takes but I gave them dirty looks. Although when Regulus sniggered at me, I accidentlyonpurpose hexed him.
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"Sirius," James started, "I was, er, well, actually we all were, wondering why you've been taking that purple duster everywhere with you."
"I happen to like this duster," I answered, caressing the object.
"Oh," he said, exchanging a worried glance with Remus.
I looked over at Courtney to see that she looked rather ill. She was almost green in the face. When I turned around, I found the reason.
"Hi, Phillip," she greeted half-heartedly.
I'm beginning to think that he stalks her.
"Wow, Courtney. You don't look so good," Phillip commented, taking a seat across from her and beside me.
I couldn't help but snort at that.
"I'm fine," she shrugged.
"I was wondering if you might want to take a walk with me," he said, looking hopeful.
I heard a clatter and looked over to see Remus drop his fork, his face turning red. I must admit that Remus has been taking this better than I have. Or he might be better at hiding it. Although I did find a picture in our dormitory that had a small stick-person with a spear through its head that looked suspiciously like Phillip. Come to think of it, I believe it was labeled as Phillip...in Remus's handwriting.
"It's cold enough to snow out there," Courtney pointed out.
"You can use my cloak," he offered.
"I'm sure she has her own cloak," I cut in, grinding my teeth.
Courtney gave me a puzzled look before standing up and walking away with Phillip. I sighed and glanced over at Remus who looked muderous. I can't say that I feel much better about the situation either.
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Courtney's POV
I shivered as soon as Phillip and I stepped outside. I instantly regretted ever coming out here with him in the first place. I just couldn't take Sirius any longer. He's been acting so strange lately. He was acting kind of odd before we kissed too.
I watched the stiff grass crunch beneath my feet as we walked along the lake. Phillip was quiet and kind of fidgety, giving me a quick glance every few seconds. His warm hand suddenly clasped on to mine. I turned to face him and then it happened again. I was the victim of a surprise snogging.
I couldn't just shove him away or anything. He is my boyfriend. I didn't want him to think I didn't like him either, so I did what I had to do and kissed him back. It didn't feel right though. There weren't any pleasant chills coursing through my body, there wasn't any excitement when our lips connected, his touch didn't make my skin tingle, and my I didn't feel butterflies flutter in my stomach. I felt nothing. Everything that a kiss should have was missing. There wasn't a single spark between us. At that moment, I knew for sure that he wasn't right for me. He wasn't my 'Prince Charming'.
He wasn't Sirius.
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This isn't good. This is not good at all. I didn't think that this would ever happen to me.
I fancy Sirius Black.
Oh Merlin. Just thinking those words make me want to vomit. This can't be happening. I refuse to fancy him. Damn these teenage hormones...
No matter what happens though, I cannot give into him. A relationship with that prat wouldn't last longer than three days. I'm not about to get my heart broken over a stupid crush. I imagine that in a week or two, possibly a month, I will be over him. My infatuation with him won't last long. It's just physical attraction. It has to be. I've always acknowledged that he was very handsome, but I've never really been attracted to him like this. It was bound to happen I suppose. I'll just let it blow over and try to make sure that I don't get involved with him. That is a brilliant plan. It's flawless.
I'm so angry with myself. Everytime I let my mind wander, I think of last night when I snogged him. I'm not going to say that it was horrible or dreadful. That would be a big, fat lie. It was wonderful. It felt the way a good kiss should feel.
Perfect.
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A/N-Aren't you proud of me? Haha, I'm proud of me. I was surprised I got this chapter up so soon but all those reviews motivated me. Hint hint. I know this chapter was kind of short but some stuff I feel needs to be in a different chapter. Within the next few chapters, Sirius's guilt will become more evident (as will his attraction to Courtney) so don't think that he totally disregards his friend's feelings. Hopefully the next chapters will give some more insight on the feelings of the characters. I just didn't want to jam it all into one chapter. Reviews would be greatly appreciated. A slice of pie (flavor of your choice) will be given with each review. Ice cream is also an option.