By L. Hiiragizawa
Disclaimer: Phooey I do not own CCS.
AN: Here's the next chapter and it's almost done. Well yeah, I think 2-3 chappies more… *sniff* thank you all for your lovely reviews.
Hmikorni: or whatever your name is hehe I forgot… I'm sorry for the mishap. I uploaded the wrong file. It's a good thing I went back to check up on it. Here's the real chapter 11…
And by the way… sorry for being too cruel to Tomoyo in here… I made a very sad fic… one tragedy after another….but I promise you the ending will be nice…swear!
Confessions
It was now or never.
Purple eyes met another purple ones returning back each other's gazes.
The mirror. A clear opaque glass, which shows the true beholder, a reflection of her own self. There are no mysteries, which could mask its authenticity to show what one truly feels. Though it may seem more of a strange explanation on how it spills everything a person wishes not to see, one thing remains as truth to all hidden lies: it never fails to show the innermost pain, happiness and intense emotions to any being who wishes to seek its revealing truths.
Which of course, Tomoyo hates.
The mirror never hid the lines of sadness and marks of tears, which she desperately tried to hide from the whole world for days.
And there she was, staring back at her glory that turned out not to be one. She was a failure to her own expectations. An angel struggling to keep up its flight by trying to mend up its broken wing. And slowly, she is nearing her fall. Though how much she tried to outdo all the tragedies that yet may come, destiny was just plain cruel to her. She despised how such a lovely being herself wasn't even blessed with true and everlasting joy.
She sighed as she fixed up her things and laid down all the cosmetics she will be putting on a little later to hide all pleas of attention that her pain stricken face wanted to shout out loud.
It can never happen.
And must never happen.
She must try to be at her best for today is the big night.
Today, the whole town will be hearing her chirp another yet powerful song.
She smiled at her reflection. A weak one. Just to make herself better. Aware of the twitchiness of her smile. It wasn't a real one, sad to say.
A knock came upon her closed, locked door.
A voice called out.
"Miss Daidouji, a certain Miss Nakuru wants to see you. Shall you grace her presence?"
Tomoyo, who was surprised all of a sudden by Nakuru's visit, wondered how come he came to see her. Anyway, they haven't seen each other for a long time, she realized somehow she missed his funny antics. She was just surprised by the guard's wrong use of pronoun. Nakuru may seem like a girl basing it on his outer appearance but he was truly a he on the form of a she.
As soon as the door flew open and she got up to welcome her, the guardian ran frantically and embraced her so tightly.
"Mistress Tomoyo!!!!!!!!!!"
Tomoyo noticed she was formally dressed in a maroon-colored spaghetti strapped gown and her hair was neatly curled up in a bun with strands of hair falling down elegantly. It was a big surprise of course. Seeing Nakuru dressed in such a girly type of thing. But she have to admit, it looked good on her.
"I missed you sooooo much. So I came in to ask if it's okay to be of company before the concert starts… you know… "girl talk" and the pleasure of doing your hair and make-up."
She flinched at the words "girl talk" but didn't mind it afterwards. She sat back and stared at their reflections on the huge dressing room mirror in front of her.
"So what do you want to talk about?" Tomoyo asked as Nakuru kept himself busy by arranging her hair—the French way.
"Oh nothing. How are you these past few days, Tomoyo?"
How was I?
Her chest began to tighten.
"I-I'm fine. Nothing new."
She lied. But she wasn't mistaken when she heard him sigh.
Did she lie so believingly?
"Eriol hasn't been home early these past few days since I came from Japan, mistress."
'Of course… why not? He's always with Anya…'
"Nakuru, I know I may sound rude asking this but…"
Nakuru's brows arched in confusion. Did she say something awful?
"Why do you always keep on
addressing me as mistress? Don't take my question wrongly. It's just weird of
you…"
"Oh that?…"
Tomoyo eagerly waited for the response. She saw Nakuru smiling a weird smile.
"Because I like you calling that… that's all… kawaii ne?"
She wasn't at all convinced by his answer. He was obviously hiding something judging by the tone of his voice. Nakuru on the other hand, was now applying make-up on her face.
"No. Nakuru. Everything has a reason."
"Then if it's not my reason, what is your reason of lying and hiding your true self?"
There came what she dreaded.
He knew of her faking. He saw right through her mask.
"I-I don't k-know what you mean."
She tried to cover-up.
Never did anyone see right in her.
Through her secret world.
