Part 6
Lyrics in this part come from the songs "In Loving Memory" by Alter Bridge and "One Sweet Day" by Mariah Carey and Boyz 2 Men.
Joss gently knocked on the door to Kelly's pub room, receiving only a teary mumble of "Piss off, Joss" as a reply.
He knocked again. "Kel," he called softly, "it's me. Open the door, please."
Finally, when he received no response a second time, he invited himself inside, where he could see Kelly curled up into a ball on her bed, cuddling her pillow tightly to her chest. He crossed the distance to her bed quickly, sitting down beside her. He gently rubbed her hand, the touch enough to soothe Kelly's sobs just slightly.
As he closed his eyes, taking in everything that had happened in the last couple of days, he could hear Kelly singing some lullaby he'd long forgotten under her breath, and probably out of key as well. He still found himself singing it too however, suddenly realising just what Kelly wanted.
Still singing the lullaby gently, he lay down beside her, pulling her into his arms and holding her to him. She didn't fight him; instead, she seemed to curl up into his arms. They both needed the security to know that the other was there, even when their mentor wasn't. And they both wanted to believe that somehow everything would be alright again.
And I know
You're a part of me
And I miss your song
That sets me free
I sing it while
I feel I can't hold on
I sing tonight
Because it comforts me
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Amy stepped out of her Vee Dub, wearing her best black suit and hair pulled back off her face in a ponytail. She looked around at the other people amassed outside the church, surprised at the overwhelming number of formal police uniforms. It seemed that, no matter how many toes Tom Croydon had stepped on over recent years, he was still someone that everyone loved.
She scanned the crowd, desperately seeking out PJ. Finally she found him standing off to one side, talking to a grey-faced Nick Schultz who had a woman – his wife, presumedly – at his side. Amy approached the small group, causing PJ to immediately brighten at the sight of her.
"Amez!" he called to her. "I was beginning to think you weren't coming."
Amy pushed a strand of dark hair behind her ear, ignoring Nick's whispered conversation with his wife. "I had to find a good suit."
PJ motioned over to Nick's wife. "Amy, you haven't met Zoe Hamilton yet, have you? Nick's wife. Zoe, this is Senior Detective Amy Fox."
Zoe extended a hand to Amy's, forcing a smile as they shook hands. "Nick's told me about you. Hope you're giving PJ here a good run for his money."
"Yeah, she is," PJ added with as best a laugh that he could manage, "when she's not working in Homicide, anyway."
Nick rose an eyebrow. "Homicide, eh?" he asked, "well, Amy Fox, dear, it seems you've been hiding things from me."
The group turned to see Inspector Monica Draper approaching them, motioning in towards the church. "They're starting soon. You might want to come inside."
Amy, PJ, Nick and Zoe nodded as Monica turned and left them standing alone, watching as some of the large group started moving into the church.
"I suppose we should go inside," PJ suggested, receiving nods from the others in response. Nick pulled Zoe close as they rejoined the main group, while PJ reached out, gently taking Amy's hand. Much to his surprise, she didn't pull away.
Instead, she squeezed him back. PJ found himself smiling weakly. It seemed that after two and a half years, the trust that had been destroyed was finally coming back.
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Susie slipped in beside Alex, wringing an old faded hankie that some kind officer outside had given her in her hands. He shifted over to the edge of the pew, still unsure of how to react to Susie after their less than positive run-ins yesterday.
He looked back behind him, scanning the crowded church. "I don't think Jonesy and Tess are coming," he observed, "must have done the smart thing and stayed away."
Susie turned to gaze over the crowd, silently conceding that Alex was right. There was no sign of Jonesy or Tess. Yet, as much as she hated Jonesy at times, she had sort of hoped that he'd come, if only to prove to her that he still had a heart, that maybe, he still looked back on Mt. Thomas and thought of the good times. Or even just showed up to say goodbye to the Boss.
"Yeah…must have…" Susie agreed quietly, not quite sure if she was happy about that or not.
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Joss wrapped his arms tighter around Kelly as they sat down on the empty space that someone had saved for them at the front of the church. He gently rubbed her, holding her tightly to him.
"They never got back to me," Kelly whispered quietly, "after everything, Susan and Anna never got back to me." She looked up to him pleadingly. "They're not coming, are they?"
