A/N Haha! Look people, here's the mystery chapter that got you guys excited! This was so much fun to write, and I hope you have fun reading it! Also, I haven't really mentioned it, but thank you guys so much. I mean seriously, if you've stuck with me this far, I'm seriously extremely grateful. I honestly thought this story would fail epicly, and at one point I actually thought of quitting, and one of your reviews let me know that people are actually reading and enjoying it. So, thanks. Okay, enough with the mushy thank you's. Get on with the hilarity!
Disclaimer: Hetalia is not mine. Seriously, trust me on this one. Oh, I also don't own Nutella, Tooth Fairy or Walmart. If I owned any of those things, I probably would be rich.
The next hour and a half are spent with all five of us crammed onto the couch, watching the movie I picked. Tooth Fairy, I think. Technically a kids movie, but whatever. As the credits start to roll, I lift Ivan off of his position on my lap and put him on... um... the blonde guy's lap. I get up to go make a lunchy-ish thing, but Gilbert kicks me in the shin to get my attention.
"Hey lady, look. Your little unawesome boyfriend fell asleep on my shoulder any I need you to get him off because it's really awkward." he says, looking to the side where, sue enough, there is a softly snoring Tony. I'm ready to correct Gil on a number of things (my name, Tony's status as my not-boyfriend, and how cute they actually look- I never said that last one) but I restrain myself. "Here, watch this. Give me your hand." I say, holding out my own hand. Gilbert warily puts his hand in mine-what, it's not like I'm going to break it or anything!- and I give it a good, hard pull. Gil stumbles out, but being awesome and all, he regains his balance in time to see Tony fall sideways onto the couch, still sound asleep. Gil gapes at me in awe.
"Wow, semi-awesome bitch, that's actually pretty awesome. How long did it take you to figure that out?" Gil asks, turning his attention to me. I roll my eyes. "First of all, don't call me a bitch or I will tie you to a chair and rip out every hair on your head, one by one. Second of all-" I continue even though Gilbert shudders at my threat. "-It took me about six months of living with him to figure out he's one of the heaviest sleepers I've ever met."
Gilbert nods and looks back to Tony. I turn and go into the kitchen, opening the refrigerator to find some food. Instead of our usually somewhat-full fridge, though, thre is pretty much no food left except for assorted condiments, jam, peanut butter, and some stuff that I'm pretty sure is rotten. I stare at the emptiness for a second before slamming shut the frige, the noise attracting Gilbert from in the living room. He stands in the middle of the kitchen, watching me sheepishly as I fling open every cupboard in search of food. Nothing.
I whirl around to face Gilbert. "Why is there no food in the house?" I ask, stepping forwards. The albino takes a step back, and we continue this until Gil's up against a wall. He looks at me and finally seems to get the balls to tell the truth.
"Um, me and Tony-"
"Tony and I." I inerrupt. I hate bad grammar, okay?
"Fine. Tony and I sort of got hungry last night -we slept in the same room last night in case you're wondering, and not in a perverted way!-" he adds, looking me right in the eyes. I wipe the silly grin off my face. "Continue."
"And as the Awesome Me already said, we got hungry and came down here for a midnight snack. End of awesome story." he finishes, looking at me as if to say "What are you going to do about it?" I sigh. I don't especially want to fight right now.
"Okay. I guess we need to go shopping then. And you guys need new clothes, don't you? Yeah, I guess Walmart it is. I hope to god they haven't seen '333 Ways to get kicked out of Walmart'..." I mutter, turning away and striking a sexy thinking pose. I thought I was talking inside my head, but I guess not, since Gilbert grabs my shoulder and turns me around. "Wait a second, not-as-awesome-as-me albino, what was the last one?"
"What? Did I say that out loud?! Shit!" I say, before composing myself. I guess since it's already out, I might as well explain. "It's exactly what it sounds like; a list of 333 ways to get kicked out of Walmart."
