A/N: So I appreciate all of the reviews, and some of you had strong opinions on the last chapter. I just wanted to remind you all that I have written the chapters in advance, so I'm sorry if you didn't like the last one. Yes, Meredith did get angry about Addison, and she probably overreacted, but it she wasn't just mad at Derek for that. Meredith is a very insecure person, especially more so since Derek is so much older, so having Addison appear was a way to address some things that I know I would be feeling in Meredith's place. Don't worry, Addison isn't staying long, but she brought out some feelings in Meredith in season 2 that I think apply to this situation (Meredith did describe her as Isabella Rossellini), so that's why she's here. I'm sorry if you hated the last chapter, but please keep reading and reviewing!

Chapter 11

"Come on Meredith, please pick up," Derek begged into the phone, which had gone into her voicemail. It was the third message he had left today, and probably the one hundredth since she left him at the restaurant last week. He needed to talk to her; he needed to explain that it wasn't what she thought, that he would never hurt her like that. He felt so empty; he hadn't realized how much he depended on talking to her every day.

"Please," he continued. "I need you to call me back. The thing with Addison isn't what you think. Please let me explain. Just let me talk to you once, and then you don't ever have to see me again if you don't want. Please call me back. I miss you Meredith." And with that, he hung up. It was ten in the morning; he'd been at the hospital since last night, and he still had another eight hours to go. This past week had been impossible. He kept getting distracted thinking about Meredith, which had landed him on scud for three days. He needed to get into a surgery soon. He needed something, anything, to distract him from the fact that he might never see Meredith again.

XXXXXX

Meredith was lying on her bed as her phone rang. She rolled over to check who it was, but seeing Derek's name; she dropped the phone and curled back into a ball. "He's so freaking persistent," Meredith muttered, her head pounding. She wasn't going to her classes today, just like she hadn't gone on Monday, due to her excessive hangover. From Thursday night after she left Derek in the rain until Sunday night, Meredith had spent the majority of her time drunk, and the rest of it asleep. She spent Monday sobering up by lying on her bed, and went to classes on Tuesday and Wednesday. Last night though, she listened to one of the eighty-six voicemails Derek had left her, and his voice alone was enough to send her into a depression, so she grabbed her bottle of tequila and tried to drown her sorrows, ignoring Cristina's advice that she would regret it in the morning.

She hated him, she really thought she did. Well, actually, she was quite certain that what she felt was the exact opposite of hatred, but she couldn't handle thinking that right now. He lied to her, even if it wasn't directly. He let her believe that he was available, when he was dating some red-head. One who was a thousand times prettier than her, and obviously smarter, and his age, and probably his type. Looking at Addison, Meredith couldn't even figure out why Derek had even bothered with her, Addison seems great, so that just makes him a jerk. One who decided to get into a freshman's pants just to say that he could. She couldn't believe that she had been that stupid; this is the reason I don't date, Meredith thought.

She was snapped out of her thoughts by a key turning in the lock. She glanced at the clock; it was almost seven, which meant that Cristina was out of her lab. As her friend burst through the door, Meredith slammed her eyes shut, and put her pillow over her head, hoping she would look like she was asleep. Cristina knew her too well, however, and plopped herself at the foot of Meredith's bed.

"Mer, get up. Seriously, this is getting pathetic."

"No, Cristina, I will not get up," Meredith snapped from beneath the pillow. "I'm am hung-over, I don't have to do anything."

"Meredith, you look miserable, you are miserable. Have you ever thought about, I don't know, talking to McDreamy?"

Meredith threw the pillow off of her head and stared up at Cristina. "Why would I want to talk to him? It isn't going to change anything. He's got this amazing, gorgeous girlfriend that probably doesn't have intimacy issues and daddy issues and doesn't sleep around, so talking to him isn't going to do anything except hurt and make me feel like crap. So leave me alone!" She covered her head with her pillow again and buried herself deeper under the blankets.

"Mer," Cristina tried again, her voice soft. "I really think you should talk to him. I think it would do the both of you a lot of good."

"How would it do us a lot of good? And why do you care if it would help Derek?" Meredith said apathetically, though she was intrigued.

"Because," Cristina sighed, and Meredith knew her friend had been keeping something from her. "Derek stood outside for hours this weekend, hoping you would come out and again on Monday, when he knew you would be going to class. And he just got off of a twenty-four hour shift, and he's been standing outside for an hour."

