It's still not snowing in Ireland. Or at least where I am. It sucks. I want snow.

If somebody knew...
It's a small crime.
And I got no excuse.

The sun was streaming in through the window in cracked and shifting blades, snowflakes and clouds criss-crossing like string behind the glass. Blaine watched the sky move in greys and whites from the bed, the weight of Kurt reassuringly breathing against his chest. Kurt was curled into Blaine's side, his fingers caught up in the farbic of Blaine's shirt. A tangle of cotton and skin. His ring was glimmering in the morning light and Blaine found himself watching Kurt's face, absent and calm in the thrall of sleep. But his eyelashes were quivering delicately and Blaine knew he was dreaming. He watched Kurt dream a thousand nights before.

Blaine knew their coats were still in the hall in a crumpled heap, having been shed the moment they entered the door, frost-bitten and damp. The memory was still fresh and Blaine could smell the snow on Kurt's skin. They had kissed until all the breath had left them, lungs squeezed and hearts pounding, before falling into bed, still dressed and wet. Kurt had slid the ring back onto his finger and rested himself on Blaine's shoulder, mumbling stories of old teachers and the names of school-books, asking Blaine if he recalled them. Blaine couldn't remember falling asleep, but he could still hear Kurt's hesitant voice and the unspoken agreement between them. They would talk tomorrow.

It was tomorrow.

His expensive shirt and grey jeans creased from sleep and snow, Kurt rolled onto his other side, leaving Blaine feeling strangely without. He had slept for so long without Kurt's body against him that he didn't want to let go, not even for a second. But Blaine took his chance, and rose from the bed carefully. Leaning over to give Kurt a brief kiss on the head, Blaine left the bedroom, closing the door behind him. It was so early that the weak sun barely lit the lounge, leaving the hallway in semi-darkness.

The apartment was cool and filled with the sounds of a Brooklyn morning. Cars squeaked and trees swayed outside and Blaine stretched in the hallway with two abadoned coats for company. His heart was swelling in his chest and although his stomach still weighed him with guilt and anger, Blaine for the first time in a while felt strangely hopeful. Smiling inspite of himself, Blaine headed to the kitchen to start making coffee. The red light on the answering machine was flickering like a cyclops' eye. A monster watching from the dark.

Furrowing his brow, Blaine walked foreward, his socks muffled on the floor. He pressed the plastic of the machine and the voice spoke, every word turning the air in Blaine's lungs to lead, weighing him down like anchors in the sea.

'Hey, Kurt. It's me. I tried calling your cell, but you're not answering. I guess our date's cancelled. I'll stop by tomorrow afternoon. I want to make sure you're alright.'

Jasper.

The effect was startling. Something more hideous and dangerous rose it's ugly head within Blaine, growling fiercely. In all that had happened, Blaine had forgotten. Forgotten what Kurt had abadoned to be with him instead. That thought eased the tightness in his chest, but still the heavy monster lurked low in his stomach, sharp teeth and claws pulling painfully. Blaine had never been much of a jealous person; Kurt had always been the one to bitch and squeeze Blaine's hand possessively. But something about Jasper just pushed all the wrong buttons. Jasper was- different. Different to strangers in bars and friends at bus-stops. Jasper wanted Kurt. Truly, completely wanted him. Shaking slightly, Blaine deleted the message.

Feeling the old poison pump through him, Blaine made the decision. Opening the closet and pulling out a spare pair of shoes, Blaine slid them on and retrieved a coat from the floor. Pausing briefly to pull out a piece of paper and a pen from the drawer in the hall-table, Blaine left the note by the phone and bustled out of the apartment in a flurry of damp sleeves and burning thoughts.

Gone to get you some breakfast. Back soon xx

He left his phone.

This is not what I do.
It's the wrong kind of place to be-
Cheating on you.

The cold outside hit him squarely in the chest and Blaine felt temporarily winded. He had grabbed Kurt's coat and it closed a little tighter than his own. But he had left his cardigan on the bedroom floor by Kurt's shoes and now he felt its absence as the bitter December wind caught him. Swearing under his breath at the cold, Blaine continued down the street towards the subway. He only had an idea of where Jasper lived, Kurt had mentioned it so many times before and Blaine had been once or twice. But Blaine was willing to try anything to find this man. The man that was determined to ruin everything.

