A/N: Okay, I was seriously upset a couple days ago, so I didn't update. Like, cried myself to sleep so, sorry. I wasn't taking a vacation, just trying to pull myself together.

And we all know how concerts get in the way. ;]

And friends. Damn my growing social life.

This one is kind of mushy, I tried to twist it so it wasn't, but its a warning for you. Don't be too disappointed in me. :\

Thanks to all reviewers, love y'all.

Usual disclaimer.

"Trust these words are stones, why cuts aren't healing, learning how to love, I'm melting..." I Caught Fire ~ The Used

Back Home

At the clubhouse, I carefully dodged the unconscious that lay on the floor and quickly trudged to the dorm. I wasted no time before shedding my track pants and replacing them with a pair of boy shorts. Flopping on the bed on my stomach, I burrowed into the sheets and waited for Happy to join me. The mattress sank under me as he leaned over and kissed the back of my neck.

"Switch called emergency church for anyone sober enough ta be there. Be back when I'm back." He mumbled against my skin.

He ran a hand down my spine before pushing off the bed, a chill, and trail of goose bumps following his fingers. I nodded, stole his pillow, and hugged it under me. He chuckled and, though I couldn't actually see him, I just knew he was shaking his baldhead at me. I listened as his heavy footsteps retreated and the door quietly clicked closed. My face buried deep enough in the pillow to nearly suffocate myself, I let much-needed sleep overtake my exhausted body.

It was a while and several, very uncomfortable, sleeping positions later when Happy returned, slipped under the sheets, and dragged me to him until my back was completely pressed against his chest. One of his hands wormed its way to rest on the skin of my belly while the other shifted his pillow, which I was still sleeping on, so we could share it. His breath ruffled my hair as his middle finger traced a steady circle around my naval.

"I love you, Hap. I really do…I just…I don't…" I whispered then paused, unsure if he was still awake, uncertain if I should have even let those words slip from my lips.

"I know." The hand under the pillow slithered under me and clasped with the other on my stomach.

"No, I don't think you do." I let out a shaky breath and laid my hands over his before continuing. "I haven't felt anything like this since…" I trailed off and gulped. Since when was I turning into such a goddamn pussy? Jesus Christ, hold it together, Marine. I scolded myself, barely catching Happy's question.

"Since what?"

I sighed; I couldn't go back on the statement now. There couldn't be a 'never mind' or 'what are you talking about?' Nope, I was all in at that point. But I had been for a while, I guess. So, I swallowed that inbred pride of mine and gave him a one-word answer that would mean a hell of a lot more than the hesitant speech he would get from someone else. Like Lucifer.

"Nate."

His arms tightened around me as he placed a kiss to the base of my neck and held it there for a few moments. I relaxed against him, his warm breath breezing across my skin helping to soothe me.

"I never thought I'd ever admit it…"

"Admit what?" His voice was getting softer; he was falling asleep on me.

"That I was afraid of something." I kissed his shoulder. Why can't you keep your damn mouth shut?

"Would you spit it out already? Jesus Christ." He groaned. His voice wasn't harsh, just exhausted.

Took the words right outta my mouth. "Forget it. You're tired and I sound like a total pussy. Go to sleep."

He somehow managed to turn me over so that I was facing him. "Fucking tell me."

"I don't wanna lose you. And I know, I know, 'you're not gunna lose me,' bull-fucking-shit. I lost him, Hap, and he wasn't part a some…some, whatever you wanna call it. Sure, he was a soldier, but he was a sniper, it was his job to be well hidden. You're not; you didn't go through overly extensive training to stay alive. There's more of a chance with you…I don't think I can handle losing you too."

"You been putting a lot a thought inta this? Sounds like it." He kissed my lips gently, just brushed them, really. "I'm not gunna tell you there's not a chance, I mean, you know what I fucking do. In the MC, somethin's bound ta happen at some point." He kissed me again, harder that time. "But s'long as I have a say in it, I'll be comin' on back to ya."

"I've never been good with goodbyes…"

"Long as I'm breathin', there won't be one." His voice was firm, not mean but he sounded like he was disciplining a child. Which exactly how I felt at that moment. One hand began tracing my scar, the other my spine as I rested my forehead against his collarbone. "I do love you, Jay. Ya gotta believe me." His whisper was barely audible; leading me to believe it wasn't an intentional confession, just a thought that slipped through his exhaustion-worn filter.

~*~*~*~

It was late into Sunday afternoon and I was still sleeping soundly, still pressed into Happy's side, though his pectoral muscle was now my pillow. He had his arms folded around me, pulling me over him until I had a leg draped over his thighs and an arm lazily plopped across his tattooed stomach. We had, despite the initial objections, developed a habit of waking up like this. Cuddling was now a part of that 'its okay if the boys don't find out,' portion of our relationship. Not that I was complaining, anymore that is. Now, it was nice to wake up snuggled against a warm body. I'd forgotten just how wonderful it truly was.

