"Jason, you are officially the best present wrapper I have ever seen wrap anything in my whole life. How the hell do you do that?" Dick asked incredulously. Jason grinned broadly and swiftly wrapped another gift, perfectly folding corners and tying bows.
"I can't even figure out how to get the paper not to fall apart", Bruce grunted, "damn stupid gift." Jason grinned, happy to be the best at something for once. Tim snarled and tossed his present down.
"That's it, Kon's present doesn't need to be wrapped." He folded his arms moodily and sat down.
"Aww, come on Timmy, we can't all be present masters like me, now can we?" Jason said mockingly. Tim gave him a dark look. "Here", Jason said, taking Kon's gift, "come here, I'll help you."
"I don't want help", Tim muttered, coming over.
Jason tugged the smaller boy onto his lap and said, "Here, this is how you do it."
"Jason, I'm not sitting on your lap for this."
"Ohh, but Timmy, you're just so cute and tiny."
"I am not", Tim snapped, "I'm normal sized, it's just you all are all freakishly huge."
"Sure", Dick agreed sarcastically, tying a bow, "that's it." Tim gave a snarl and started to get up.
"Hold still", Jason said, dragging him back down, "and let me help you."
"Fine", Tim grumbled. Jason grinned and took the younger man's hands in his own, larger ones.
"You take this corner and put it here and then take this one and put it here. Good boy. Now take the bow like this. Good, good, see it's not so hard."
"Yea", Tim muttered good-naturedly, "when you help. How'd you get so good anyway?"
"Well, there was this guy dealing drugs to kids down on the north side of Gotham but he was doing it by disguising them as presents so the cops wouldn't catch on or nothing. I don't know, it made more sense back then than it does now. Point is, I wanted to have some poetic justice so I sent him a bunch of presents with warning notes in 'em and finally ended up sending him a bomb, wrapped all pretty in red sparkly paper with a blue bow on top.
It was one of the best presents I ever wrapped though, you all should have seen it before it exploded. Anyway, I wrapped for a while and I got really good at doing those corner just right and all that shit." Bruce rolled his eyes.
"Nice to know those turbulent years gave you such a useful skill to hold on to." Jason shrugged and grinned.
"Glad you're looking for the sunny side dad. Anyway Timmy, you think you can handle this now?" Tim nodded. "Thanks Jay." Jason saluted him playfully and let the younger man up.
"Well", Bruce said, "I'm thinking we're pretty close to being done, don't you?" Damian nodded.
"I have finished wrapping my gifts father."
"How many did you have to wrap Damipoo", Tim teased "two? One for Dick and one for Bruce right?"
"If you must know Drake, the presents I have for family members are upstairs. These are for Gordon and Colin."
"Did you get me a present?" Jason asked.
"Yes" Damian replied.
"Eeep", Jason squealed, "What is it?"
"You will see it on Christmas, Todd", Damian replied. Jason rolled his eyes.
"It'd be just like you to make me wait, huh?"
"I'm going to get Clark's gift", Bruce said, getting up, "Jason, maybe you can help me wrap it."
"Can do daddy, but I thought you already got Kansas boy something. Yea, but I started to feel guilty about getting him that key chain so I went out and got him the TV too."
"Aww Bruce", Dick crooned, "that's so sweet." Bruce rolled his eyes and started out of the room.
"Alfred", he yelled, "Where'd that TV I got Clark go?"
"I believe you put it in your room Master Bruce but perhaps you should get someone to help you move it though, so you do not break your back."
"Aww Alfred, I'll be fine. I'm Batman." With that, Bruce trotted up the stairs and into his room. The TV looked bigger than he remembered as he leaned down to try and lift it. About twenty minutes later, when Bruce had finally made it down the stairs and back into the living room, sweating and panting and rubbing his lower back, he was confronted with three giggling boys standing around a large present.
"Who's that for?" Bruce panted, "And where's Damian?" All three of them swung around, large playful grins on their faces.
"It's for you Daddy", Jason said, "You should open it now though."
"Why?' Bruce asked.
"Just 'cause", Dick replied, "Come on, open it."