The journey towards the Greenwood area passed in clatters of metal trains and snow. Blaine soon found himself standing on the street, gazing at the buildings around him as though by some twisted miracle Jasper would appear out of one of them. Wandering aimlessly through snow, Blaine headed towards a vaguely familiar red-brick apartment block. The building felt almost sinister in it's normality, and Blaine had to stop and catch his breath as the possibility of seeing Jasper almost over-whelmed him.

Suddenly, the doors of the block opened to reveal the slender form of a young woman with tight curls, catching snow like stars in her dark hair. She slid her hand-bag over her slim shoulder and caught Blaine's eye. Her mouth split into a wide smile, glossed-lips and white teeth.

'Blaine!' New Yorkers. Did they always have to be so loud?

Then warm arms were around him and Blaine felt stunned, but returned the embraced regardless. The memory of a party brushed over him, the taste of wine and the tune of old songs. Sally, or Sophie. Something beginning with "s". A member from Kurt's original class. She was working as a secretary somewhere. But, if he remembered correctly, she was also the room-mate. Jasper's room-mate.

'Hey,' he replied neutrally, stepping back and regarding her fully. 'How're you?'

'I'm fine,' Sally, (or Sophie), replied enthusiastically, her curls bouncing and snow making tracks on her coat. 'Haven't seen you in ages! How've you been? Don't think I've ever seen your hair gel-free before.'

'What?' Blaine ran a hand self-consciously through his loose curls, which were wet and dripping with snow. He hadn't even thought of styling his hair before he left. Sally's bright eyes watched him with a humour that did nothing to help Blaine's already trembling nerves. 'I guess I just forgot this morning.'

'Don't worry, suits you,' Sally beamed, pulling her coat tighter around herself as a particularly cold wind blew. 'Jesus, it's cold out. I thought you and Kurt would be gone by now for Christmas. Where you guys from again?'

'Ohio, and we're not entirely sure what we're doing yet,' Blaine found himself saying, the words made of nothing and blowing away in the wind. 'Kurt will probably want to go home though; to his family.'

'Well, if you guys are around, don't forget my Christmas party! Left Kurt a message, not sure if he got it. Anyway, what am I rambling about? You're probably here for Kurt's stuff, yeah?'

The snarling weight inside him turned to heavy ice and Blaine tried not to look too surprised by the information Sally had just revealed. 'Yeah, if that's okay.'

'Oh, sure!' Sally smiled, her dispostion most over-bearing and making Blaine feel uneasy. 'Jasper's up there. Lucky sucker's already on his Christmas holidays, so he's probably still in bed, while the rest of us mere mortals trudge onwards. I'll buzz you in there, just make sure to really knock! You know, Jasper. Could sleep through a wrecking ball.'

'Oh, I'll be sure to give the door a good beating,' Blaine replied, his attempt a humour falling heavy and making cracks in the pavement at their feet. Sally's smile faltered slightly at his tone, the sides of her mouth slipping like rain on windows, but Blaine merely forced a smile in reply.

Turning back towards the building, Sally let Blaine in and gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek, handing details about the Christmas party over like leaflets, before departing in the shifting streets. Blaine stood in the foyer for a long time, the floor shining and the apartment building lacking the certain level of care and money his and Kurt's did. But Blaine took this in with a sick satisfaction and walked over to the elevator, hands shaking and nerves buzzing like wasps.

Pressing for the second floor, Blaine tried to calm himself as the elevator rose. He tried not to think of Kurt, who was bound to be up by now. Blaine wondered if he would've read his note, if Kurt would try and call. But Blaine knew Kurt, and he knew that he probably wouldn't. Knowing Kurt, he'd probably wait, like he always had. Like he had waited for Blaine when they were teenagers. How he had waited for New York his whole life. How he still waited for Blaine, every day, every night. Kurt Hummel. The boy who waited. The boy Blaine disappointed nearly every time.

Blaine tried not to feel too sick with guilt, but the motion of the elevator and his heavy thoughts churned like paint.

