HUG ME BROTHER!!! (Or sister)

A.n- Thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far! You are the BEST! I love all reviews, short and long!! :DD you guys make my day, hope you know that! Soz for the delay in updating! Ive been concentrating on school work a lot, as Sixth Form is kind of a big deal :P

Disclaimer- Do not own any of the characters that may appear in this story. Not saying anymore otherwise it'll spoil it for ya XD

Hug me brother (or sister)- Featuring some very awkward pairings, Locke's new movie, some VERY unexpected characters turn up, and a very weird Jack triangle emerges.

"I just had a thought!" Charlie announced, looking triumphantly around as if expecting everyone to crowd around him at once. Sawyer rolled his eyes, but a sly look emerged on his face, as an insult flew to the tip of his tongue, as naturally as it was to breathe.
"Well, there's a first time for everything, chump." He said condescendingly, grinning triumphantly. Charlie, needless to say, wasn't amused.

"You lily-livered crony!" Was his response, as he pointed a long, bony finger towards a surprised Sawyer. "Down to the depths with you! Respect me or lose your soul to Davy Jones, savvy?" Sawyer immediately rolled his eyes again, aware that the recent arrival of a DVD called Pirates of the Caribbean had heavily influenced a lot of people. For example, Locke was off on a solo voyage across the sea, in a badly built raft, claiming it was his 'destiny' to sail the seven seas. It was looking very unlikely that anyone would ever see him again. Even quiet Sun had been affected, once caught red-handed by Sawyer holding two bottles of rum from the hatch and trying to sing the pirates song.

"Ok, easy there Cap'n Sparrow!" The Southerner drawled. "I'll behave. What is this ingenious thought that has crossed your poor, neglected mind?"

"We should have a hugging contest!" Charlie cried triumphantly, brandishing a stick around fiercely, scaring a couple of innocent birds away from the sand. "You know, convince people we love them in a brotherly and sisterly fashion, and then hug them!"

"Hug?" Sawyer looked blank, as if he had never come across that word before. "Hug? Where did you get this idea of lovey dovey mush from? 'Cause I sure as hell don't remember loads of hugging scenes in your pirate film."

"Jack found Love Actually in amongst the old records."

"Ah. That explains so much." Sawyer grinned, and Charlie rolled his eyes at his friend's immaturity.

"Don't you dare make a reference to my sexuality. I'm perfectly straight thank you very much!"

"Ok then squirt, answer this question. If you're as straight as you say you are, how come you keep bugging me, rather than hanging out with Missy Claire?" Sawyer demanded, a triumphant look emerging on his features when he realised Charlie had no true answer. About a minute and a half of babbling, incoherent squeaks and small, insignificant protests followed, before the younger man fell quiet.

"As I suspected. I may be irresistible, but damn it Charlie, I just don't feel the same way about guys that you do." Sawyer couldn't resist one more jibe before a death glare was sent his way.

"Let's spread the love! I bet I can convince more people to hug me than you can!" Charlie used the magic words, the words he knew Sawyer wouldn't be able to resist.

"Ok fine." Sawyer caved in, begrudgingly. "But two rules. Neither of us are allowed to hug Hurley, 'cause he's too easy to hug. Plus, when you hug him it feels more like you're getting digested alive...OW!" He cursed as Charlie whacked his arm, and immediately shut up about Hurley's weight. "Secondly, the first to receive ten hugs before the other gets to publically humiliate the loser." He already had plans for Charlie's humiliation of course. What kind of conman would he be if he didn't remain one step ahead of his target?

"Deal." Charlie readily agreed, rubbing his hands together in delight. He had a great idea for Sawyer's humiliation too, and he cackled evilly. "Da man is going down!" He exclaimed, taking up his stick again and thrusting it so he appeared to be fencing. Sawyer sighed, wondering if he should tell Charlie that he was standing right next to him, but decided it was futile.

&&&&&&&&&&&&

Somewhere far at sea...