I was sleeping soundly, until I was rudely awakened by the obnoxiously loud ring tone of Hap's phone going off on the nightstand. I moaned and buried my face in his chest, in a desperate attempt to drown out the ringing with his steady heartbeat, while he groaned and blindly slapped the wooden surface for the offending object.

"Hello?" Was his groggy response to the person on the other line. "Who the fuck is this?" He demanded harshly, his voice contrasting with the way he was gently rolling me off him as he began to sit up.

I just stared up at him, confused as he listened to whatever the person was saying. He threw the comforter off him, consequently covering my head with it. He stood and put his jeans on with one hand while I sat and leaned against the headboard, now a little more than concerned. His hand covered the mouthpiece of the phone when he stood in the doorway after growling some threat.

"You go back ta sleep. I'll take care a this." Without another word or waiting for an answer, he was out the door and down the hall.

Sure, I was still tired from the previous night's activities, but I still didn't see how the hell I was supposed to go back to bed after that. That phone call had to be seriously bad news to work Happy up like that, even with his short temper and it being the thing to wake him up.

So, completely ignoring his not-so-friendly request, I slipped out of bed and dug in the dresser to find some clean clothes and my towel. Laundry today, definitely. The bathroom door was closed when I arrived so I raised my hand to knock but stopped short as I heard heaving on the other side. Right, party last night. Wow, its noon and the poor guy's still spewin', that blows. Deciding to wait until whoever was occupying the bathroom was done puking their guts out, I dropped my clothes and towel on the floor beside the door and sat next to the small pile.

I tilted my head back against the wall, sighed and began humming along to whatever song that happened to pop into my head. I went through a couple of different riffs from different songs until my mind landed on one it wouldn't let go of. Just as I commenced the beginning chord, the bathroom door swung open to reveal a ruffed-up Gage. He looked down at me then swiftly turned his head away, groaning, and soon regretted the motion as he braced his hands against the doorframe. I remained silent as I plucked my things from the floor and stood, waiting for him to move so I could commandeer the bathroom in the name of a hot shower.

"Look, I don't know what ya said to Hap, but he's pretty damn pissed about it. He's got a lot a things on his mind right now, an' I don't know if you noticed, but he growls to himself when he has too much goin' on at one time." I sighed at the look of confusion on the large man's face. "Hap didn't tell me what ya said the night he beat the shit outta ya. Honestly, I don't wanna know. Just, leave 'im alone for a while, let 'im deal with whatever's goin' on, then apologize or somethin'."

He stared at me blankly before the light bulb went off over his head. "I don't really, uh, remember. I, uh, think it had somethin, um, ta do with you bein' some psycho serial killer?"

Way to not pay attention to what I just said. Don't hit him. He's fucked up. Don't hit him. He's not thinkin' right. Just don't fucking hit him! "Well, whatever, I don't really care 'bout some drunken comment, but lay off the booze 'fore ya do somethin' even more stupid. Like say it to my face."

His eyes lit up in a silent chuckle until he realized I wasn't kidding. "Right. It's just hard, ya know? How'd you deal wit it?"

"Losing someone I loved? Fuck. You don't wanna know."

"I just…God, I don't even know anymore."

"Here, I'll take a shower, then we'll talk. Deal?" I raised my eyebrows at him.

"Deal."

He left and I stepped into the bathroom then turned around. "Hey, if Hap asks, I'm in the shower."

The muscled, pierced man nodded and slunk down the hall to the hall. I closed and locked the door, just in case something happened, and dropped my stuff in the corner. Turning the knob to start the water, I stripped and stepped under the spray. I knew the others were probably already up due to last night's extra curriculars, though I was sure, if any of them got as wasted as Gage, they would need the bathroom. But I didn't plan on being quick about it, hell no. I planned on taking my sweet time, until I decided it was time to get out. They could find a bucket or a bush to barf in. Maybe that was a little bitchy, but I just got up and needed something to keep my eyes open. Plus, I gave them fair warning I didn't to well in the mornings. Or afternoon, as the case may be.

I had my back turned to the showerhead and my head tilted back to wet my hair and let the water run down my body when I heard a knock on the door.

"Yeah?" I called as I soaped up my loofa.

"Hap wants ya." Flame's voice responded to me.

"Kinda busy at the moment." I rinsed myself then reached for the shampoo.

"I dunno what ta tell ya then. He says now."

"Then tell 'im ta get his ass in here." I worked the lather over my scalp and through my hair.

"Um, that's kinda weird for me ta say." He protested.

"I don't fucking care. If he wants me, he kin come an' get me."

I didn't get a response until I was rinsing the shampoo out of my hair and the door opened.