Stepping out into the hallway, Blaine walked towards the numbered apartment that was listed as Cooke-Gallagher in the foyer's buzzer system. His heart was pounding in his ears and Blaine felt the strangest mixture of anger and fear. If he did this, Kurt may never forgive him for all that had happened. He'd accuse Blaine of not trusting him, of going behind his back. But Blaine's fear was being overcome by something much older and much stronger. His wrist moving with an emotion he was too scared to identify, Blaine knocked on the door firmly. The paint felt cheap on his knuckles and his ring caught the light, reminding Blaine painfully of the way Kurt's eyes had flashed that night. Light across water, with something much darker lurking the depths. He could just leave.

But he could hear someone moving behind the wood. There was no going back now.

Jasper revealed himself and it took all of Blaine's strength to keep his fists firmly at his sides. Jasper's verdant eyes narrowed like knives, regarding Blaine with un-masked dislike. Blaine wanted to spit in the man's face and let him know the feeling was completley mutual. Jasper leaned imposingly against the door- jamb, his tall form filling the doorway like a pyjama-clad photo in a frame. Blaine took deep breaths.

'What do you want, Dwaine?' Jasper spat rudely. Blaine tried to think of Kurt's face, a means of calming himself. But Jasper's eyes were bright and pointed.

'My name's Blaine,' Blaine replied coolly, trying to pretend Jasper wasn't having the effect he was. Jasper's mouth twitched, each muscle squealing in protest like a rusting machine. Blaine wasn't sure if he was trying to smile or hold words back, but all Blaine could think was how Jasper's teeth would look all over the floor. 'And we need to talk.'

'What about?' There it was again, that rudeness.

'Kurt, and what you're doing with him.'

There was no mistaking it now. Jasper was definitely smiling. Blaine clenched his fists again, nails sharp and ring heavy. Jasper looked into Blaines eyes and Blaine felt his stomach twist like string. There was a strange shadow in his eyes that made Blaine feel uneasy. Made him feel like he had come here with no shield and a blunt sword.

'Whatever's going on is between me and Kurt, dwarf,' Jasper drawled, obviously eliciting some strange satisfaction from the words. Blaine brushed over the comment of his height and only felt the weight of Jasper's meaning. He must've thought Kurt had broken up with Blaine. Blaine felt it was his turn to smile, but the action seemed too great a demand.

'He's my boyfriend,' Blaine countered, slamming the word between them where it made cracks in the door and bruises on Jaspers face. Something caught the green in Jasper's eyes and Blaine could feel the thunder swell between them, like it always had. The static was building and Blaine wondered who would get struck first. Jasper stood up a little straighter, looking down at Blaine and for the first time ever, Blaine truly wished he were taller.

'You hit him. You don't hit your boyfriend, ever,' Jasper said lowly, the words trailing across the carpet like clouds over mountains. Blaine felt the cut of them hit bone. Blaine ran an absent hand through his curls, surprising himself once again as he had forgotten they were loose. 'Besides, last I heard, you weren't exactly "shacking up".'

The words clumsily ricocheted and burrowed into the walls. Blaine almost winced from the crude phrase and rallied almost instantly; 'Kurt and I are together. And not that it's any of your business, but I'm home. With Kurt.'

Jasper's whole face darkened and Blaine saw his fists clench. For one, loud moment, Blaine actually thought Jasper would hit him. But instead the taller man held fast to the door-jamb, his knuckles frosted over in white and nails pink. Jasper looked Blaine up and down and Blaine saw him recognise the coat in withering grass-coloured eyes. The gun cocked between them and Blaine waited for the shot.

'You shouldn't be fucking with his head like this,' Jasper said in a quiet voice that radiated emotion. Blaine nearly hit him at the injustice of the statement, but managed to stop himself. Jasper looked unfazed from the would've been attack. The monster roared in Blaine's stomach and stained his hands white as he tightened his fists to the point where they hurt. Anger shook through him like marbles down stairs.

'I think you're confused,' Blaine replied stonily. 'If anyone's screwing with Kurt's head, it's you.'

