Dear Diary,
Last night has been quiet a good one. Actually every night since our wedding has been decided, have been good. There is only five days – five more days of waiting and patience – left before the wedding. Dad said he has a surprise for me tomorrow!
Recently Jake has been acting weird, in a good way but still weird. He is expressing too much passion. What was up with him? Last time he did something like this, he ended up getting me pregnant. But this time I couldn't put a finger as to what he might do or have done to show such over lovingness. Anyways so after Jake finally stopped kissing me in front of some family members at the guest room, and went to have lunch at the kitchen, I tried to find out what Dad's surprise was to me.
"Hey Alice, you know Dad is trying to hide something from me. Any idea on what it might be?"
"Nooo no no no no no, I am not giving away anything. And BTW we all know that it's a surprise from him so don't try to be so clever. It ain't gonna work on us sister!"
Then I tried with Uncle Emmett, "What's up Em?"
"Why so excited, kiddo?"
"Oh, it's nothing never mind I just had a little proposal for you." This got him curious.
"Okay then let's hear it."
"Nope, first you have to promise you will accept my deal or else nothing." He gasped.
"My goodness you are becoming like me, dominating. Do Jake and your Dad know this? No seriously tell me first."
"Fine," I growled.
After five minutes it got on Emmett's nerve, "What you are just gonna say 'Fine' and then nothing?"
"Oh Uncle Emmett you misunderstood me. I meant 'Fine the deal's off!'" I gave an evil smile. About ten minutes of staring blankly at the TV, he finally surrendered.
"Okay I give up. Now tell me."
"Yay I win. Okay so tell me what Dad's surprise is and I will help you prank on him."
"Wow, you are turning totally evil. Your dad surprises you and you prank on him. Pure Evil! Finethen, someone's gonna come tomorrow. That's it I'm not telling anything else."
"Fine I'll not help you until you tell me who's coming. Who's coming? Who's coming? Tell me!"
"Ooo, daddy's girl trying to threaten me just like daddy does. No…no deal breaking. Now you listen to me punk, you help me or I'll go straight to him and tell him you are planning on pranking on him because I didn't reveal the surprise. Suck that, kiddo!" I grumbled, he got me there.
"Fine," I snapped at him.
"Okay so here's the plan, I will call Bella and ask her to come here for helping Esme cook. In the mean time you will call Edward and ask him to give the phone to Bella. He will say that he came here but you will say that she hasn't and Esme is calling her. That's when Edward goes insane and without thinking he comes here. I will beg your mom to help me and ask her to look like she just had sex or something. Rosie, Bella and I enter our room and Rosie and I act like Bella and I are doing something. Right at the moment he is about to barge in, Bella opens the door to give him the shock of his life. She looks exhausted, he doesn't think, we all keep our heads clear and…Tada he falls for it." Emmett grinned like a school boy waiting for his Christmas present.
"Okay, you sure Mom's gonna help you do that much. I mean it's too much don't you think?"
"Oh I wasn't finished yet. While all of this goes on here, Jazz goes to the cottage and breaks the two front legs of their bed. He adjusts a hidden camera and returns to watch the whole thing here on TV while Edward stomps out of this house angry, frustrated, and betrayed. He sits on the bed and 'Crack!' goes the bed. Then finally the mind-reading Mr. Know-it-all fool gets it all! What do you think?"
"You will do no such thing to your brother, Emmett McCarthy Cullen!" Esme shouted from the kitchen.
"Please Mom…just this once. He gets to get into our heads 24/7. It's only fair he gets the same in return. Okay…I promise no more pranks for a month if you let me do this. Please, please?" Wow Emmett could be such a baby when he doesn't get his way easily. He kept whining for straight fifteen minutes.
"Fine, but just this once. No more for a month, you promise?" Esme gave in.
"Yay, I love you Esme! So kiddo what do you think of my plan?"
"Wow….that is one fantastic plan! Do you spend every night ditching Rose to plan these?" I teased him.
"Ha ha…very funny kiddo. Now call Edward."
"There are two problems. One, what is Alice's role in this? And two, what if Dad tags along with her?"
