He didn't speak to her for two years. After he had ran out of the room two years ago, he had cut himself off from her. He would always participate in the strategy sessions, offering rebuttals or suggestions to the plans they made, as they fought both for and against humanity.

But when they were assigned together on any night watch, he would remain quiet as they scanned the land before them. She had tried talking to him in the beginning, but his response was always the same, he would look at her briefly before squaring back to his post. The silence always stretched between them during those nights.

Mikasa had struggled with what words she would say to him. Feelings had never been her forte and she always struggled to put them into words. That was, of course, when she even knew what it was she was even feeling. So the time and distance grew large and gaping and she didn't know how to fill the gap.

Not that she had all the time in the world to dwell upon it. There had seemingly always been one crisis after the next.

But the time had finally come, they were to leave the wall and head back to Shiganshina. They were finally going to see what Doctor Jaeger had left in the basement for Eren, they were going to plug the hole in the wall and allow the people to leave the cramped, overcrowded cities.

The sheer enormity of planning such an expedition occasionally made her head spin. The sheer volume of supplies and equipment needed was more than one person could ever handle alone, even if that person was as smart as Armin was.

So their tasks had been cut out for them; Eren had been assigned to helping out the science crew, he could phase between his titan and human form almost effortlessly now, but he chose to remain human as he helped Hange pack up the lab and carry the heavier equipment to the carts.

Armin and Jean had been assigned to help Erwin plan the squad formation and the route that they would use. She caught them debating over a map on her way to the training grounds, they hadn't seen her as they continued to debate over whose route was more preferable.

"Jean, this route saves us twenty kilometres! That's minimum a day of travelling!" Armin ran a hand through his hair, managing to remove a few more pieces from his loosely tied ponytail.

"Think of the men Armin! You really think twenty kilometres will matter that much if they don't have sandwich between two mountain passes? There is no room to spread out there if the titans attack." Jean drew another alternative route on the map in front of them. "Or we could cut between the two and go this way, it's still a little risky, but it saves ten kilometres."

Armin made a note on his notebook. "So another tie breaker for Erwin then?"

Jean turned to grin at him. "I believe so."

It was then that Jean noticed her, but he hadn't quite recognised her from her position in the half shadows. So for a full second she had been floored by the light in his eyes. But he soon recognised her and the light died, like a gust of wind had blown out a candle. His eyes now cold and hard he went back to studying the map.

Mikasa cleared her throat. "Armin, Hange said don't forget to be at her lab at 2:30." She glanced at the clock at the wall. "And its 2:00 now."

Armin snapped his notebook shut and threw it in his bag. "Jean, I'll meet you back here after dinner? We have to have the route ready by Wednesday."

Jean gave a small wave of his hand as he continued to study the map. "See you after dinner Armin."

They left together, Armin rummaging in his bag for a book to check a fact and she examining the stone walls. There was a scratching sound next to her as Armin hastily scrawled the fact into his notebook. She glanced over at him; she could no longer see what he was writing as he walked next to her. How long had it been since she could see what he had written? It could be no longer than a year, when Armin suddenly grew taller than her. He had grown taller to join Eren, who took great delight in finally being taller than her. Not that meant she wasn't still stronger than him, despite the muscles he had grown. She glanced at Armin again, he was still so skinny, but she knew that wiry muscles were hidden under his clothes and his light weight only made him faster on the 3DMG. His hair was nearly out of his ponytail, the last few pieces slipping further out with each step. Mikasa lifted an arm up and pulled it loose, he didn't even react as he kept reading the slim book.

"Armin, stop a second." Mikasa jerked his arm.

"Woah! What is it Mikasa?" Armin's book clattered to the floor and he crouched down to fetch it.

She stood behind him and began grabbing his hair, pulling it into a ponytail.

"Ouch! Hey Mikasa be a little gentler!" Armin asked as she wrapped the tie tightly around the short ponytail.

"I'll be a little gentler when you quit losing these things. Honestly Armin, it's been four this week. Keep this one for a month and I'll be gentler, promise." She let go of his hair and stood back.

