CHAPTER ELEVEN
The Guilt

He had sex with Parker.

He had sex with Parker.

PARKER!

When he woke up the next morning she was already gone, but a piece of paper lay on his bed with one sentence scrawled across it in her scribbled handwriting: "That was fun."

Eliot sighs in frustration, mostly with himself, and collapses back against his bed and puts the covers over his head. God damnit. What did he do??

He wasn't stupid; he knew something wasn't right with Parker, especially in a romantic and sexual way. He's pretty damn sure that within a week he'll be hunting down the bastard or bastards that made her this way. But it makes him feel guilty, fucking horribly guilty. He took advantage of her, plain and simple. It doesn't matter what she did, he just should have had more control than that.

Parker's so… eager to please. Like a child, trying to make friends on the play ground, except she can never say or do the right thing. She was the kid who wanted to play with everyone and no one wanted to play with her. She was the kid that when someone came along that did want to play with her, they fucking took advantage of her and screwed her up all to hell. At least, that's what he can only assume. She was withdrawn forever, only now starting to warm up again, and she's back to being that eager kid again, only trapped in this adult body with her adult thinking.

Okay, now he's feeling like a child molester, he seriously needs to stop.

Shit. And what about Hardison?

Not only did he just fuck the woman he's in love with, and whether he admits it or not, Eliot knows he is… but he… he… he…. Fuck. Honestly? He's got more emotional feeling type crap for Hardison than he does for Parker. God, he hates that he realized that, especially now. Now he feels like he fuckin' betrayed him, in more ways than one.

His phone rings, and Eliot grabs it before putting it to his ear and asking, "What?"

"Get over here," Nate tells him, and then the line goes dead. God damnit. He looks at the clock. Yup, late. Damn Parker.

He's at Nate's place within the hour, and when he walks in Nate's glaring at him. "Is it so hard to be here on time?"

"Overslept," Eliot tells him with a glare back and walks to the couch and sits down on it heavily. Running his fingers through his hair he looks at the screen where Hardison is doing… hell, some kind of geek thing. Shit, he has a headache. He can't even look at Hardison, just one glance made him feel like he was gonna throw up.

Sophie's smirking at him from over in her little chair. Damnit, he swears that woman can fucking smell when he gets laid. "Who with this time?" she asks, like she actually has the privilege to know about his sex life.

"None of your business," Eliot growls. He glances at Parker, who's coming out of the kitchen with a bowl filled with cereal, who just swallowed her last bite like it was made of rocks.

Fuckin' finally the girl has a conscience.

"You had sex last night?" Hardison asks, turning away from the screen to look at him like he just did something wrong. Which he did, he did something so damn wrong he can't even begin to explain, but Hardison doesn't know that. So why is he…?

"No!"

But it wasn't Eliot who answered, it was Parker, and all eyes turn to her. Eliot tries very hard not to facepalm. Sophie's looking at her like she couldn't believe what she was hearing, because that damn woman hears more than what's being said, but Hardison's just looking at her quizzically. Nate? Nate never cares. He's over in the corner grumbling about how sex talk is not work.

"No, he didn't…" Parker says, though it's coming out in the awkward pitch. "Because he was with me last night. I had a nightmare."

Sophie isn't fooled, and Eliot knows he's in deep shit by the way she's looking at him right now. Hardison on the other hand, seems to be. He laughs. "And there ain't no way those two would." He turns back to his computer, still chuckling to himself.

Eliot flashes his eyes at Parker and sets his jaw, and she gives him a little helpless look before wandering back off into the kitchen to sit on the bar stool, away from everything. Damnit. Now he has to deal with…

"Eliot, can you show me that Ninjitsu technique again, since everyone's gathering intel right now?" Sophie asks him. Eliot looks up at her, and even though she said it in the most casual way, her eyes flash like 'get your ass up now, this isn't up for discussion'. Shit.

"Yeah, come on," Eliot says resentfully, and picks himself up off of the couch before crossing into the other room with Sophie. After he closes the door behind her, Sophie's little mask of acting like everything's normal slips away to reveal someone very, very angry.

"You slept with Parker," she states. She doesn't ask, she just knows.

"What? No!" Eliot denies, even though he's pretty sure it's pointless. He walks away from her, looking at her like she's insane for ever thinking that, and looks out the window instead.

"Eliot, this isn't some bloody game of yours. Parker is not some normal girl that you can just… take as some sort of conquest!"

