Ok so this is it. I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has taken an interest in this story, either by reading or reviewing, and to say I have thoroughly enjoyed writing it. Ok so thank you and here we go.
Disclaimer: I don't own heroes for the hundredth time. Jesus Christ...
Chapter 11 – Epilogue
It was finally here. This was the last time they would all be together for a long, long time. When they next saw each other could be months away, they might occasionally bump into one or two, or they might be enemies. With them it was always hard to tell.
It had been an eventful morning to say the least. Sure no one died but it was still exciting. Three odd duos had gotten married, Peter and Elle had done the bad stuff, two children had woken up drunk on the floor, Suresh, Nathan and Parkman had opened their eyes and realized they were on a balcony…and Adam Monroe and Daphne Millbrook had caught all the explanations on tape. Needless to say Hiro Nakamura was probably the only one who had nothing to fear from watching the dreaded tape, or so he thought.
Three couches and multiple chairs were all angled around the 42 inch television, filled with nervous bottoms and shivering bodies. The seating went as followed, from left to right. Niki; Micah; Molly; Daphne; Adam; Hiro; Ando; Arthur; Angela; Sylar; Claire; Peter; Elle; Noah; Tracy and Linderman. Noah got up, tape clenched in his hand. Everyone took a deep breath as he slid it into the player.
"This is gonna suck ass," Claire piped up, lightly surprising everyone there.
Sylar pouted. "You suck ass."
"Hey," Peter smirked. "Is that any way to treat your wife?"
"Screw you Petrelli."
"I did," Elle added on like the sly fox she is.
Claire shuddered. "Ew."
"Hey Bennett? What's the hold up?" Niki called.
"I'm trying to tune it in ok?"
Niki sighed. "Oh great."
"If you're so impatient why don't you try and tune it in?" Bennett complained.
"Oh no," Niki shook her head. "I don't go near any electronical stuff anymore. Suresh, do you remember when you got me that DS?"
Suresh winced. "Yeah," he turned to the rest of them. "The results were similar to if a lion had fought the terminator in a blood bank and then decided to add Freddy Krueger halfway through."
"How?" Sylar asked.
"I don't know," Suresh looked thoughtful. "But at one point I thought I saw a leprechaun chuckling in the corner."
Sylar raised a brow. "That's…odd?"
"Tell me about it, I mean, he was wearing blue!" Suresh exclaimed, bug eyed.
"That was what you found strange?" Sylar asked disbelievingly. "Blood, guts, vomit and magical imaginary beings and you think the blue was odd?"
"Couldn't you have just said it was messy?" Angela complained.
"No," Hiro demanded. "A hero must always know the facts."
"You're kind of intense."
Hiro kept a blank face. "And you're kind of a bitch."
"Yes! I've got it!" Bennett leapt in his joy before plonking himself down next to Tracy. "We've combined both Adam and Daphne's recorded data and Micah merged them into one VHS."
"VHS?" Nathan laughed. "Who the hell uses VHS anymore?"
"Mind your own business that's who!"
"For God's sake Dad just press play," Claire moaned.
Elle nodded. "Yeah, let's get this rodeo clown on the road."
"That doesn't make any sense," Peter frowned.
"Your face doesn't make any sense."
Bennett aimed the remote at the VHS player with a happy smile on his face. "And play,"
"Ok! Everyone!" Angela called out to the crowd. "I would like to make a toast to the happy couple!" At their blank faces she rolled her eyes. "Bennett and Tracy?" Nothing. "The guy with the glasses and Niki's twin sister?"
"Oh," Was the collective response.
Angela sighed. "Jesus Christ."
"He's in California right now so he can't hear you," Molly's voice shouted out.
"I hate this place," Angela whispered before shaking her head. "Anyway, let's have a good night everyone and please don't try to drink too much. We wouldn't want any nasty surprises in the morning. Though that would be both comicly hilarious and mildly entertaining. To Noah and Tracy!"
"Aw, thank you Mrs Petrelli," Tracy gave the older woman a hug.
"You're welcome dear."
"Wow look at Claire go!" Matt exclaimed as he pointed at Claire downing shot after shot with Sylar. "I've seen less thirsty African children."