"Alice will be videotaping the whole thing here while Jazz does it at the cottage and I'll threaten Bella to not bring Edward in my own genius way, easy!"
"Great! So let the prank begin…" I had no idea where I got the sudden enthusiasm. Probably it was my way of payback at dad as he used be extremely difficult with me when I dated Jake or it was probably just my pregnancy hormones!
"Hey everyone, gather up at the living room right now." Everyone joined us instantly.
"So I hope you all have heard my brilliant plan?" Rose rolled her eyes.
"Anyways, so you all in?" Emmett asked.
"Duh…Edward needs to learn 'Payback's a bitch'!" Alice said.
"Great. So we start off now. And everyone please keep your heads clear."
Right then Jake entered the living room. "Can I join too?"
"Sure, did you finish your dog food?" Rose asked.
"At least my food doesn't make me dumber every time I have it!"
"Jake, Rose stop it. Yes Jake you can join in. Now let's not waste anymore time."
Stage 1 – Calling Mom (Emmett):
The phone rang twice before Mom received it.
"What Emmett?" She snapped. I laughed, she was obviously preoccupied.
"Hey sis, hello to you too!"
"Shut up and speak fast! What do you want?" She groaned.
"Oh, did I interrupt something? So sorry honey. Or is it just Edward who is making you ill-mannered?" He teased.
"Emmett!" She shouted.
"Fine, Esme is calling you to help her cook." He tried so hard to not laugh out loud and blow the prank.
"Oh, and don't bring Edward, or the jokes will just get worse to worser."
"Is that even a word?"
"Now you are taking vocabulary lessons from Edward too! Yes, it's a fucking word in my dictionary. You got a problem with that?" Mom laughed out loud on the other side.
"Be quick, Mrs. Brainy Know-it-all. You can debate with Eddie all night long!" He joked.
"Shut up pig head!" Dad replied this time. Then they hung up.
"Okay so far too good!" Emmett exclaimed. About five whole minutes later Mom entered the house. How long does it take vampires to run again? Emmett asked her to have a chat with all of us as she approached towards the kitchen.
"Okay fellow family members, I have a very important announcement to make. As you all know I'm the world's greatest and best prank star ever. And with all of your support, especially Bella, after two long years today I shall operate a prank on the great mind-reader of this family Edward Anthony Masen Cullen aka Mr. Know-it-all! Would you, Bella kindly help us all to pull this fabulous prank?" He finally finished his long speech, one word per second.
"You idiot, are you out of your fucking mind! Are you crazy? You called me here to play prank on my husband? I'm doing no such stupid thing and I'm gonna tell on you right now." She was about to stomp out of the house when Emmett begged.
"Please Bella just this once and I promise not to tease about your sex life for a year. Please?" Now Mom's face lit up and she agreed to help us. She was soon updated with the plan and we all took our positions.
Then Jake suddenly realized he had nothing to do. "Hey Nessie, what do I do?"
"Umm…try to distract Dad when he comes in." I said. He seemed satisfied with this. It's prank time, Daddy!
Alice turned on her video camera hiding it to point at the door where Dad can't see it.
Stage 2 – Calling Dad (Me):
"Hey Dad, where's Mom? Uncle Emmett called her like twenty minutes ago." I called him.
Dad was shocked. "What, but she left fifteen minutes ago? Isn't she at the house?"
"No?!"
"Okay I'm coming."
Stage 3 – Distraction (Jake):
As Dad entered the house, Jake started distracting him. "Hey Edward, I was thinking that –'' Dad cut him off.
"Have you seen Bella?"
"No wasn't she with you?"
"Yes but Esme called and she's supposed to be here, but she's not."
"I don't know maybe Alice took her shopping or something. Listen Man, it's been quite a long time since I have visited La Push. So I was thinking maybe Nessie and I go could down there to give the wedding invitations to everyone ourselves…" He trailed off. Dad looked like he was trying very hard to not scream at him.
"Jacob, I can smell Bella. I need to find her now. Can you just please not talk right now?" He was on his danger alert mode.
Simultaneously, he heard Mom in Emmett's room. Alice turned the camera towards upstairs.
