A/N: ... or Millicent Bullstrode or Pansy Parkington or Doctor Diminutive or Sergei the Snail or Lee Jordan or Dean Thomas or Helga Hufflepuff or...
"But Stacy!" Candace shouted into her cell phone, pacing back and forth in her room. "Stacy, listen to me – Phineas doesn't belong there. He can't even use magic, for cryin' out loud!"
"Stop panicking, Candace," Stacy said with infinite patience, looking over a rack of clothes at the mall. "Just because you can't watch them all day doesn't mean that they're unsafe. I'm sure that Phineas is having a great time."
"But I just know he's going to build some kind of wacky... weird... thing! And it's gonna get him in trouble!"
"Even if he does get in trouble, Phineas will find a way out of it," Stacy said, looking at a turquoise shirt.
"Remember when the Ministry people came here this summer because Phineas was telling everybody about magic? Phineas just offered him some of his lemonade, and the Ministry worker let him off with a warning."
"Stacy, come on, you didn't call me to give me a therapy lesson!"
"Uh, Candace, you called me."
"Don't try to lead me off topic, Stacy! Phineas is going to get in trouble. And not just in regular trouble, but in weird, freaky wizard trouble!"
"Uh-huh. Listen, Candace, I've got to check out now. Just relax. Phineas and Ferb are fine. Okay? Bye."
Candace snapped her cell phone shut. She laid down on her bed, and sighed.
"Mister Miggins!" she said, grabbing for her deteriorating teddy bear and holding him tightly. She began to sob.
"Mister Miggins, why is my life so awful?"
After Candace had had her nervous breakdown with Mister Miggins, she got out of her bed to put the bear back on her shelves. As she was replacing the teddy bear, Candace happened to glance at another one of her prized possessions – a small, commemorative Ducky Momo plate that had been misprinted with the words I Hate People! It was a very rare plate, and it caught her eye at that moment.
"Ducky Momo," she sighed, taking the plate off of her shelves. "What am I going to do? I mean, Phineas and Ferb shouldn't be at wizard school! They're going to get skewered by a unicorn, or... or... or something!"
Strangely enough, Candace could almost imagine Ducky Momo talking back to her.
Follow your brothers, Ducky Momo said. Go to Hogwarts.
"I wanna, Ducky Momo, but I have a life! I mean, there's Jeremy... school... Jeremy... Jeremy..."
Go to Hogwarts, Ducky Momo urged. Do you not want to protect them from harm?
"Why, Ducky Momo!" Candace laughed. "When did you start talking like that? It sounds cool. Anyways, I can't. Sorry, Ducky Momo."
Go.
Candace felt very strange. She didn't really want to go, and Ducky Momo wasn't giving very good reasons. And yet, Ducky Momo had told her to. She almost felt like she didn't have a choice. Ducky Momo had told her to.
"You know what, Ducky Momo? I think I'm goin' to Hogwarts!" Candace declared suddenly, feeling very pleased with herself.
Good, Ducky Momo said quietly, and was silent.
... ... ...
Isabella felt the breeze in her hair, and the sunset cast orange light on the beach in front of her. She rode a beautiful white pony with a pink mane.
Next to her rode Phineas, on his own white and pink pony. They held hands, watching the sun sink lower into the ocean.
"Oh, Phineas!" Isabella sighed. "How romantic!"
Phineas opened his mouth, leaning closer to whisper something in her ear...
WhrrrrrRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRR!
"AH!" Isabella yelped, falling out of her tree branch and out of her wonderful daydream.
Bruised and annoyed, Isabella dusted off her pink dress. "Can't I even have a nice daydream without someone bothering me? Seriously, who's working with power tools on a nice afternoon like - ?"
It was just then that Isabella saw Candace creep out from the garage, a power tool in her hand and an exceptionally bizarre expression on her face.
Isabella watched with considerable astonishment as Candace went back inside the house. Candace and power tools simply did not go together. It was like seeing Phineas build a simple wooden birdhouse for the day's activity.
Something was seriously wrong here.
Isabella wasted no time, and sprinted off to Baljeet's backyard.
"Baljeet! I just saw Candace drag a crowbar and power drill into her house!" she yelled, turning the corner to the yard.
Baljeet had spread out all his books and papers on the grass, and was currently working on a complicated calculus problem.
"What?" he asked irritably. "I'm doing homework!"
The pink-loving Fireside girl blinked. "But... yesterday was the first day of school. How do you have this much homework?"
"Well, I'm doing all my homework and studying today, so that I can take all my quizzes and tests tomorrow. Then, I can ask for the next subjects for studying and thereby cover so much more during this school year!" he told her joyfully.
"Now," he asked casually, turning back to his book, "I believe that you said something about Candace?"
"Well, uh, I kinda just saw her take a crowbar and a power drill inside her house."
This made Baljeet look up from his math. "A crowbar? And a power drill? Considering Candace's personality, this particular incident seems highly improbable. Did you happen to see anything else?"
"No. Do you wanna find Buford and check it out?"
