"Here," Blair hands me my fries from the bag.

"Thanks," I take them and set it down on the napkin I have laid out.

She takes out her food and lays it out on the table as I depressingly look over what we can watch as we eat our food.

I'm not depressed, I shouldn't say that.

It's been a week since Cole and I broke up and I'm fine. I'm not pining over him. I'm not wanting him back. I'm not even that sad about it, to be honest. It had to happen. I knew it wasn't going to last years and years. We just weren't on the same page about most things and that's super important.

I hate to say it, but I'm just down in the dumps because of Troy Alexander freaking Bolton.

"Why don't you have a real conversation about everything?"

"What?" I stop scrolling through the channels for a minute and look over at Blair, "have a real conversation?"

"Yeah," she says, grabbing a fry and throwing it in her mouth after she dips it in ranch, "with Troy. You're obviously still hurt and you guys went back into a friendship where I know you didn't necessarily want it to be like that. There are so many unresolved feelings there and I think it'll be good to have a talk."

Ugh. I don't want to. "Blair, there are unresolved feelings for ME. For him, it's like whatever. There was nothing there for him."

She frowns a bit, "still..."

"Who does he think he is thinking I deserve better when he didn't want me?"

"Maybe it was just something to say," she argues, "or maybe he does mean it. And that's okay. He knows you, well knew you well enough..."

"Exactly my point!" I exclaim, "he doesn't know me anymore. I'm not that 13 year old girl anymore without a care in the world. I have responsibilities now and shit going on that I have to deal with everyday. That can certainly change a person."

Blair sighed, grabbing some more fries, "at the core, you're the same, Gabs, you know you are. You just want to be mad at him for some reason."

Of course I'm still upset with him. "He didn't want to be friends."

"How can you say that?"

"He didn't text me, he didn't call... how can you just get over that? If that happened to me and you now, I don't know how I could recover, really. You don't just abandon your friend because of a stupid mistake. Your supposed best friend. You just don't."

"I get that. I really do. But maybe that's why you guys should talk about everything. You can't possibly want him out of your life for good."

No, I couldn't imagine my life without him.

Whether we're close or not. A life without Troy Bolton just doesn't seem imaginable.

I know sooner or later, we're going to have to talk and I can't keep ignoring him when we're at school, when we're both outside our houses. It's just really hard. I don't know where to begin, I don't know how it'll end. And honestly, before he came back, I was getting used to not having him in my life. I had the summer of my life. I had the best friends imaginable and a guy I liked.

And then he came back and everything kind of got moved around and it's not one hundred percent his fault, but somewhat.

He made these feelings come back.

"I just don't know if it's in us to be friends like we were before. It's silly to have that dream, you know?"

"Maybe, but you seriously can't throw a ten year relationship because of a little space. That's crazy, Gabs. You and I both know you still care about him."

"But that's the thing, it wasn't just space. It was cut off completely," I shake my head, "one hundred percent cut off. It's like he didn't want to be my friend anymore because of what I did and I get I freaked him out but we were close enough to talk about it. Or I thought we were and now... we're not."

Blair opened up her box of chicken nuggets and opened up another ranch packet and shook her head, "I just think there needs to be a real talk. A serious talk where you guys decide exactly what you need out of the friendship."

Maybe. Maybe not. "I don't know if I can really handle that. I don't know if I can just go back."

"Why, Gabs?"

"Why? Because there are feelings there Blair. I don't think I can just be his friend. So, maybe it's better that he's out of my life."

It was the first time I was admitting it. Sure, they could all pick up on it and they're my best friends so obviously they know. But it's true. I don't think I can just be friends with Troy Bolton anymore. It would hurt to much. So, it's probably better that we're not talking. There's no chance of me falling deeper.

Blair turned to me and gave me a small smile, "he deserves to know, don't you think?"

"B, he's with Sam. I'm not going to be that girl."

"What if he wants you to be?" She argues. "You'll hate yourself if you just stand back and keep these feelings to yourself."

No, I won't. Maybe. I don't know. All I know is I'm not going to be that girl that ruins something because of feelings I'm having. Feelings that could probably go away. It's not a life or death situation so I'm definitely not going to put him in an awkward position with Samantha. I'm not that much of a bitch.