"Alright", Bruce said suspiciously. He ripped off the paper and opened the box. There, tied in ribbon at the bottom was very sour looking Damian. Dick, Tim and Jason erupted into laughter. "Aww", Bruce crooned, barely able to fight back his giggling as he scooped the boy out of the packing peanuts, "Did they wrap you up son?" Bruce pulled the ribbon gag out of Damian's mouth and was sorry he did a moment later.
"Father, they tried to MURDER me!"
"Well", Bruce said, tugging off the rest of the boy's bonds, "I have to say, you're probably the best little Christmas present I've ever gotten." He tugged Damian close, giving him a snuggle. Damian couldn't surpass a tiny grin.
"Am I really?"
"Definitely", Bruce said.
"Better than Drake?"
"Well, Timmy wasn't a Christmas present."
"But if he was?" Bruce rolled his eyes.
"I don't know, Timmy usually does what I say."
"Damn Bruce", Jason said "This TV is enormous, can I have it?"
"Jason, you move around so much, what are you supposed to do with a TV?"
"I dunno, something."
"Well blue jay, if you really want a TV, I suppose I can get you one for Christmas." Jason giggled.
"Hey", he said, "You called me blue jay. You hardly ever call me blue jay anymore." Bruce shrugged and hefted Damian onto one hip.
"I figured it was kind of childish."
"I like it", Jason replied.
"Well", Bruce said, ruffling his hair, "then that's what I'll call you." Jason grinned and bounded over to the TV to begin wrapping it.
"I'm just kidding about the TV", he continued cheerfully, butt twitching slightly as though he wished there were a tail attached to wag, "I'll just come over and watch yours." Bruce smiled softly to himself, wondering when it last had been so easy to make Jason that happy.
"Guys", Dick called "I'm done wrapping presents, can we go make cookies now?"
"Give me a sec", Jason called.
"Father", Damian said suddenly, "Where's Titus?"
"I don't know kiddo, you wanna go find him?" Damian nodded and slid out of Bruce's arms. Tim bounded in with a book under his arm.
"Jay", he called "Will you help me wrap this?"
"Sure", Jason replied, "What is it?" He looked over the book Tim placed on his lap. "The Extended Encyclopedia of Past Scientists that have made Important Contributions to Physics, is this for Bruce because I know it's not for Kon?"
"No", Tim said bashfully, "it's for me."
"It's for you?" Jason asked incredulously, "You got a present for yourself?" Tim shrugged.
"I figured no one else was going to get it for me so I got it for myself. It'll be nice to have to unwrap on Christmas morning so I'm guaranteed at least one gift I'll really enjoy."
"You little shit", Jason growled playfully, grabbing him in a headlock.
"Hey", Tim howled, trying to wrestle his way out, "stop it!"
"You are so weird Timmy", Jason snarled teasingly, ruffling his hair and throwing the smaller boy over his shoulders.
"Jason", Tim whimpered, kicking his legs against the older man's back, "Put me down Jay."
"Whatever you say bird boy", Jason replied, tossing Tim onto the couch and hopping up on top of him.
"Jason", Tim giggled. Jason nuzzled his hair and sat up on top of him, placing just the right amount of weight on his heels so as not to cause Tim any discomfort.
"Tell you what sport, how's about it's a present from me."
"Come on", Tim said rolling his eyes, "You couldn't pick out that good of a present for me." Jason rolled his eyes and tickled Tim, who squealed and writhed beneath him.
"Jason, you better not be murdering anyone", Bruce called from the kitchen.
"I'm not Dad", Jason replied.
"Ok, but I want Timmy in one piece later."
"He will be. Yeesh, dad's so protective of you. I bet it's because you're his little Timmy." Tim rolled his eyes, still grinning and panting. "Alright, so that book is now officially a present from me", Jason continued, "but now I need an extra present too. Hmm, lets see." He gazed around the room before his eyes fell on Tim, still squished in the couch beneath him. "Got it", Jason said, picking a stray bow up off the ground. He put it down on Tim's head.
"What are you doing?" Tim asked.
