Author's Note: For whatever reason, this chapter showed up yesterday, with only half of it there! Augh! Much to my horror, I might add. Then, the site was down for me this morning. So, the long and short of it is... reread the chapter. Most likely you've missed half the story! Sorry!
Chapter 11
As soon as we start back towards the living quarters, Gale and I both realize that it's way too early to bother Haymitch. Most likely, he's drunk himself into oblivion and we'd be wasting our time to try and wake him out of it. Plus, the possible sight of seeing Haymitch in his pajamas makes my stomach lurch. Better to wait a few hours.
We decide to head to the cafeteria, in hopes that the doors will be open for breakfast. Thankfully, when we arrive, the lights are on and breakfast is laid out. The buffet tables are filled to the brim with fresh fruit and cereals, and it looks like the ladies behind the counter have eggs and sausage to serve. Hardly anyone else is here at this hour, so it feels like we have the place to ourselves. "Here, catch!" I playfully throw a blackberry towards Gale, and he has just enough time to look up and leap to the left to catch it in his mouth. I'm always amazed at how swiftly his body can move, and it brings a smile to my face. Next, he throws a cinnamon roll at me, and as I lunge forward to catch it, I accidently knock over a basket of grapes. The cafeteria help is looking at us now, with scowls on their faces. But Gale and I are both laughing hysterically, trying to pick up the grapes that have managed to roll all over the place. This is how it used to be, when we were at ease in each other's company. "It's good to laugh again," I think.
We find a table in a far corner and start digging in. I'm hallway through my plate of scrambled eggs when Gale clears his throat, and pushes his own plate away. "Katniss. I need to tell you something." Gale's voice is soft, and as I look up at him, he shifts his focus to his own plate of eggs, which look untouched. "I wasn't fair to you, after the Games. I realize now that I was asking for too much from you when you weren't ready." That I couldn't agree with more. I watch him, waiting for him to go on. Silence. Am I supposed to say something here?
"Okay." I manage to get the words out, thinking he's going to say more. But, still he sits there, watching the eggs.
"I don't know why I acted that way. I was just... I was thinking of you and me, and about all of our time spent together hunting. We were good hunting partners." I nod my head in agreement. He was the best hunting partner, and I've missed having him by my side in the woods. "Then, you left for the games. And while you were... saving Peeta, I was with your mom and Prim, watching it happen on the t.v. back home." My chest tightens. I want to tell him how I know that must have been hurtful. I still remember thinking about the phantom girl, and how much I hated her for kissing Gale. But, that wasn't one of my proudest moments, so I keep it to myself.
"I was mad at you and I hated Peeta. It wasn't your fault, I see that now. But, knowing you were going to have a life with Peeta, it just... it wasn't fair." His face is turned away from me, I wish he would look at me. A well of emotions is making it's way up my throat now, and my inmost being wants to scream out "I know! It wasn't fair! Not to anyone!" but instead I just sit there, watching him, biting my lip while I try to think of the right thing to say. "Katniss, I never knew how much I cared about you, until you were gone. And then it was too late."
I turn his face towards mine and I look into those gray eyes, ones that are spilling forth with sadness. And my heart breaks. "I never knew how much you were to me either Gale. When I first left for the Games, it was all I could do to not think of you and of home. How I might never see you again." I can't stop the tears now, they just keep piling up on top of each other. "And you'll never know how happy I was when I realized that, after we won the Games, I was getting the chance to come back." It's true. Whatever I felt for Peeta during our time in the arena was all but wiped away on the trip back to District 12.
"But what about now, Katniss?" his voice has become a little louder, and I'm thankful there aren't very many people in here to overhear us. "I watched the Quell Games. It was different, the way you looked at Peeta, how you were doing everything you could to protect him. How you're still trying to protect him." Peeta is my friend, of course I'm going to try and save him. There have been way too many lives lost due to my handiwork. He goes on, "But, there was more to it this time than survival." Was there? All of our emotions were running so high. I was thinking about facing my own death, while trying to keep Peeta alive, that there was no room in my mind for anything else. If that isn't about survival, then what is? Suddenly, this whole conversation doesn't seem fair to me. My whole relationship, if that's what you can call it, with Peeta had been manipulated by the Capitol from the very beginning. Gale knows that! Why is he pushing this now, when he knows that we have no choice but to go back into the Capitol to rescue him?
