First of all, sorry for the late update, but once you learn about my week, I'm sure you'll understand. I got kicked by one of the mares at work and all the horses have shoes on! One hoof hit me in the knee and the other nailed me in the gut. The doctors said that my knee might give out if I work it too hard and gave me ibuprofen 1400 to help with the pain.

So yeah, you can imagine how much fun I've been having. Updating my story has been one of the very few highlights of my week. I hope you enjoy it!

11. Reunion

The day came that the Guan family was due to arrive. None of the Zhangs were sure however, at what time they would arrive. So they started with the normal chores and rushed through them as quickly as possible. Their mother kept a supply of snacks and drinks ready at all times so that they could be served at any moment. When Zhang Xing Cai and Zhang Xiao finished theirs, they went to Xiao's room to dress themselves up.

"What should I wear?" Xiao asked her.

She and Xiao dug through her wardrobe. Eventually, a bright gold colored dress caught her eye. It would look lovely with Xiao's hazel eyes.

"This one."

She pulled it out and handed it to Xiao. Xiao took it and changed into it while she put on her green one she and Lady Huang brought in Chengdu.

"How does it look?" Xiao asked.

"Beautiful."

"Tell me what it looks like." Her sister specified.

"It matches your eye color. The cut makes you look thin, in a good way."

"Cai, I want to know what color it is!"

"I don't know how to describe color. There really isn't a way without comparing it to other colors and…" She didn't finish her sentence because she didn't need to remind Xiao that she had never seen colors before, but she knew what they were from their conversations.

"Try, please."

She thought for a long minute. Then it hit her. She could compare them to things that Xiao did know about! The gold of her dress reminded her of the sun. Xiao knew what the sun was.

"Your dress reminds me of the sun. Its gold colored. The same as the jewelry mother sometimes wears."

"Is it a good color?"

"Yes, a very good color. When someone tells you gold, think of how the sun warms your back when you do the laundry. Gold looks warm too."

Zhang Xiao smiled.

"I don't completely understand, but at least now I can have an idea. When I think of this gold color, I'll think of it as warm. What about your dress?"

"Mine looks like grass, when it first starts growing in the spring time."

"Is yours warm too?"

"No, mine looks like a cold color."

"Why do you want to wear a cold color?" Xiao asked her.

"Because of the color of my skin. It's also a cold color too, but yours is warm. You look better in warm colors than I would."

Xiao looked confused.

"I'll take your word for it."

They went out of Xiao's room and went to the kitchen, where their mother was keeping the tea warm. The three men were outside, presumably finishing the barn chores. Xiao launched into how Cai had compared her dress to the sun and young grass. She told them that she wanted to know what compare other colors to, like red and blue since those colors came up often. They compared water to blue and cherries to red. Xiao would never know what the colors looked like, but at least now she had something to think off whenever someone said, 'blue skies' or 'red roses'.

"But when someone says 'blue skies', it doesn't mean that it's going to rain." She explained. "Blue skies means that it's not going to rain or storm. Grey skies bring rain."

"And grey is like what old men's hair looks like, like Huang Zhong's." Xiao put together.

She was surprised by how excited Xiao was about this. Red, blue, gold, green and grey were only words to her. They were words that had no meanings, till now that is and could comparison really be considered a meaning? However, Xiao seemed to be delighted to have this new kind of knowledge of them, even if she couldn't completely understand it. So Cai decided not to say anything about her doubt.

Suddenly, Zhang Fei burst into the room.

"Brother Yu is here!"

She froze. Her stomach leaped into her throat, but she hid it behind a blank face as she followed her mother and sister to the door. She couldn't figure out if she was dreading this, or excited about it. All she knew was that she was nervous.

She watched the three Guans ride up the way. Her and Ping's night together lingered in her mind and hung over her head like a dark cloud of guilt. She was terrified that everyone would see the cloud and know what she had done. She swallowed back the lump that was forming in her throat and looked down at her feet to try and detach herself from reality. It almost worked, that is, if her father's hoarse voice hadn't boomed in her mind.

"It's good to see you again, brother."

The two men hugged. Guan Xing greeted Bao and Shao while Ping went to her and Xiao.

"Lady Zhang Xing Cai and Lady Zhang Xiao, it's good to see you again."

He stared at her as he said it, knowing that Xiao wouldn't notice. Cai could feel some color flush her cheeks. She didn't like how he had addressed her as formally as he could. 'Xing Cai' would have been fine, maybe 'Lady Zhang', but 'Lady Zhang Xing Cai'? Seriously? The only way he could have made her name longer was to go on with 'the daughter of Zhang Fei' or 'Lady of Shu' and any other thing she could possibly be known for. Simply calling her 'Cai' would have been worse. They had never been on a first name bases. If he started calling her 'Cai' all of a sudden, it would look suspicious.

"And you, Master Guan Ping." Both sisters responded in chorus.

There was an awkward pause.

"Won't you all come into the gardens? I've got drinks and snacks ready." Lady Xiahou asked.

