Back with some more action. Please remember the M rating (for cruelty to trucks)...and don't try this at home folks. Seriously. Someone will really get upset if you do.
Fishlegs still hadn't made it to the diner...or maybe he was just avoiding it...and Snotlout hadn't returned from having a cold shower to cool his heated seat, while Hiccup and Astrid were having a leisurely meal sitting in the diner and gushing a whole bunch of mushy romanticky stuff over each other. The twins had almost gagged at being in the front row of that show. So they decided to leave. But as they left through the door, they straight away saw something golden...a golden opportunity that couldn't be passed up.
The Night Fury was parked behind their Zippleback, partially hiding it from the view of anyone leaving the diner's front doors.
"Come on," Tuff urged his sister as he indicated towards Hiccup's rig. "This is our chance to put Operation Strike One into action."
Ruff glanced back at the diner doors. "You sure they won't notice?" she asked carefully, even while a huge wicked grin turned up on her face.
Tuff rolled his eyes dramatically and waved his hand dismissively. "Pfft...those two are so into each other right now, you could belch right in their faces and they wouldn't even notice."
"Ew...gross! Although, if you belched your stinky fish breath in their faces, I think they would notice...that's rank enough to make skunks cry!"
"Whatever...are you coming or not?" he huffed, already picking up the pace towards their truck.
"Yeah, yeah...hold your dragons," she muttered, jogging a little to catch up.
With the skill and precision of many years working together for a common cause, the two soon had the 'tools' they required from their truck, and were zeroing in on one hapless black Night Fury truck belonging to a starry eyed Hiccup and his girlfriend. (Nobody knew she was actually his fiancé yet).
Tuff used his skeleton key to open up Hiccup's rig. (Don't ask me...I don't know what skeletons he keeps locked away)
Ruff sniggered by her brother's side. "You'd think he would've learned by now, it's useless locking up Toothless against us."
"Yeah," Tuff gave a roguish grin as he held up the shiny key. "We got copies for everyone's rigs years ago," he sniggered.
He put the precious key back into his pocket and opened the door for Ruff, who wasted no time scampering in. She turned back to her brother and held her hands out expectantly. "Hurry up...we haven't got long."
"We don't need too long," he reminded her, as he hauled up a sealed bucket and passed it up to Ruff inside the cab.
She pulled it in and opened the lid, an evil-smelling and putrid aroma instantly filling the small space.
"Is it ripe enough?" asked Tuff as he climbed in after her.
"Dude, it's even making me want to barf," affirmed Ruff, her face contorted against the smell.
Tuff paused as a thought hit him (probably right between the eyes). "Hey, do you think our truck stinks because of all the rotten stuff we keep in it?"
Ruff snorted and rolled her eyes. "Yeah...might have something to do with it," she agreed drily. She thought back to Fishleg's prank, and how he had been so keen to find out if it had worked.
"Poor Fishy," she said sympathetically. She shook her head. "He never had a chance."
Tuff only grunted non-committedly as he set to work, picking out bits of slimy, stinky mess from the bucket and stuffing them into every crevice he could find. The two also added insult to injury by smearing the stuff over the seats and the floor.
"Man, he's gonna need at least ten cans of air freshener to kill this smell." Tuff gave a villainous grin.
Ruff laughed as she wiped the roof lining with another piece of offensive smelling meat, before poking it behind the visor. "He ain't ever getting rid of this stench," she prophesied.
Tuff sniggered as he opened a cupboard and shoved in a particularly dripping and slimy piece of meat. "He'll have to strip Toothless back to bare metal to clean it up."
Ruff gave an affectionate sigh and wiped her eye with the back of her hand as a joyful tear graced her cheek. "This is one prank that will just keep on giving for such a loooong time," she told him happily.
Tuff smeared a lump of putrid over the driver's seat, before chucking it underneath. "Yeah...nothing like full on revenge!" he agreed mischievously.
Ruff eyed her brother as she opened the glove box and carefully placed a piece in there. "You do realise he's not going to take this lying down?" she warned.
Tuff grinned manically. "Heck no! I'm excited to see what he comes up with next!" he told her enthusiastically.
Ruff gave an identical grin. "He can't possibly win against this prank," she told him confidentially. "We will rightfully be known as Master Pranksters after this," she surmised.