'You think so? I'm not the one who hit him and comes back weeks later to fuck him!' Jasper shouted, the words bouncing off the walls in clumsy shots, making holes in plaster. Flinching from the curse, Blaine felt the claws burn inside him and his breathing catch like fish in nets. Jasper's eyes flitted down at Blaine's quivering fists. He looked at Blaine with nothing short of pure contempt, words dripping poison. 'And now you've come here to what? Give me a good go-round, too?'

'Shut up,' Blaine snapped like wood. Jasper looked slightly taken-aback by the level of anger in Blaine's voice. 'I haven't come here for anything but to tell you to back off.'

'It's not up to you who Kurt chooses to be with,' Jasper countered at once, clanking like metal against Blaine's words. Monster claws and teeth tore at Blaine from the inside and the desire to lash out almost over-came him. But the thought of Kurt was like rope; tied in knots around Blaine's fingers and holding him steady. 'He was telling me all about how you dumped him the other day. And he seemed more than willing for the chance to come out with me when I asked him. Now he didn't have to feel guilty about it.'

'And what's that supposed to mean?' But Blaine said it too soon. He was so sure he didn't want to know. Jasper paused, something hovering on his tongue and Blaine wasn't sure if he wanted it said.

'It means, Kurt's too good for you,' Jasper said harshly, hands punching the wood of the door. But Blaine could feel it in the words; they weren't what Jasper was originally going to say. Blaine felt the ground shake beneath him. Something moved in Jasper's eyes, prowling in the shifting of green; a dark thought watching Blaine through trees. They were getting closer. 'And if you had any ounce of decency, you'd just pack your bags and leave for good and let Kurt be with who he really wants.'

'And that'd be you, would it?' Blaine jabbed cruelly, relishing the hurt in Jasper's eyes like falling leaves. 'Listen, Kurt is entitled to be friends with whoever he wants. And believe me, you're not the first to think themselves "special" in his eyes. But I will not say it again; you need to accept that Kurt does not want you. Be friends wih him all you like, but remember your place.'

Jasper seemed to be breathing in and out something heavy that made the air thick. Blaine could hear the words swelling like a tide in stormy weather. The bullet-holes in the walls spilled plaster like blood between them and words were shattered like glass in the carpet. Lightening flashed and Jasper fired the final shot.

'I don't like you,' Jasper said, his voice shaking like grass in wind. 'But if anyone needs to wake up and face something it's you. You need to look at the facts.'

'Enlighten me,' Blaine retorted coldly.

'You need to realise that Kurt doesn't love you as much as you think he does,' Jasper said, and for the first time, looking a little nervous. His eyes darted away and back to Blaines. Blaine felt the uneasy sway beneath him again. Blaine scoffed sourly.

'And how would you even know?' But there it was again. Swirling in Blaine. That uneasiness. Jasper watched Blaine and something clicked into place.

'The week Kurt was here... Kurt and I slept together.'

The gunshot was loud. Blaine could feel his chest being torn open by an unbelievable pain, an unbearable force tearing skin and bone like paper. Blood spilled all over his shoes. Smoke rose from the barrel and twisted greyly in front of Jasper's face. Blaine felt the rope fall away and his hands hung loose. Something so much more painful than guilt, or grief, punctured Blaine's stomach and killed anything living there. Nothing remained but dead weight. A hurt like Blaine had never experienced before. It was ice cold and left frost, blood freezing crimson on the floor.

'You're lying,' Blaine whispered, but all the bitterness had left him. The words sounded empty and desperate. Jasper looked like someone caught in the crossfire of anger, pleasure and pity. Blaine couldn't decide which he hated the most.

'Goodbye, Blaine.'

The door closed softly and Blaine was left alone, wounded and bleeding. Blaine felt the tears sting and for a long time, he couldn't move. The numbness was freezing cold inside him and Blaine felt drained of anything that mattered. He couldn't bear to think of Kurt. When he finally had the strength to leave, the world outside had shifted. The snow seemed colder. The streets seemed emptier. And Kurt seemed so much further away.

And is that alright?
Give my gun away when it's loaded.
Is that alright, with you?
If you don't shoot it, how am I supposed to hold it?

Come on, you didn't think I'd make it easy, did you? But what do you think- is Jasper lying? Or should Blaine believe him?
~ATGNT