"You're my Christmas present this year Timmy. For Christmas, I got the perfect baby brother." Tim rolled his eyes.
"Aww Jason, quit being so sappy", he groaned, though there was a blush lighting his cheeks, "this isn't a Folgers commercial."
"The very best part of waking up is Fulgers in your cup", Jason sang brightly, "Although in all actuality, I hate coffee so I feel like, if I found Fulgers instead of orange juice in my cup, I'd be a little upset." Tim gave him a sassy look and Jason giggled and pulled him up close, hugging him tightly. At first, Tim wiggled and squirmed but, after a moment, gave a defeated sigh and hugged him back.
"Jason I hate you", he murmured darkly.
"I know baby bird", Jason replied softly, "I love you too."
"Cookies", Dick called from the kitchen, "it's time to bake cookies guys!"
"Ohh, cookies", Jason said excitedly, and tossed Tim over his shoulders, bounding to the kitchen.
"Jason", Tim howled, "put me down Jason."
"Me and Timmy are here, bring on the cookies."
"Put him down Jason", Bruce said.
"Yea", Tim growled, "put me down Jay." Jason giggled and put Tim down.
"He's just so portable daddy", Jason whined.
"You're right", Bruce said gravely, putting his hand on Tim's shoulder, "You are pretty portable Timmy." Tim rolled his eyes and shrugged Bruce's hand off.
"Now", Dick said, standing in front of them in an apron with flour on his face, "I have helped Alfred prepare and bake the dough, shaping it into small people so now we're ready to make us some quality cookies. I figure we can each make ourselves and then, in the end, we'll have a cookie family. Alfred, you are, of course, expected to participate." Alfred rolled his eyes.
"Of course master Dick." For about thirty minutes, the bat family sculpted and added candy to small, miniature models of themselves in cookie form. Once they were done, Tim was the first person to claim one.
"I call the Damian cookie."
"And, I lay claim to Drake", Damian said.
"Ohh, Alfred, can I eat you", Dick asked.
"Of course Master Dick, however, I would like Master Bruce. Heaven knows, with all the grief he's given me over the years, I shall find it most gratifying to eat his head." Bruce smirked.
"Alright blue jay, I'll eat you." Jason nodded, grinning.
"It's what you've been waiting to do your whole life old man", he whispered huskily. Bruce rolled his eyes and gave him a shove. "I guess I get dickie bird then", Jason continued, "I'm gonna eat his legs off first so he won't do any more of those damn flips." Dick snickered and bit into the Alfred cookie.
"Ohh, Alfred you're tasty."
"Why thank you Master Dick, I am sure you are equally tantalizing."
"He is pretty tantalizing", Jason said, chewing the Dick cookie's left leg.
"Hah Drake", Damian said with his mouth full, "I have consumed your lower half. You shall never again run the streets of Gotham or procreate or anything else of that nature." Tim rolled his eyes.
"Yea well, guess what Damian, you don't have a head anymore so you're not much better off."
"Father", Damian whined, "Drake ate my head."
"Yea well, you ate his balls", Jason said, "so I'm siding with Tim on this one that you guys are pretty even."
"Jason", Dick admonished, "quit being so vulgar." Jason snickered.
"I'm gonna call Kon", Tim said, "see when the best time would be for me to come over and give him his present tomorrow."
"Master Damian", Alfred said, "don't you think that perhaps Titus needs to go out."
"Alright", Damian agreed, "come Titus, lets go." Titus, who had been licking crumbs off the floor, jovially followed Damian out the back door.
"I'm gonna wrap you guys's presents", Dick said, bounding away.
"Hey Dad", Jason said, turning to Bruce just as Alfred left the kitchen, saying something about dusting banisters, "I'm probably gonna be gone for a while this afternoon, is that ok?"
"Of course Jason", Bruce replied, putting an arm around his shoulders. "You don't even need to ask."
"Thanks Dad", Jason said, grinning.
He was about to bound up to his room and get his coat when Bruce said suddenly, "Just out of curiosity, where are you going?"