"Ha! Take that young Hiccup!" gloated Tuff as he mashed more of the revolting stuff into places that were never designed to hold such 'delicacies'.
Ruff reached into the bucket once more, but found only the dregs of fetid meaty juice.
"All done!" she told Tuff cheerily.
"Good," he jammed the lid back on the bucket, and prepared to vacate. But first the twins took a moment to bask in their glory, and observe how the once cleanish and fresher smelling Night Fury had been transformed into some demented version of Frankenstein...half mechanical truck and half rotting flesh. And it smelled every ounce of rancid rottenness as it looked.
The two climbed out of the truck, but before closing the door on their master plan, Tuff stood silently and savoured the moment, taking in a deep breath.
"Ahhh!...The sweet, sweet smell of success!" he grinned, blowing it all gently back out.
Ruff only rolled her eyes. "Come on, sunshine! Let's wash up and get out of here. We've got a race to win."
-oOo-
Hiccup and Astrid had been enjoying their meal together, and hadn't really worried about the others getting ahead of them. But it was now time to leave, and they were casually strolling back towards Toothless, their fingers loosely intertwined as they talked and giggled at each other, rubbing shoulders in that lovey-dovey, just engaged kind of way. Blurgh! (Actually...I think it's quite cute!)
As they approached the driver's side door, both of them found their noses twitching unpleasantly. Their cutesy wootsy faces soon turned into ones with serious misgivings.
"Ergh! What's that smell?" asked Astrid, placing her fingers under her nose in a fake moustache gesture as she scanned the ground around them for any evidence of something foul and disgusting.
Hiccup shrugged. "I don't know," he coughed and stuck his key in the door. He opened it and instantly regretted it as a very strong odour rushed out to meet the unsuspecting pair, making Hiccup's eyes water and Astrid feeling compelled to gag.
"Urgh! Hiccup! Did you leave a dead body in your truck and forget to move it?" she asked as she hastily backed away.
Hiccup gasped, and held his breath as he doggedly stood on the step to lean into his rig to find the offending source of the air pollution problem. It didn't take long. He jumped back out and staggered over to Astrid before releasing his breath out in a rapid blast.
"I think someone left us a gift," he rasped in between coughs, trying hard to keep his lunch where he favoured it the most...on his insides.
"Yeah, well. Let's be sure to find them and thank them...personally," she told him as she glowered darkly. She already had her suspicions about the 'gift givers'.
Hiccup nodded breathlessly. He'd like to provide a little 'present' of his own, with words like 'revenge' and 'disturbing' and 'evil' already floating around amongst his neurons.
His voice was cracked and dry as he told her, "Much as I would love to relish the opportunity to appreciate this fine gift, I fear we will have to 'return to sender'...but that's going to require some doing. Are you up for it?"
She promptly dry heaved at the thought of getting up close and personal with the reeking mess that Hiccup had pointed out to her, hiding in amongst the grooves of the cab. But her pale face shone with determination, which made Hiccup grin with pride.
And gratefulness.
He hadn't really been looking forward to tackling this messy job by himself. Having someone else to gag, retch and almost puke beside you made it a special bonding moment. Plus it was kind of fun to see who would give in to the technicolour yawn first. (Bit sick, I know!...Oh, another pun, how delightful!)
But first, they had to find some equipment. Personally Hiccup felt that a fully encapsulated hazmat suit with respirators would probably still not be enough for this job. But he didn't have one, so he had to make do with a napkin tied around his face and a pair of very thin rubber gloves he had managed to wrangle from the diner.
Fortunately, they did have a huge amount of disinfectant, which the pair were generously splashing around the cab as they dug out all the slimy bits of goo from all the nooks and crannies they could find. Hiccup was very surprised as to where it was all coming from. He didn't even know he had that many crannies.
The funky smell was still overwhelming, despite the copious amounts of flowery scented cleaner, so Hiccup had employed another technique to distract him from his compulsion to add his stomach contents into the mix. And that was watching Astrid as her face contorted into all sorts of interesting shapes as she tried hard not to empty her stomach, while she gagged, frowned, screwed up her nose, stuck out her tongue and puffed out her cheeks.
It was very entertaining.
Although he had to be careful not to alert her to the fact.
Otherwise her face might change into one he'd rather not see.
The angry Astrid face.
Hiccup shuddered involuntarily.
That was a very scary thought!
