May 4th, Monday

They weren't really talking much since the end of the previous month. Kanda's special brand of embarrassment at sort-of willingly staying and Allen's complete mortification at the fact that he proposed it to him were successfully preventing them both from interacting so far. It was slowly getting back to normal though.

It was in the afternoon that the silence finally broke. It was just that Kanda looked like— like he was preparing to go out or something. Allen found it too hard not to comment. It was pretty much the first time he saw that after all. And it's been a month.

"It's not your turn for groceries, you know." He shot the man a careful look, raising his eyebrows. He was pretty sure Kanda wouldn't change into different clothes to go to the store though - he still looked casual, but just a bit nicer. So Allen's comment was just to make him react. He couldn't exactly count on him just willingly sharing his plans after all. "And the fridge is still okay anyway," he added as an afterthought, for a better effect.

Kanda initially just clicked his tongue, turning his back on Allen as he put on his shoes. The better, less worn ones. Which was pretty suspicious in and of itself. And then he must have changed his mind about his silence as he finished, glancing at his flatmate out of the corner of his eye as he straightened up.

"I'm having a job interview, stupid."

Allen actually needed a few seconds to proceed that. Oh. Kanda was really trying to do something, wasn't he? That was nice. He felt pretty foolish now though, his first thought was admittedly a date. But really, Kanda on a date? What was he thinking, honestly. And the man was looking for a job, so it should be obvious. Allen was probably just a bit too distracted to connect the dots.

"Wow, good luck, Kanda." Allen's expression was just short of mocking, even if he tried to hold it in.

"Don't you wow me. Fuck off," Kanda bit back, throwing him a sharp glare, but then— "and thanks," he mumbled right before going out.

A little smile stretched on Allen's face as he locked the door behind him.

So. He was alone, huh? It has certainly been a while. And that was good, too. Especially the timing was. He had a few things to think through. And nothing concerning Kanda, no. The man was doing significantly better lately and the interview thing just proved it. So it was high time Allen worried about himself for a change.

He was pretty— well, needy lately. It only hit him about yesterday that he hasn't really had sex for at least half a year. Which wasn't necessarily that terribly long, but still. Now that he was actually thinking about it, he realized he could probably use someone nice to go out with or so. And the thought wasn't all that out of the blue, not really. There just was this guy at the university and they knew each other for a while, even though they were never really all that close. And the guy, Steve was his name, started messaging him lately. About nothing in particular, but it was pretty easy to figure out what he was on about. And he seemed nice. Didn't look bad either.

There was this one thing holding Allen back though. It wasn't like he didn't try relationships before and, sadly, they always ended in pretty much the same fashion.

He simply— wasn't able to dedicate himself enough. And it really wasn't like he didn't try. Still, it was just too weird - being close and intimate with someone who called him 'Alex'. Once he even tried explaining to one of his now ex-boyfriends that he didn't like his name and preferred to be called 'Allen'. He said that it was his childhood nickname or something like that and he connected with it much more. It didn't really work out. All he gained were weirded out stares because that one time he might have overreacted a bit and actually started a shouting match about it.

Other time, in a different relationship, he very carelessly mentioned a word or two about the circus and then had to make up a story of himself running away from home to join it. It was ridiculous, in the XXIth century. But the biggest mistake was really slipping in Mana's name. He then had to explain who he was, more or less, and as soon as the word 'father' unconsciously came out of his mouth, it was pretty much over between him and the other guy. Or the start of it anyway. Because the guy knew his actual, biological father and things just became messed up out of the scale. It was never said openly, but it was pretty obvious his partner started suspecting him of a personality disorder right then and there. A few further fuck ups on Allen's part only encouraged it and he ended up pretty much running away. He wasn't proud of that, but it was just too much for him. Especially since the guy tried to be understanding and caring. It made it so, so much worse. And it wasn't the only time someone thought there was something wrong with his mentality. Far from it, actually. This relationship thing was just so hard. Something always had to go wrong.

But he didn't really want to be alone for the rest of his life. Like the last time. That is, he had friends then. But never someone closer, a partner. In this love kind of way, not just as a person who did missions with him. And he wanted that. He really did.

So maybe he could give this Steven guy a chance. I won't hurt to try— was what he would have liked to think, but it wasn't so necessarily true in his case.

Still— well, Steven was especially persistent today. He was saying something about a party this Saturday. Or maybe not as much of a party as a meet-up with a few people at the bar near their campus. Allen rarely attended things like that, but the guy tried to convince him that this time he really should come. And he was starting to think that maybe he could just agree, actually. Really, why not. Even if just to see Kanda's face at the mention he actually had some friends. Though each of them was more of an acquaintance than anything, but he didn't really need to know that.

It was already evening when Kanda came back. Which was weird, but Allen didn't say anything about it. It was his business. He was still curious though and maybe that's why he was staring and the man eventually snapped.

"What."

"Well? How did it go?" Allen asked with an easy smile, encouraging. 'And where the fuck you actually applied? And what took you so long, dumbass? Also, you look like shit' was all left unsaid.

"Just give me a cigarette," Kanda grumbled finally, leaving his shoes in a disarray.

The package was actually lying on the kitchen counter and Allen picked it up, shaking invitingly as he made his way to the balcony.

"Do you think you're gonna get the job?" he asked around his cigarette as he lit it, handing the lighter over to Kanda, both of them leaning on the railing.

"Yeah. Probably," he answered grumpily, blowing out the smoke in an irritated manner.

"What happened?" Allen actually laughed a little at his distress, furrowing his eyebrows, not understanding. Kanda didn't reply.

Okay, so, interviews could be tiring and stressful, but Kanda never struck him as the type to be bothered by things like that. Or, on the second thought—

"Did you sprain your face trying to smile?" he snorted and Kanda immediately glared at him.

"Just drop it, idiot."

And so Allen did, though reluctantly. Later, as Kanda changed his clothes and tried relaxing on the couch, reading something, he seemed somehow restless. Finally, he dropped the book on the floor with a loud thump.

"We should buy a TV," he grumbled, staring at the ceiling.

Allen crooked a smile as he stirred his coffee after adding some milk. He needed to work until late today if he wanted to make it on time with the first portion of his current assignment.

"Feeling at home much?"

"Shut up" was Kanda's only reply.

And so, for the remainder of the day, what kept Allen company were historical figures, dates and many, many pages of boring descriptions of events. Embarrassingly enough, his thoughts were straying to Kanda maybe a bit more often than to his college friend.