"Well", Jason said bashfully, scuffing one foot over the other, "every year for Christmas since, you know, I've been alone, I've gone to that soup kitchen down by Crime Alley, you know, to help out. I mean, I used to get food there sometimes, especially around Christmas, and just hang out because it was so cold. I figure, since I haven't had a Christmas that miserable since you took me on, I ought to give back."
He gave a shrug and gazed at Bruce, trying to see if he understood. Bruce grinned at him. "Can I go with you?" he asked.
"You…you want to", Jason queried.
"Sure", Bruce said with a smile, "Can we take your brothers too?"
"You're gonna have to push and shove to even get Damian out the door to help somebody when it doesn't involve beating anyone to a pulp", Jason replied with a chuckle, "but the more the merrier as far as I'm concerned, just don't go adopting any more orphans."
"I've got my hands full with Damian" Bruce replied.
"Well", Jason said, grinning, "You are a bit of an orphan magnet."
"I just can't help my paternal allure", Bruce replied haughtily, "after all, I am probably the best father that ever lived, or at least, that's what it says on the mug Tim got me last year for Father's day." Jason snickered.
"Well, you know little Timmy, he's a kiss ass."
"These people smell", Damian muttered, grasping Dick's hand.
"Son", Bruce chided, "Have a little compassion." Damian sniffed.
"Hey Paul", Jason said happily, going foreword to embrace the slightly balding older man, "I brought some family to help out this year." Paul gazed at them, surprised.
"I didn't even know you had family, Jason."
"Yea, well, they kinda crawled out of the woodwork just recently."
"Pretty sure it was the other way around Jay", Tim replied with an eye roll.
"Anyway", Jason continued, ignoring the younger man, "this is my older brother Dick, my two little brothers Tim and Damian and my dad Bruce."
"Pleased to meet all of you", Paul said with a large grin, "believe me, your help is more than welcome. We always need a few extra hands this time of year when it gets so cold." Bruce nodded and smiled.
"We're happy to help, just tell us what to do."
"Well Bruce, since you're kind of a big guy, I'll have you help unload boxes from the back. Dick, maybe you can help with that too."
"Sure", Dick agreed.
"Jason, you can supervise, since you're used to that, help out where you're needed." Jason nodded. "Tim, maybe you wouldn't mind washing dishes?"
"Not at all", Tim said with a grin.
"And little Damian", the man said, bending down to talk to the smallest Wayne, "how about you help serve food?"
"I suppose", Damian said dryly.
Damian was irritated, to say the least. He already hated being cute and small, so why did everyone have to go about pointing it out? His cheeks were sore from all the pinching (they weren't that chubby!) his hair was a mess from all the ruffling and he was sick of all the cooing.
He would hand a lady a piece of bread. "Ohh, aren't you the most precious little thing ever!" (insert cheek pinch here).
He would pour a bit of soup into an old man's bowel. "Why young man, look at you being so helpful. Such a nice young lad." (cue hair ruffle).
Damian would have flicked their hands away or at least said something rude but he knew his father would kill him if he tried. Apparently, he had to be compassionate, for whatever strange reason that might be.
Just as he was going around a second time with a tray of bread, he felt a tug on his coat. Irritated, Damian turned and found standing in front of him a small girl, tangled brown hair hanging around her neck. "Can I have a piece?' she asked softly.
"Umm…sure", Damian said, handing her the bread. "My name's Damian", he blurted suddenly.
"Mine's Bell", the girl replied, smiling, "Everyone here thinks you're pretty cute, you know?"
"Yea", Damian muttered darkly, "I know. It is quite irritating." Bell giggled.
"Are you Jason's little brother?" she asked. Damian nodded.
"Do you know him?"
"Yea", Bell affirmed, "he comes here every year, but this is the first time I've seen you." Damian shrugged.
"I just recently came to live with my father here in Gotham. I lived with my mother before."
"Ohh", the girl said, "my mom's over there with my little brother and my dad. Times get kinda hard 'round Christmas so we come eat here a lot. Do you get to see your mom ever?" Damian shook his head.
"I'd miss mine terrible", Bell murmured, "if I never got to see her, don't you miss yours?" Damian shook his head.
