Miran: Yes, yes, you know the routine by now. AkaiChouNoKoe, Luvandia, and alvinluv... This is for you...
By the way... Thank you, Librarian00X, for beta reading. I could love you to death.
... Not literally, of course, although that would be funny.
Seriously, whoever's reading, this chapter is all because of Librarian. Say thank you to one of the awesomest people on Earth. Like, right now.
Yes, there's a "reply to review" button, but I can't reply to anonymous reviewers, so screw that. Besides, I get to waste space. Woo hoo!
Luvandia- Iroha already died, remember? Teto's coming up, I promise you...
Conchita- Your English is just fine... Oh. Well. Teto and Miki. Okay then.
OtakuGirl347- Okay...? Gah! I'll get to it eventually!
Librarian00X- Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thanks for giving this thing a kinda-plot too. I will love you forever.
Indigo Demon- I'm going to take that as a compliment. I'll get to it, okay?
I will never log in- Log in. Ah, I'll get to it...
Lii and Eii- Dude, I'm gonna kill Gachapoid. Didn't I say the killer was going to eat him? No? Oops...
Chikanpo- Okay, okay... I'll kill the dinosaur eventually. Don't pressure me!
Renji-tan- I've never even heard of... Tree (?) and Sachi Eika... Nice to know you think so highly of Ritsu...?
Anonymous Fishy-chan- Wait for it, okay? As for the Engloids... You'll have to be more specific.
ZaitoUTAU- I don't know if you've noticed but, ah, I already killed Iroha. I believe I've mentioned this before.
alvinluv- Kiyoteru is dead. Gachapoid will come later, alright?
Good God, that took a while. Please enjoy this wonderful piece of writing (that is not mine).
Disclaimer: No.
Hello there! Thank you for coming, Hiyama-sensei. It's nice to see you again.
Straight to business then. Right… I'm sure you have a schedule to manage all that… teacher-stuff. Whatever it is you do. Anyway, we're both having a bit of trouble with our studies here, so we hoped you could help us with our work. I'm sure you're well aware of how hard our assignments are. After all, you did assign it to us, didn't you? You're not one of those teachers who just hands out a paper without looking over it at all, I'm sure.
Oh, what am I saying? Of course you read these things—you grade critically enough to have every paper memorized to the letter. I don't even know why I thought that.
How rude of me. Where are my manners? Please, come in! I'd hate to have you catch a cold out here, although we would get a sub on Monday. Haha… That was a joke, sensei. I'm not up to anything, honest. Why would you suspect me of anything? One moment, and I'll go bring my oh-so-beloved down here.
… What's that look for? Can't I call her that? Oh, you mean the door. Don't worry about that; it's just for security. You know how all those people have started disappearing, don't you. Of course you do; it's all over the news. Everyone's heard about how Vocaloids are disappearing. It's quite worrisome.
Yes, a lot of them were students, weren't they? Miku, Yuki, Iroha, and Neru… It's a pity, really. I can't imagine who'd be doing it. I'm quite frightened for myself, actually.
So, anyway, that's why the door's locked. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll go fetch—oh, there you are, love! I was just about to bring you down. How was your nap? Good? I'm glad to hear it. You look much more beautiful already. Not that you weren't already! It's just that your beauty sleep is helpful for that amazing appearance of yours.
Aw, you're blushing. Isn't that the sweetest? You're so wonderful.
Well, anyway, Hiyama-sensei is here so we may as well get started. Did you want to see if you could figure out that math homework? No? You want to skip straight to the games?
Yes, sensei, I realize you don't have time for games. I was stopping to see if we needed to review anything, because the sub probably won't have a clue about the subject itself… A sub? Did I say that? Why would I say such a thing?
… What was that, dear? Games? Are you sure? Wouldn't you rather figure this stuff out? Well, I never did like math myself… Ah, what the hell. Games, it is. Would you like to do the honor, or shall I?
You're so kind, darling. I'd be happy to. Thank you very much.