Armin's hand went to loosen some of the areas where it was too tight. "Thanks Mikasa." He gave her a grin. "But now I'm really late!"

He gave a final wave as he dashed down the corridor. She waved back as she headed out towards the training grounds.

Mikasa had been assigned to teach the newer recruits to have better fluidity when using the 3DMG. Initially it seemed like an impossible task and for the first few days several recruits had gone home in tears. Some of them were so clumsy; she was amazed that they even got in to the legion. But for the past month they had all made steady improvement.

She started them on drills, working next to them to correct any poorly placed anchor. Occasionally she yelled that certain areas were off limits and they had to find alternative routes to their destination. She them split them into two groups and had them try get passed each other. The victors only had to do the mandatory sit-ups; the losers had to do double.

Mikasa hadn't noticed when he had come to observe the trainees. She could have missed him entirely had it not been for two of her female recruits gotten seriously distracted during her brief to attack the cut-out titans that were hidden in the forest.

When she had turned and saw him standing there, his hair catching the afternoon sun, she had to fight not to blush. It had dawned on her a few months ago that Jean had started to unsettle her, like his presence set the world off kilter.

She split the thirty recruits she had into three groups of ten and sent them in first. While she watched the forest, waiting for the triumphant whoops that signalled someone had successfully found one, she itched to turn around.

Her mind wandered to earlier, when she had seen him debating with Armin and how he looked so different there as to when he looked at her. She saw him trace the path across the map, his shirt rippling where they touched the muscles on his back. He too had grown taller; he was as tall as Eren was. It was a debate they had all the time, but neither could claim victory.

She knew that he was also as muscular as Eren was, they had all been caught in a downpour on the way back from visiting Queen Historia and he had volunteered his jacket to one of the new recruits. She had to ignore the funny sensation in her belly the entire ride home. She squirmed slightly in her saddle every time he had moved and the exceedingly see-through shirt and shown her how each of his well-cut muscles moved.

Mikasa tried to ignore the fact that the sensation was back. She tried to refocus on the recruits in the forest, but she was distracted again by a giggle. She turned around to find one of her female recruits, Anne, standing close to Jean and making a show of not being able to do that quick of a blade change.

She watched as Jean took the control grip from her and showed her the quickest way to eject a blade and secure the new one. Anne didn't seem to be listening as she took back the control grip from Jean, she was too busy gazing intently into his eyes. Jean apparently didn't notice as his head turned to hear the yells of success of the new recruits. Anne tried to divert his attention back, by gently touching his arm.

That scratchy sensation drained abruptly out her belly and it was replaced by a bubbling, white hot rage that had to have a life of its own. That Anne was a liar, she was one of her top students and she could damn well do one of the quickest blade changes of her graduating class. She stalked towards them, trying to contain her anger.

She fixed Anne with a glare, allowing her to feel the full brunt of it. Anne paled when she noticed Mikasa coming closer and fidgeted nervously.

"I would suggest you get back into your group." Her words hung heavy with her fury.

Arms crossed over her chest, she watched Anne sprint back to her group.

Before she turned around; she glanced at Jean. He was looking at the groups of the recruits, but he caught her glance and for a brief second it was warm again before his eyes went cold.

"I'm just here to see how the recruits are doing. Their ability to use the 3DMG could affect the route we end up choosing." Jean pulled a small notebook and pencil from a pouch attached to his belt.

She nodded back at him; his face was so closed when he looked at her. Not like when he was laughing and debating with Armin, or when he was teasing Eren, or even when he was chatting to Sasha and Connie. He seemed so at ease with everyone, but her.

Mikasa fished the whistle out of her pocket as she turned around and walked to the edge of the forest. She gave it a long blow; it was the signal that their turn in the forest was over.

One by one the ten recruits came speeding out of the forest. She could see by the smiles on one or two of their faces who had been most successful. She told the team to grab some water then head over and do their strength exercises.