"She's not very nice to me. My father is much nicer." Bell smiled.
"That's good." She pulled her thin jacket around her shoulders and shivered slightly. "It's chilly in here", she murmured. Damian nodded, though he felt no chill with his thick coat on.
"Bell", the woman from the corner called, "time to go baby."
"Coming mommy", Bell called, "well, it was nice to meet you Damian."
"I was pleased to make your acquaintance also", Damian said. Bell giggled and started to bound off.
"Wait", Damian said suddenly. Bell turned around, gazing interestedly at him.
"Here", Damian said, wiggling out of his coat, "take this, it is cold outside."
"Oh", Bell said, putting a hand over her mouth, "I couldn't."
"Yes you can", Damian replied, "I would very much like it if you did. I can get another."
"Well", the girl said slowly, trembling a little, "alright." Then, she rushed up and threw her arms around Damian. "Thank you so much Damian." She wiggled into the coat, zipping it up. "Merry Christmas", she called, darting after her parents.
"Merry Christmas", Damian called in reply, watching her go.
"Hah", Jason said, kneeling down next to Damian, "I knew you had a heart kid."
"I do not", Damian replied haughtily, "I just wanted a new coat was all, and I knew Father would not buy me one unless I disposed of the last one." Jason rolled his eyes.
"Yea right, sure, whatever you say."
After about three hours of work, it was finally time for the Wayne family to leave. "Bruce", Jason snapped as they were walking out the door, "leave that kid."
"But Jason", Bruce whined, "he's an orphan."
"No more orphans Bruce, come on."
"Gee", Tim said, "you are so weird Bruce."
"He's an orphan though", Bruce said, "come on Dick, don't you think we need another orphan?"
"No more orphans", Dick insisted, "now come on, lets go home before you kidnap a child. How do you even know he's an orphan Bruce?"
"Well", Bruce replied, "he kinda looks like an orphan." Jason rolled his eyes.
"You have a small child already Bruce, no new orphans until this kid grows up."
"But he's not an orphan", Bruce grumbled, "I want an orphan." Damian made an affronted sound.
"Are you insinuating that because I am not an orphan, I am somehow inferior to these others? It is not my fault you are not dead Father, it is yours."
"Well, your mom would have to be dead too", Tim said. Damian rolled his eyes.
"An easily rectified problem."
"Well", Bruce said, walking in the door, "What do you all want to do now? It's too late to go out again. Dick you said something about Christmas movies?"
"Ohh yea", Dick said excitedly, "since it is getting pretty late, we can start them now."
"What are we going to watch?" Tim asked.
"Frosty the Snowman", Dick replied excitedly.
"Aww", everyone moaned. Dick made an affronted sound.
"Frosty is a time honored tradition guys, are you insinuating we break such an important part of the Christmas experience?"
"Yes", Jason said, "now, I say we watch this." He dug a movie box out of his jacket and held it up proudly.
"God Rest Ye Merry Chainsaw", Dick read, confused. Jason nodded, grinning.
"It's about this guy that goes around with a chainsaw and kills people on Christmas."
"And you just carry that around with you?" Tim asked.
"Maybe", Jason replied cryptically.
"As exciting as that sounds", Bruce said dryly, "I'd actually rather watch Frosty."
"Yea", Dick said, hopping up and down, "that's two votes for Frosty."
"Alright", Tim muttered, "I suppose anything's better than God Rest Ye Merry Chainsaw."
"I actually am siding with Todd on this", Damian said, "this chainsaw movie looks far more entertaining than a singing man made of snow."
"Alright", Jason said, "here's a compromise. You guys can watch Frosty the Snow moron in here while little d and me watch this movie in my room."
"No", Dick said, "Dami'll get nightmares."
"Grayson", Damian growled, "I do not get nightmares."
"Yes you do", Dick replied, "come on Jason, watch Frosty with us."
"Ohh fine", Jason muttered, "I'll watch stupid Frosty."
After making his way through Frosty, Rudolph, the little Drummer boy, Santa Claus is coming to town and A Christmas Carol (this was Tim's least favorite movie due to the plethora of Tiny Tim jokes that accompanied it every year), Dick was too tired to make it even a tenth of the way through Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer and ended up falling asleep on Jason's lap.