Why the startled look, Hiyama-sensei? Haven't you ever seen a knife before? They're fascinating tools… so elegant, so potent… like a cobra. Beautiful, but deadly. They tend to leave quite a mark as well. Here, let me show you.
Whoops! Did I do that? Oh my, that looks more than a little painful. You should get that checked out. I'm no specialist with side injuries, but I'm sure I could take a peek. Maybe I could even operate on you. Wouldn't that be lovely? I'd be very careful. It's only right to respect a teacher, isn't it?
What do you mean? What am I doing? Don't you know a killing when you see one? So much for the smart teacher. Can't have a dumb teacher, can we? We might as well clear up a space… I'm sure they can find someone more competent than you to fill the gap after you're dead.
Ooh, that looked like it hurt, too. So did that. That's a nice back injury you've got there. Quite the gash, if I may say so myself. And the—oops, my bad. My hand slipped.; I actually didn't mean to get your face that time, sensei. Oh well. One cheek is messed up, so I may as well mess up the other to match.
Remember that, sensei? "Symmetry," you said. What's that look for? All fearful and pained and… Oh, that's a unique noise you're making. It's an interesting combination of a groan and a sob… Look at that, dear! Our teacher's so scared, he's crying! Isn't that a sight?
What's that? Oh, sure thing! Kiyoteru, hold still for a minute. My beloved wants to take a picture of you, all bloody and on the floor. Oh, you're staining the carpet… messy teacher. Anyway, take the picture, dear. I'd like to keep at this. It's way better than homework.
… There. How'd it turn out? Did it—aw, no. Really? Kiyoteru, you idiot, your writhing messed up the photo. I'll have to teach you a lesson for moving and disappointing my beloved.
How ironic. The student is teaching the teacher a lesson. A lesson of pain, specifically. You're not taking notes, not studying… What a lousy student you make. I'll have to mark you down for that. A few more slashes sounds like a good punishment, don't you think?
I'm glad you agree. Now hold still.
This is pretty fun, actually. I'd prefer it if all of our math classes went like this. What do you think, dear? Would a bit of blood make math more enjoyable for you?
Suggestions? Oh, feel free! You were nice enough to let me have my way with this reject teacher this long… and yes, Kiyoteru, you're a reject. You suck as a teacher. Every single one of your students hates you. You put everyone to sleep. Your voice sounds awful and it's even worse when you're giving a worthless lecture to kids who know more than you do. You can't teach to save your life. I mean that literally in this case. If you could teach worth a damn, maybe someone would like you. Then neither of us would want to kill you.
Anyway, suggestions… Go ahead, love.
Mhm… yes… oh my… And… oh, goodness. I'd never considered carving our math homework into poor Kiyoteru's back. That'd be downright gruesome.
I love it. Run upstairs and grab the textbook, would you, love? Thanks. You're a sweetheart.
You see that, Kiyoteru? I bet you're starting to regret giving us a whole page and a half's worth of geometry, aren't you? Oh well, too late now, I suppose. It really sucks to be you, doesn't it?
No, sensei, I'm afraid I can't stop. Did you see how happy my beloved looked? I love that look in her eyes. I don't mean the bloodlust, though she looks absolutely stunning when she's staring at a corpse in that manner. I love it when she gets so happy and excited. Her smiles appear and make me happy as well. You can see her imagining everything with the way her eyes gleam… I love that look. I'll do anything to keep her happy. She means the world to me. You'd don't think I'd have killed all those people by myself, do you? It's more fun when we do it together. Given, she can get a bit crazy, but that's because she's having so much fun. Isn't that wonderful?
… I had a feeling you wouldn't understand. You have no appreciation for beauty, you savage…. No appreciation at all… Here, take another slash for your troubles, you ingrate. Bleed and cry, you little pig.
Ah, there you are, love! I believe that gargantuan mound of paper in binding is our math homework. Excellent! Most of it's not done, but this will be fun. How far did you get? I only got halfway done… You too? Oh well. Here, help me with Kiyoteru's shirt… and that ugly coat too… Oh, just tear it off. It's in ribbons anyway.