She then lined the next group up; Anne still looked a little shaken when she looked at them. She raised the whistle and blew again. The next group dashed in with as much enthusiasm as the first.

For the rest of the training session; she had to force herself to not look behind her at Jean, though it felt like she could feel his presence standing close behind her.

The organising and planning had lasted a further two weeks. It had flown by in a blur of extra drills, planning meetings and strategy sessions.

But after a night of fitful sleep, the morning had arrived. It was time to leave and head back to Shiganshina. None of her bunkmates had slept peacefully either. You would have thought that we would have been used to this by now. We have been going over this wall for almost three years. Mikasa tried to shake off the half-dreams of chasing a glowing boy, who seemed forever out of her reach.

She saw Sasha run her fingers down her prized bow, before setting it delicately back into its box.

"Why do you do that?" She asked, as Sasha snapped the lid of the box shut. "You do it every time we are due to go somewhere, but I haven't ever seen you take out the bow."

Sasha blushed. "My dad made this bow for me. Every time we leave and there is a chance I won't make it back, I promise myself that if I make it back I can use this bow on a hunt with my dad. Guess it's a bit of a lucky charm, just like your scarf."

She stowed the long wooden box in her trunk; where it would wait for her to return. Mikasa busied herself with putting on her boots; it always amazed her just how much Sasha had turned out to be more than just the Potato Girl. How they all were more than the initial 2D impressions that they had given of themselves.

Mikasa wrapped her scarf tightly around her neck and shouldered her pack, now was not the time to be nostalgic.

The first two days of the trip had been almost eerily quiet. They hadn't encountered half the titans that they had planned for. Most were under the 5m class and were dispatched easily. They had only lost four recruits; two to panic and two were just in the wrong place in the wrong time. Watching anyone get eaten by a titan never stopped being horrific.

Mikasa looked at her blood stained blades, before she bent down to try and clean them on the grass. Wherever she wiped left dark red smears on the grass. She saw the steam rising off of the rapidly decaying titan body and wondered who it had been before they were changed into a titan. Armin had told her his theory that titans tried to eat humans in an attempt to get their humanity back.

She heard the signal flare go off, a minute later a plume of green smoke could be seen. It was time to get moving. She got back on her horse in time to hear Corporal Levi's yell to one of the recruits to quit dawdling.

They camped in an abandoned fort that night. Mikasa had set up her bedroll near Armin and Eren and they had gone to fetch dinner. They had all eaten the dehydrated meat, cheese and bread before Mikasa and Eren had reported in for night watch.

They stood on a taller portion of the crumbling wall, a small torch casting a puddle of flickering, yellow light around them. For a while they were just silent. They hadn't seen much of each other in the last few weeks before their trip. She busy with the recruits and he was busy making sure he could plug the wall.

Despite two years of trying, they had still been unable to replicate Annie's crystal ability. She had walked in on Eren plenty of times in the past two years as he had spoken to the encased blonde, pleading with her to emerge from the crystal or just chatting to her about the recent developments that had been happening.

So Eren had made sure he could carry any number of rocks to the hole in the wall and plug it. His titan control ability still flickered, sometimes he could but more often than not he couldn't. Hange had told him it was controlled by his emotions, the one thing that Eren didn't have control over.

Eren's hand went to trace the outline of the key that was tucked under his shirt. As the date grew closer that they were going to leave, he had been playing with the key more often.

"Are you ready to see what's down there?" There wasn't a need to clarify just what "down there" meant. It had been an unsolvable mystery between the three of them since before they had joined the legion, since before the attack on Shiganshina.

"Yeah, I am." He pulled the key out and stared at it as it reflected the flames or the torch. "Just hope whatever is down there will actually make a difference. Not something that we already know or something Dad wanted to show me, like his birds and the bees talk."

There was a slight pause as Mikasa realised that Eren had just made a joke. She gave him a small smile and punched his shoulder.

"You're lucky Mom gave you the talk and not Dad. Dad drew me diagrams and I had a test! For the longest time I was really grossed out." Eren gave an exaggerated shudder.

