BPOV

They've finally cleared it for us to meet. Carlisle wakes me on the morning of the meeting, and we go down to breakfast together.

"Bella, it's not too late for you to back out, if you want to. It's never too late. If you decide at any point -"

"Carlisle, I have to do this. I need it. I need to sit down and I need to see him, face to face. I have to know why, or I just can't move on."

"OK. We'll be there in about another hour."

I sit in silence for the rest of the ride. Mercifully, Carlisle seems to sense that I don't want to talk, and lets me be. I don't want to talk because I'm scared that if I open my mouth, I'll scream or vomit. Maybe both. My heart is pounding so rapidly I can feel the beat of it in my chest, in my ears, thrumming along every nerve as we pull up the driveway leading to the hospital. A reassuringly normal-looking man in sweater and jeans stands on the front steps. No white coat, no clinical air. Just a friendly, open smile, and a cheery voice.

"You must be Carlisle. I'm Dr Kerman, I'm Jasper's psychologist."

"It's good to meet you. This is Bella." He shakes my hand too, firm grip and a smile. I can't help it, and instinctively smile back.

"Hi," I manage to whisper.

"OK, I'm afraid that right now Jasper is in group therapy, for another forty-five minutes. I need to have a word with you both about exactly how we're going to do this, and then we can go on a little tour. I think you'll benefit from seeing Jasper's current environment." He takes us through to a private room, with a glass in the opposite wall, and a second door. "Bella, you and Jasper will meet here, but there has to be somebody in the Observation room, for safety reasons."

"How big is this safety risk?"

"Carlisle, it is nothing to be overly concerned about. But Jasper's history here has not been smooth, and it's only very recently that he has become calmer and less volatile. You know we wouldn't have approved this meeting if we believed that there was a risk to Bella's safety. Bella, we will be able to see and hear you, for your protection. If you want to end the meeting at any time, just walk to the door leading to Observation. We'll come in immediately. Do you have any questions?"

"How is he, Doctor? In himself?"

"Difficult. He was very hard to reach at first, but recently there was a trigger, and he has begun to respond, if slowly."

"OK. He knows I'm here?"

"He knew you were coming today, but he won't have been told yet that you're here. Would you like a tour?"

CPOV

She wanders slightly behind Dr Kerman and I, looking at everything. When it comes time to meet Jasper, we leave her alone, and go into the Observation.

"She can't hear us, can she?" I ask.

"No, not at all. I don't know exactly what I was expecting, but it wasn't this. She seems so frail."

"She was frailer a few weeks ago. It's almost like she started fighting when she decided she wanted to see Jasper."

"Now that's odd, because Jasper did much the same when we told him she wanted to see him."

"Medically, you think Jasper and Bella are both fit for this, yes?"

"Yes."

"In your personal opinion, do you think this is a good idea?"

"I don't know. It may well benefit them both - especially Bella, I'm more or less confident she can handle this. She's very brave. But I have reservations about Jasper. I have no grounds to prevent this meeting."

BPOV

He comes in accompanied by a nurse in white uniform, who then joins Kerman and Carlisle in Observation. I'm already sitting down. He looks at me for a long, long time. I think that I will have to start this conversation.

"Hello," I say, tentatively.

"Hello."

"Are you going to sit down?" He thinks about it, I can see it on his face. But he crosses the room, and sits down opposite me. I try smiling at him.

"Oh god, Bella, don't."

"Don't what?"

"Don't be nice. I don't deserve your smile."

"Would you prefer it if I wasn't nice? I came here to see you, to speak to you - I am going to have to be nice."

"Why?"

"Because I had to know why, Jasper. I needed to know why we did everything we did, why you were so afraid to let me go."

"Everybody is always so obsessed with why, Bella. The doctors here - it's all Kerman talks about. Why, why Jasper, why were you so evil?"

"I don't think you're evil."

"Like hell."