"Don't hide it mistress. I perfectly know you cry each night. I know the pain you are experiencing. I know you hide from the world by camouflaging under your sweet smiles. And I know the reason why."
Busted.
Wasted.
All these years of perfecting her show-off masks…
"B-but I---"
"Mistress, your eyes show it all. People may not see the sparkle of the night's tears but I do. I know your problem."
Tears flowed as Tomoyo hugged on to Nakuru for comfort. She never had anyone to pour it all since Eriol had Anya by his side.
"Why does it hurt Nakuru? Why does falling in love hurt? Poets have described love as a wonderful feeling but why can't I figure out its irony? Why does it hurt Nakuru? Why did I ever love the wrong person? Why is the world so cruel? Why? Why?"
She sobbed even more. Nakuru was patting her back and rubbing it just the same.
"Sometimes, love may hurt. But it depends on how a person control his/her feelings. Like you Tomoyo, you try to be strong but your weakness overcomes your strength. Causing you to feel pained and battered. Life isn't cruel. It just tests you if you can handle out problems. I promise you that someday, happiness will flutter its wings and make you fly."
Tomoyo looked on Nakuru in the eyes. He did have a point. Maybe things will come out for the better.
"Now, Now. Stop crying, you have wasted my precious work of art in you. You must look beautiful tonight. And the prettiest!"
She smiled and wiped her tears away. Nakuru was now retouching her ruined make-up.
A knock came from the door and girl came to view.
"Ms. Daidouji. Two numbers more and you're up."
Nakuru stood up and looked at Tomoyo, studying her from head to toe.
"No wonder guys come gushing for you. You are so pretty tonight. Who knows? The one you like may also gush over at you."
She frowned.
"That could never happen. Someone else owns him."
"But if true love is in the way, things may change ne?"
Things…
May change?
Hope…
Life gives chances.
Tomoyo smiled and Nakuru winked.
"Oh! I better be going. I don't want to miss one of England's finest singers at her best! Good luck mistress."
Nakuru was about to turn the doorknob when a hand deprived her from behind.
"Thank you Nakuru. You didn't know how much what you said mean to me."
"Anytime mistress. Anytime."
He turned the knob but was stopped once more by a sudden question.
"Why do you call me mistress by the way, Nakuru? You haven't answered me yet."
All Nakuru gave was a smile. Tomoyo couldn't figure out if this was a sweet one. It was strange. His lips were forming an odd curve.
Was it a mocking smile?
"Let's just say, I'm practicing what I'll call you in the future…"
He winked. And with that, he slammed the door shut gently leaving Tomoyo's brain in a puzzle.
'Practicing for the future?'
----------------------------------------------------------
"Where is Hiiragizawa?"
A storming Nathan was pacing the backstage slightly angry and slightly bothered. The other crewmembers were also in worries.
But Anya was nowhere to be found too.
"He can't just ruin this night? Not this night! Not now!"
"Nathan, somebody from his house said he left an hour ago. He also don't answer his cell phone."
The assistant head of the sales department reported.
"Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn!"
"How many numbers more before Daidouji?" One asked.
"Actually, she's next."
The crewmembers were now in a battle what to do.
"Cancel it."
One suggested.
"No. Let her sing Acapella."
One said.
"No. No. A guitar is available. I'm sure one of us could play…"
Arguments were sparking up in the air.
Scared faces.
And Nathan was just too worried and angry to pay attention to all the fuss. He was absentmindedly walking around the backstage very dumbly. He wanted to punch his fist onto the wall…very bad.
"No. Wait."
Eyes focused on the head of the lights department who since a while ago had kept quiet.
"Why don't we provide him a substitute? I mean, he did left his piece here right? And besides, it's silly to play a guitar on a formal concert. Remember, politicians will be watching."
Some were surprised. Some nodded. Some chattered. Some disapproved.
"But who?"
The head of the sounds department eagerly asked. All eyes were fixed on Nathan whose heart was still thumping hard each second in nervousness. Part of him flaming in anger. Part was concerned. He didn't mean to get mad, he was just concerned of Tomoyo and the concert. This was the most anticipated number. For no less than Tomoyo Daidouji, will be rendering a number. She was the star of the night. And he hated disappointing people if she'd be a no-show. He turned to face the smiling stares of his crew.
Wait.
Did they find a solution. Must be. Their smiles show essences of triumph.
"What?"
---------------------------------------------------
Tomoyo was ready backstage. She eagerly waited for her name to be called before stepping into the audience. At least, she felt good because she had already had encouraging insights on everything thanks to Nakuru.
But will it last long?