"So that's why you spent the week with Armin?" Remembering their childhood always felt like it was eons ago.

"Yeah, I told Armin everything I learnt too. He spent the week reading up what he could from his grandparent's books."

"Life changed didn't it?" Her words hung heavily on the light-hearted mood.

"Yeah, it did." There was a pause between them as they each weighed what could have been had the attack never happened.

"I wouldn't change much though; humanity needs us to figure this thing out. We need to leave these walls Mikasa." His voice went quiet. "Though I would save Mom. I still miss her."

Silence fell between them again and it remained until the next pair came to relieve them of their posts.

Her sleep was fitful again that night. She dreamt of the attack on Shiganshina, but every time she was going to strike down a titan at glimmer would distract her at the corner of her eye and she would miss. Eventually she was chasing that glowing boy again and she was closer than she had ever been, he was inches from her fingertips. She heard his voice then, deep and rich. "What will you do with me when you catch me?" She had faltered then and he had slipped away from her again.

She woke earlier than she needed to and left the soundly sleeping Eren and Armin. Eren still slept as he always had, arms and legs askew and mouth wide open.

She helped with the early morning pack up; it was a welcome distraction from the dream that kept running through her mind.

It was on the fourth day that it went horribly wrong. All the titans they had been expecting came in one massive wave. There had been no warning, no time for a black flare, before the titans had barrelled down upon them.

They closed in from three sides. Their formation fragmented to match; each third headed by a senior commander. She saw Levi spearhead the left side and Hange went to the right. Commander Bosch, the newest commander, took the front.

She urged her horse to the left, where four of the recruits sat paralysed with fear.

"What are you guys doing? Move!" Only one of the four even acknowledged her presence. One of the others had started rocking to and fro in the saddle, muttering something under his breath.

Out of the corner of her eye Mikasa saw one of the approaching titans had spotted them. It's fat, squat arms reaching out towards them and its eyes hollow.

"That titan there will eat you unless you move! It will pick you off one by one until it gets too full and it will vomit your corpse up." This time all four eyes were on her. "Now into formation! We are attacking the one approaching and then moving along the line."

The titan was close now; she could see a long, thin line of saliva that had oozed out of its mouth. She clipped a set of blades in and launched an anchor at its belly. She swung fast and low, shooting another anchor just below a shoulder joint.

She sprang upwards in time to see the four recruits finally moving into action, each with the same mask of fear. They provided the distraction for Mikasa to make a clean swipe through the neck. The titan stumbled forward and there was a mad scramble for the recruits to get out of the way of the falling body.

She propelled herself to the next target; there was no time to celebrate downing one titan, not when there were twenty of them on her side alone. There was a roar as Eren shifted into a titan and he charged down the front side, killing titans as he went.

Her next target was a 15m behemoth. He must have been watching them take down the other titan, because he was ready for them as they approached. Mikasa felt its eyes on her when she sunk an anchor into its fleshy throat and its arms were moving to grab hold of her, its fingers long and spindly.

She shot another anchor into its underarm and darted away at the last second. Two recruits moved to cut the eyes, while one aimed for the tendons in the ankles. The last recruit had made for the back of the neck, blades held ready for a killing blow. Mikasa launched herself off again, aiming to kill as many of them as she could and her recruits could finish off the rest.

She had successfully taken down three titans when she had heard the first scream from the recruits. One of them had been caught and was now being dangled by one leg into a titan's mouth. She screamed again as she was lowered further into its mouth, until it was cut off as the titan bit off her upper body.

The other three recruits had stood open mouthed on a branch as their friend was eaten. One of them was blinking in confusion as a hand grabbed him off of a branch and devoured him whole. He hadn't even made a sound.

That seemed to motivate the last two, who took off from the branch with loud yells. The two titans killed the last boy, pulling him apart in the greed to devour. The girl used their distraction to cut them swiftly on the backs of their necks. Mikasa could see the tears on her cheeks.