Locke was enjoying his life of piracy so far. Though he had not come across a vessel to pillage and plunder, he had caught a huge big fish for his supper. And he felt more at home on the sea, than he had on the island. The rippling water was a shiny, metallic blue for a change, rather than dark and murky as he'd come to expect.
'Ho, ho, ho!" He chortled, then frowned. That didn't sound right, what was he, a pirate version of Santa? The song was catchy, but he couldn't remember the lyrics. It was something like 'drink up me hearties...ho ho?' No that wasn't right. He sighed, and took a long, last gulp of rum before the bottle was gone. A...HA! Time to use the line. THE line!

'Why is the rum always gone?" Locke asked mournfully, staring at the bottle before cracking up with laughter at his own brilliance. Truly, he was an evil genius! And with no writers or POTC fans to claim copyright to the quote, he was invincible! Cue the evil laugh.

"I reckon," Locke mused. "I should get my own spin-off show, or star in a movie! Something cool and amazing! It's gotta have a catchy title. Locke of the Caribbean? Nah, too conventional. Locke Actually? Too soppy. Locke of the Rings? Hmm, catchy title but that druggie Charlie Pace was in it, I'd look like a copycat." He scowled, suddenly in a bad mood. He tried out several titles in his head and this is what he came up with, none of them original, none of them inspired his creativity.

Twilocke

Lockarama

The Lockesons

Locke & Grace

Locke's Friends

No. He was a loser, a loser who FAILED at coming up with cool movie or TV show titles. It was times like these, when he realised he missed his partner Desmond. And when he meant partner, it wasn't anything sexual, although Locke knew that if Sawyer had been here, he would've made all sorts of homosexual jokes and would've had a ball coming up with nicknames for the older man.
"HA! I've got it!" Locke crowed with triumph. "Onward! To Hollywood, I shall go! For today, a new film has been born! It is called...Lockiana Jones!" He punched the air in triumph, then began to cry as he realised his ship, if you could even call it a ship, was sinking. With a mock salute, Locke pretended to remove an invisible hat as he said goodbye to the world. As soon as the 'ship' had sunk, he re-emerged, gasping and spluttering and realised he should've remembered to bring a rubber ring for physical support. Oops.

&&&&&&&&&&&&

Charlie was up first. He decided to use his charm, his wit and his loving smile to win a hug from the easiest target in camp. Claire. She was rocking Aaron back and forth, crooning at him and singing softly. He almost forgot why he was approaching her, as he spotted her shiny pink lips, her lovely, alluring eyes and her gorgeous, dazzling smile. Focus Charlie, focus he told himself severely.

"Hey Claire." He put on a cheerful voice as he went inside her tent, and she smiled at him so beautifully, his heart skipped about a million beats.

"Morning you," She was also cheerful. "Wanna hold Aaron?" Charlie smiled but shook his head, pointing at the little tyke who was fast asleep. She giggled softly and pressed a finger to her lips as she lowered the infant into his cradle. Then she rose back up and faced Charlie, each of then becoming quite shy. Their relationship was a weird one, sometimes progressing, other times refusing to advance any further.

"How was your morning?" Charlie decided small talk might be a good direction to lead her in, then he would swoop in and demand a hug. In a loving way of course. Gentle and tender were his middle names. Well, they weren't but it was a figure of speech. He had no idea why he was internally battling over what defined a piece of figurative language, but it was time to stop.
"It was good thanks." Claire replied, her eyes assessing Charlie carefully, and then she sighed. "What has Sawyer asked you to do now?" Damn. She knew him too well, and judging by her tiny smirk, he had to tell the truth.
"We're sort of doing a hugging competition." He confessed, hanging his head in what he hoped appeared to be shame but what he was really doing, was reeling her in. "I didn't think it was ethically right, forcing strangers to hug us for competition..."

"Ok, stop the crap that's spouting out of your mouth Charlie." Claire interrupted, her eyes alight with wicked humour. "If you want me to hug you, don't make small talk. It drives me insane when you ask me something and you don't really mean it." She moved towards him, her body slim and curved like an hourglass. She kissed his cheek, causing him to blush. Then she wrapped her arms around him and held him for about 30 seconds, before letting go. Charlie smiled dazedly, and then smirked at Sawyer, who had turned away in disgust at the romantic moment he had just witnessed. As soon as Sawyer looked away, Claire lifted back her hand and slapped Charlie hard.