Peter appeared in front of the camera. "Daphne, would you mind paying particular attention to Sylar and Claire tonight?" The camera zoomed in on Sylar and Claire, just glimpsing the Haitian trying to hide behind Molly Walker.
"Why?" Daphne's voice could be heard off screen.
Peter shrugged. "Call it a hunch, like from my old detective days."
"Peter you never were a detective."
"In here I was," he pointed to his head. "Now tomorrow morning they are going to come looking for you and ask for the video tape of tonight. When you give it to them, give them this note."
"You son of a bitch," Sylar whispered to a smirking Peter.
"Amen," Hiro piped up.
The camera moved up and down, indicating Daphne had shrugged. "Whatev."
"Ok good, now I should – wait what?"
"I said whatev."
"Whatev?" Peter asked, confused. "What? You can't even be bothered to add the 'er' at the end? What are you twelve?"
"Screw you Petrelli."
"I think I just might," Elle appeared behind Peter at the front of a conga line. Micah held onto her, and Linderman behind him. Peter frowned when he saw the twelve year old glued to Elle's swinging rear.
"Dude!"
"What?" Micah snapped at him. "She your woman?"
Peter shook his head and walked past Nathan, Suresh and Matt. He nodded his head at his brother. "Nathan."
Nathan nodded back. "Broseph."
Matt pulled Micah from the conga line. "Micah, we need to get some hookers down here. Now."
"And preferably some fireworks," Suresh added.
"Hookers and fireworks?" Claire asked the three men.
Matt shrugged. "We had some strange ideas," He looked mournfully up at the sky. "But they were magnificent and majestic, showering glory in a beautiful haze of golden light. Love in physical form, true splender glowing like a thousand suns and spreading warmth through the hearts of the pure."
"Wow Matt," Claire whispered. "That was…beautiful."
"Sure thing," Micah whipped out a cell phone on the screen. "What for?"
Nathan smiled. "We wanna make a hooker rainbow."
"And make it rain syphilis down on our enemies," Matt added.
"Oh my God!" Claire gasped, throwing revolted looks between the three men.
Niki joined her blonde friend. "How could you?"
Suresh shrugged. "We don't have ALL the answers Niki, and besides you literally screwed the pooch yourself so cast those hateful, hateful eyes into a mirror."
"Puppy whore," Nathan mumbled to himself.
Angela jolted. "Nathan!"
"What?" The senator sulked. "Is there anyone here who hasn't slept with her at some point?"
Angela awkwardly averted her gaze, as did everyone there including Mr Muggles. Claire looked around the room. "Am I the only one?"
"Please Claire," Adam arrogantly answered. "I think I can speak for the entire male population of earth that in our minds, you two get it on at least daily. Guys?" A chorus of male agreement echoed throughout the room. Adam nodded. "Bosh"
"See what I'm talking about?" Nathan piped up. "Bitch got no class."
"At least she didn't want to send some poor women into the sky and make a rainbow out of them!" Claire defended, aghast.
"No no Claire," Matt laughed. "We wanted to make rainbows out of hookers, not people."
"Matt I had no idea you were this prejudice," Ando chastised.
Matt shook his head. "Oh, don't worry fellas, I'm ok with the whole Asian persuasion thing. It's just whores and midgets that make me want to vomit down their throats."
"Besides at least he didn't screw and marry Sylar," Suresh threw on as the tape showed the group getting steadily more drunk. Claire bounced her eyebrows. He had a point.
"Not yet…" Sylar trailed off.
"Wh-what?" Matt stammered.
"Nothing."
"No what…what does that mean?"
Sylar shrugged. "Well, look, you do give off that kind of vibe. Plus your always so worried about your hair and stuff."
"I like to look good!"
The tape went on, following random conga lines and pushing through the crowd. It caught a glimpse of Ando climbing the walls like a monkey until it came across Bennett and Tracy making out. They pulled away, making a sound that reminded them all of a plunger being ripped from a toilet.
"You know what?" Noah slurred. "You know what? We should just get married now and then bang on someones unconscious back!"
Tracy swayed. "That…is…so…cool,"
"Yeah, yeah, hey everyone!" All the noise stopped, except for the sound of Ando falling from the ceiling with a yelp and thud. Noah stared at him before continuing. "Me and Tracy have decided to get married right now!" The group all cheered, Sylar whirled his finger, Claire took her shirt off and began spinning it around above her head like a lasso.