"She was the one—!" Eliot starts, angry and rounding on her. How dare she fucking think that he would do that to her! Like he doesn't understand Parker's different. Jesus hell. "Look, it wasn't my idea, okay? And I fucking wish it didn't happen. So just shut up, for the love of ishit/i don't tell Hardison, and we can all get on with our damn lives."

"Eliot, this is serious!" Sophie tells him, eyes flashing. "What if she becomes attached to you?"

"I don't know!" Eliot growls, just plain furious now. "And frankly I'm sick of you blaming me; you don't know what the hell even happened."

"Then enlighten me."

"Go buy a dirty magazine."

"ELIOT!"

"What?!" Eliot yells, glad for once that they enabled sound proofing in the apartment to keep a lower profile. "She fucking got naked in front of me! Started masturbating right on top of me, and just… damnit, Sophie! What the hell was I supposed to do?!"

"You could have said no!"

"I did!" Eliot cried, just frustrated beyond hell at this point. "I said no a fucking million times, but she just didn't stop, okay?! I'm only human! I can only take so DAMN much!"

Sophie just stares at him, still furious with him, and she lets out a breath. "You screwed up."

"Thanks, not like I haven't been beating myself up over it all morning anyway, thanks for the damn icing on the cake, sweetheart."

"You're supposed to be supporting Hardison right now with what he's going through," Sophie tells him. "And even if he likes men, everyone with eyes knows he's in love with Parker. And you… you slept with her, Eliot."

"I AM supporting him, damnit! You have no idea how much I've been supporting him, so just shut up about shit you don't know! Shit, Sophie!"

"What do you mean?" Sophie asks, and then she blinks, and looks at him shocked. "Did you sleep with him too?!"

"What? NO! Fuckin' hell, Sophie, I ain't gay!" Eliot yells at her. Man, what does she think? That he just fuckin'—

"Well you sleep with everyone else, wouldn't be very off, would it?" Sophie asks him. Eliot wants to hit her. God damnit, he wants to fucking hit her. He clenches his fist, his teeth, and exercises self control.

"If you were a man, I would have put you down already for that fuckin' comment," Eliot tells her through clenched teeth. "We're done here."

Sophie doesn't say anything, which surprises him, and he walks straight out the door, slamming it behind him. Everyone looks up at him. "I'm leaving," he tells them all as he walks right through the apartment out the door, slamming that one for good measure.

Fuck. All. Of. This.

Eliot was sitting at a bar down the street, downing a couple shots of Jack a few hours later when someone slides into the seat next to him. He doesn't look up, doesn't care. He's been lost in his thoughts for hours now.

"Nate's pissed."

Eliot turns and see's Hardison next to him. "How the hell did you find me?"

"GPS."

"That's creepy."

"Well, you weren't at your apartment," Hardison tells him, then waves the bartender over to get himself a beer. When it's in front of him, he turns back to Eliot before he takes a sip. "What happened?"

"Sophie's a cunt, that's what happened."

He didn't want to talk about this, especially not with him. That guilty feeling is clawing its way up his throat. He swears he didn't have guilt before he met these people.

"What'd she do?"

Damnit. Nothing, Hardison. She just told me how I shouldn't have slept with Parker. You don't think so either? Yeah, neither do I.

Shit.

But he had to say something. "She's convinced I popped Parker cause she's a fuckin' idiot," Eliot tells him. Hey, it's the truth. Just omitting the fact that he actually did pop Parker.

Hardison snorts, "Just ignore her, you know how she likes to be up in everyone's business. When there isn't any drama she's got to create it. Trust me; everyone with a brain knows that you can barely stand her. You're protective as hell, sure. But she gets on your nerves."

True. And yet at the same time… so damn far from the truth that it kills him inside.

"Yeah."

Hardison smiles at him a little and nods his head towards the door, "Come on, wanna get outta here?"

Eliot looks at him, at the way he's looking at him, and he knows he has to. He's guilty as hell, and he needs to just… fuck, make it up to the kid, he supposes. Just… damnit, why does he care? Why is he starting to care so much about him? It's just damn unnatural.

He fucking likes him.

Like he would like a woman. Shit. This just can't be… it can't be happening to him.