"Katniss, I saw how you reacted when Peeta hit the force field. I watched the way that you kissed him on the beach. It was so, it was... real. I wanted that for myself. But, I don't think that can happen now, because I think... I'm pretty sure you love him." I do? Because, according to Peeta, I love Gale. He told me as much when he showed me the mockingjay locket that hung around his neck. And yet, here I am, still not really knowing what I think about either of them! This whole conversation, about what I am supposedly feeling or not feeling, is making me furious. My hands are shaking and I drop my fork onto my plate of food. I've lost my appetite. I shove the plate away from me, ready to get up and storm out of here. But, before I can go, Gale softens his voice again. "Sit down, please. I want to finish what I have to say. This has been a long time coming." I knew that this discussion was going to happen at some point, but I was totally unprepared for it to happen now.
"Gale... don't. I can't do this right now," I say. And it's true. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to continue with this conversation.
Gale takes my hands in his, and I close my eyes, to try and shut out the words that I'm afraid are coming next. "I will always have a place for you in my heart Katniss. You know everything about me, and the time we've spent together...it can never be replaced." I open my eyes to watch as a single tear forms at the corner of Gale's eye and then, like a drop of rain, races down his cheek and falls to the table. "I want us to be friends again, to try and fix everything that has broken between us. To me, your friendship is enough." My own tears are rapidly falling now and my throat is tight. I want to be friends with him again, it's what I've been longing for ever since I came home from the Games. This should make me happy. Instead, I feel miserable. Of course we can make our friendship work. It's just the thought that I might be missing out on a future with Gale, it won't leave me. He has me pulled into his arms now, giving me a reassuring squeeze, just as loud hiccup escapes me. It's funny and devastating, all at the same time.
We're still standing that way when a voice comes from behind me, saying, "Are you the ones that spilled all the grapes earlier? Because I had to give the old, hunched over lunch lady a kiss, just to get some back on the table." Finnick is eyeing our plates of fruit, overflowing with the grapes we spilled on the floor earlier, in mock disapproval. I let out a small laugh, wondering if it was Greasy Sae he had to sweeten up. I wipe away my tears and Gale and I sit back down, with Finnick joining us. Although I haven't quite recovered my appetite, I finish the cold eggs because it seems wasteful to throw them out. Gale, on the other hand, has abandoned his breakfast and started to inform Finnick of our plan to get into the Capitol. I listen to them talk, wondering at the same time if I can really pull off being interviewed by Heavensbee without Peeta by my side. He was always so comfortable in front of the cameras whereas I would have rather been faced with a raging muttation than be on the screen. Especially by myself. I shake my head to clear it, thinking that if everything goes well, they won't even have to air that interview. It's main purpose is just for a distraction to Coin after all.
When Finnick and Gale have finished their conversation, we all agree that it's time for someone to go and wake up Haymitch, to inform him of our plan so that he can talk to Coin. We decide the only fair way is to draw straws. Of course, the odds never seem to be in my favor, and I end up drawing the shortest straw. I swing my legs off the bench and head off towards the apartments to find Haymitch, hoping that he isn't covered in vile stench.
I find his door unlocked and help myself in. He's sprawled out on the bed, looking dead to the world. I wait a few seconds, just to make sure he's still breathing, before I head over to the sink and fill up a glass with cold water. We've only been in District 13 a little over a week, but his apartment is already disgusting. I step over piles of dirty clothes and patches of dried liquid to get back to the bed. I do my trademark wake-up call and empty the entire contents of the glass on his face. Just as I thought, he flings himself upwards in bed, muttering a string of obscenities before he sees me off to the side. "Rise and shine, sweetheart" my voice rings out as throw some clothes that seem clean to him . "We've got a big, big, big day ahead of us. You have to go and convince Coin and Heavensbee of our plan to break into the Capitol." Haymitch is up and drying off his face, telling me to get out of here, but I don't budge.
"What brilliant idea did you come up? Are we going to dress you up like a Mockingjay and hope you can fly into the Capitol?"
"Close guess, but not quite. I'm going to let Heavensbee interview me in District 1 and he's going to cover for us until we can get into the Capitol and out again." I can't help but smirk, thinking the plan is really going to work. "I need you to get my prep team to meet us there too. They're going to have to help us."
I'm waiting for Haymitch to applaud me for actually being able to make a plan, but instead he just laughs. "You'll never be able to pull it off. Not without the boy right beside you. The only time you've shown any personality in front of an audience is when you're about to kill someone." Well, okay, that's somewhat true. But, the whole interview is just a guise, so it won't matter if it's awful. Nobody is ever going to see it. "It's not going to be a real interview. We're just going to tell Coin that we're filming, that it's going to take a few days to get the footage we need. When, in reality, it's only going to take an hour or so to film something. In that time, we'll already be in the Capitol. There's nothing she can do if we're already in."