"Woah!" Ando and Hiro exclaimed in unison.
"Check out little Claire's two BIG secrets!" Matt yelled. Claire looked mortified.
Arthur Petrelli nodded slowly. "Nice," he whispered, drawing out the c sound.
"Arthur!" Angela now looked equally mortified. "Claire is your granddaughter!"
"So what I'm gay now?" Arthur protested. "Screw that. I ain't no homo."
"I'm just gonna go ahead and fast forward this," Noah statd, hitting fast forward and subsequently watching his daughter do what he believed to be a very sensual version of the time warp.
Claire smiled over at her father. "Thanks Daddy-"
"Please be quiet Claire-bear."
"Ok."
Finally, and with a not so subtle sigh of disappointment from around the room, Claire finished her topless sexy dance. Noah pressed play when he saw them all in a cheap church.
"Do you, Noah Francis Geraldine Bennett," The preacher began, ignoring the snickering from the crowd at the unfortunate name. Noah wiped away a tear. Oh the horrors that name had brought him. "Take Tracy HYDRASLUT Strauss to be you awfully wedded wife?"
"Um…sorry father but don't you mean lawfully wedded wife?" Noah whispered.
"No," The priest answered bluntly. "No I don't."
"Oh," Noah recoiled a little.
The priest sighed, clearly bored. "Anyways do ya or don't ya because I gotta get up early tomorrow for the annual priest alter boy fishing trip, and it's not just the fish I wanna mount if you catch my drift?"
"I truly hope I don't," Noah responded. "But I do,"
"I do too," Tracy said with a smile.
"Thrilling ok, so if anyone has any objections or whatever then speak now and, well, is there a single person who gives a shit basically?" The priest asked with a yawn.
Hiro stood up. "I have something to say." All eyes turned to Hiro "I think Ando has genital herpes."
"Hiro!" Ando was suddenly on his feet next to his friend.
"It needed to be said Ando," Hiro replied.
"At a wedding!"
"Yes, because there is more."
"Uh Hiro?" Niki tried to intervene. "Does this really have to be said now-?"
"Nik shut the hell up I wanna hear this!" Peter yelled from the back. "Oh and by the way, Noah, the cheap seats? Really? I saved your daughters' life you ass!"
"God Peter you're so heroic," Elle purred, seductively crossing her legs and leaning into the Empath.
"Hey!" Claire stood up, full of purpose and happenstance…and also three litres of vodka. "Back off tramp! My Peter is too good for you!"
"Oh boy," Tracy mumbled.
Elle flew to her feet. "Excuse me?"
"Listen," Claire swayed. "Peter is mine. Perhaps not romantically but he LOVES me, plus I totally have a crush on him."
Silence filled the room as the group just stared at the Claire on the screen, before all slowly turning varying expressions on to the one sitting next to them. Claire was wide eyed and unable to move, but luckily for her Sylar's laughter rung out.
"Oh sister it is not your night," the serial killer chuckled.
Claire threw a glance over to a petrified Peter and laughed. "It's not true," she defended nervously. "I was just jealous that you would show anyone else attention other than me, it doesn't mean I have a crush on you. I'm a woman, Peter. We're complicated."
"You're a freak," Sylar snorted, receiving a punch in the arm for his clever use of words.
Peter nodded. "Ok," he said with a smile. "Ok, let's just keep watching the tape." They all settled back in.
"Please I've seen the show, there is no way she doesn't want to bang him on some sick level," Elle whispered…right in Peter's ear.
"Elle, I'm right here."
Back on the screen all was quiet at Claire's revelation, and then just like that Suresh, Nathan and Matt came bursting through the chapel doors at full speed, a look of terror on all their faces.
"EVERYBODY RUN!" Suresh screamed.
Niki stood in front of them. A bold move given her accident record. "Suresh what happened?"
"The hookers got the fireworks Niki!" Suresh screamed in her face before dramatically shaking her shoulders. "THE HOOKERS GOT THE FIREWORKS!"
"Oh God, here they come!" Matt gasped as five women rounded the corner, each carrying a large rocket. "Jesus, I'm both turned on and terribly afraid."