Mikasa turned to look how the rest of the formation was doing. It seemed Levi and those closest to him had killed over half the titans on the left hand side. In the distance, Hange and her squadron had killed all but one titan. Titan Eren was approaching the left side, the front division a steaming mess, the corpses of titans strewn everywhere. But dotted everywhere between the fallen titans were the bodies of humans. She could see people using Eren's body as an anchor point as they swung their way towards her. One of the figures seemed to be gesticulating wildly, but she couldn't tell what the figure was trying to say.

She was distracted as she heard another roar from Eren. Two titans had managed to grab a hold of his arms and they were gnawing on his flesh. He gave another roar as his right leg kicked out and knocked the left titan loose. His left arm swung round to punch the one on the right.

"Mikasa, behind you!" She spun around.

A mere centimetre away from her was the hand of a titan. It came from behind them all and it had snuck up behind her. It had to be deviant class.

A blur shot past her as she sunk an anchor and leapt off of the branch. She heard a loud "Shit" as she swung around the tree, aiming back for the titan.

She sunk an anchor into the titan's forehead and slashed at the eyes, blinding it for a few seconds. There was a strange whine that came from the titan as the back of its neck was cut. Mikasa landed back on the branch again, her heart in her throat as she looked around for any more titans.

She wasn't able to look for long as she was enveloped by a pair of warm, strong arms. She could hear a loud, rapid heartbeat as it beat in tandem with hers. She was crushed against a warm chest, so she wasn't quite sure who was holding her as though she was a porcelain figure that almost fell off of the shelf.

"Did you want to make my worst nightmare come true?" Her heart swelled in her chest.

"Jean?" He allowed her to draw her head away and look up at him. Whatever she else she was going to say to him died in her throat. His eyes were liquid gold as he looked down on her, searching her for any sign of injury.

She tried not to blush every time his gaze swept over her lips and she tried to abate the heat in her cheeks by staring straight ahead. This proved to be a bad idea. In his scramble either to get to her or when he had been slaughtering titans he had lost the top button of his shirt, the smooth skin of his throat and chest was visible. The scratchy feeling returned, worse than she had ever woken up with.

"Are you okay? You seemed out of it for a few seconds." Jean's hand pressed to her forehead and then to her cheeks, the corner of his thumb just pressing again her lips.

She shook her head. Now was not the time for this.

"I'm fine Jean. Let's go finish this off." He gave her one more concerned glance and she basked in that golden glow again.

They pushed off together, killing their way towards Eren. They picked up three more stragglers the closer they got to Eren. Soon they split off from them again, killing the titans around the recruits as they approached Eren.

She could tell that Eren was getting tired; his movements had gotten sluggish and uncoordinated. Eren fell to his knees, the titan steam starting to rise from his body.

They made their final push then. They killed the last remaining titans, just as Eren slumped out of his titan body, half unconscious but he managed to stay awake long enough to enough to crawl into a cart.

Clean up after this attack took another day. They had lost three quarters of the people that had joined them. They had to collect the bodies and burn them in a massive funeral pyre. The camp was eerily quiet that day. She didn't see Jean or anyone else that day, only Eren, who had yet to wake up after his shift. It still took a lot out of him if he shifted for too long, no matter how sinuously he could shift now.

In her dream that night she saw the glowing boy again. This time she didn't chase him and this time he didn't run. She sat on the grass in the sunlight and he sat near her. He would make her laugh as they talked; his voice an echo of someone's she knew. In her dream the sun had begun to set and the boy had stood up and offered her his hand.

She took it and he helped her up. She looked up to say thanks and for the first time she looked into his eyes and saw liquid gold.

On the morning of the sixth day they finally saw the remains of Shiganshina. They set up camp in the ruins of a castle that had once belonged to a wealthy tradesman back when Shiganshina had still been whole.

The whole day she could feel the weight of being so close to her old home that she could feel it pressing her flat into the earth. She could see similar burdens on Eren and Armin's faces. They would only be able to venture into the city the next day and as the hours wore on the burden grew heavier and heavier.