Finally, they had done all they could in cleaning up the mess, but eventually had to admit defeat on the smell still emanating from the cab.
"Is it over?" Astrid asked faintly, looking more than a little green around the gills but decidedly not fishlike.
Hiccup shook his head. "I think we've got all the solid bits, but that 'aroma' will probably hang around for a while," he admitted reluctantly.
She snorted and rolled her eyes. "Well, I'm just soooo excited about that," she told him sarcastically.
Hiccup pretended to be thoughtful and tilted his head to one side, adding a finger to his cheek for effect. "So I take it you're not impressed?" he asked, so innocently.
"Whatever gave you that idea," she asked cynically.
"Oh...just a wild guess," he grinned at her in his delightful manner. His warm smile lightened her mood and she laughed, before socking him in the shoulder.
"Hey!" he complained lightly, rubbing it. "What was that for?"
"For being a dork."
"Well, that's going to be a problem. If you're going to sock me every time I get called a dork, I'm going to end up very bruised."
She laughed again. "You'll live."
He grinned and bent to gather up the leftover instruments of cleanliness and torture, including the bag of stinking rubbish. He held it away from his body with a look of revulsion.
"Now we only need to remove the evidence," he said sourly.
"Okay, you lead and I'll follow...from a distance," she added in after a moment.
He merely chuckled and headed off. As soon as he dumped it all...it was someone else's problem now...they headed off for the showers. Astrid handed him his clean clothes and shower items that she had been holding. He sniffed them, and immediately his nose wrinkled up.
"I think the smell has gone through everything!" he moaned.
"I'll buy you a carton of deodorant...and air freshener," she promised.
He pouted childishly and she laughed.
He shook his head ruefully. "I have to admit...it was a very effective prank the twins pulled."
"Yeah," she agreed. "There'll be no living with them now. They'll claim to be Master Pranksters and try to take away your throne."
"I wasn't aware I had a throne to take," he told her drily. "...but anyway...an act such as this cannot go unpunished. I vow and declare revenge," he added dramatically, his finger pointing into the air.
She beamed proudly at him. "That's my boy! Now go and have a shower. You pong!"
He dropped his head in mock defeat. "Yes, boss...I mean, m'lady!"
Astrid only laughed and shoved him towards the showers as she went to the ladies.
-oOo-
Hiccup was leaning up against the wall outside the showers, arms crossed nonchalantly, as he waited for Astrid.
She shuddered as she walked out of the bathroom. Hiccup noticed.
"Are you okay?" he asked, frowning slightly in concern.
"Yeah…there was a spider in there," she shuddered again in revulsion.
"Did you kill it?" he asked with a tilt of his lips, knowing her feelings towards the eight legged critters.
"I sprayed it with deodorant", she admitted with a guilty grin.
He smothered a laugh. "Well if that didn't work, then he's probably at some spider disco right now, soaking up all the attention from a bunch of giggling girl spiders, because he smells so good!" he joked.
She snorted. "He?" she questioned with a raised eyebrow.
"Yeah," nodded Hiccup authoritatively. "Only boy spiders hang out in girls showers," he told her with an impish grin.
"Oh really?" she questioned, one hand on a cocked hip. "And I suppose girl spiders hang out in the boys showers?" she asked primly.
"Nah! They're much more discreet," he said with a twinkle in his eye. "They peek in the window instead."
"Oh psh!" she laughed as she pushed him towards their truck.
He wrapped his long arm around her shoulders and smiled at her as they walked side by side.
She reached up and kissed him on the cheek. "You know, I think you would make an adorable perverted spider man!"
"Perverted?" he pretended to sulk.
"Yeah, I can just see it. You and your cronies hanging out in your webs, comparing notes on what girls you spied on!" she tossed back.
"Maybe…." he laughed. "But I'm sure I would only have eight eyes for a luscious blonde I happen to know!"
She blushed and nudged him in the ribs as he laughed.
A/N: This story was real. I mean the spraying the spider with deodorant part. What a perfumed spider does in his down time has nothing to do with me...
Hiccup and Astrid were back on the road, but had pulled over for a few minutes to stretch their legs. It was also mostly to clear their noses...and not their stomachs. They had been grappling with the powerful stench still remaining in the truck for a while now, and it simply had not gotten easier with time. It smelt so bad that a person could fart in there, and no one would know the difference. And Astrid was pretty sure Hiccup had taken advantage of that...and probably more than once.