"When I first got away from you? For a bit, I thought you were evil. I thought that then. I don't now. I did. At first it was fine, you know. I figured by handing myself over to you, I'd get my punishment. Punishment for surviving, when they died, when I saw them dead, and wondered why the hell I was still alive. By letting you cut me, I was spilling the blood I always should have spilt. That's what I figured on. For a while, it seemed like it was working - the cutting and the sex and the control. It felt like I was paying. But I did a lot of thinking. When we ran away - that wasn't what I wanted, Jasper. I wanted you to control me, not rape me, drag me off with you. I got scared, so scared. When I got my chance to go, I did. I was so frightened. And I felt so guilty. I knew that if I left you, you'd be hurt, even more than you already were. But I couldn't stay, I had to go, I knew I needed to get some help. You kept me swimming for a while, but now - now I can see that after a while, you were just holding me down. That's my why, Jasper. Now I need to know yours, because I have to understand. I have to understand so I can forgive you."

"What the hell? Why would you even want to forgive me?"

"So you can start getting better."

"I was a monster to you, and you want to forgive me? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"A lot."

"I think you're an angel. And I hurt you, and I am sorry for that, and I will never stop being sorry."

Suddenly, I can't help it. I reach over to him, and cover his hands in mine. He turns his hands over, and catches my fingers in his.

"You know, in another world, we would have been good for each other."

"That other world can't happen now, Bella. You really want to know why?"

"I need to know why."

"Because it made me feel powerful, and let me keep on being in pain. All I knew was pain and hate. My father - I hated him, hated what he did to me, but it was all I knew. The pain and the hate - by cutting you, by letting you cut me, I got to keep that pain, keep my hatred. And the power, every time I did anything to you that I knew was going to hurt you, or maybe us both, I felt so fucking powerful. Because suddenly, I was the one in charge. I wanted us to run because I wanted to keep that control. Everyone was getting to worried, they were going to split us up. I couldn't lose you, I didn't want to release the first control I'd had in years. Years and years and years of him, of him taking his hate out on me. Pain was familiar so I stuck with it. Then it all started getting out of my control. The more you started fighting me - I was afraid I would lose you. I couldn't let that happen. You were slipping out of my hands, and all I knew was to tighten my grip and keep tightening. I wanted you to be afraid of me, needed you to fear me. If you feared the consequences of leaving, you wouldn't leave. That was what I figured. And for a bit, I was right. That's why, Bella."

"You're not your father, Jasper."

"I think I am."

"You're not. Because after your father got caught? He never regretted what he did. But you do, you want to get better, right?"

"Right."

"That's why you aren't him. That's why you are never going to be him." He yanks my hands closer, and I am forced sort of to my feet, leaning over the table between us.

"Bella, for the love of God, I need you to hate me!" he screams. The door to Observation opens.

"No, don't, it's fine," I say. "Let us talk."

"Bella -"

"I said we're fine." Dr. Kerman withdraws, but he may as well have a neon sign saying he isn't happy with this. "Jasper, they'll stop this if you don't keep calm and cool. Let go of my hands for a minute." He does. "I don't hate you now. I did hate you. I hated you with everything I had to hate with. But I couldn't hate you now. Because now I know why, now I get it."

PPOV

I can't believe what I'm seeing. He never opens up like this, he never talks. And she sees him once, and he tells her everything. Everything she asks him, he answers. He's connected to her.

Now I understand. They need to have therapy together, as well as separately, in order to understand and get through everything. I'm going to have to start looking to get Jasper transferred to another hospital, closer to Bella, so they can get through this.

"Group therapy," Carlisle says, interrupting my thoughts.

"Exactly what I was just thinking."

"They need it. In a way, they still need each other. Like they needed each other to hurt, now they need each other to heal. I work at Charing Cross Hospital - we have a good Psychological Care Unit. I can refer Jasper, try and find him a bed."

"I wasn't aware you were a doctor."

"Ah, I'm not in your field. I'm a heart surgeon."

"Ah, you're that Carlisle Cullen! I understand now. I knew I recognized you. You gave a lecture at the Medical Convention - I was there. I believe the subject was about paediatric heart care?"

"Indeed. But I know the head of PCU at the hospital. I can put you in touch, if you give me some contact details."

"Certainly. I feel that helping each other through their therapy will benefit them both. Separate sessions will help - but Jasper has revealed more today than he has in all his time here, and any of his previous therapy after the abuse. There is only so much we can do by counselling them separately. For some of this, they need each other."