A/N Sorry this has taken a while. Total block on writing so went over to Rizzles for a bit to try clear it. Hopefully it worked!

The music seemed distant as Amanda rested her head back against the headrest. She wasn't sleeping she just didn't want to take in the world outside. She could almost drive the roads with her eyes shut as they came closer and closer to the small town she grew up in.

"Baby?"
Amanda came back to the present when she heard Olivia's soft voice beside her.

"GPS battery just died. You need to give me some help"
Amanda looked out the window at the fuel station and told Olivia to drive for another mile and take the first right and she'd tell her where to go after that.

As 'Stronger' by Kelly Clarkson came on the radio Amanda returned her gaze to the road which contained her junior school and some playing pitches that the whole town, regardless of sport or school or team shared. It made figuring out what sport was on on any given night difficult. They'd once turned up on a Thursday night for Kim's new boyfriends baseball game to find an under 10's little league game on. Kim had a tantrum to rival any kid. Amanda shook her head at the memory and turned to look at Olivia who was half watching her, half watching the road.

"I'm ok"

Olivia nodded and returned to looking at the road

"This right?"

"Yeah. Then second left, about another half mile and then I'll tell you the last bit"
"Where exactly did Jean live?"
"Not quite nowhere but not quite town either. I always loved going to her house on my own. I'd get on my bike, tell no one where I was going and just go. She seemed to know when I was coming. She'd be sitting on the porch with a smile on her face. There'd be biscuits in the kitchen. There was a second place set at the table for dinner and she'd give me a hug and we'd sit down and talk for hours. Left!"

"What?"
"Turn left Liv"
Liv made a sharp left turn and felt a skid as the tyres failed to grip some gravel. Blowing out a breath she straightened the truck and glanced to her right.

"Little more warning next time"

Amanda looked apologetic "no more turns, it's the fourth left on this road"

"At least we'll get there alive in that case"

"Sorry"
"I'm kidding Rollins"
"No I'm sorry for what you're getting yourself into, what you've gotten yourself into"
"Mand I'm not getting myself into anything. I'm here for you, no one but you. If Kim shows up we'll deal with it"
Amanda reached out and rested her hand on Olivia's thigh.

"I love you"
"I love you too"

Reaching the fourth left turn they had to drive about quarter of a mile in off the road on a dirt track. A white bungalow with a slate roof and a small porch stood out amongst trees that had been growing hundreds of years.

Amanda's eyes were drawn to the plywood that constituted a front door. That was Al's idea of fixing it. Anger flared and Olivia felt the grip on her leg tighten.

"It's ok" Olivia tried to assure her in a quiet tone but Amanda wasn't having it.

"Ok it's not ok, but it will be"

Amanda smiled as Olivia cut the ignition.

"Now grab a bag, I only do heavy lifting if I'm getting paid"
Walking to the back of the truck Amanda grabbed the two holdalls. It was then she caught sight of the area that Jean kept so beautifully, her flowers, the small seating area and the lawn ornaments she collected destroyed by tyre tracks and mud.

She felt an arm around her waist as her girlfriend moved to stand beside her.

"We'll start here first. Well maybe the front door first, then here. I'd feel safer tonight if we had a front door"
Amanda laughed quietly as Olivia pulled her into a hug and kissed her head softly.

"Come on, lunch first. Then you can show me your amazing DIY skills"

Amanda's laugh was louder this time as she leaned back and kissed her girlfriend soundly on the lips

"I know you're being sarcastic but I'll have you know I'm quite something with a drill"
"Ooh, did you bring those green shorts?"
"You'll just have to wait and find out"

Amanda laughed as Olivia pinched her ass.

"Be careful or I won't wear them"

"Even better"
Amanda slapped her arm in mock horror "Olivia Benson you have a filthy mind"

"I didn't before I met you"
"Yeah yeah yeah, come on, lets get inside, not that that's going to be hard"
Olivia knew Amanda was only keeping up the joking banter to distract herself from the devastation around her but she was going to try her damdest to make sure that she laughed at least three more times before the day was out. This wasn't a holiday but it wasn't work either. They saw too much horror in work to be put off by some DIY. It was the horrors that might rear there head if Kim appeared that Olivia was more worried about.

Amanda gave the plywood a shove and then a kick and the two provided enough force to knock the make shift door down. Inside things were pretty much as she'd left them in the hallway apart from a broken vase on the ground.

Dumping her bag in the hall she took Olivia's and placed it on top careful to avoid stepping on the pieces of broken porcelain.

Moving to her left she walked into the dining area. Some glass had been shattered in a cabinet and the back of a chair was broken, nothing she couldn't repair or buy, though she guessed the chairs were quite old.

Walking the length of the dining room she ended up at the back of the house in the kitchen. Olivia was behind her every step not speaking, but her presence a comfort nonetheless. Things were worse in the kitchen. Cabinet doors had been ripped off the hinges, the surfaces were dirty and covered in mould and bits of food, the freezer had been left open so there was a pool of water beside the window was cracked. The net curtains had been burned and the one of the bottom panels of the back door was kicked in.