"Nothing but bomb the hell out of the place. Not to mention possibly punish the people that she thinks helped you. The Rebellion is close to capturing District 2. You're going to have to make it real, sweetheart. Otherwise, it's not going to work." Haymitch makes a good point. I hadn't thought about what would exactly happen if she did find out that we were going against her orders.
"Fine. I'll do it. I can be charming, if I really try. The people in the Capitol liked me. And, the people in the Districts with the uprisings, they seemed to think I was okay." Haymitch just rolls his eyes at me, and tells me to get out. He's going to talk to Heavensbee and see if it's even a possibility for us to get to District 1. After that, then they'll make the pitch to Coin. I thank him over and over again for at least trying to see if this plan will work, but he just slams the door in my face.
Once again, I find myself with nothing to do and nowhere to go. I wander over to door number 74 and knock. I don't even have a key to get into the apartment where my family is. Prim opens the door and lets me in. Her and mother are just getting ready to leave for breakfast and ask me to join them, but I tell them I've already eaten. And, since sleep wouldn't come last night, I'm feeling tired now. After they leave, I fling myself down on the bed that is mine and stare at the white ceiling. I can't wait to get out of District 13. I close my eyes and try to clear my mind of being in front of a camera crew again.
When I awake, it's to a knock on the apartment door. I have no idea how long I've been asleep, but it was long enough to leave deep sleep marks on the side of my face. I notice a drool spot on my pillow. Nice. When I open the door, Finnick is standing there, popping blueberries in his mouth. "You wanna be the blue in my berry?" he purrs out. I groan at his one liners, they are so pathetic. "Care if I come in?" he asks, but he's already moving past me, so I close the door behind us. "What's up, Finnick?" I ask. He apparently has some reason to be here, bothering me. "You missed lunch. Just checking on you." I missed lunch? "What time is it?" I ask, almost in a panic. I don't have time to sleep away, not when we need to prepare for our mission.
"Afternoon. Don't worry, the cafeteria is still open." He's smiling at me now, and I know he's making fun of me. "Thought you'd want to know that we've got the okay to leave for District 1 tonight." We did? "That's great! When are we leaving? Now? Why didn't you come get me earlier?" My voice is reverberating against the walls, I can't hide my excitement. "The Rebellion thinks it's safest to fly at night, and we're leaving tonight. Gale's going to come get you at dusk. You need to go see Beetee before we leave, he has a few things for you. And, Katniss, you can't tell your mom or sister what you're doing, just in case." I had already figured as much. My heart is pounding in my chest. I've never been so anxious to go to the Capitol before.
Finnick walks me down to Weapons Development and through the security. Beetee meets us inside and ushers us down the corridor marked "Development and Research" and into a little room that I assume is his office. He thrusts a simple looking bow into my hands, one that is very similar to my own that I used in the woods of District 12. "Looking at it, you wouldn't think it's much. I thought you might be more comfortable with a design similar to the one you had at home. But, wait till you try it out." My fingers slide over the sleek surface, and the string which looks like a thin hair of gold. I pull at it, instantly feeling that it's tension is stronger than I had anticipated. "I invented the stringing, you know. It's made to sense what the person holding the weapon wants to hit. And, it has pinpoint accuracy." Next he hands me a quiver of arrows, which all look individually unique. "You will find that these are not just ordinary arrows, Katniss. They each have a will of their own, you could say. You'll have to try them out to see for yourself what I mean." I can't wait, just point me to the targets. Instead, Beetee has me moving onto the next set of gadgets he's designed. Some type of fire retardant in a little can that puts out blazes by sucking all the oxygen out of the room. "Just in case you become the girl on fire again," he says. I pause, remembering Peeta and I in our flaming costumes before the Capitol crowd. It seems like such a long time ago. He goes on and on, showing me little things that I'll carry in my backpack. Then, finally, he hands me some type of military outfit, similar to what I'd seen Coin in. He tells me to go try it on quick, but not to push any buttons until I come back out. So I duck into the restroom outside his office and change. When I look in the mirror, my image takes me aback. There stands a girl, thin and pale, with dark circles under her eyes. She has on a fitted top and pants, made of some type of stretchy material. There are buttons on my collar, but I don't push them for fear of what might happen. I walk back into his office and Finnick lets out a whistle. I shoot him daggers, but Beetee just says, "Very well then. Let's have a try." And, with the push of a button near my collar, some type of skin-like flap folds out of my shirt under my armpits. "Want to take it for a test spin?" Beetee is asking me. I have no idea what he is talking about. He tells me to bring along my bow and arrows.