She couldn't sleep that night. Even with the air cool and still against her hot skin she hadn't managed to sleep. She pulled her boots back on and walked to the balcony. They were staying on the top floor, its wooden doors still strong and its passages too narrow for a titan to pass through.

She slipped through the doors and out into the darkness, the broken walls of her old town cutting black voids into the starry sky. A figure stood at the edge of the balcony, looking out over the gloom.

At the sound of her nudging the door shut the figure turned around.

"Mikasa, is that you?" Even in a half whisper she knew who that was.

"Jean? Why are you awake?" She was grateful it was dark, she wouldn't have to see his eyes close up and have that empty silence stretch endlessly between them again.

"I came out here to think. Too much on my mind to sleep." He had turned back out to look over the balcony.

Mikasa walked and stood next to him, trying to ignore the stab of disappointment when he stiffened again.

"I need to thank you again. You saved me. I didn't even notice that titan." The words came out in a whispered rush.

He turned to face her and she turned to match.

"Mikasa, I asked you one thing; the one thing you could give me and that was to stay safe." His breath was hot in her ear as he whispered into her ear. "Everyone says that you are worth over 200 soldiers, but you are of immeasurable wealth to me."

"Then why do you ignore me? Why do act as if I am nothing to you." The elation at his words and her anger at them battled together inside her.

"Mikasa." Jean's voice was now low and urgent. "I have known for the longest time that you don't love me, but that doesn't make it any easier for me to stop loving you."

He leaned back from her, the space where he was left a vacuum of extreme cold.

"I do it because I don't want my heart broken every time." He walked over to the torch bracket and lit it. "Because I am waiting for you to find someone that you'll fall in love with and I'll have to watch from a distance. "

Jean was silhouetted by the golden glow of the torch, his edges shining, but his eyes were hidden. She moved closer, but left space between them. The space seemed to double in size the more she looked at it. With a deep breath in she took a leap.

"I dreamt about the kiss you gave me for months afterwards." Jean didn't move a muscle. "I never knew how to speak to you about it and when I thought I had an idea, we were so busy I didn't have the time."

Jean's fingers twitched, but otherwise he didn't move.

There was a lot the Mikasa wanted to say, but it kept turning to ash in her mouth. The silence began to stretch between them again.

"I dreamt about that kiss too…" Jean turned his head to look out at the night sky. "Mostly mocking myself for ever having been that stupid, there were so many dreams where you laughed at me."

She took a deep breath in. "I would never have done that to you. I never even told anyone."

"I know, but you can't really erase a lifetime of insecurities." He placed a hand on her shoulder. "Why would Mikasa, one of humanity's strongest, ever bother to care about an ordinary guy like me? Someone that strong would never need someone as weak as I am."

The weight of what he had said hung in the air.

On impulse she stepped forward, wrapping her arms around him. He was still warm like he had been a few days ago and he could hear his heart starting to beat rapidly.

She gently kissed the part of chest that was still exposed, it didn't look like he had replaced that button. In his arms she had to stand on her tiptoes to reach his ear.

"Jean, please don't give up. You definitely make me feel something; I just don't know what it is. But I'm close to knowing what it is. Whenever I look at you, it does something to me and it's not horrible. It's actually amazing." She could feel his entire front pressed against her and the itchy feeling began pooling in her lower body. She could feel the heat in her cheeks as she realised what it seemed like she was describing.

He didn't say anything to her as she pulled away and went back inside. His face still covered in shadow, she had no idea if he had even understood what she was trying to say. She could still feel the warmth in her cheeks as she got back into her bed roll; she was terrible with words.

Surprisingly she fell asleep quickly, still dreaming of the glowing boy. But every time she saw him out of the corner of her eye, he wasn't glowing and his face wasn't hidden. When she woke up, she knew who it was who had been plaguing her dreams.

It was the same boy who has those liquid gold eyes who was glancing over to her in the early morning light. It was Jean

Whelp, just made this into a three parter. Oh Well.

I wasn't sure I liked this. But I needed to get it out the way.

~Kit