"Ow!" Charlie yelped. "What the hell was that for?"

"For dragging me into your childish games!" She hissed, smirking as she saw his other cheek redden. She didn't mean to slap him that hard, but her hand was stiff after cradling Aaron and she needed to exercise it somehow.

"SHIP!" Jin's excited voice roused everyone and there was a sudden rush to get to the shore. Because of the stampede, several people fell over and immediately dissolved into the sand, never to be seen again. Jack's out of breath voice tried to take charge, but failed dismally as Sawyer's loud voice started singing, You All Everybody, much to Charlie's intense embarrassment. He cringed as his friend started strumming an invisible guitar and for a moment, everyone's attention was diverted.

"Ship?" Jin tried again, and only a drunk Sun would listen to him. Sawyer started to breakdance, fuelled by his attempts to receive hugs.

"HUG ME BROOOOOTHER!" Sawyer approached Jack, arms wide open. The surgeon didn't know what to do, and he stared at Kate as they shared a fearful look. Had he gone mad with the heat? Jack decided, in a situation like this, it was best to comply with Sawyer's desire. He tentatively walked towards the Southern man and symmetrically opened his arms too and the two men embraced.
"Dudes. Am I seeing things?" Hurley's question was on everybody's minds. Until the ship caught their attention again. It was colossal, completely black with black sails that were in badly need of reparation.

"Oh my god." Charlie gasped, fanning himself desperately. "IT'S THE BLACK PEARL!"

"Gee, you think?!" Sawyer's sarcastic voice cut across the younger, ex-rock star. Charlie blushed and tried to resist the urge to hit him.

"Wow. That's weird." Jack observed. "Days ago, the DVD of this movie was found washed ashore, and now the actual ship from that film has appeared. Do you think the writer of this fanfiction has deliberately coincidedly included these two events?"

At which point, every single exasperated castaway shared a look with each other as if to say, is this guy for real? Then, as one they turned to face the doctor, they yelled as one, "YOU THINK?!"

Jack's face scrunched up in a very familiar face, then he sniffed. "I'm not going to cry this time. I'm NOT going to cry!"

"KATE LIKES SAWYER BETTER!" An angry voice from the crowd shouted, most likely from Sawyer himself. Jack's face buckled and he began to sob into his hands, causing some people to mutter mutinously, mostly about his leadership skills and his inability to hold back his emotions. Some people even began to suspect Jack might've been secretly a woman, suffering wild mood swings and what could only be described as Pre-Menstrual Tension.

"Jin?" Charlie murmured, whilst everyone else was pre-occupied. The Korean man turned to Charlie, smiling at his friend. "Do you know what a hug is?"

"A...hug?" Jin looked nervous. "Is...it...bad?"

"No, no." Charlie assured him. "It's very lucky. A hug is a special...erm...ritual, and if you do it rescue will come!" Jin looked dubiously at him, but Charlie's charming smile wasn't there just for show. The Korean man glanced at his drunk wife, who was muttering something about vampires that sparkled, and he nodded.

"How do...we...hug?" He asked slowly. Charlie opened his arms, shot an open-mouthed Sawyer a quick smirk, and then he walked towards Jin. The two men hugged, and Jin beamed.

"I like this...hugging." He remarked. "Can we do it...a lot?" Charlie was aware of the double meaning in there, and he turned scarlet as he repressed laughter, but he nodded and choked out, "Sure. If ya like!"

At this point in the story, my loyal readers, who were drinking at the time, spluttered liquid over their computer screens, as they squint at the screen. They'd heard of Jawyer, but Chin? Jarlie? It was just ridiculous. It was even reported, 59 percent of them were scouring Lostpedia desperately for some kind of sign that this happens in the show.

Let me assure you dear readers, this doesn't happen...