"No need to," Buford said, walking into the backyard. "I was just comin' over for our usual two o'clock wedgie. By the way, don't think that just 'cuz we're going to see Candace that you're getting out of that wedgie, nerd."
Isabella, Buford, and Baljeet went stealthily back to Phineas's house. When they reached the door, Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher opened the door.
"Hey, kids! Can I help you?"
"Yeah, um... Can we see Candace?" Isabella asked politely.
Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher seemed surprised.
"Candace? Are you sure?"
"Yep."
Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher shrugged, and let the kids in. "Well, she's having a really severe wild parsnip allergy right now. I haven't gotten her to talk to me. She's really embarrassed."
"But I just saw – Never mind, Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher. Thank you!"
As Phineas's mom walked away, Buford turned to Isabella.
"Why didn't you tell 'er?"
Isabella shook her head. "Candace has obviously set this up. She's probably told her mom that she has a severe allergy and locked her room."
"Then... where is Candace?" Baljeet asked, confused.
"Come on! Stupid... wall... fall... down!" a muffled voice came from under their feet.
Baljeet looked down at the floor.
"Oh. Never mind."
"The Panic Room!" Isabella exclaimed, immediately dashing towards the basement door. "Let's go!"
The Panic Room, as everyone acquainted with Candace knew (Except for Jeremy. Why do you think he's still her boyfriend?), was located in a far, dusty corner of the basement, down a ladder inside of a wooden crate, and finally ending in a small metal room with a lovely little hand-woven sign that said The Panic Room. The Panic Room's purpose was just to give Candace a place to freak out away from the rest of the family. The Panic Room had been there as long as the Flynn-Fletcher Family had known – it had come with the house.
Isabella opened the smallish wooden crate and began to climb down the ladder. It was dark and very cold in the Panic Room. Usually, it was very quiet, too, with only the occasional whimper from Candace.
But now the sound of drills and heavy metal tools reverberated through the air.
"What the heck is she doing?" Isabella mouthed at Baljeet, just a few steps above her.
When the three friends had reached the bottom, they beheld a very odd sight. Candace was trying to pry one wall of her Panic Room off with a jackhammer and a crowbar.
"Come on!" she shouted, straining with the crowbar. "How did this thing fall over when I hit it with a plant last time? Open up!"
Isabella coughed politely. "Uh, Candace...?"
Candace turned around abruptly, crowbar still in hand.
"You! Small children! Just what are you doing here?" she barked, storming towards them.
Baljeet motioned at the Panic Room wall. "Why were you attempting to pull that wall down?"
"What, you mean the fourth wall?"
"No, that metal one. The fourth wall in this story has already crumbled to dust, obviously."
Candace's eyes went wide with shock. "I'm not doing anything! Not with the Panic Room wall! You children are just... just imagining things!"
Buford grunted. "Does this have anythin' to do with that tunnel to Warthogs that Phineas wouldn't tell us about?"
"No!" Candace yelled, backing up against the wall she had been trying to knock down. She took a deep breath.
"No. Why on Earth would you think that stupid tunnel's down here?"
To show how utterly calm and telling-the-truth she was, Candace leaned casually against the metal wall.
It fell over with a muffled THUMPFFF.
"That's gnarly!" Buford exclaimed, running into the tunnel. "Hey, check out all these wild parsnips!"
Isabella blinked. "Wow. So this is the entrance to the ultra-secret tunnel that Phineas mentioned? Down in the Panic Room?"
Baljeet crossed his arms and lifted an eyebrow. He scanned the tunnel skeptically.
"Does this not seem just a bit too... well, convenient?"
"Well, it is a bit far-fetched," Isabella said. "I mean, what are the odds?"
"Approximately two to the power of two hundred and seventy-six thousand, seven hundred and nine to one against."
"Whoa, whoa whoa!"
Candace walked into the tunnel, stepping in front of Buford, looking outraged.
"No, guys, get out of here!" she said, waving Buford and Baljeet in the direction of the ladder. "Out of the incredibly convenient plot hole!"
"Hey, that's a good name for it," Isabella said thoughtfully. "The Incredibly Convenient Plot Hole... It has a nice ring!"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, so does your doorbell. Go home, children!"
Baljeet pointed into the dark depths of the tunnel. "Just what were you attempting to do with the tunnel? You came in here to break it down, correct?"
"I need to go to Hogwarts."
Baljeet scoffed. "And just why?"
Candace's eyes lost their focus momentarily. "Because Ducky Momo told me to... I mean, uh, because I need to watch and protect Phineas and Ferb!" she shouted, her eyes returning to normal. "Now, OUT, children!"
Buford and Baljeet hurried up the ladder. Isabella, however, stayed for just a few seconds longer. She watched Candace set off through the tunnel until the darkness blurred the edges of her body, and finally swallowed her entirely.
Isabella shook her head and laughed. "Yeah. Like we're gonna stay away now that we know where the Incredibly Convenient Plot Hole is. Ah, Phineas... I'll get to see you at your special magic school..."
She sighed dreamily. She didn't even need to climb the ladder back up, because Phineas appeared as a flying horse and just then and lifted her up, already flying back to their private beach.