She felt her heart beating erratically. She figured out something is going to happen tonight. Something unexpected and something big.
She couldn't have a hint nor guess what it would be but if it would require a smile, she'd gladly accept the occurrence.
But if it would be tears…
"…and Tomoyo Daidouji"
An applause was heard behind the walls of the place she was standing.
Wait.
Was that her name she just heard?
She walked into the stage, heart thumping furiously. Her nervousness deprived her of noticing how big the audience was. She walked into the center of the stage, spotlight on her.
The people were hushing and some jaws dropped.
That very night, Aphrodite had descended from the heavens…
And everybody had the chance to indulge in her beauty.
Tomoyo, clad in a one-sided elegant black gown, which reached her ankles, faced the audience with a smile, making some almost faint by her charm. She felt like melting at all the stares she was receiving. She wished she hadn't exposed one side of her shoulder. it made her feel awkward. But to some, it made her sexy. Sparkling diamonds adorned her pale bare neck and each of her ear. Her silky purple hair was tied up in a French with strands of hair perfectly falling down, accenting her whole posture.
A Greek goddess she was.
Given a cue to start, she turned to the pianist giving him one of her warmest smiles…
"Someday…happiness will flutter its wings and make you fly…"
Alas! She couldn't see the face of the pianist. He was in a sheath of darkness. No light illuminated his presence. Tomoyo cocked her brows a bit studying the person seated on the great piano. The position from where he is seated was dim and Tomoyo couldn't make up his features. But one thing made her sure…
The pianist
Wasn't
Eriol.
Her heart slowed down its beating. She felt the blood rush slow down. Her emotions were sucking out the life from her.
Why?
"Before I'd start…"
She turned to the audience who was still in awe but silenced a bit when her voice came ringing into the whole auditorium. Her voice quivered.
"This song I'll sing was composed by a…"
She was finding the right words to suit her sentence. For at that moment… even Webster couldn't define the way her heart beat.
The way and what she felt that very moment.
She was a nearly a broken glass trying to pieced together.
"…person close to my heart. And I know he isn't here right now. For what reason? I do not know."
Quietness spread all over the auditorium.
"We've been together for years and I dedicate this song to him…that I hope he looks my way."
Blood rush slowing down even more.
Music.
The piano came to life. But not as lively as Eriol's hand moved it with.
She stole a glance on who the pianist was…
Black hair, green eyes.
Nathan Wood.
Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I stay up and think of you
And I wish on a star
That somewhere you are thinking of me too…
Where are you Eriol?
Are you thinking of me?
Cause I'm dreaming of you tonight
Till tomorrow I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Than here in my room dreaming about you and me
I hope I was in your arms right now.
I do hope my wish comes true.
Wonder if you
ever see me and
I wonder if you know I'm there
If you looked in my eyes
Would you see what's inside would you even care
But do you look at me?
Do you look my way?
Do you see how my eyes weep?
Do you care?
Are you that oblivious?
Naïve?
I just wanna hold
you close but so far
All I have are dreams of you
So I wait for the day (wait for the day)
And the courage to say
How much I love you (yes I do)
I'll be dreaming
of you tonight
Till tomorrow I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world that I'd rather be
Than here in my room dreaming about you and me
She was singing with all her might. Everyone was listening to her sad voice. Some were moved. Some cried.
And there she was… covering up her pain with the song and her voice. Eriol wasn't there like what he had promised. Like what he had all promised… all were broken. Just like her heart.
Ahh ahh
Her gaze fell upon the audience.
From left.
Then right.
Looking.
And she stopped her gaze at the end of the aisle.
I can't stop dreaming of you
The boy that made her heart beat twice in a second.
The boy who had been there when she needs him.
The boy that made her cry.
The boy that was making her tears fall uncontrollably that very minute.
I can't stop dreaming…
Eriol Hiiragizawa was standing staring at her but she couldn't make out if he had a smile. And he was with Anya Makoto. The only girl that stole his heart. The only girl he loved. The only girl she couldn't compete with. The girl of her nightmares. There she stood. Clutching her dearest by the arm. And there he stood. Eyes on her but hands on Anya.
I can't stop…
…crying?
Why is my voice quivering?
Why am I singing out of tune?
She clutched the microphone tight. Some of the audience, gasping and standing to see why she had stopped whilst the piano continued.
…Dreaming of you…
Tomoyo couldn't contain it anymore. She fled out of the stage wiping her tears. Not caring if she had finished the song. Not caring of her smudged make-up. Not caring if Nathan stood in surprise. Not caring if Eriol was staring with Anya in disbelief. She ran and ran out.