Sawyer scowled. That no good hobbit was too sneaky for his own good. The good name of Sawyer a.k.a James Ford was being dragged through the mud. Then his frown, turned upside down. He would take advantage of the new arrivals, putting his hugging frenzy down to happiness at being rescued. A perfect excuse.

The ship, gracefully as a swan, came to a stop along the beach. Everyone held their breath, waiting for the arrivals to...well arrive. The first man to arrive, everyone instantly recognised as Jack Sparrow. At once, a screaming Charlie did an excellent impression of a fangirl by swooning. Claire frowned at him, making a mental note to slap his other cheek later.

"Excuse me!" Jack Sparrow went up to Kate, then staggered back, most likely because he was drunk. "Elizabeth? Mr Gibbs? HIDE THE BLOODY RUM!"

"I'm behind you, you pompous Jackass." An exasperated female voice came into hearing, and a stunningly pretty, though dirty in appearance, woman emerged clasping a sword in her hand. "No need to hide the rum, you've drank it all!"
"Really?" Jack Sparrow was surprised. "Bugger. Why is the rum always gone?" He muttered mutinously. A cluster of other pirates also stumbled ashore. Some of them looked confusedly at the other castaways, but the majority were either too drunk or exhausted to notice anything.
"This don't look like Tortuga!" Someone muttered. "Your compass is stupid, Jack!"

"I don't have a compass." Jack Shepherd muttered at the same time that the other Jack cried;

"It never lies, you complete and utter fish head!" The two of them stared at each other in astonishment.

"Whoa. Now this is what you'd call dramatic irony." Hurley muttered to Eko, who was gazing disapprovingly ahead with arms folded. "Whatever that is."

"You're name is Jack?" Jack Sparrow enquired to the other Jack, who looked murderously angry. He nodded curtly and the two men glared at each other. "So, you admit you stole the name?"

"Why would I steal your sodding name?" The doctor spat. "I bet I'm older than you, hence YOU stole it from ME?"

"Did not."

"Did too."

"Did not! Did not! Did not!"

"Did too! Did too! Did too"

"HUG ME BROOOOTHER!" Charlie yelped, beating Sawyer to the clock and leaping in Jack Sparrow's arms. The pirate looked bemused, then smiled as Charlie whispered something in his ear.
"You little...muffin thing." Jack Sparrow hugged Charlie, much to Sawyer's sourness. "Now where's the rum you promised me?"

"Follow me!" Charlie grabbed his hero's hand and dragged him through the jungle, aware that death stares were being directed at him.

&&&&&&&&&&&

"We at ABC are proud to announce a new spin-off from LOST in the form of a movie!" A random writer guy announced. "It stars the most gorgeous guy on TV!" Pur-lease the guy doesn't even have HAIR, were his real thoughts. "John Locke stars in...Lockiana Jones and the Secret of the Lost Island!"

"YAY!" All the random Locke fans were gathered for the screen preview, excited at seeing Hollywood's newest hunk (Author chokes to death at that statement) on the big screen. "WE WANT LOCKE! NOT JACK! WE WANT LOCKE! NOT JACK!"

"I told them to say that!" Locke was proud of himself. He had escaped the island, unbeknownst to everyone else, and now he was a Hollywood star. His director, whose name Locke had failed to learn, frowned as he read Locke's profile. He stared at the man in front of him, and tried to word the next sentence carefully.
"We have to cancel the movie John."

Locke blinked a couple of times. "What did you say?" He asked politely, afraid to let his brain comprehend what he'd just heard.

"The movie is cancelled." The director turned away. "You failed to mention you already had a legally binding contract with ABC's biggest show! You're meant to be filming NOW! The ABC producers are very upset with you."

"I escaped though! Viewers ratings went up 99 percent when I left...oh." Locke suddenly realised why his movie was so popular. Everyone was just glad to see he was off LOST. What a cruel world he'd lived in. One minute of fame was all he had. ONE MINUTE! Oh well, at least he could content himself with the knowledge that he'd had more fame than Jack would ever have.