So, no. I don't think I can. "B, he's getting to know her, I'm not going to do anything. It's fine."

"Don't you want to be happy?"

"Who knows if he's even the guy. He hurt me before, surely, he can hurt me again."

"But that's different. He had no control over leaving," she tells me, grabbing a chicken nugget and dunking it in ranch, "and I get he could have kept in touch, but it's hard at that age and you did kiss him and maybe he was just a little... taken aback. He obviously still cares about you."

Yeah, but not the way I want to care about him.

I want to kiss him again and make sure these feelings are real.

And that's probably the last thing on his mind. It's probably not even on his mind. And that's okay with me.

Maybe it's not completely okay with me, but I have to be okay with it. I can't expect him to just like me because we were best friends. That's not what this is about. I completely respect that he doesn't like me like that. It was just the way he went about it that I resented him a bit for. He could have least called me and told me he wasn't interested and didn't want to ruin our friendship instead of just cutting me out completely. It would have hurt less.

"I don't know, B..."

I just need some time. Away from him.

"Do you remember Jeremy?" Kylie asks as we're getting some frozen yogurt together.

"Jeremy?" I try to think if I know of anyone named Jeremy, but it's not ringing a bell. I mean, there's Jeremy Hall at school but she knows I know him so she wouldn't ask if I remember him. Who's Jeremy? "Um, no..."

"My cousin's best friend. You met him at my birthday party," she grabs a cup before we stand in line, "remember?"

Oh, yeah, yeah, I remember. "Yeah, why?"

She shrugs, moving ahead in line, "I don't know, maybe you'd want to go out with him sometime. I was with them a couple days ago and him and his girlfriend of, like, four months just broke up. You and Cole broke up. It's perfect. I remember you guys flirting at my party."

"We weren't flirting," I roll my eyes as I tell her to move up, "but no, thanks. I'm not dating."

"Why not?" She groans, like a five years old, "one date. You never know what it could lead to. He could be your soul mate! He's cute, Gabs."

I can't help, but roll my eyes. She was so dramatic sometimes.

Ignoring her, I step in front of her and pull down the lever to grab some tart frozen yogurt into my cup. This is the only thing I'm thinking about right now- my frozen yogurt and what kind of toppings I'm going to get on it. Not dating or guys or anything else.

"So no?"

"I don't know, Ky, I'm not in the mood, really..."

"I'm just trying to help you out. I feel like you're in a funk and I don't like it. It's senior year, you're supposed to be having fun!"

Exactly! I'm supposed to be having fun. Maybe it's a good thing I'm single and that I called it off with Cole. "And you think dating is fun? It's complicated at times, stressful, nerve wracking. I'm single. Why can't I just hang out with my friends and have fun?"

Kylie groaned as she poured herself some strawberry frozen yogurt, "I just think you'd guys would be so cute. But I get it. You're not ready."

It's not that I'm not ready. It wasn't love with Cole. I just don't think I can date right now.

My mind's not fully there.

"Hey guys," we suddenly hear coming from behind us.

We both turned around from putting toppings on our frozen yogurt and see Samantha standing there with her best friend Reagan.

You've got to be kidding me. Is this really happening right now? Ugh, did she hear our conversation? How long has she been behind us? Hopefully she just came up right now because I was having a private moment with my friend. Okay, it wasn't that private, but whatever.

"Oh hey!" Kylie says hi, enthusiastically. She likes them, though, they're all friends.

I don't not like Samantha, I guess I'm just annoyed she has the guy I once wanted. Or do. I don't know.

But I say hi anyway. "Hey."

"What are you guys doing?" Kylie asks them as if it's not obvious. They're getting frozen yogurt, duh. "We just finished a little shopping."

Reagan chuckled as she pulled the lever down on the chocolate frozen yogurt to put some in her cup. Samantha already had hers and she was just waiting for toppings. "We're about to do a little shopping, actually. I want a new dress for Rebecca's 18th birthday party next week. Are you guys going to that?"