He looked down at her, his eyes shining as Kelly began to cry quietly. He glanced around the church desperately, hoping that somewhere, amongst the mourners, were Tom's daughters. It would break Kelly's heart if they hadn't come.
Then, suddenly, two female figures and two children appeared in the doorway, all of them keeping to the back of the church, none of them looking at all comfortable. It was Susan and Anna and Tom's grandchildren.
Joss couldn't help the excited yelp that escaped him. He elbowed Kelly pointing around at the back of the church. "It's Susan and Anna!" he said excitedly. "They came, Kel, they came!"
Kelly jumped to her feet, her eyes jumping to the figures hiding at the back. She sat back down beside Joss, curling closer to him. "They came, Joss," she managed, her voice little more than a whisper, "they came."
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"Tom Croydon," Chris began, her voice shaky and croaky, "you didn't always agree with him. There were times when you just wanted to strangle him because he was being so damn stubborn but…love him or hate him, you had to respect him."
The people gathered in the church pews all nodded in agreement with Chris' statement. PJ, Amy, Nick and Zoe all gathered at one edge of the front, eyes occasionally travelling from Chris over to the solid oak coffin sitting in the centre of the church, decorated in such a way that would make Tom proud. An Australian flag had been draped over the coffin, exposing enough of the lid to show a silver plague with 'Tom Croydon' engraved in it. Several wreaths of flowers had been laid out, most from his colleagues in Mt. Thomas. His police hat sat in pride of place at the front of the coffin for all to see, with a picture of Tom dressed in his formal uniform placed behind.
Kelly turned to bury her head in Joss' shoulder, clinging to his arm tightly. Even after all of the rivalry and all of the arguing, in the end, they needed each other. While it was Kelly crying into his shoulder, he still needed her to hold to him.
Mark sat further back in the church, surrounded by strangers. He had tried to convince Penny to come, but she had refused, claiming that she had something already planned and couldn't possibly come to say goodbye to a man she had never met, but had been such a big part of life in Mt. Thomas.
Susie lowered her head thoughtfully, closing her eyes as she reflected back. Alex glanced over to her, noticing that the hankie in her hands was well and truly soaked. He dug through his pockets until he found one of his own and handed it over to her, causing her to force a weak smile for his sake and mouth a word of thanks to him. The acknowledgement of their friendship was nice, to say the least.
Chris mopped at her tears with a tissue from the box that someone had thoughtfully placed at the lectern and looked over the sea of colleagues, friends and family of Tom Croydon. She didn't look down at her notes for this. "Tom never let us get too preoccupied with anything that ever went wrong. Whenever it looked like we were going to get too emotional about something, he was always there with a friendly hug or to remind us that justice had to be found. He got us through the hard times, our Tom."
PJ bowed his head, casting a sideways glance over to Nick, whose mind had obviously begun to drift at Chris' words. He knew that his old friend could only be thinking of Wayne's death nearly twelve years ago. Not much further away, he could see Susie pressing her fingers to her lips as what were most likely thoughts of Jo and the bombing came to mind. PJ tore his gaze away from the two and looked back into his lap, while his thoughts drifted to Maggie Doyle and the way Tom had helped him to cope with her death.
And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
"Tom," Chris continued, "he wasn't just another copper killed. He was a brilliant officer who should have had another ten, twenty maybe even thirty years ahead of him to see his grandkids grow up and see his police team grow. He is one of the hundreds of officers who have given their lives for this job. We can't forget what he gave this community. There'll be a new Senior Sergeant who'll probably lead the coppers to bigger and greater things, but there'll never be another Tom Croydon. He was one in a million."
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Kelly approached the lectern, her heart pounding in her chest. The other officers all watched her with sympathy shining in their eyes. They knew she wasn't just another one of the officers that had been guided by Tom over the years or just a good friend. She was both, and so much more. She was almost more like a daughter to him than his own because, no matter how much of a jerk Tom acted over the last few years, she never once lost faith in him.
"I remember when my dad was killed fourteen years ago," Kelly reminisced quietly, shuffling her feet awkwardly and struggling to keep her gaze out amongst the group of people sitting before her, each one silently probing her to continue. "A couple of his colleagues had just told us what happened and we couldn't believe it. Then, just minutes after they'd left, Uncle Tom invited himself into our house and pulled us into his arms and just held us while we cried. He always knew how to make me feel like everything was possible."
