Confessions of a Gold-Digger

#11. The Poisons Within

"Why do you suck so much, Barbie?" Gokudera groaned, looking at the heavens for an answer. "You keep missing the target."

We were outside, practicing archery. A storm usually throws weapons- Gokudera with his dynamites and Bel with his knives… you get the idea, right? So I was stuck with archery.

"You know what sucks? Getting stuck with some stupid medieval weapon. I want guns. Boom boom, baby! Archery is so 15th century."

"The old Elena was a master archer." Gokudera said, annoyed.

The dude who believed in UMAs and shit had easily accepted my reincarnation crap. That was the only good thing about the jackass.

"Well, don't you remember? I look like the old Elena. But I'm not the old Elena. She might have be a badass archer but the only kind of exercise I'm good at? Walks to the fridge or McDonalds. Depends on which one is closer."

"You have her genetic make-up. You are her, technically. The only reason you suck at it is because you don't want to learn it."

"Archery is boring. Teach me something cool." I demanded. "Like how to seduce an Italian millionaire. Teach me how to dirty talk."

Gokudera gave me a look. "What I would give to set your psycho ass on fire."

"Baby, I'm already too hot to handle." I said.

"Just shut up and practice or I'll blow up all the McDonalds in the area."

I gasped and quickly picked up my good-for-nothing bow.

"So how did the training go, Elena?" Tsuna asked. He was working on his homework and Reborn was snoring. I jumped into Tsuna's arms. Home.

He had changed over the last few weeks. He had a certain edge to him. "I learnt the different ways to NOT hold a bow. And I'm sweaty."

Tsuna chuckled, running his hand through my hair. "Archery is pretty cool."

"I suck at it."

"Every professional was once was a beginner." Tsuna said. "What I like about archery is that you won't get hurt by practicing it. Unlike, wrestling or rock-climbing." Tsuna shuddered at the last one.

"PREPARE TO DIE, REBORN! THE GREAT LAMBO IS HERE!" The kid popped out of a tree and started raining missiles on a sleeping Reborn.

"What?!" Tsuna looked alarmed.

Reborn dodged the bullets and kicked Lambo out of the house, into the sky.

"He's just 5, you asshole!" I snapped.

"And annoying. You both have that in common." Reborn went back to sleep.

Asshole.

The brat might be annoying but he was five and all on his own.

"Where are you going?" Tsuna asked.

"Getting Maman a new pet." I said, storming off to find Lambo.

I brought lots of candy with me. It took me two hours to find him.

I found Lambo dusting himself off and holding back tears. "Keep calm. Hold it in. Be strong." It was a heartbreaking sight in many ways.

He was just 5. Most kids ate glue at his age, rolled down stairs and screwed up their ABC's.

"Brat!" I called him out. Lambo looked up at me. "I got candy. Want some?"

He looked at me with glee and jumped on me. "Lambo-sama wants candy. Now! Now! Now!" He clung to my head.

I laughed. "Brat."

Afro hair, cow-print onesie and whiny. He was lame in a cute kind of way.

"I got something for you, Maman." I tossed the lollipop-sucking Lambo into her arms.

Maman squealed in delight. "So cute! Just like Tsuna when he was a baby."

While Maman fawned over Lambo, I noticed that Gokudera had passed out in the lobby and the food was weirdly purple.

"Oh, god." I groaned at the sight of Bianchi.

"In the name of love, prepare to die Sawada Tsunayoshi!" The Poison Scorpion was chasing a terrified Tsuna.

"Why me?" Tsuna screamed.

I walked away and called Yamamoto. "Hey, man, get us some sushi for dinner. Some psycho-chick poisoned our food."

"Wow. Last time we talked you slapped me for attempting suicide and now you're demanding food." Yamamoto said.

"Your being OOC. Just laugh and bring some food over." I said.

"I'm not your monkey." Yamamoto's tone was clipped.

"You hate me." I said. This was definitely a new side to Yamamoto.

"Well, hate is a strong word. Maybe I resent you."

I exhaled deeply. "Come over. Let's talk about it."

"I brought sushi." Yamamoto was standing on our doorstep.

And all of my ego cracked. He was a good person.

"I'm sorry. That was uncalled for. I'm a bitch but I crossed a line. It's just… suicide doesn't sit well with me. The whole thing is a huge.. Blegh." I made a face.

"Let's talk somewhere more private," Yamamoto said and he grinned. Relief spread through my body. It was funny that he was the gloomy rain. He was more like a sun.

"I killed myself." So we went to the roof and I told him everything.

"So you have no idea who you were before you died?" Yamamoto asked. "Or why you killed yourself?"

"Yes. I might have been a suicidal kangaroo. I don't know anything." Then I remembered my goal. "That wouldn't be entirely true. I killed myself because of money. I just came to this world with an intense need to accumulate wealth."

"That's kind of fucked up." Yamamoto said.

"Suicide is fucked up. It's against the very basic laws of nature. All living beings fight to survive. When a person kills himself they throw the universe off balance. I could've been reborn as Winnie the Pooh, hatching from a dinosaur egg in Gotham. Wouldn't recommend it."

"You're either lying or crazy." Yamamoto gazed at the stars. I was 100% sure that he didn't believe me.

"Maybe I'm both. Does it matter?"

"Not really." Yamamoto said. "When I broke my hand I felt like I lost my identity. If I'm not a baseball player what am I? If it weren't for Tsuna... He reminded me I'm more than that. I'm a son, a friend…"

"I'm so glad Tsuna exists." I said. "He's all the family I have."

"Yeah…"

And we talked until dawn.

I talked about gold-digging and marrying Hibari. He talked about baseball, his dad and his sushi.

He wasn't some easy-going, dumb baseball-freak and I wasn't some selfish, bitchy gold-digger.

On that roof, we were just two people who knew exactly what losing hope felt like.

"Does your sushi-shop have any job openings?" I asked before Yamamoto was about to leave for home.

"Maybe. Why?" Yamamoto asked.

"Those shiny earrings and sexy boots won't buy themselves." I said. Stop being a freeloader. Even if I could just afford the food I ate, it would be financially less stressful for the Sawada household.

"Alright, I'll ask Dad." Yamamoto waved before he left.

I dusted off Lambo and brought him back home for the umpteenth time. "Stop kicking Lambo away, you little shit." I told Reborn and sat next to Tsuna.

"You're attached to Lambo." Tsuna noted.

"What?" I was surprised.

"You always go looking for Lambo when he's gone and you try to cut off Gokudera's hair whenever he tries to bully him."

"He's an obnoxious, attention-seeking, lonely brat with an impossible dream." I said.

Tsuna smiled. "He sounds an awfully lot like you."

"I know." I agreed. "Is Bianchi still around?"

"Yeah," Tsuna looked worried. "Why?"

"I'm going to poison my husbands and Bianchi is the Poison Scorpion. I should take notes." I said.

"Oh, God."

Step #16: Master the art of poisoning. It is very important in your future career.