We were invited, but eh, I don't know. It depends how I'm feeling I guess. I'm not the closest to Rebecca so it wouldn't matter.

"I'm thinking about it, yeah. I have another party to go too, as well, so we'll see, Kylie tells them.

"What about you?"

Oh, she's talking to me. "Yeah, I'm not sure yet. Might be out of town."

I totally just bullshitted, but Rebecca is their good friend so if I say no, they're gonna probably tell her. And it wouldn't be a big deal if I just don't show up, but if I say no a week before, they're gonna think it's because of something and I don't like her and blah blah blah. You know how high school girls are.

"Oh, where are you going?" Samantha asks, which I'm annoyed about because that was just an excuse, obviously.

"San Diego," I quickly say, "little weekend getaway for my cousin's birthday weekend."

"Well, that sounds like fun. I was actually thinking about asking Troy if he wanted to take a little day trip down there one of these days. They have the best Mexican restaurant in Old Town. And he told me he hasn't been to San Diego in years and he misses it."

Oh, this is fucking great.

Cool. What am I supposed to say to this? Have fun?

Yeah, right. I don't want them having fun. I want them to have a miserable time and for them to break up and go their separate ways.

Just kidding, I'm not that mean. I'm just... frustrated. Sad, I guess. But that's life. Sometimes a guy likes you, sometimes they don't. And I shouldn't take it personally. I should beat myself up about i and think all these negative things about myself. I don't. It just sucks. It sucks I have this stupid crush on him and he doesn't like me back. Never has and probably never will. I mean, why? When he has a girl like Samantha, there's no where to go but down, pretty much.

"Yeah, that would be fun," I gave her a small smile, "maybe a day we don't have school."

"Yeah, something like that," she says.

And then Kylie stepped in because although she doesn't necessarily know the details about everything, she knows I once had a major crush on Troy and he left me heartbroken when he left and cut me off completely. "Well, our yogurt is melting so we'll see you guys at school."

We said our goodbyes, they finished getting their yogurt, we paid and then we made our way out.

As soon as we got in her car, we dove right into our yogurt and ate it.

"Was that uncomfortable?" She asks me, "I know you guys are okay now, but just knowing him and Sam are dating... I mean, that's gotta hurt a bit."

"Ky, I like him."

She almost spit her yogurt out. I can trust Kylie with my life. She may not be the friend I tell everything to or the one who I'd show up crying at 2 in the morning to. But she's a huge part of my life and is one of the greatest friends I'll ever have. I have to clue her in. I have to tell her what's going on.

Immediately, she wiped her mouth and put her yogurt down for a second. "You like Troy?"

"Yeah, I think so," I sigh, "and I shouldn't. He's with Sam, he's made it clear he doesn't have feelings. We're not really in a good place right now. I was just so fed up and frustrated still with how he dealt with everything that I blew up."

"What do you mean, you blew up?"

"He told me I deserved better than Cole and I yelled at him."

She still didn't quite get in. "He was trying to be nice, though, right?"

Well, yeah. "And it's frustrating. He's telling me I deserve better, that I'm great, blah blah blah, yet there he was rejecting me when we were 13. He knew what that kiss meant to me. He's not an idiot. He was my best friend who knew me better than everyone. He knew I didn't accidentally do it and it wasn't a mistake so for him to just say that, it was like a punch in the stomach. I deserve better but just not you? You know? Plus, he shut me out. He doesn't even know me anymore. Well, I'm not the same, basically, but I yelled that to him and it's just been weird ever since."

"You had every right to react like that," Kylie tells me, "he's an idiot and he always will be if he doesn't realize what's right in front of him."

"You have to say that."

"No, I don't," she laughs, "but I want to because I know you and I know that you're the greatest person."

I love my friends. They're the best people I've ever known. And they help me get through whatever shit I need to get through. I miss Troy being my best friend, yes, but I have the greatest of friends that have become like sister's to me. I don't need another friend at this point in my life. I really don't.

So, in that case, I'm not missing much. But romantically? I can't help but wonder what it'd be like.

I liked him then, I thought about him when he was gone, and I like him now.

Ugh. This really, really sucks.