Disclaimer: If I owned iCarly, why would I be sad about possibly not getting to watch it after next summer? (A/N: I may be going on tour for a year with this band thingy I'm applying for. PM me if you're really curious!)
"Freddweeb! Get. Me. OUT OF HERE!" Sam managed to screech through gritted teeth. She and her not-so-manly companion had spent the night camping by the road, taking turns keeping watch. The next morning, she had been on foot looking for berries, when all of a sudden- BAM!- she was eight feet down a hidden hole! To add insult to injury, she was tangled up in a large net... and her only option for rescue was Lord Dufus. Who was currently laughing his butt off at her.
"Hold-hold on one moment," Freddie choked through his laughter. "I want to remember this forever." Clutching his sides, he guffawed for a good five more minutes before he could compose himself, during which a very angry Sam threated to maim every millimeter of his body.
"Okay, okay," said Freddie seriously, after he'd calmed down. "Can you at least get that net off of yourself?"
Sam grumbled. "What do you think I've been trying to do? You're gonna need to pull me out of here before we cut this thing off of me." She would have been unhappy in this situation no matter what, but having to rely on this Freward guy was making Sam even more agitated.
Freddie sighed. "I was afraid of that. Would you prefer I find a branch, or should I just use some rope?"
"Rope, please," spit Sam. Freddie retrieved a length of rope from his things, and tied one end to Gigabit.
"All right, girl," he soothed to his horse. "We need to get Lady Samantha out of the hole, even if she doesn't seem like much of a lady that way." Gigabit snorted.
"I HEARD THAT," Sam yelled.
Freddie rolled his eyes. "Just take the other end of the rope when I throw it to you." He tossed the rope into the hole. "When I say so, hold on tight. I'm going to back my horse up slowly to get you out of there."
"Fine," Sam muttered.
"Okay, Gigabit. Easy...easy... Lady Sam, hold on! On, Gigabit!" Freddie led the horse carefully backwards, and surely enough, after a few feet of backing up a blonde head appeared over the top of the hole.
"It's," Sam wheezed as she climbed out, "the least you could do, to," she coughed, "get me out!" She leaned over, trying to catch her breath. "I practically had to climb out of there myself as it is! Where's your knife? Oh never mind, I'll use mine." She stomped and stumbled off to her own horse, still tangled in the net.
Freddie stared at her. "Oh. And this is the thanks I get? I could definitely have left you in the hole to rot! I KNOW you wouldn't be very happy about STARVING!"
"Yeah yeah, and I know you wouldn't have left me there," Sam called over her shoulder.
Freddie opened his mouth to retort, but found he couldn't. Why does she act like she knows me so well when we've only just met? he thought grumpily. What's worse is, she's right. I would never leave a girl by herself, in a hole. Not even her.
As the day wore on, the prince and princess were extremely careful of where they rode their horses. And rightfully so; they came across five more holes.
"Man, someone must have been up ALL night digging these!" said Sam in amazement. "Guess where these idiot contestants lack in brains, they make up for in determination."
"I guess so. And I think I know who dug these..." said Freddie, pointing at a tree. On it was carved, "Gibson waz heer." Freddie snorted, "I think I need to have a little talk with him about his spelling."
"That's pretty atrocious," Sam agreed. The two rode on for a moment in companionable silence.
"So, I've been meaning to ask you," Freddie started. "What was your game plan? You know, for catching the Beavecoon?"
"Well," Sam thought. "I was going to ask around for any leads, and find out where I need to go, and then I was going to use my super-secret-Beavecoon-luring-device."
"I would question that, but something tells me I don't want to know," smirked Freddie.
Sam reached over and slapped his arm. "What Fredweasel doesn't know won't hurt him."
"There you go again with the names! It's like you think I have no..." Freddie stopped in his tracks. "Uh, Lady Sam? I think we found the canyon." The woods had been gradually thinning, and until now, neither of them had noticed the huge cliff up ahead.
Freddie gulped, wondering how they were getting around it, but Sam and her horse just pushed him aside, eager to get a better look.
"Are you suicidal?" Freddie yelped. "Get back here! Wasn't it bad enough to fall down a hole without falling down a cliff, too?" Gigabit bucked a little, nervously whinnying. "Why don't you stay here while I figure this out?" Freddie told the horse. He dismounted and tied her to a tree, then ran over to the crazy blonde.
"Isn't the view awesome?" asked Sam happily, gazing down the canyon.
"Yes, it is," said Freddie appreciatively, "but that doesn't mean you should be spooking your horse like this." Sam looked down at the creature, who was rolling his head and twitching his ears.
"Ah, Billy, you wimp!" Sam chided. "I wouldn't let us go over. Come on, now." She guided her horse away from the edge and dismounted. Freddie breathed a sigh of relief. "Worried about me?" Sam asked, raising an eyebrow at him.
"No! You're just more trouble to look after than you're worth!" he said, agitated.
A look of hurt flashed across Sam's face, too quick to see, before changing to a look of...murder. "If you think I'm so awful to be around, WHY DON'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?" she said forcefully. "I can do this on my own, I don't need looking after."
"Come on, I didn't mean it like that," said Freddie, more calmly. "I don't think you're awful to be around. Sometimes unpleasant, I won't deny, but not awful."
"You sure don't act that way," said Sam stubbornly. "From the moment we met you've been nothing but disrespectful. Why should I treat you any better?"
Freddie gaped. "When we 'met,' you tried to make me look bad in front of the princess! I wasn't feeling very kindly toward you for that!"
"That's because every male between the ages of four and eighty-four tries to get close to her for the power! It's my job as her s- friend to make sure someone's not a crazy lunatic out to get the crown!"
"Well maybe I'm not a crazy lunatic!"
"Well maybe you're not, but you're still dorky!"
"I resent that!"
"I resent YOU!"
"Some lady you are!"
"You're no gentleman!"
"Neither are you! Wait...what?" said Freddie, losing track of the fight. Suddenly, Sam started giggling at him.
"I've never-ha-tried to be a-haha- gentleman!" she snickered. Watching her laugh like that, Freddie couldn't help but join in.
"I don't even know why we were fighting," he said between chuckles.
"I don't either. Let's just call it a truce and move on with our lives, shall we?" said Sam.
"Sounds good. We shouldn't be fighting when we have to figure out how to get past this canyon."
"We'll figure something out. I mean, I'm smart, and you're less stupid than the other guys," Sam smirked.
"Thanks. I think," said Freddie, unsure how to take it.
"Don't let it go to your head," came the response.
(A/N: OKAY. Some thank yous are in order! I'VE REACHED 100 REVIEWS! :D A special thanks to KhCcGlee for being my 100th! You should all check out her story, "The Many Thoughts of Sam Puckett." It's going to be EVERY EPISODE of iCarly- as told by Sam. So far, it's given me a memory trip back to season 1!)