Amanda sighed as she felt Olivia's arms rest on her shoulders. "It's all fixable so far"

Amanda nodded as she moved towards the first bedroom. It was Jean's and it had been left untouched. Amanda thanked whoever was up there for that small mercy. The next room was her own. Again it was relatively unscathed apart from an attempt to damage the door, obviously Mark had been enraged because it was locked and he couldn't find the key.

The final bedroom was Kim's and that had been ransacked, although Amanda couldn't be sure if it was Mark or Kim who had done it.

The final room was the living area. It was the worst. She hadn't been prepared for the destruction. The TV was smashed, ornaments that local kids gave Jean as a thank you for teaching them piano, because she would never take a dime, destroyed. Books of sheet music ripped up. And smashed on the floor some frames containing school photos of Amanda and Kim when they were little and a family shot of them all at a cousins wedding.

Tears filled Amanda's eyes as she surveyed the damage to Jean's home, her sanctuary and Amanda's place of refuge. She felt arms around her pulling her close as she let the tears fall. The anger she'd felt earlier resurfaced but it abated. This house had that affect on her. Worries seemed less; problems shared with Jean were solved. Now it had been ruined.

As if reading her next thought however Olivia said "they're only things. Your memories are more important. And no one can destroy those"

Amanda held on tighter. She felt Olivia walk them back towards the sofa, righting the cushions, which had been chucked around before sitting down. Amanda laid her head in her lap and relaxed as Olivia began to stroke her hair.

"I wish she was here. She would have liked you"
"You think?"
"She liked anyone with manners and a good ear for music"
"Easy to please"
"No, just saw the good in everyone"
"Sounds like someone else I know"
Amanda sighed and felt her eyes getting heavy. She hadn't slept on the journey, too nervous of what was awaiting them. She hadn't slept much the night before either.

"I just… Liv I… sleep… tired…"

Olivia smiled as she rested back against the sofa for a few minutes. Thankfully her plan had worked. She knew Amanda was wrecked and emotionally raw to the point of breaking. She needed rest. She needed to be here but she needed to rest more.

Slipping as slowly as she could from under the slumbering form she made her way to the kitchen to start cleaning with the stuff they'd brought. Searching online on her phone she found a local hardware store number. Figuring they might have the number for someone who could repair a door she rang. The owner had a son training as a carpenter. Said he'd send him around in an hour. Olivia thanked him and hung up. She wasn't looking forward to this task. But the kitchen needed cleaning and that's what they were there for.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Gabe King hadn't quite reckoned on what his father had gotten him into when he got a call to go up to his old piano teachers house to do some work. But ever resourceful he had returned an hour later with something that was once a door he'd salvaged from a local tip. It needed some work but he got to sanding it and after another hour they had what looked like a respectable front door. When he began to prep the area for hanging and the drill came to life Amanda stirred berating herself for falling asleep. As she stood she craned her neck to work out some of the knots that were as a result of sleeping on the old sofa and the long trip down.

Trying to figure out where the noise was coming from she realised with a start that it was a drill. Olivia… Olivia and a drill. Jesus Amanda moved towards the kitchen at speed. There was one thing she knew about Olivia Benson and that was she could handle perps, guns, defiant DA's. However she saw her with a hammer and some nails once almost breaking her thumb and resolved there and then to be the one doing the DIY for all future endeavours. When she reached the kitchen and saw Olivia with her hair covered with a red bandana, wearing rubber gloves, an old black NYPD t-shirt and black shorts she smiled.

Olivia turned when she heard movement behind her presuming it was Gabe.

"Hi" Amanda said quietly.

"Hi" Olivia cocked her head to one side taking in her sleepy other half

"You ok?"
"Mmhmm, why did you let me sleep? There's so much to do"
Olivia removed the gloves and opened her arms, which Amanda gladly walked into, feeling them envelop her in a long hug. She hadn't been ready for the emotions that had hit her when she got to Jean's; she realised now that she hadn't grieved properly at Jean's funeral, hadn't had time to. She hadn't said goodbye properly. And now that she was here she realised this was her home, not the place where she lived but the place that felt like home"

A slow tear slipped down her cheek as Olivia continued to hold her.

"I know it's hard baby. I know. But we're gona have this place like new in no time"

Amanda nodded against her shoulder and then let out a small laugh.

Leaning back Olivia ticked the first of her three laughs for the day off her list as she leaned in to kiss smiling lips.

"And what is so funny?"
"Nothing, it must have been next door. I thought I heard a drill and I had flashbacks to the day you tried to hang a picture in the apartment"

"Funny Rollins! And you did hear a drill. There's a kid here fixing the door"
Said kid cleared his throat from the doorway. He'd been there half a minute but was rather distracted by the two beautiful women holding each other and kissing in the middle of the kitchen.

Turning both women looked slightly amused and slightly horrified at the young man. He returned the look, his cheeks flushed.