Okay now… Hold still, you big baby. Here, sit on him, dear… There. Now, my handwriting may not be the cleanest, especially with this bulky knife, but I'll give it my best shot. Here we go.
Okay… Number one: E… equals… M… C… Wait, what? You wrote that for number one? That's physics, dear, not geometry. No wonder you fail in math. No, I'm not saying it like that… Well, alright, let's leave it. It's not like the sub will know, right? We'll just write what we have here and correct the actual papers tomorrow. Does that sound fair? Alright then. Now, where were we?
… There. That's number two, right? I think so. Moving on… X equals… Wait, do you want the chart? I wouldn't mind carving some more into this guy, but it's a tad bit boring, doing my math homework. Okay, okay, I'm getting to it… X and Y axis, values are… Oh dear. Making points with a knife is difficult. Well, I can try… There, see? It's a little line. It's not really a point… Well, I could use the tip, but that won't work very well. This thing isn't exactly a scalpel, you know.
… Yeah, yeah, I'm working on it. Give me a second.
Okay, so number three… this, and… Okay. Then number four…
This is taking a while, isn't it? It's not quite as fun as I imagined. Math was never my favorite subject to begin with. Well, yes, this is better, but… still.
Where are you going? Wait, I didn't—it's not—aw, hell. You see that, Kiyoteru? First, you made math boring and now you've upset my beloved. You little shit, how dare you? Here—ha! How did that feel? Math's not so fun when you're getting hit in the side of the head with the book, huh? How about that? Was that any better? No? Well, we'll just have to get it right, won't we? Like that. You like that? How about that? And that, and that, and that, and—
Dear! You're back! I thought you were… Oh, you're hungry? Why didn't you say so? I could've made you a sandwich, no crust and everything. I could get you some orange juice too.
Well, I guess it'd be a little rude to make Kiyoteru wait… We can finish up here. Here, take this… Use your imagination. Why do you think there's blood all over our math book?
Your creativity points are dwindling today. Beat his head in with the stupid thing, would you kindly?
Ooh! That looked like it hurt… Right in the nose. That's a beautiful crunching noise, love. Here, give him another… oh. That looked painful. There, and… yeah, now you've got it. Get him! Beat the bastard in with his own damn math book! Get him! Go, girl, go!
… There, you can… Uh, hello? Yeah, you—You can stop… Um… You can stop now… No, seriously, stop. He's dead, okay? You can stop… Stop it. Hey! Can you hear me? Knock it off! Stop it! Stop! Stop!
… Good Lord, are you done yet? Well, yes, I think you kind of overdid it. His brain's smeared all over the floor! There are pieces of skull all over the place… Oh, God, is that an eyeball? Ew… Okay, yes, I guess it's kind of funny, but it's not that funny… Oh, come on! Was that really necessary? Now there's eye-jelly all over… Eww… Yuck! Stop that! Yuck!
Seriously, that's messed up. You don't need to smear it on your face like war paint. That's gross.
And no, we can't play Cowboys and Indians. Why? Because I know you'll either be a cowboy and shoot me, or you'll be the Indian and you'll use a real tomahawk. Either way, I'll lose an eye.
Well, that was gruesome. I guess it's about time we got to cleaning this mess…
What? You mean to tell me that after all that, you're still hungry? I'm astounded that… Well, no. I take that back. I guess it's only natural that you'd not be bothered by such a scene. I'm not so hungry… I'll make you a sandwich after we're done. Could you help me with this?
Thank you, love. Now let's get this loser out of here.
By the way, go ahead and dump the math book in the fireplace. Burn it. We won't need it for a while.
Well, it all works out, right? Now we don't have to worry about our math homework.
Ah, I'm late for Valentine's Day, a.k.a. Singles' Awareness Day. Happy Valentine's Day! I'll always love you guys.