Stage 4 – Make it look like… (Momma and Emmett):
"Oh my god Bellaaa…"
"Emmetttttt…..oh Emmett I gotta go now. Edward will come up any minute now." And Dad then sprinted up the stairs as Aunt Rose escaped to her closet. Mom opened the door as he touched the lock and she came out all tangled up as Dad gasped out. "Bella…?" And 'Bam' he was out of words.
He left the house instantly, his face a pure reflection of shock, regret, pain, loss, more shock!
"Edward wait…" Mom tried to act like she was stopping him. But he was gone.
Stage 5 – The Fall of the Greek God (Jasper):
Dad looked so bad. Mom was silently sobbing and almost regretted doing the prank. Dad looked like when he left for Volturi thinking Mom was dead. Then we turned on the TV.
Dad was pacing around his room like a maniac. "Why? Why me? Why Bella? I knew she doesn't deserve me? Ugh…" Dad screamed and sat on the bed angrily.
And 'Boom!' goes the bed. Dad sat dumbfounded on the floor.
Rolls of laughter burst out at the Cullen House. Mom finally stopped sobbing and it was hilarious to see Dad fall that way.
"You Bastard, Emmett! Just wait for it, I'm coming to get you!" He threatened at the now-found hidden camera. And he ran out of the cottage.
"Oh boy I'm in trouble!" Emmett ran upstairs to hide. The laughter hasn't stopped yet, and it actually doubled when Dad threatened the camera. Such a view in front of your eyes was priceless!
Dad appeared at the door in a flash and dragged Emmett downstairs. He picked him up by his shirt collar and held his back up the wall.
"Idiot, loser, stupid, bastard, Jackass, asshole! You just see what I do to you. It is never fun to mess with Edward Cullen. You just wait, you will regret this so bad!" Dad spat at him. It was weird hearing all those slangs coming out of Dad's mouth.
Emmett tried to say something but he was speechless and instead he burst out laughing at Dad's face as a whole new roll of laughter followed.
"That's was not funny! All of you will regret this." Dad yelled at us.
"Oh Edward, you should have seen your face when the bed fall off. Hilarious! I'm so sorry for before but Emmett cut me off a huge deal, I just couldn't back down. But Edward, your face was priceless! One in a million…" And everyone again started laughing.
"My goodness, Bella. Even you too. This is getting out of hand Emmett. I have had enough of your shit, now you seriously need to learn a lesson. You have no idea just how much all of you will regret this, especially you Emmett!"
"Oh why the almighty beautiful Greek God, haven't you taught Bella enough lessons?" Emmett teased.
"Emmett, remember our deal!" Momma asked.
"Hey I said no jokes about your sex life, not his."
"It's the same thing!" Mom shrieked.
"Are you sure? I mean I enjoyed that up there as much as you did, Bella!" Now Mom slapped him.
"Ouch…that hurt sis!" Then we replayed the whole thing and even Dad had to admit that it was funny.
"Oh my God, Bella you shocked the hell out of me! Don't' ever do that to me ever again. God I actually thought you cheated on me with Emmett, yuck!"
"Ew, even if I did cheat on you it would never be with someone as cheap as Emmett. You should know me better than that Edward!"
"Does that mean you might cheat on me?"
"Oh you never know!" Mom high-fived Rosalie.
"Emmett and Rosalie has such a bad influence on you." Dad shook his head.
"Edward, I would never cheat on you ever. Okay? I love you too much to do something like that. Promise me you will remember this?"
"I promise." And they started kissing which soon began to take a different direction.
"Ehem…" Jake cleared his throat and they broke apart.
"Oh man why did you ruin the show?" Emmett nagged as we all raised an eyebrow at him.
"Jacob, you were saying before?" Dad asked him.
"Never mind."
"Yes, I thought so!" Dad replied.
After Carlisle returned that night he had a good dose of laughter watching the video. He patted Emmett on his shoulder and said "I taught you well son!" Edward just glared and smirked at them both.
That was one of the funniest events in my life! Ah, the laughter wore me off and I already fell asleep once while writing this. So now I am going to sign off for tonight.
Till next time, goodbye! And sweet dreams baby…
Your Momma, Nessie Black!
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