They all made their way around the house, except for Bao and Shao who saw to all the Guan's horses. Cai stuck by Xiao's side. That way when they got to sitting down, Ping would only have half the chance to get a seat by her.

Somehow, she wasn't sure how he managed it, he took up a seat next to her. No, she wasn't going to be any closer to him than she absolutely had to and no one said that she had to sit next to him. So she stood up again and went to help her mother carry the drinks and snacks. She picked up the tray of drinks and began to hand them out. She took the opportunity to see what other seats were left. If there was a seat on the other side of Xiao, that would be perfect. Unfortunately, Xiao was sitting on the end of the bench. If she would take up her old seat, she would be in the middle. That wasn't exactly the position she wanted to be in. There was room enough next to Guan Yu, but that seat was quickly taken by Bao when he and Shao returned. Then to her great relief, Shao sat between Ping and Xiao.

Then she went to put the tray back into the kitchen.

"Is something wrong? You're being awfully quiet."

She spun around and saw her mother standing in the doorway.

"No, I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" Her mother pressed.

"Yes, I'm fine." She answered with more force in her voice.

Her mother was silenced by her angry tone.

"I'm sorry mother it's just… I… I really wish that I could go back to Shu. I feel… not useless, but I feel like I would be better off at Lord Liu Bei's side and…" She couldn't get her voice to finish the sentence.

To her complete shock, her mother smiled.

"Does this have anything to do with Liu Shan? I heard that the two of you got along really well."

She was left speechless. Her mother laughed in delight.

"Oh Cai! I knew it! I knew that you've changed since you left. I thought it had something to do with a man, and it's Liu Shan! That's perfect. Zhuge Liang has been writing to me for the past six months telling me to tell him if you showed any interest in him. He's wanted you to marry Shan. Our young lord to marry his father's greatest general, and sworn brother's daughter! Just think of it!"

Her voice seemed to need as much recovery time as her mind did from the initial shock. Zhuge Liang had been writing to her mother? Why didn't she say anything?

"Zhuge Liang's been writing to you?" Her voice managed to squeak.

"A letter a week now. You didn't think that I was only doing housework all day did you?"

"Zhuge Liang has been writing to you, about his plans for my future and you couldn't even show me the decency to tell ME!"

Her mind was overcome by rage. She had just spent countless hours over the past six months to try and figure out what she was going to be and now it was going to be decided for her! If that was true, then she had just wasted the better half of a year.

"Well she's telling you now!"

Zhang Fei came marching into the kitchen.

"You should be glad to be getting married to Shan. He's rich, a good fighter, he'll inherit his father's kingdom and he's not bad looking either. What more do you want?"

She wanted to scream; 'I want to be loved!', but it didn't make it past her lips.

"Fei, it's not set yet!" Her mother paused to regain her calm composure. "Just because she has a crush on Shan doesn't mean she's ready to marry him."

"I don't have a crush on Shan!"

She wanted to go on with how none of them knew exactly how much she had changed. She had killed many men in the battle. She had been baptized into the world of battle with the blood that was spilt in it. She made peace with her brother after two years of not getting along and… she had also completely shamed her honor willingly with her father's sworn brother's adopted son. She couldn't get herself to tell them that part.

"Crush or not, I'm giving Shan my blessing."

"I'll fight this every step of the way. Shan is my friend, not my love." She combated.

Before giving Zhang Fei another chance to speak, she turned and left. She went back up the stairs and into her chambers. Then she slammed the door behind her and flung herself face down on the bed. She knew things would get out of hand when she heard Master Guan Yu was coming, but she didn't think that it would get this bad and he had only been here for one afternoon.

Then there was a gentle knock at her door. It was more like a tap that was barely meant to be heard. She could tell by the rhythm and the weight of the footsteps that it was her mother.

"Cai?"

She came closer to the bed and sat on the bed next to her. Xing Cai rolled over to face her mother.

"Mother, when you married father were you… did you love him?"

Her mother smiled slightly.

"I was fourteen at the time. I was out gathering firewood when he came by and saw me. He fell in love and asked my father for my hand. Sure it was hard for a while, but after Bao was born, I realized that Fei had given me anything I ever wanted, a house, a salary we can live on and children. A while after that, I found that I was beginning to grow to like him."

She noticed how her mother didn't mention love, and she wanted more than just to like her husband. However, she would be lucky to have a husband at all after her and Ping…

"Don't worry about your father, or Zhuge Liang. They can't force you into mirage if they wanted to."

"But…"

"But nothing Cai. Society may say that they can, but if a woman is forced into mirage, there's no law saying that she has to be forced into his bed."

But what if she was already in someone's bed! She wasn't going to ask that of course. If she could keep it a secret, she would. After another moment of silence, she found that she was strangely comforted by her mother's twisted words. Besides, at her age, her mother already had two children with another on the way. She shivered at the very thought of it.

"Mother, what should I do?" She weakly asked as she sat up.

"Oh baby." Her mother suddenly embraced her in a hug. "Your father just wants to find a good husband for you."

She pulled away from her mother's embrace.

"Let me find him."