"I don't care," Meredith said automatically, though she did. Maybe he cared about her, at least a tiny bit.

"He looks like crap Meredith. Seriously. He, he looks kind of like you. Tired, sad, and he just looks dead inside. So, I think it will help you both."

"He's seriously been standing outside for days?" Meredith asked, her voice soft.

"Yeah, Izzie had to convince him to go home on Sunday night, because I'm pretty sure he would have slept out there."

"Why didn't you tell me he was out there? Why did you hide it?" Meredith suddenly became angry, she could have faced this sooner, at least tried to move on, or at least feel a little better if she called him an ass one more time.

"Because by the time we noticed him on Saturday afternoon, you were so drunk you barely knew your name. And it was the same on Sunday, and then you had a killer hangover on Monday, and you wouldn't have been able to handle it. I know you, Meredith Grey."

Meredith didn't say anything, she just looked at Cristina. Then slowly, she got up and walked towards her window, which faced the street. She looked down eight stories, and she saw him. He wasn't standing, as Cristina had said he was, but he was sitting on a bench, his head in his hands. She suddenly felt a surge of pity for him, and she wanted to see him. She had to see him.

"Fine," she said slowly, turning back to Cristina. "I'll go talk to him."

XXXXXX

On his way home from work, Derek stopped outside of Meredith's building. He knew he looked like a crazy person, but he couldn't just walk by, he really wanted to see her. He wished he could go inside, but he knew that he couldn't get passed the security guard unless he had a student ID or a resident let him in, and he knew Meredith would never let him in. he had tried on Friday, but the guard didn't get an answer from her room when he tried to buzz in. Derek checked his watch, it was only 6:20, Meredith might leave to go to the library, or if she wanted to get dinner, so he could wait for an hour.

He played a game on his phone for what seemed like a very long time before he heard a familiar voice. "What are you doing here McDreamy? I thought Izzie sent you away?"

He looked up to see Cristina glaring at him.

"Please, just let me see her. I can't just let this go, let her go." Derek begged, hoping that this would help his cause.

Cristina snorted in response. "Right, whatever. You don't tell her about your girlfriend, and you basically break her heart, and you expect me to let you talk to her? That's not going to happen."

"Addison is not my girlfriend," Derek insisted. "We went on three dates, and it wasn't anything serious. We were never exclusive, and I decided not to call her again a week and a half before I met Meredith in the bar. Please, I never lied to her, and I certainly never meant to hurt her. I probably should have told Addison that I wasn't interested, and it makes me an idiot that I didn't, but I wasn't keeping anything from her."

Cristina stared at him, as if she was weighing her options. "I will not let you in to see her," she finally said. "But I will tell her that you are out here, and that you've been out here and she can make her own decision as to whether or not she wants to see you. If she forgives you, and I'm not sure that she should, and if you work it out, you better be really good to her. Because you have completely destroyed her self-esteem. She never really had any to begin with, but you made her feel worthless. She was drunk all weekend, and all she could say was that she wasn't good enough for you, that she wasn't pretty or smart like Addison. So you better fix her."

Derek took a deep breath; he couldn't believe he had done that to Meredith, his Meredith. He hated himself for making her feel so terribly about herself, and he needed to fix it soon. "I will, I promise Cristina."

Cristina nodded, turned around, and went into her building. Derek looked around, unsure of what to do. He noticed a bench behind him, and decided it would be best to sit there. He put his head in his hands and stared at the door, hoping that she would come out. After what felt like an eternity, he finally saw her. His immediate reaction was to smile; he couldn't believe that he had gone a whole week without seeing her. But, as he took her in, he couldn't help but frown. Because she looked all wrong. She looked exhausted, like she hadn't slept in days. She was so pale, she probably hadn't eaten in a while, and the skin around her eyes looked puffy and red. When he finally looked into her eyes, even though she quickly looked down, he almost gasped. They didn't shine like they usually did. They looked dull, lifeless, and empty, and Derek knew that he had done that to her.

She approached the bench slowly, and stopped about five feet away. "Hey," he breathed, giving her a small smile.

She glanced up at him before looking back down, fear now present in her eyes. "Hey."

"Do you want to go for a walk?" Derek asked, standing up.