Jason made it through about a tenth more, gently stroking Dick's hair, before leaning heavily against Bruce with a surrender to sleep. Tim made it a full fourth of the way through before succumbing, leaning on Jason's back. Bruce was fairly sure he was the only one awake a third of the way through and was about to get up and see about getting everyone to bed when Damian said softly, "Father." Gazing down at his son, who was curled up on his lap in the footie pajamas Dick insisted he wear, Bruce scooped the boy up, lifting him onto his chest.
"What's up son?" he asked.
"Thank you", Damian whispered softly, "for all this. It has been the best Christmas ever."
"Better than the one where your mom gave you a private island?" Bruce asked, grinning. Damian nodded. Bruce ran a hand through the boy's hair and pulled him close, pressing his lips to that small forehead.
"You're a good boy Damian, and I'm happy you've had a good time."
"It is…it is because you are here Father, you and the others. I…I like having you here."
"Well", Bruce said gently, "I like having you here too, we all do." He stroked Damian's cheek gently and Damian leaned into the touch, relishing in the feeling of being loved for a moment. "It's nice to have all these big brothers around, huh kiddo", Bruce said, grinning at him, "They're all picking you up and tossing you around and playing with you." Damian nodded.
"Well", Bruce said, "I think it's time to get all these big kids to bed, don't you?"
"Me last", Damian said.
"Shall I leave you on the couch while I take the rest of them?" Damian nodded. Bruce grinned and put him down, instead scooping up Tim.
"Did the lawyer sing her song with Cousin Mel yet?" Tim asked sleepily, shifting slightly in Bruce's arms, "That's my favorite part." Bruce rolled his eyes.
"No, but you can watch it in the morning Timmy", he replied, shifting the boy's weight, "I'm taking you to bed."
"I can walk Bruce", Tim said indignantly.
"Do you want to?" Bruce asked. Tim thought for a moment.
"No." Bruce rolled his eyes.
"That's what I thought." He walked Tim up the stairs, and into the boy's room, lying him down gently and pulling the sheets up to his chin just how he liked it. "Night son, love you", Bruce whispered, pressing his lips to the boy's forehead. Tim smiled.
"Night Bruce, love you too." With that, Bruce started back down the stairs, next swinging Jason up into his arms.
"Where're we going Dad?" Jason asked blearily, cheek pressed to Bruce's chest, "I don't usually let anyone get this far on a first date you know." Bruce rolled his eyes and laid Jason down in his bed.
"Night Blue Jay", he murmured, running a hand through the boy's hair before giving him a little kiss on the forehead, "love you."
"Love you too daddy", Jason said, giving the older man a little kiss on the cheek in return. Dick was already making his way up the stairs when Bruce got back down, stretching and yawning and staggering slightly. Bruce grinned and wordlessly swept him off his feet.
"My hero", Dick swooned sleepily, "gonna carry me off into the sunset?"
"Carry you to bed is more likely", Bruce replied, lying the boy down on his bed, "get some rest kiddo."
"Will do dad", Dick replied, eyelids fluttering, "love you."
"Love you too Dickie bird", Bruce said, stroking the younger man's cheek for a moment. With that, he left him, starting back down the stairs for his youngest, who was sprawled out on the couch with his breathing so slow, Bruce knew he was asleep. He paused for a moment just to watch him, feeling an overwhelming sense of peace wash over him.
After about a minute, he went over, scooping the boy up. "Alright son", he murmured hefting the boy onto his chest, "lets get you to bed." Damian's arms tightened around his father's neck.
"Father", he said softly, "may I sleep with you tonight?' Bruce grinned.
"You know, everyone else is in their own beds."
"I know Father, but I still would like to sleep with you."
"Ohh, alright", Bruce agreed, starting off to his room rather than the boy's. Very gently, he put his small son down on the bed and crawled up next to him, pulling the blankets and sheets over the two of them. With that, Bruce wound an arm around the boy, tugging him close, and fell asleep.