Nathan had the misfortune of looking down first, and recoiled from horror. "Christ Parkman you're pitching a whole campsite down there!"
"Yeah," The priest drew everyones attention. "If we could have less of the prostitutes, violence, incest, STD's, using the lords name in vain and discussion of sexual organs in Gods house that would be great. Now guys, if you and four of those women would leave I would be very appreciative."
They all looked round to see the five women reading the fireworks instruction. "Oh no, they can read our language! Run!" The three men ran from the chapel with the five hookers chasing angrily after them.
"I think it was a mistake inviting them," Noah mumbled, head in his hands before noticing Tracy scratching a certain area. "What's that?"
"Oh nothing, just a small case of genital…" she looked up at Noah afraid. "…herpes. Whoops."
"You slept with Ando!" Noah called.
"As did several animals at the zoo who had to be put down," Hiro stated, shaking his head disapprovingly at his friend. "What did those giraffe do to you?"
"HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOO," Micah sanders and Molly walked in, each with half empty bottles in their hands. "Oh is this the wedding. Nice to know we were invited."
"Come on," Molly hiccupped. "I think Daphne has some secret liquor in her room – hey!" Molly fell over as Ando shot past them, Noah hot on his heels. "How rude."
"Ando, do not worry, I will save – oooh are those lunchables? I LOVE lunchables," Hiro dove into the crappy buffet table.
"Well since no one else is getting married," Sylar's sly voice chimed.
"Excuse me," Niki walked out holding Tracy and Noahs ring…and Mr muggles.
Claire downed the rest of her bottle. "Loving the ideas Gabe," and the last thing the group saw as the camera went black was Claire straddling the serial killer and furiously making out with him.
They sat in silence for a while, awed by the sheer magnitude of crazy they had just witnessed. So, to sum up: Claire was both in love with her uncle whilst having married and had sex with Sylar; Peter was an evil genius; Ando was a sexual deviant; Hiro wanted to be the lunchable king; Tracy was a whore; Niki screwed the pooch; Suresh, Matt and Nathan were being chased with rockets; Micah and Molly were drunk; Arthur, Angela and Linderman had mysteriously disappeared together and they had scarred an ethically challenged priest for life.
"So," Peter awkwardly brought up. "Shall we never mention this again and burn the tape now?"
"Yep," Claire chirped.
Suresh agreed. "I'm down with that."
"I don't see a tape," Niki pretended to look around.
Hiro hung his head. "I have shamed myself."
"Weather's good today," Sylar sad.
"I don't even remember how we got here," Elle laughed uncomfortably.
Peter, Claire, Sylar, Elle, Hiro, Suresh and Niki waved off the last off their friends from their van and turned to each other with warm smiles. "I guess this is it," Suresh said, strangely feeling a little bit sad.
"Well it has been awful," Sylar brought up, hands in pockets.
"Yep," Claire agreed. "We almost killed a nurse."
"I almost died," Niki added.
"I got possessed by an evil spirit," Elle pursed her lips.
"We got thrown in prison," Hiro said.
Suresh shrugged "I nearly suffocated from Hiro's fart."
"I woke up naked in a lake surrounded by over a dozen families," Peter nodded.
"I lost Kevin the Zombie," Sylar pouted.
"We destroyed Tracy and My Dad's wedding," Claire remembered.
"Without forgetting how many people we hurt along the way," Elle made a face of disgust.
"Plus we all became exotic dancers in a brothel…" Niki slid on. Silence over took the group as they all looked everywhere but at each other. Finally Peter looked up at the group.
"So, anyone want to ride home together?"
"Absolutely," they all agreed at the same time and bundled ungraciously into the must crap box that had come to feel like home.
"Hey can we stop off at a fair on the way home?" Hiro asked.
"NO!" Suresh yelled, and with that they road off into the sunset.
"On the road again...Just can't wait to get on the road again..."
"Shut the hell up Petrelli!"
"Easy now Sylar" Suresh soothed, pretending to fire a pistol at him like a cowboy.
"Dammit Mohinder! What did I say about acting like that!"
So as always I would love to know what you thought of all of it. Please you don't have to just focus on this chapter, bring up anything throughout the story that you would like to comment on. Thanks again, and goodbye.