"Umm, no," Meredith answered softly before clearing her throat, before speaking with more confidence. "I haven't, uh, showered yet today, and I'm not really dressed for it." It was then that Derek looked down at what she was wearing. She was wearing a pair of baggy black sweatpants that were frayed at the bottom, and a purple NYU shirt that had a stain on the sleeve.

"Okay," Derek nodded, resisting the urge to grab her and hold her. "How about we go inside? We can just sit in the common room on the ground floor?"

"Yeah, okay," Meredith said, turning and walking back towards the door, not waiting for him. Derek trailed behind her, not wanting to walk beside her in case it made her uncomfortable. They entered the building, and Meredith swiped in and cleared Derek before they headed to the common room, which was luckily deserted. They sat on opposite ends of the couch, and as he watched Meredith wring her hands, he realized that he would be the one to do all of the talking.

"Meredith," he began. "I am so, so sorry that I hurt you. It is the last thing that I have ever wanted to do. Addison is not my girlfriend; we went on three dates a couple of months ago, but that was it. We weren't, at least I wasn't, serious about her, and we definitely weren't exclusive. I decided to stop seeing her almost two weeks before I met you, so we weren't dating when I came up to you in the bar. But I made a mistake. I should have formally ended things with Addison, and I didn't, because I'm an idiot and didn't think I needed too. Meredith, I am so sorry, and I know you don't trust me, but you have to believe that this has been the worst week of my life. I really care about you, and I would love it if you would give me another chance."

Meredith looked up at him, examining him cautiously before speaking. "I might have overreacted a little bit, but what else was I supposed to think when she was saying things like that and-"

"Meredith," Derek interrupted. "You don't have to apologize, and I'm not accusing you of anything. It was my mistake, and I deserved to be left at that restaurant."

"But Derek, are you sure you want to be with me?" Meredith asked; her voice filled with doubt. "Because I saw Addison, and she seems great. I mean she looks like a supermodel, and I'm just…me. And she's obviously really smart, and I'm really not, plus she's actually your age, she probably wants what you want out of life. I'm eighteen and I have no idea what I'm going to do with myself and you probably want to get married and stuff, and I'm not sure that…"

"Mer, Meredith," Derek said, grabbing her hand to cut off her rambling. "I do not want Addison; I want you, just you. I personally think that you're beautiful, way prettier than Addison and much smarter too. And I don't want to get married right now or anything; I just want what you want. I truly mean that; I'm not just saying it."

Meredith looked at their intertwined hands, thinking about what he just said. "I'm not sure if I trust you. I want to, but I'm not sure if I do. So I'm just going to try, I'm going to try and trust you. But you need to give me a little time. Because this was big. You may not have been dating her or whatever, but it made me realize things. This thing with us or relationship is a big deal for me, and the fact that you're a lot older than me scares me. Because you might want things, maybe not now, but eventually, you'll have plans. And I don't know if I'll be ready for them when you are. So, can we take it slow? Because that's what I need, slow." She looked up at him and gave him a very small smile, staring at him expectantly.

Derek smiled at her and nodded. "I will do everything in my power to get you to trust me again, and I'll never give you a reason not to. As for taking it slow, I can take it slow, I can take it incredibly slow."

They sat in silence for a few moments before Derek cleared his throat. "Umm, do you maybe want to go get dinner, or coffee? You don't have to say yes, but you just look like you haven't eaten in a while."

Meredith giggled a little, and she almost looked like her old self. "Yeah, my main sustenance has been a bottle of josé cuervo."

"So should we go get some real food for you?" Derek chuckled.

The smile left Meredith's face. "I'm not really in the mood to go out. Sorry."

Derek kept his smile in place, trying to hide his disappointment. "Alright, have a good night Meredith. Call me when you're ready." He softly kissed the top of her head as he stood up.

Meredith stood up too, and they walked towards the door. He stopped, however, when he heard Meredith say his name.

"Do you maybe want to come upstairs? I mean, Cristina's going to be there, and I have to do homework because I missed a couple of days this week, so maybe you could help me with it? We could watch tv or a movie and order pizza?"

Derek couldn't believe it; she wanted him around. Granted, they wouldn't be doing a lot of non-school related talking, but that was okay. "I'd like that."

Meredith smiled, "alright, I'm kind of gross right now, so I'll have to shower. I hope you can handle Cristina for a little while."

Derek laughed, following her to the elevator. "I think I'll manage."