But the other problem had been ...the flies. Seems the ole' rancid rotten meat smell really got the little suckers very excited. As Toothless roared down the highway like a giant meals on wheels, the tiny critters swarmed after them with great enthusiasm, banging up against the windows to get in.
So the co-drivers kept alternating between having the windows opened and grabbing fresh air as it whizzed past them...plus a mouthful of flies. Or having the windows closed and gagging on the noxious fumes. But at least they weren't being force fed a fly buffet.
Right now, they were on the side of the road, carefully examining a map and tracing where the others would have already gone ahead of them.
"We're going to have to pull out all stops to chase them," warned Hiccup.
"They're a looong way ahead," admitted Astrid ruefully. "The twins really got us this time. We'd have to drive half the night to catch up."
"Unfortunately, we can't do that otherwise we'll be over our time limit," Hiccup reminded her. Trucking rules still applied, even when you're in a race.
"Well, we can't speed up enough to catch them...You sure Toothless doesn't have wings, and we could maybe fly there?" she asked hopefully.
He chuckled. "Not in this lifetime. Maybe once long ago in our Viking ancestry..."
"Oh well...it was a thought," she shrugged.
Hiccup was still focussed on the map before him. "Look here," he told her pointing at it. "This is where we are now...and this is where most of them would already be. We've heard reports from other truckers about the Dragon Riders, so we can be reasonably certain about that. And here..." he pointed to a part of the highway much further ahead, "...is where that really long straight section of road is. The perfect place for a little vendetta."
Astrid was peering just as keenly at the map as Hiccup was. "Well, that's great. But how are we going to get there in time to meet up with them?"
Hiccup showed her. "See this line here? This is a shortcut that will get us past all of that... and allow us to pop back out on the highway pretty close to the same time as they get there."
Astrid sucked in her breath, "You want to travel down the Breakneck Bog Highway? Are you crazy?"
He chuckled. "Always. I've been down there before. It's certainly rough, but it's...do-able."
Astrid shook her head reluctantly. "Says the insane man...Hiccup, that's a huge risk going down there. What if Toothless breaks down? It will be ages before any help arrives. We might as well kiss our backsides goodbye... plus any chance we have of winning this little madcap 'race'."
"Yeah, but if it works... we'll be right where we need to be to win... and to plan a little revenge."
She frowned as she thought about it. Safe road and instant loss to the others ...versus Hiccup bat-crazy plan and very good chance of even worse failure. But also a Hiccup-chance of getting it right...and getting revenge. She only needed to take a sniff of the reminders wafting from their rig to make her choice.
She grinned at him. "Okay...Hiccup bat-crazy plan it is!"
He sighed in relief and placed his arms around her waist, pulling her close to him. "So you're going to trust me?"
Astrid wound her arms around his neck, and looked him in the eye. "Babe...I will always trust you. The day I don't is the day you turf me out of your truck."
He chuckled, "Well, that's not going to happen anytime soon then. I'm sure there's a law somewhere about throwing out perfectly good blondes. I'll probably get charged with littering."
"Well, we wouldn't want that now, would we?" she giggled back.
"No!"
Dear Reader, now would be a good time to put your hands up and hide your eyes from the little M-rated action going on between the two. And no peeking neither!
Finally... after the two pulled apart...they packed up their map ready to jump back into Toothless. Hiccup told her, "We'll have to plan our revenge tactics well. I want to make the most of it while we can. But...if that fails ...are you up for plan B?"
She turned to him. "I don't even know what plan B is, and I'm still up for it."
He grinned and hummed a portion of the 'Wedding March'.
Astrid immediately blushed bright red...and then socked him in the shoulder.
He laughed. "Not quite the response I was after, but knowing you, I'll take that as a yes."
She nodded, still blushing.
He teased her some more. "So...are you hoping plan A works? Or do you want it to fail so we can use plan B?"
Astrid floundered as she fought to find an answer that wasn't going to incriminate herself, while Hiccup laughed delightedly at his flustered girlfriend... hang on...make that fiancé.
She pushed him towards Toothless instead. "Just get in the truck and show me your driving skills, dragon boy!...and win this thing for us!"
He gave her a mock salute. "Yes, ma'am!" before stealing a quick kiss.
She grinned wryly at him. She loved her dragon boy with everything she had.
But secretly...she wanted plan B.