chapter 11- guilt
EPOV
the guilt of hurting bella so much that she wouldn't even talk to me was eating me alive, i had hurt so badly, that she wouldn't even let me apologize and help her out. leaving her is the worst thing i have ever done in my 107 years old life, i should have never left especially since all she had done was show me love and selfless-ness along with understanding, yet she was so stubbon, i still can't believe that she had believed me so easierly that day in the forest, i mean i had told bella every day that i loved her and the she was so utterly beautiful and yet she hadnt seen through my lies she thought that i had been lying to her all along that i never loved. she did tell me once that i should be dating someone prettier than her, but i always told her that she was the girl to me. i guess i was going to have to try harder to get her back, and i knew i was going to earn her trust back first.
BPOV
i had been sitting here for around 3 hours i think, i was thinking about the possibilties of me getting away from the cullens and going off on my own but i knew they would stop me somehow, and with alice in the house she would know when i was trying to wscape as i would have to plan every little detail, damn alice and her powers i wish her powers didn't see me like how edward can't read my mind, this is so hard damn it, damn it damn it, why did i have to fall for bloody edward cullen in high school i mean he never even loved me it was all a lie, all of it, every word ever spoken about mine and edwards love the people who were actually telling the truth were the bitches who wanted him like every other girl in the school, lauren and jessica, they had been so right about edward he was just toying with me all this time he never really cared, never, this is what i get for giving away my heart so easierly, how could i have been so naive, even though my mum always called me an old soul born young, i didn't belong with edward or any of the cullens i deserved to die not to be saved why didn't they let me die. bloddy hell i want to die. i really wish i would just die, give up, i should have planned my death earlier then when i did and i should have put it into action quicker rather then holding back like i did, i shouldn't have trashed their house i should have just done not given alice time to come and save me.
I ISABELLA MARIE SWAN WISH TO DIE!
APOV
i keep on getting vision of bella wanting to kill her self trying every little thing possible, jumping of cliffs, sinking to the bottom of the ocean, but never going to the wolturi so i had best warn ther rest of the family not to mention the volturi, i sent a thought to edward telling him then i texted the rest of the family, i heard carlisle moving around in his office i realised he was taking down the portiart of them and hiding it some where bella probably wouldn't find, i just hopw that we could help bella stop wanting to kill herself before she hears about the volturi, because when she does she is going to go to them i know she will, if she is this keen to kill herself she will go there and ask for death, and no one bets against me. EVER.