"No one cancels John Locke." He muttered, silently vowing revenge. Now that his movie was cancelled and he had nothing left to live for anymore, it looked like he either had to hop back to the island and be utterly humiliated at his epic failure or go back and work in the box factory which had ruined him in the first place. Not much of a choice really was it? Of course he could find some out-of-work actor business, but what kind of life was that? No one would want a Hollywood reject after all.

&&&&&&&&&&&&

"So let me get this straight." Jack Sparrow said slowly. "Me and my men, and Elizabeth land on a Godforsaken piece of land yet again, only this time there are a weird bunch of loons claiming this is a freaky island with mystical powers...and polar bears? Have I been drinking too much or something?"

"No. We are telling the truth." The other Jack interrupted, exasperated. "We're not loons. Although, I can't say the same for some people." He shot a nasty look towards Sawyer. "What I really want to know is, are there anymore people called Jack aboard your ship, 'cause I'm sick of you claiming credit for my name. If I wasn't so very, very angry I would cry!"

"Is he always like this?" Jack Sparrow muttered to Charlie, who nodded fervently, provoking a snigger from Sawyer.

"JACK! Where be ya Jack, you little monkey?" A loud, boisterous voice called. Charlie knew it was Barbossa immediately and it was comical to see both Jacks look towards the entrance of the hatch, as the other pirate stumbled in.

"You called?" The two Jacks said, and Barbossa stared at the present company, his eyes bulging at the variety of people there who weren't pirates. A small, furry monkey landed on Barbossa's broad shoulder much to everyone's surprise. Without hesitation, Sawyer went up and hugged the man and the monkey.
"YES! SAWYER RULES! BRING IT ON BITCH!" He hollered in triumph, and Charlie rolled his eyes. His frustrated expression turned to a smirk as Barbossa flipped the conman onto his back with one smooth move.

"Ah there ya be Jack." Barbossa remarked, glancing at the monkey fondly. Jack Shepherd was outraged.

"Now wait just a darn polar bear hunting moment!" He demanded. "I know I'm lovable and adorable like a monkey, but there's NO NEED to refer to me as a monkey! I have some dignity you know!" And, predictably, he tripped over his own feet.
"The monkey's name be Jack, you pale fool." Barbossa retorted.

"NO!" Jack hissed. "I REFUSE to deal with the fact that a pirate scumbag and a monkey share my name! I'm leaving the island and NEVER coming back." It was an empty threat to try and see who cared about him, but as soon as he left, there was a loud chorus of cheers and the sound of champagne bottles popping. He started sobbing. Again.

"I'm sorry, but is he gay?" Elizabeth blurted out. "I mean what kind of guy cries like that for heaven's sake?"

"I think it's cool that he can cry." Kate shot back, her eyes glinting dangerously. "It shows he's sensitive."

"Yeah, but there's sensitive and then there's just gay." Elizabeth replied, her eyes cold and appraising.

"What's the bet that those two end up scrapping?" Charlie muttered to Sawyer. Sawyer had an oddly happy expression on his face, slightly delusional perhaps, making the rock god wonder if he should go back and fetch Jack.

"How about a nice hug, you two?" Sawyer confidently strutted into the centre of the room. Kate and Elizabeth, literally only inches apart turned to stare at him. He smiled charmingly and turned to Elizabeth, ignoring Kate much to her fury.

"Now you look like you could do with a nice hug!" His flirting and subtlety needed work, Charlie thought. A 12 foot neon sign saying THIS IS A SUBTLE SIGN, was more subtle than Sawyer. He decided to disappear and not watch the embarrassing display that was sure to follow after the con man's outrageous flirting.

"Who the HELL are you?" Elizabeth demanded. Sawyer stopped in his tracks, feeling somewhat confused that his flirting was failing. Kate hid a smug smile, and everyone else fell silent, knowing that Sawyer's egotistical visions of women and the reality of the world he lived in were about to clash dramatically.

"I'm Sawyer. Have you not heard of me?" He replied, looking questioningly at her.

"No." Elizabeth's tone and manner were ice cold. "And I'm married, courtesy of Barbossa. So don't try anything pal!" She jabbed a finger at Sawyer's chest and the man looked shocked. Never before had his flirting techniques failed before. He rubbed his head in confusion and realised his entire perception of reality may be slightly different than he imagined.