"Can I borrow your laptop?" he asks, and I nod without thinking. Gil grins evilly and runs upstairs. I wander slowly into the living room, shocked. I am so screwed. Matthew stands up, Ivan on his shoulders, then looks to the stairway that Gil ran up.
"Starr, where did Gilbert run off to?" he asks, readjusting Ivan. I put on a smile. "He just went upstairs to use my computer..." I answer. Ivan smiles a little.
"Matvey, can we go see?" Ivan asks, tugging at his ride's ears. Matthew brushes away the little hands and heads to the stairs. "Sure. It might be interesting, whatever he's doing."
Yep, I'm thoroughly screwed.
We'll leave in half an hour.
x:x:x:x:x:x
"TIME TO GO!" I bellow, elicting a few screeches and thumps from upstairs. I walk over to the couch and sit on Tony. I learned a long time ago that this is one of the easiest ways to get him up on short notice. A few seconds go by where nothing happens, but then he starts to mumble and finally he snaps awake. I hop off before he can harm me, and he flails for a minute before realizing nothing's there. He turns over to go back to sleep, but I run over and thump him. He sits up and looks around for a second before focusing in on me.
"Hey Starr, why'd ya wake me up? I was havin' a good dream n' everything!"he mumbles, rubbing his eyes. I roll my eyes. "We have to go shopping. Someone ate all the food in the house!" I say, directing a glare at him. Tony looks down at the floor guiltily. "Sorry." he says, standing up and stretching. I nod in satisfaction and go to the staircase, which the other three boys have yet to come down.
"GILBERT, IVAN, MATTHEW, GET YOUR ASSES DOWN HERE OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES!" I yell. I actually have no real consequence in mind, but my empty threat works because a stampede of giggling boys comes within seconds, and yes, they were actually giggling. Like the hypothetical teenage girl. Anyhoo, Tony and I lead everybody else to the front door, where they all put on assorted shoes and coats I found in my basement yesterday. Of course, some of my Units came with jackets, so I don't have to worry about that too much. Our unruly bunch is out the door with minimal accidents, and we start on our trek to Walmart.
The first five minutes of our walk are rather uneventful, with Matthew, Ivan and Gilbert chatting about something in the back, and Tony and I placing bets on who or next Unit's going to be.
"Five bucks says it's France." Tony says, smirking. I meet his eyes. "Bet it's not."
"How much?"
"Ten bucks."
"Deal." We shake hands and keep walking. It's silent for a few more seconds, until I see the Walmart down the block and decide it's time to give them the information.
"Okay guys, time for the info." I say, getting the three boys' attention. They stop their conversation to look at me. "Everybody gets three pairs of pants, five shirts, a jacket, socks, underwear, and one other item of your choice. Under fifteen dollars each item, please. If you need me, Tony and I will be getting some food in the Grocery section." We arrive at the front entrance to the store. "Matthew, you will be in charge of Ivan. Gilbert, don't grope anybody." I finish, gesturing to the door. "Now go! Be free! Meet me back at this entrance in half an hour!" I call after the already gone nations.
Tony follows me inside, only to find Gilbert holding a flustered salesgirl against the wall, furiously groping her. I storm over and grab Gil's ear, pulling him away from the frightened woman. I shoot her an apologetic look, mouthing "I'm sorry" and pulling Gilbert away.
"What did I say! No groping anybody, remember? Now just go and get your clothes." I hiss, giving his ear one last tug and then shoving him towards the men's department.
"Fine! I'm going, un-awesome bitch!" he grumbles, wandering off. I roll my eyes and turn back to Tony, who's reading a magazine by the counter. "Let's go and get the food. Come on." I say, tugging Tony's sleeve and pulling him to the "grocery" section. Tony quickly puts the magazine back and comes with me.
Ten minutes of shopping later, our basket is pretty much overflowing with assorted foods. Of course we have the basics-milk, bread, and chocolate- but then there's also frozen pizzas, kale (it's like lettuce), and Nutella- stuff we don't usually get. Hey, if we're spending a crap-ton of money, a few extra things won't hurt, right? Anyways, we are peacefully examining a box of chocolates when there's a commotion from a few isles over. Then, Gilbert is led towards us by two beefy security guards, one on each arm. I stare at him for a second, before one of the guards speaks up in a gravelly voice.