"What the fuck?!" I pressed against a wall to stay out of view because, Lord knows, foggy glass hides absolutely nothing from searching eyes.

"Chill, we all have keys." A raspy voice that could only belong to Happy greeted me.

"Jesus Christ, knock next time, will ya?" I put a hand over my heart and tried to slow my breathing.

"Nah, I like it when you're outta breath." He grinned as he stared at me through the glass.

"Then get in here." I smirked.

"Can't, gotta talk to ya." All business. Biker mode.

"About…?"

"The phone call this morning."

"Okay. You talk; I'll wash my hair. Sound good?"

He nodded, crossed his arms and leaned against the wall opposite the shower, watching that way he always does. "Was one a Kelly's girls." He ground out.

"Fuck." I breathed, rendered immobile for a brief moment.

"Yeah. How the hell she got my number, I dunno. They weren't kiddin', they're watchin' everythin'."

"Damn it." I sighed and cracked the shower door open enough to stick my head out, unable to rewash my hair. "What do you want me to do?" I asked knowingly.

"Stay inside, hang low. If ya have to leave for any reason, drag one or two a the boys with you."

I nodded. "I kin do that."

"Good." He stepped forward, handing me the towel as if he expected me to take it.

"There's something else, isn't there?" I waved his hand away and leaned my shoulder against the shower wall beside me.

"We're stashin' ya in Charming 'til things die down a bit." He held up his hand when I started to protest. "I won't be staying. I'll drop ya off, spend the night, we might visit my mom, then I'll be gone the next day." There wasn't a hint of remorse in his words; he was in his I'm-a-tough-guy, stone cold killer, hardass-biker, I'm-acting-more-like-a-douche-than-a-boyfriend mode, definitely all business and proposition. Not there would be any point in debating the offer. Right? Wrong. Come on now, it was me standing in that shower. So, naturally, I fucked it up.

"So the goin' gets rough, I completely open up an' you're just guna leave me?" I crossed my arms and began to close the glass door again, more than a little hurt.

"That's not what it's like at all an' you know it." He growled, taking another step forward to stop the door from closing.

"Do I? In case you haven't noticed, you're not exactly an open book."

"Yeah, ya do. I told ya every—"

"That don't mean shit to me and you know that." I took and released a breath before continuing in a softer tone. "Okay, I get you don't want some chick ta be all over you. You know very damned well that I'm not some slutty, overbearing, clingy li'l...whatever. And I know last night was...major pussyland but I just...really needed you. And all I get is a grunt and a ride to a different state. Which, by the way, won't do any good, seeing as they're watching my every fucking move."

He ran a rough hand over his face and reached around me to shut the water off, trying desperatly not to get soaked and barely succeeding. "Look, you're scared, I get it, a'ight? I fucking get it, Jay. Remember what I said yesterday?"

I nodded as he bent to pick up my towel.

"Then trust me." His fingers captured my wrist as he pulled me out of the shower. "I know you don't trust people. I don't either. And I get you're not used to it, but I'm not out to hurt you." He draped the towel over my shoulders and motioned for me to dry off. "Sack's there, he'll look after ya, Chibs sees ya as a second daughter, Tig is my partner in crime. He's almost as bad as me. Nothing's gunna happen. Even if I'm not there the whole time. You'll be fine without me. More than fine."

And there it was, the speech, as if I had my own little tempting serpent with a hungry gaze piercing into my soul. I dried myself off quickly, tied the towel around me, and nodded. "Fine, if you think it'll matter."

"It'll keep 'em away for a while, 'til they decide you ain't comin' back here."

"You boys already have it all figured out, don't ya?"

He nodded and closed the distance between us, trapping me against the wall. "I not slackin' off like last time." He breathed.

"What're you talkin' about?"

He moved his hand under the towel and looked down at my stomach, the back of his hand tracing the scar. "I let this happen. I won't do it again."

"Happy," I groaned. "We've been over this." I pushed his shoulders back so I could meet his gaze with mine. "It wasn't your fault. I don't know why you keep insisting that it is. You couldn't have known a bunch a guys on a joyride would…do what they did. You're the only one that blames you for it. I don't, Kip doesn't, none of the boys." I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around his waist, resting my cheek against the leather warmed by the heat of the room.

His own arms came around me as he kissed my forehead.

"But if helps you," I looked up at him and rested my forehead to his. I whispered the next three words. "I forgive you."

His arms tightened around me as he pulled me up into a slow, reassuring kiss, telling me everything I needed to know with the action. 'Show, not tell,' hugely coming back into play. Just as he started tugging on the plush fabric between us, there was a knock on the door and a groan vibrating from Happy into my own mouth.

Alrighty, longerish chapter 'cause I knew you'd feel gypped. And I'm not scam artist. At least not most of the time.

Review, please? I promise I won't take as long to update.