As consciousness slowed started to flow back into my worn out body, the only thing I could think was Did I really just try to seduce the guy I hate most in this world? Memories of what had occurred before my untimely faint surged back into my body, and every single one of them irked me to no end. Snapshots of my performance played across my mind in a hazy slideshow. My hair. His eyes. My body motions. Alice's disappointment. I internally trembled at the thought of me actually attempting to pull this off.
What was I thinking? Alice could've predicted what I was doing (and did), Jasper could've felt my true emotions, Emmett might've believed me, but there's no way the others would've. So then why did Edward play along?
As I contemplated this oddest of questions, another came at me full force Where am I this time?
I really need to stop passing out.
It gets in the way of everything and I almost always wake up in the place I want to be least. Why should I even feel the need to? I'm not some weakling little girl anymore. I am twenty years old. I can practically drink legally! There is no way on God's green earth that I'm about to let some stupid boy get in my way. I may not know where I'm going or if I do want to go anywhere, but I'm sure as hell not staying here. There are better things for me that I can get out of this life. I almost died the other day, and guess whose fault that almost was? Edward's. Three years ago, I almost became a shut-in and lived the life of an ascetic. Guess whose fault that was? Eduardo's. Who was responsible for the night that shall not be named? That Cullen kid. I can't take it anymore! I'm in control now and no one can take that away from me!
As my names for him gradually increased in rudeness and strangeness alike, the more my eyes flicked around inside their sockets. Sure the pep talk I directed towards myself pumped me up in more ways than one, but I had to look like a total freak laying down wherever I was twitching randomly. No matter my current state of mind, I finally felt great for once. I felt like I did matter and that although no one can take my past away from me, I can still live on.
Feeling fantastic for the first time in the last couple of days, I hadn't even noticed the low moans of laughter that were reverberating around the room. They were neither malicious nor gleeful, but seemed like the giggles that would come from someone who found a situation extremely ironic. I involuntarily shuddered as they grew in volume and soon I was finding it hard not to crack up myself. I bit down on my bottom lip to keep sound from escaping, but my eyes convulsed upward along with the corners of my mouth. In the end, it made no difference the precautions I'd taken to keep myself restrained. Soon a loud, and an extremely unfeminine, laugh burst from my quivering lips and almost completely overtook the mystery person's hoots. Some people may say yawns are contagious, but laughter is just as much so.
I couldn't contain myself anymore and just let loose a torrent of giggles. The appeal of someone else laughing just seemed so attractive to my exhausted self that soon I had pulled my knees up to my chest and my hands were clutching at my sides, trying to soothe my quickly cramping torso. Our two laughs harmonized in a way that could only be described as beautiful. Mine a toning bell at the crack of dawn signaling a new day and sometimes a new beginning. His, who by now I believed to be solely Edward, the rushing of a stream that had flooded thanks to too much rain, but was nevertheless gusting forth with emotion. The two laughs contradicted and complemented each other all at once in an indescribable melody dance.
My ears were complaining from the escalation of noise, but at the moment I didn't care. I was relieving stress I hadn't known I'd been carrying from who knows who long ago. My muscles were melting to goop and my voice beginning to strain. I felt like throwing up anything and everything I had in me, both mentally and physically, but couldn't pause long enough in my current state to do so.
I continued my tirade of hilarity until I realized something was missing. The rushing of the river had turned to a trickle and dried up before I'd even begun to notice its absence. I abruptly quieted my bells, stretched my legs back out, and removed my hands from my now aching stomach. I rolled onto my back, sensing the familiar tug of a certain black comforter, seeing no point in fictitiously pretending to be asleep any longer.
My eyes fluttered open to a dusky atmosphere. The room was alight with the swirl of red and purple hues that reflected and mixed with each other through the glassy windows. It could be called pretty, even exquisite. I watched mouth agape at the beauty of the room at twilight and at my vexation with the sparkly vampire that was calmly relaxing on the floor, leaning up against the wall. He was staring out the window, not looking directly at me. His black t-shirt was wrinkled and his cargo pants were lined. His hair was bizarrely askew, sticking out in all directions. Fidgeting awkwardly against the black, down comforter, I noted the lack of tension in the air. In Ivy's words, he looked a hot mess. It couldn't be my fault could it?
Nah.
Something had clicked in those few odd minutes of complete and utter weirdness where we'd laughed to our heart's content. What I didn't know, but I hoped to whatever higher power out there that he wasn't falling for me again. Or worse, I for him.
"Why did you stop?" I asked trying (and failing) to break through the uncomfortable stillness.
At first he seemed to ponder his answer, but just as I thought he was going to reply I was bombarded with another question.
"Did you really die?" He kept his eyes trained on the translucent window, but I could tell he was eager to hear my answer. From what I could see of his face, he was very calm. Who knows if it'll stay that way for long, though.
"Yes," I murmured. He tightened his jaw considerably, and I saw him visibly tense with anger. I cringed imagining him yelling at me for something I didn't even cause, but shoved those thoughts quickly out of my head. As many things as Edward is, he's definitely not a yeller.
"Okay."
For some unknown reason, his answer bothered me. There was more to this question than just to know if I had really passed on and came back. I was a living miracle that shouldn't be contemplating why she was talking to such a jerk right now. I should be six feet under and he wanted to know why I wasn't. That had to be it.
Doing the right thing is considered honorable in most societies, but I wasn't about to give him the satisfaction that he could get anything out of me, anytime. What happened in my life was no longer his concern.