But Eliot nods, gives him a small smile in return, and the two leave. When they get to Hardison's apartment, Eliot doesn't waste any time. He just needs to feel better, make it up to Hardison, just fix things between them even though Hardison has no idea they've been broken. If he doesn't, he's afraid this horrible feeling is going to devour him whole. So when the door closes, Hardison ends up getting pressed up against it with Eliot against him, and Eliot decides that the boy's neck looked like a good a place as any to start.

"Damn," Hardison breathes out as he grabs onto Eliot's hips, pulling him closer. "So then you're… obviously accepting this shit then?"

"Shut up, Hardison," Eliot tells him against his neck, and bites him softly before dragging his teeth across his throat while he lifts up his shirt. Then his lips are on Hardison's chest, dragging across it as he bites him softly around his nipple, making Hardison gasp. Eliot really didn't want to go too far with this, he sure as hell ain't ready for it, but right now? He'll go as far as it takes to make this fuckin' feeling go away.

Eliot yanks at the belt on Hardison's jeans, undoing it in one swift motion. Hardison's eyes go wide and he gasps out, "Whoa, okay… right… uh…" But Eliot isn't listening to him not be sure about this, he just needs him to let him do… shit, something. He needs to fix this. In any damn way that he can.

Why does he think he can fix everything with sex? Isn't that how everything gets fucked up in the first place?

Eliot's lips crash against his again, making Hardison moan deep in his throat. As Eliot works on undoing Hardison's pants, the boy is breathless against him, sliding his hands up Eliot's shirt and curling his fingers to scratch down his chest. Eliot growls something primal and as he pushes Hardison's jeans down to the floor below them. But as his hand slides under the waistband of Hardison's boxers, he hears the stupid fucking words he knew were coming, "Wait… Eliot…"

Eliot pushes himself off of Hardison, pissed off now as he runs his hand through his hair and scowls. "Fuck it," he tells him. Just figures, don't it?

"Eliot, just wait a second before you get all pissy," Hardison tells him as he picks his jeans and puts them back on. "It ain't like… I mean this is new for me too, and you're all just…"

"Look, sorry I fuckin' tried to so somethin' for you, man," Eliot tells him with a glare. "Jesus, you're the one that fuckin' wants me, I was just tryin' to… you know what? Forget it."

"Stop being a dick, I hate when you get like this," Hardison tells him. God, he sounded exactly how one of Eliot's girlfriends would sound. This can't be good.

"Cry."

Hardison ignores that. "What the hell is with you, anyway? A couple days ago you were all 'I'm so not gay!' and yeah I know you're like… dealing with it, but you were doing it slowly. All of sudden you wanna drop my pants? What the hell is up?"

"Nothing!" Eliot yells at him, frustrated and just… just angry. At himself more than anyone else.

"Eliot, you can talk to me…"

"I'm not your fuckin' boyfriend, okay?!" Eliot bursts out. "So stop talking to me like I am! And for shit's sake, I just wanted to fuckin' blow you, okay? DO YOU HAVE TO ANALYZE IT?!"

Hardison just blinks at him, not being able to comprehend his little outburst apparently for a few minutes. "You… seriously?"

"I'm outta here," Eliot tells him and moves towards the door, but Hardison's still against it. "Move."

"Eliot, was that your way of telling me you want to be my boyfriend?" Hardison asks him, still not moving out of his way.

"Are you on crack?!" Eliot asks him furiously. In what twisted fucking dimension did he even imply that?!

"Well I don't know! You never fucking talk about anything!"

"We're guys, Hardison, we don't fuckin' talk! We just do!"

"Eliot…"

"Move. Seriously."

"Eliot, can you just wait a minute? Can we just talk about—" Hardison tries, but Eliot isn't listening. He's just pissed, fucking furious for so many damn reasons right now.

"Move before I make you move, I'm fucking serious. You have five seconds."

"Eliot…"

"One."

"I didn't mean to hurt your feelings or something…"

"Two."

"Eliot, you won't hurt me, so just stop."

"THREE."

"Fine, fuck you. Just fucking go, see if I give a shit!" Hardison yells at him, and opens the door for him. "GET OUT."

"I will. Bye," Eliot tells him through clenched teeth as he leaves. Fuck this, fuck all of this! Fuck him.

"Bye, you fucking asshole."

And then the door is slammed behind him, and Eliot turns around and punches the wall. The plaster cracks and falls around him, and all he can think about is how he needs a damn drink, and how if Hardison doesn't give a shit then he'll find someone that will.

TBC…