"Can't blame a guy for trying." He protested, not failing to miss a familiar snigger from outside the room. Elizabeth stared at him murderously, before stomping out of the room in a huff. Sawyer scowled then turned to Kate.

"You'll hug me, won't ya Freckles?" He asked, opening his arms wide and putting on a cute puppy expression. Kate's cool look was instantly replaced with a warm one as she leaped into Sawyer's arms. Their lips were inches apart as Kate's head lifted slightly. Vomiting sounds filled the room, causing everyone to snigger slightly. Sawyer broke away from Kate and snarled.

"CHARLIE PACE, YOU BETTER RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!" He bellowed. "ENJOY THE SUNSHINE SONNY. IT'S THE LAST TIME YOU'LL EVER SEE IT!" Then he flung himself into a sprint after his adversary.

&&&&&&&&&&&

He couldn't believe it. John Locke had managed to worm his way onto a big Hollywood production set, and not just any set. It was the set where they were making the third Pirates of the Caribbean movie. He couldn't believe his luck. Granted he was only an extra, but it was still a major part for him.

Until he found out they had to cancel it because half the cast had gone missing, whilst shooting a vital scene during the end of the movie. Locke, being the perceptive guy he was, knew exactly where they were. Everything happens for a reason. If he managed to find the cast and bring them back, he might just get a bigger part. With a smug smile, Locke set about trying to find transportation back to the island.

No one was willing to lend him a ship, naturally, but he hoped to find a smaller vessel. A plane crash would just kill a lot of innocent lives and he wasn't that insane. A fishing boat or a rowing boat would suffice, only without any money he wasn't able to persuade people to help him.

"DON'T EVER TELL ME WHAT I CAN'T DO!" He would yell after people, who claimed it was impossible to cross the ocean in just a pathetic fishing boat. That motto was becoming old rapidly, and he felt he needed a new one.

"IZZY WIZZY LET'S GET BUSY!" He randomly screamed as he finally managed to borrow (cough, steal, cough) from another movie set. As he set sail, he sung random songs, some of them that had nothing to do with the sea.

"Locke is the best, the best, the best

Oh Locke is the best...which nobody can deny!" He sung cheerfully. Then he set about singing My Heart Will Go On, only changing the lyrics so it now was titled, "My Faith Will Go On." He had no idea about the storm he was rowing into, until a loud clap of thunder alerted him to the weather.

"Oh...dear...Jacob." Was all he said before he was lost in a sea of thunder.

&&&&&&&&&&&

"Is this really necessary?" Charlie complained. Sawyer was smirking at him, eyeing him up and down and fighting the urge to laugh. Charlie couldn't run fast enough so that Sawyer had ended up catching him and making endless jokes about the latter man's short legs. Forgetting about the terms of their challenge completely, Sawyer, with the aid of Claire and Kare, had managed to dress Charlie in women's clothing, and hung him by his wrists from some Banyon trees.

"You know, this brings back some awful memories." Charlie replied, wishing he could clutch his neck to stop that awful memory returning. Sawyer's smirk faded a little bit but he didn't let the rock-star down.

"Stop playing with my soft heart, Charlie boy." He scolded. "You made fun of me, now you get the cold platter of justice."

"Can't I just admit you win and we can be friends again?" Charlie pleaded. Claire smirked up at him, wishing she had a camera. Sawyer shook his head, his smirk more pronounced.

"Come on, Mamacita." He turned to Claire. "Let's leave Chuckie here to think about his behaviour." Then, arm in arm, they left the poor ex-junkie to swing.

"Stupid, unreliable friends." He muttered mutinously to himself. For a while he sung to himself, occasionally finding a new tune and new lyrics but because he was unable to write, it was all for nothing. The skirt he was wearing was letting in an uncomfortable breeze around his...'special area'. Somehow, he believed this had been deliberate and he vowed revenge. Then, the loud singing began. Charlie felt relieved as he realised his new pirate friends were on their way.