"Tell me. What did you see there that was so disconcerting that you felt the need to pay me such a compliment?" he asked.
But I needed to get my story off my chest and he apparently already connected the dots. That didn't mean it was going to happen right away though. I was going to put it off for as long as I could. I would do ALMOST anything to tell Ivy what had happened on the other side instead of him, but we didn't need another failed display of my seduction skills.
"And what compliment might you be referring to?" I asked, attempting to sound inquisitive and completely uninterested.
A smile played across his lips. He obviously knew I was going for the cat and mouse game, but he didn't seem to care. Why? There had to be some motive for him to play along other than his own enjoyment.
"The one about my being an angel. Especially one that belonged to you and you alone."
My angel.
"Who knows," I retorted, "Maybe I'm just having some malfunctions with my recovery process. You do seem to be playing with my mind a bit."
"Like you haven't been doing the same to me?" he quirked an eyebrow up at this.
Dang. When did he get so familiar with sarcasm?
"I have no idea what you're talking about," I countered, holding my chin up loftily, but failing to look unconcerned because I was still horizontal.
"No matter, I do know that I am here to listen to what you have to say about your death, but yet again you characteristically avoid the subject."
Unable to think of a comeback I replied with, "Well why would you care anyway? You left," I said with unusual calmness. Usually when touched with the subject of his leaving me, I went into hysterical fit and couldn't be brought out of my flurried state until anesthetized with sleeping pills. For some reason, I found it oddly surreal discussing this with him, the one who'd done the leaving in the first place.
I truly thought I'd never see him again. Not in this lifetime and maybe not even in the next. Seeing him now was like a breath of fresh air, even if I didn't want to admit it to myself. Now apprehending this, I wanted to take back what I'd just said, but couldn't. I just couldn't retract it because even though I felt bad, he still didn't want to be with me.
Wait! I shouldn't even be thinking about this. I'm not gonna get sucked back in!
Unfortunately his reaction was not the same as mine. His head whipped to the side and for a second unimaginable sorrow filled his eyes. The next second though, it was gone and replaced with almost nothing. Only a ghost of his previous melancholy shadowed his face, so thin, that I could hardly even tell it was there.
"Bella, tell me what happened now. Please. I have no other option, but to beg you. Please, tell me what it is you saw when you were…. Gone," I could see in his eyes that this was what he truly wanted, but did I have the guts to tell him.
Seeing him, the big strong vampire begging for anything was hilarious in its own way, but it also bordered on pathetic. Regrettably, I was close to boiling over with either irate or some other feelings, and if I didn't tell him soon, everyone in the whole house was gonna know anyway. I could no longer keep it to myself that he, the man who'd broken my heart enough to last a lifetime, was my angel.
"You," I mumbled quietly.
"What?" He asked incredulously.
"You heard me."
"I know, but you said it with such conviction and acceptable traits. I'm surprised you would accept me as the one who brought you back to this earth."
That one struck a nerve. "What do you mean brought me back to this earth?"
"I was the angel that saved you from heaven wasn't I?"
"And just how would you know that?"
"I didn't, but you just confirmed it."
My body heated up at this as my anger slowly overtook my body. I was mad. And not just normal mad, I was I'm gonna rip your head off whether you're immortal or not mad. He'd gotten something out of me that I hadn't necessarily wanted anyone to know yet, and all just by weaving his words right. This conversation was about to take a turn for the worst and not wanting to feel overpowered when talked to by this two-faced man I sat up in bed, not even bothering to smooth by curls out.
"You are never going to find out what happened when I died. You are never going to know who saved me from something I wanted to happen! And you know why? Because it's your entire fault! I could be peacefully dead right now, but once again, thanks to you, I can't be!"
"Bella I'm going to say this one more time," His voice dropped to a deadly growl as his eyebrows dropped down to a scowl. I knew without a doubt I'd touched a nerve. "Why would you EVER want to be dead? If you died I don't know what I'd do!"
I was somewhat slowed by this. Even if he'd left, he still didn't know what he'd do without me? Well this just makes perfect sense.
"You'd probably just carry on your daily life of harassing teenage girls! I bet you didn't even know I should've been dead over two and a half years ago!"
I may not have wanted to talk about my recent death defying experience, but the older one I'd have no qualms sharing. I watched on curiously, but with no trepidation, as his entire body clenched and then unclenched several times before he finally released his muscles wholly and asked the question I already knew was coming.
"You… tried to… kill… yourself?" His voice, like earlier, cracked on the word kill. I knew better this time, though, because it was all an act.
"Yes I did and your about to get the entire gist of it."
I watched as he visibly gulped, even though there was no need to.
This is going to be fun is what I thought in my head.
But what my heart told me was that this was a terrible idea and that torturing him was going to get me no farther in life than seducing him had. My pep talk had ramped me up until I'd reached by personal acme. This should make me feel even better right? I told myself that I was doing the right thing for me and me alone when I began my story.
But of course I knew I was hurting myself more, by hurting him.
Okay I know, it's filler, it sucks because I didn't review. AT ALL. But I needed to show Bella realizing that Edward might be sorta okay. Also I have the next chapter ready, but it's gonna be really short. It's just of the whole 'older death defying experience.' Let me know if you want me to put it up soon or wait a little bit.
Also I have this other story that's kinda random, but I think you guys would like it. It one first place in my high school for best original story out of 324 (ya I memorized the number) entries and I'm only a freshman. So that's kinda cool for me, but I want you people to read it let. The only problem is I made it up myself. Let me know I if I should post that too!
Ciao for now bellas and chicos;););)