To hell with shame. She doesn't care anymore.
To hell with her reputation. She couldn't even show a face now.
To hell with love.
Late at night when all the world is sleeping…
The road to nowhere was endless. She ran out finally out of the exit, knowing somebody was following her closely.
I stay up and think of you…
Why do you hunt me Eriol?
Why are can't you leave me alone in my dreams?
She halted when a hand stopped her.
"Tomoyo."
She just glared at the person in front of her.
"What do you want Hiiragizawa?"
Eriol's insides ached as she addressed him differently. Her eyes were now of a slight shade of red. A glare was what he received.
"I want you to explain why you left the audience hanging on there."
"And tell me why."
She paused crying her heart out.
"Tell me why you didn't come on time. Tell me why you made me stupid on stage"
"Okay, if that's what's wrong. I'll explain. I had to fetch Anya but on the way our car broke down. I'm sorry if I wasn't able to make it Tomoyo. You performed well, you aren't stupid."
He walked towards her wiping away her tears with the back of his hand. But Tomoyo was quick and she pushed him aside, letting her back face him.
"Leave me alone."
She started walking slowly to avoid his gaze. He followed her footsteps.
"I-I do not understand." He said confused.
"You will never."
Eriol was sure he was sorry but seeing Tomoyo acting weird like this…
"Why? Why would I never? For god's sake Tomoyo! What the hell is wrong with you? You aren't the Tomoyo I knew!"
Tomoyo stopped.
"Yes. I am not the Tomoyo you knew… the happy, jolly Tomoyo Daidouji you knew. For I have changed so badly Eriol."
She emitted a pained smile. A pained mocking smile. But her smile turned to a frown afterwards.
"Care to guess why?"
Tears flowed.
"Because you were not there. You didn't care for me. You didn't stop my tears when they fall. You didn't see if I'm okay. Do you get that Eriol?"
Her voice was higher now.
"Do YOU get that? I do not know why life had been too rude. First I had Sakura-chan yet she broke my heart. I cried endlessly thinking there was no hope. But you came to picture and gave me faith believing I could reach heaven with you."
Eriol froze staring at her. Her words where like glaciers. Cold but piercing. Such an angel before him was weaving out words like a desperate poet. One cannot contain such emotion that she holds.
"But I was wrong. Dead wrong. My life became hell. I gain everything but lose all of that in the end. Tell me why Eriol? Why do I have to experience pain all my life? Why do I have to be so unlucky?"
Eriol caught her in an embrace and rubbed her back.
"It's okay Tomoyo. I'm here now. I'll never leave you. I am the luckiest man for having you. You are not unlucky."
He thought of everything he wanted to tell her…
She never wanted to pull apart from him. He seemed so warm and that was all she needed. To be noticed by the ever naïve Eriol. But pride ruled and bitterness won her over. She pushed him aside. Eyes as heavy as ever.
"You'll never leave me? So many people have said that Eriol. But what happens? I get left alone. Sakura once said that and now you. You, Eriol! You have told me once that you won't leave me but you did it. You have Anya now. You left me."
"No. I didn't leave you Tomoyo. Anya may be my girlfriend but you are still my best friend you are far more special to me than anything else."
Eriol argued.
"Best friend? Yes. Only your best friend. Nothing more. I don't know why I was such a jerk. I don't know why I ended up being with you. I don't know how you can be so naïve Eriol…so unknowing. You were known to be great but I don't know why I hate you so much right now…"
The wind gushed as she paused for a moment. Stares being exchanged.
Hate.
She hates me.
"You don't know what hell I have been through. You don't know that I suffered and cried. You don't know I pained to see you and Anya together. How I loathed seeing you hold her hand rather than mine. Be with her rather than me. How I loathed myself for not being her. Can you now see it all Eriol? Do you now UNDERSTAND?"
She slightly punched her fist against his chest. She was screaming every word on the top of her lungs in between sobs. She didn't care if the whole world will hear her. What matters is she must tell it now. Not tomorrow, not the next day after tomorrow.
Now.
"Do you now understand what hurt it is to love? And not to be loved in return? Do you now understand how destiny can pain you? Do you now understand that I have fallen in love? Not to anyone else Eriol…"
A tear streaked from Eriol's face. He can't stand seeing her like this. And he was expecting this for a long time…
How he wished things weren't these harsh than he expected it all to be…
And I still can't believe that you came up to me and said I love you…
"But you."