Never had I imagined
Living without your smile
Feeling and knowing you hear me
It keeps me alive
"He was always like a dad to me," Kelly managed through the tears that were threatening to overwhelm her, "you know, it was never like he was trying to replace my dad, but he was just…there for me."
Several members of the group nodded in agreement with Kelly's words. Amy looked over to PJ, gently taking his hand. He looked over to her and smiled gently. Susie used Alex's hankie to once again dab her eyes while he watched on with concern. Joss sat back in the pew, eyes filling with tears as Kelly spoke while Mark sat forward, trying to keep his face dry and steely cold like the other officers surrounding him. He didn't think he had quite the right to cry as the others.
Kelly pressed her fingers to her mouth as she struggled to find the strength to keep going, but eventually found that there was nothing more to say. She mumbled an apology to the crowd and hurried back to her pew, letting Joss pull her close.
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Amy and PJ led the other Mt. Thomas officers and Nick out of the church into the hot rush of sunlight and the warm breeze outside. Such a stark opposite to the cold, mournful ambience inside. Behind them, Kelly and Joss was walking out, hands intertwined followed by Susie and Alex keeping to themselves and Mark and Nick bringing up the rear. Outside the church doors, they formed two lines – a guard of honour for the man who had led their team for so long. Amy, PJ, Nick and Mark stood on one side, while Susie, Alex, Kelly and Joss formed a row opposite.
Through the open doors came several officers, carrying Tom's coffin on their shoulders. As they passed, each officer rose their hands to their forehead in a final salute to the man who had changed all of their lives. Tears filled their eyes, even those of Mark and Nick, who had remained the most composed for the entire morning.
Although the sun will never shine the same again
I'll always look to a brighter day
Lord I know when I lay me down to sleep
You will always listen as I pray
The uniformed officers continued carrying the coffin, probably off to the burial site. The salutes finally came down, as the officers joined together, watching in silence while others began to emerge from the church.
Finally, Zoe approached Nick, clinging to his arm tightly. The others watched as she buried her face in the arm of the man she loved, causing him to turn and pull her close in his arms.
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Kelly began to move off to the burial site, Joss being towed along behind her. A quiet voice called out to her. "Kelly?"
She spun to see Susan and Anna standing behind her, eyes shining with tears. Daisy and Sam stood behind their mother, both looking teary and very upset.
"You came," Kelly managed with one of the first genuine smiles that Joss had seen on her face in the last few days.
"Do you mind if we…come to the burial?" Susan asked softly, her voice quavering. Kelly's earlier contempt with them instantly softened. Suddenly, the anger that had mounted vanished. They did miss their father.
"Yeah," Kelly said with a nod, "Uncle Tom would like that."
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PJ approached Amy, causing her to turn and face him with teary eyes. She looked up at him with a pleading expression on her face, the epitome of distress that he remembered well from her second-last night in town. He reached out tentatively, taking her hand and rubbing it gently with his thumb. A weak smile appeared on her lips.
"I didn't think it would be that hard," Amy whispered quietly, "I've been to police funerals before…normally it doesn't hurt that much." She looked away, fixing her gaze on Kelly and Joss, who were now joined by Tom's daughters and grandchildren as they headed off to the burial.
PJ followed Amy's gaze to the six figures disappearing around the back of the church. "It's always harder when it's someone you love." He rubbed Amy's hand again thoughtfully, trying to ignore the temptation to wrap her in his arms as he once would have done. "You know, I don't think any of us should be alone tonight."
Amy looked up to him and laughed weakly. "What exactly are you trying to say here, PJ?"
"Well…since Alex moved in with Susie, I've got two spare rooms and a mortgage." He looked at her pointedly. "You could always move in. Beats the pub."
Amy nodded. "Yeah…that sounds good." She paused, shaking her head in disbelief. "He's really gone, PJ," she whispered quietly, "how the hell are we going to cope with this? How the hell are we going to keep going now?"
PJ smiled at her, causing her heart to skip a beat. "We'll do it the way we always have, Amy," he told her gently, "our way."
He gave her hand one last gentle rub before moving off, probably to bid Nick and Zoe farewell, leaving Amy standing alone in the crowd, tears in her eyes. It was really over. The Tom Croydon era in Mt. Thomas had been closed. The torch had now been officially passed onto the next generation. It was their job to carry on Tom Croydon's legacy. And they'd do it their way.
Thanks for all you've done
I've missed you for so long
I can't believe you're gone