"Hey… um… Miss… eh, Olivia…"
"Gabe? Amanda interrupted his stuttering

"Uh, hey Mandy!"
"Oh Lord, Gabe King. Whoa you've grown a bit since I saw you last"

"Yes Ma'am"
"Gabe, you call me Ma'am again I'll knock you out. I'm only twelve years older than you"

Gabe laughed nervously.

"How you been? How's your Daddy?"

"He's good"

It was obvious getting answers out the young man was going to be like pulling teeth.

Olivia rescued the poor guy who was rapidly losing his ability to stand still, looking towards the door as if he was going to flee. And they really needed a front door.

"Gabe what's up?"
"Uh… I was just… well I'm just about to hang the door and I need a bit of a hand holding it in place"
"Sure I'll be there in thirty seconds"

The young man nodded and retreated into the hall.

Amanda laughed again – strike two for Olivia.

"Where the hell did he come from?"
"Well when a man and a woman love each other very much…"
"Olivia…" Her tone wasn't serious but Olivia knew better than to mock her for too long.

"I called the local hardware to see did they know anyone who'd fix the door and they sent him. I think we just corrupted him slightly"
"Are you kidding me, he's probably seen it all a million times over on a computer screen. Actually no I take that back his brother was the perv, he was a sweet kid"

"How do you know him?"
"Liv this isn't New York. I know practically everyone in this town". Gabe is a King, one of 5 kids – his sister Kelly and I went to school together. And his brother David and Kim went out for a bit"

"Ok. Well we might want to go help him hang this door. He's been here a few hours and I'm pretty sure he's keen to leave after witnessing that particular public display of affection"

Amanda kissed her cheek and went to join Gabe to try and do some damage limitation. She loved Gabe's family but she knew he'd tell Kelly what he'd seen and that woman was the worst gossip alive. She wasn't quite ready to be gossip fodder for the masses just yet.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Standing the kitchen looking around Amanda took in the clean surfaces, repaired crack in the door and clean window. It had taken five hours but it was worth it to be able to see things the way she remembered them.

Olivia stood in the doorway watching the blonde take in her surroundings, her eyes lit up.

"Happy?"
Amanda nodded. She knew there was a lot more to do. But this was a good start.

"Gabe is coming back tomorrow to fix the panel of the back door and he's going to try and repair the bench out in the seating area.

Amanda was touched that Olivia had remembered.

"You are a sweet sweet lady" She walked over and wrapped the brunette in her arms
"Sshh, don't tell anyone, it'll ruin my reputation"

"What reputation?"
Olivia put her arms around Amanda's waist and lifted her up.

"You might be fast but make the mistake of walking into my arms and insulting me and you're going to end up at my mercy"
Amanda kissed her captor and laughed as Olivia began to tickle her.

She eventually managed to squirm out of her hold and run but Olivia caught her again at the end of the hall. She'd stopped to look at the ruined living room.

Moving towards the window she picked up one of the frames off the floor and shook the glass from it, looking at the family photo.

Olivia covered her hand with hers as she looked at the photo.

"You look so happy"
"We were"
"What happened?"
"This was 2005, about June. Three months later my cousin here, she pointed to the young blonde man in the picture wearing a black suit and blue tie, that's Jay. He committed suicide. Was only twenty-one.

"Oh God Mand, that must have been…" Olivia couldn't comprehend it. She put her arm around the smaller woman's shoulders.

"It was. He was a good kid. Quiet, studied hard, had lots going for him. We never knew why"

"Did his friends know anything?"
"He didn't really have any mates. Gabe was one. Then Carl and Katy. But that was it really"
Olivia tried to stifle a yawn but Amanda felt her squeeze her tighter as her body tensed.

"Come on, time for bed"
"Sorry!"
"Olivia you did the work of three people today cleaning this place. I slept for half of it"
"You needed to sleep"
"I needed to help"

Olivia reached for her hand as they made their way to the bedroom.

Speaking once they were safely ensconced in one of the two rooms untouched by the wrecking ball Olivia said quietly "you needed to sleep. And now I need to sleep. And tomorrow we'll have the whole day to get this place right. Then tomorrow evening you're going to take me out and show me around this place that helped shape the Amanda Rollins I know"

Undressing each other slowly they exchanged gentle kisses. Climbing under the light cotton comforter the two warm bodies met each other in the middle of the bed.

Snuggling close to Olivia Amanda wondered what Jean would think if she was here now. She knew in her heart Jean would be happy once she was happy.

"You ok?" Olivia asked, kissing her head

"Mmhmm"

"Going all non-verbal on me again?"
"Mmm"
"Night sweetheart, love you"
"Mmhmm"

Amanda giggled as Olivia tickled the back of her neck. Strike three. Olivia decided she'd aim for five tomorrow.

"Love you too beautiful"

Falling asleep both had a sense that tomorrow was going to be a very long day but neither really minded because they knew it would be worth it.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x