"Oh my God!" Jack Sparrow slurred. "S'Elizabeth! Gibbsy boy," he turned to his fellow pirate. "Rum the hide. Hide the rum!"

"Oh my god you Jackass!" Elizabeth's frustrated voice cut across him. "That is clearly a man in women's clothing dangling from that tree! And if you say that stupid line one more time, I'm going to cut your throat with a spoon!"
"Eh? How does that work?" Jack asked mystified. "You're gonna spoon me?" For some reason, this amused him.

"Hello? Dangling man from tree here!" Charlie almost yelled. He should've known the pirates wouldn't have helped. Even Elizabeth just blanked him out. "Last time I ever ask pirates for help," he muttered mutinously.

"BYE!" Jack suddenly yelled at no one. "Going home now! Strange bald guy washed ashore. Said he was a movie star. Sounds like more bloody pirates if you ask me." Charlie became mystified but didn't really care. All he cared about was getting his hands free so he could murder Sawyer.

"Can you PLEASE let me down? My hands are killing me!" He asked, trying to sound nonchalant and casual, like he wasn't bothered about the fact that his hands were about to drop off. Elizabeth, huffing and puffing, cut him down and glared at him, as if it was his fault that all men were thieving, lazy, inconsiderate jerks.

Charlie didn't stick around for too long, after that. He decided to hunt down Sawyer and beat him viciously, using Jack's VIS (Very Important Stick) which he had stolen. Stomping through the jungle was difficult, even whilst in mob mode, and Charlie found he was lost. A loud clunk from behind him made him jump and shriek like a girl. He whirled round, prepared to fling his stick in a random direction, and then breathed a sigh of relief when he realised it was just a chest. Ooh...a chest! Could it possibly have treasure in it? Or was that being too presumptuous?

Being extremely careful, Charlie unlocked the chest using his VIS and gasped when he realised what was inside. Millions and millions (ok, only about 20 really) of DVDs were inside. Charlie's smile widened as a certain title caught his eyes. He had an idea...

In the hatch...

"Ok Chuckles, what gives?" Sawyer asked grumpily, folding his arms and glancing around the hatch with suspicion. Everyone who was anyone was here, even Locke who had grown a long beard like Dumbledore and who was drinking twice as much rum as ever. Jack Shepherd was folding his arms and sulking at the fact that Sawyer was sitting next to Kate rather than him.

"I found a chest of DVDs last night," Charlie announced, "and I wanted to share with you, a DVD that is very close to my heart."

"Oh God! It ain't the Muppets Christmas Carol is it?" Sawyer groaned. Charlie scowled but chose to ignore him, placing the DVD in. He skipped several scenes until it got to the bit he wanted. A smaller version of himself appeared on screen, a character with curly light brown hair and a mischievous grin who was being referred to as 'Merry'.

"Lord of the Friggin' Rings?" Sawyer raised a questioning eyebrow at Charlie. "Oh come on Charlie boy! There's innocence, there's childlike and then there's just asking for it."

"Asking for what?"

Sawyer snorted. "Wake up and smell the hobbit feet Charlie! You've just given me enough insults and mocking lines to taunt you with for the next few weeks!" Charlie blushed but looked defiantly at the con man.

"Oh ok Sawyer. Is that the way you want to play it?" He asked, jeering at him. "Well I guess I won't tell anyone about your secret CRUSH." Immediately it sparked a riot, with everyone demanding Sawyer for information. Sawyer scowled, regretting endlessly his decision to tell Charlie that particular secret.

"Well then Charlie boy." He said slowly, enunciating every word carefully. "If a secret war is what you want, then that's what you'll get. But I just have to say one thing."

"What's that?"

"At least my feet aren't a measly size six."

"SAWYEEEEEER!!!"

"I thought this was to be called Locke of the Rings?" Locke's quiet voice spoke up.

Ha Ha! Set you up for the next update lol. This wasn't my best one by far but at least it's an update! Right? Next one will be better I PROMISE! And if not feel free to pelt me with virtual tomatoes until I improve XD