XI.

Harsh reality

Lucy came home in a daze, her head spinning with all she had seen and done in the last hour. She was in awe of Jonathan's glorious mansion, in awe of the fact that Jonathan spent his days and nights among countless rooms and richly furnished halls, all alone with nobody but servants for company. All of her shyness disappeared as Jonathan took her from room to room, displaying his wealth with pride, though he wouldn't tell her just how he acquired the money to live in such extravagance. He said it would ruin the magic if he told her.

She was both surprised and a little relieved to learn that Evelyn didn't share Jonathan's home. She felt guilty for feeling that way, but she always got the sense that Evelyn disapproved of her, and that she thought Lucy was terribly frivolous. Evelyn probably thought the mansion was terribly frivolous as well, especially for one bachelor, but Lucy liked frivolous things. The mansion was fun and beautiful, full of discoveries that would take days to explore, and it was even more lovely because Jonathan lived there. He hadn't changed at all from the man she knew in England, though Lucy was horribly aware of the fact that she had changed over the years, and that Jonathan either didn't notice or chose not to care.

He was still the same old Jonathan, as fun and jovial as ever, but she noticed he was unusually careful as he took her from room to room and delighted in her reactions. She could feel his eyes on her every time she had her back turned, but he never dared to touch her, though he looked as if he wanted to whenever their eyes met. There were so many memories between them, so many lost moments they would never get back, that Lucy was relieved that he never laid a finger upon her, for it would have spoiled the beautiful dream they had entered together. Touching her would have made it all too real, and Lucy wasn't ready for harsh reality to rear its ugly head and interrupt their reunion.

Jonathan hadn't asked when he could see her again, though the question showed plainly in his eyes. Perhaps she would surprise him and show up at his door someday, startling him with her presence the way he startled her in Rick's living room.

Perhaps she would visit him every day and keep it a beautiful secret all to herself, allowing nobody, not even Rick, to intrude upon the two of them. She had five years of lost time hanging over her head, haunting her every movement, and she wanted to fling it all away and pretend it had never been.

She had forgotten all about Beni until she opened the garage and found his roadster sitting in its usual spot. Of course he would come home earlier than she expected, when the one thing she wanted most in the world was to shut herself in her room and be alone. Formulating excuses in her head, Lucy put her car away and crept into the house, shutting the front door as quietly as possible. If she was lucky, Beni would be in the back of the house drinking or smoking, or both, and wouldn't see her if she snuck up the stairs.

The house was quiet as she made her way through the front hall and up to the second floor. Even Gabriel didn't make a sound and Lucy's worries subsided as she reached the top of the stairs. She would check on Gabriel, but not right now. Nothing was allowed to break through the dream-like sensation that kept her afloat, filling her up with an improbable mixture of joy and terror, and she drifted down the upstairs hall until she reached the private sanctuary of her little parlor, where her luxurious chaise lounge beckoned to her. She wanted to lie about and close her eyes and speak to nobody for hours. She wanted to pretend everything was right in her shattered, upside-down little world.

Lucy opened the door and found Beni relaxing on the chaise lounge, a lit cigarette dangling from the corner of his mouth. He looked as if he had been there for a while and sat up straighter, swinging his legs over the side so that his feet touched the floor.

"Where were you?" he asked.

Lucy stood in the doorway, frozen at the sight of him. "I went for a drive."

"Where?"

"Around the neighborhood. I wanted to get out because you never take me anywhere."

Beni frowned, his cigarette forgotten. "You always write a note when you leave."

"I forgot this time."

"I think you are lying to me," said Beni.

His Hungarian accent grated on her ears after an hour's worth of Jonathan's pleasant English voice. Lucy knew perfectly well that she was lying, but she wouldn't let Beni have the satisfaction of being right. "Why would I lie to you?" she demanded. "I went for a drive and forgot to tell you. What's so suspicious about that?"

"You don't even like to drive," Beni pointed out. "You only do it when you have to go somewhere."

He was nothing but a greedy little foreigner, but he was smart. Lucy didn't like the way he watched her, waiting for her to betray herself, and all of her clever excuses wilted away in her mind. "There's no use arguing with you," she said.

"Because you know I am right."

"You're not always right. You just constantly think you are."

"But I'm right this time. Where did you go?"

Lucy strode up to Beni and snatched the cigarette from his mouth, then trampled it under her heel. "I'm tired of this. Get out."

"You can't tell me what to do," he said, mocking her. "I am your husband."

"And you're a lousy husband. Can't I do anything without you breathing down my neck?"

"What the hell does that even mean?"

"It's an expression, and it's exactly what you're doing. Why do you care about my whereabouts, anyway?"

Beni stood up, his face just inches from hers. Though he was nowhere near as tall as Rick, he was still taller than Lucy and was stronger than he looked. "You have been too happy since O'Connell came to town."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"I'm not stupid. I know O'Connell is a handsome man."

She couldn't believe what he was implying. Lucy would be a liar if she said Rick wasn't attractive, but there had never been anything more than harmless friendship between them. There never would be anything more. "What's that supposed to mean, Beni?"

"You know exactly what I mean. O'Connell has always liked you."

"You're crazy," she said. "Rick is your friend. He would never betray you like that."

"You had better be right." Beni moved past her, sending her a little glare over his shoulder as he stalked over to the doorway. "Next time you go out, leave a note." His voice was bitter, lacking its usual sarcastic edge, and he slammed the door behind him as he left the parlor.

Lucy sank into the chair that sat before her vanity table, unable to sit down in the spot Beni vacated, and stared at the door for a long moment. Beni's jealousy was nothing new, but she always used to brush it aside, knowing it was all petty nonsense that Beni dreamed up because he could never be happy. It was still petty nonsense, since she wasn't unfaithful to him, but Jonathan had found his way back into her life, and she knew she would choose Jonathan over Beni if she was given the choice.

Nearly two long years of marriage and she hadn't had a single affair. Beni had no right to accuse her of infidelity when he constantly went out to see his mistress, leaving her alone with the servants and the baby, and it would be his own fault if she did have an affair. He deserved a taste of his own medicine, as far as Lucy was concerned.

She had always wanted her marriage with Beni to work. She really, truly did, but Beni made it so difficult. Perhaps impossible.