"I belive this belongs to you, miss." he says, thrusting Gil towards me. I snap out of my daze and take the offending albino from the guy's grasp. "Yes it is. Thank you, sir." I say, pulling a (for some reason, grinning) Gilbert towards me. "Although, may I ask what he did wrong?"
The other guard nods."He was sitting on top of one of the shelves with a fishing rod, trying to get items from other customers' carts." he says.
I gape at Gilbert, who nods proudly. "That I did. Totally worth it." he confirms. I twist his arm, and he shuts up. The first guard gets my attention again. "If he gets caught doing another offense, he will be kicked out. Have a nice day, miss." And with that, the guards walk away. I stand there for a second before turning to Gilbert.
"If you leave my sights again" I hiss, looking him in the eye, "We will be eating albino stew for dinner tonight." Gilbert shudders and nods. Then the rather confused Tony nudges my arm.
"We should go make sure Ivan and Matthew are okay. Who knows what they're doing?" Okay, the guy has a point there. I nod. "Let's go. You too, Gil." I say, pulling the two boys away. Halfway to the men's department, however, I get distracted by a display of video games. "Ooh! Pretty! Look, they have that one Darryn said was so good!" I say, leaning over and pointing. Tony looks, then nods. "Cool. But we have to go, remember?" he says, tugging my shirt. I sigh and stand up straight again. "Okay. Come on, let's go Gilb-"
Gilbert's gone.
In the split second I released him, the little weasel escaped! God damnit, he could be anywhere by now! Tony seems to be reading my mind, and grabs my arm to stop me from running off and tearing him limb to limb. "It's okay, we'll find him later. We all have to meet at the front in five minutes, remember? We'll find him then." Tony says, loosening his grip on my arm as I calm down. I take a deep breath and continue to the men's department.
Ivan and Matthew aren't there after five minutes of searching, so we go to the front. There are the two sane boys, each holding an armful of clothes and talking. I let out a breath. Thank God they're there, at least. We all greet each other, then start waiting for Gilbert to show up. We wait. And wait. And wait. Ten minutes later, Gilbert still hasn't appeared, and we are all extremely bored. I sigh.
"Come on, you guys, let's just go check out. I'm sure he'll be here soon." Everyone agrees and we go to the checkout. Within fifteen minutes, we have all our stuff checked out, I've dished out a whole crap-ton of money, and Gilbert still hsn't appeared. We're about to leave without him, when he finally shows up, panting with a huge grin on his face. He's also holding a mountain of clothes that I sincerely hope he paid for. "Come on, we have to go, now. Hurry!"
Gilbert pulls us out the double doors, and we take off sprinting down the street- which is excessively hard considering the fact that we each have about fourteen bags on our arms. Finally we arrive home, and we all collapse inside on the couch. Once we catch our breath, I decide to find out wht exactly happened back there.
"Gil, what happened back there?" I ask warily, not quite sure if i want to hear the answer. Gil just grins, then begins to tell his tale.
"Well, once I escaped from you, I went and got my clothes. I paid for them, then waited for you for a bit, but I got bored. So then, I took a buch of bras and underwear, and gave them to people and tried to get them to try them on. After I got tired of that, I opened a bag of frozen carrots and threw them at people. When I hit them I screamed 'bull's eye!' Then, finally, I took a box of pencil crayons and taped them to people. Then security was called in, which is not awesome, and we left."
I facepalm. We're probably banned from that place for life.
Well, at least we got our food.
A/N OH MY GOD. This is by far my longest chapter so far! Seriously- 13 KB of writing, or over 2,500 words! HORY FAHKING SHET. Anywho, as for the things that Gilbert did, the last one I have actually done to people at school. It was so much fun! Um... yeah. ^_^ Read and review! Seriously, review, you guys. Reviews are brain fuel and make me full of happy! WTC out!~