The next thing I know, we're out in a big room with a sign labeling it "Testing." Beetee tells me to climb to the top of a tower that is constructed in the middle of the room. I'm not so sure about this. Finnick taunts me, "You scared of heights?" No, I've never been afraid of heights. It's just, I'm worried about what Beetee wants me to do when I get to the top. I start climbing stairs. When I get to the top and look down, I realize I must be a good 100 feet in the air. I take a gulp when I hear what Beetee says next. "Jump Katniss! Spread out your wings and fly, I think it should work!" He thinks it should work? There is no way I'm jumping off this thing. But, before I can turn around, I feel Finnick giving me a big push off the landing. I've lost my balance and find myself hurtling towards the ground. "Spread out your arms! Now! Right now!" I hear Beetee screaming at me. My stomach is in my throat and I've shut my eyes to block out the impact of my body as it hits the floor. But, after a few seconds go by and my body hasn't broken into a thousand pieces, I open my eyes. I'm gliding around the room, the flaps are allowing me to sail above the ground. I try maneuvering myself in the air, tilting this way and that as I slowly circle down to Beetee. I am flying!
"That was amazing!" I exclaim when my feet hit the ground. Never before have I felt such a rush of adrenaline through my body. "Thank you. I'm pretty proud of it myself." Beetee smiles back to me. "You were the first to test it out, so I'm glad it worked!" I was the first to test it out? I think I might have to kill Finnick for pushing me off that landing. And, I'm beginning to think that behind the facade of a innocent looking old guy, Beetee is a madman. "In that case, I'm glad it worked too" I gulp.
"Next up, let's try out that bow and arrows." Beetee is directing me towards a large area with round black and white targets about 150 feet away from us. "I want you to try and hit the tiny speck of red in the center." He's asking me to find a needle in a haystack. I can't even make out the red speck from here. But, I position the bow against my body and take a deep breath. I try to steady my arms as I reach back and, without breathing, release the arrow. If effortlessly flies through the air, faster than any arrow I've ever seen before. It sticks to the target with a decisive "Thud!" and Beetee is running to the other end, flapping his arms up and down and jumping. "Great shot! Great shot!" But, this is how I truly know he is a madman. He takes Finnick, who is by his side running up towards me again, and places him about 50 feet away from me, directly between me and the target. He gives Finnick instructions to stay still and then yells at me, "Go ahead and shoot the target again!" He has to be out of his mind. I put the bow down by my side and yell back, "No way, Beetee! I'm going to kill him! I can't shoot the target with Finnick in the way!" But, instead, I see Beetee hurrying up towards me.
"Go ahead. Finnick will be fine, as long as he stays put. Just think about hitting the red speck in the middle. Tell yourself that the arrow is not going to hit Finnick. Then let it fly!" He is crazy. I'm sure of it. But now Finnick is yelling at me, "Just do it. Maybe next he'll let me throw a trident at you. It'll be fun." Beetee is waving his arms at me, urging me on. I know he's not going to let me go without killing Finnick first. Fine.
I steady the bow against my body. I tell myself, "Hit the target. Don't kill Finnick. Hit the target. Don't kill Finnick." I close my eyes and pull back on the arrow. Whoosh. I wait for the scream of pain from Finnick, but there isn't any. Instead, I hear the dull thud of the arrow sinking itself into the target. I open my eyes to Beetee jumping around like a little kid in a candy store. "What just happened?" I think to myself. I should have kept my eyes open. I ask Beetee if I can do it again, and he gives me a generous head shake. Finnick just rolls his eyes and yells out something obscene to me. I load the arrow into the bow again, repeat my thoughts about not killing Finnick, and watch as the arrow flies straight towards Finnick before making the slightest curvature around him, then keeping straight on with the target. It's astounding.
Before I can keep shooting, Finnick is striding towards me, telling me it's time to go. "I could stay here all day," I think. I cannot thank Beetee enough for all of the wonderful things he's managed to create for me. And, although he may be a madman, he's a genius inventor. "I need to get back to my room, to pack a few things before we leave. I'll see you later tonight." Finnick leaves me at the elevator to the living quarters. I suppose I need to pack a few things as well, but I don't even know what's in my room. Instead, I let my thoughts travel to what lies ahead of me. And, for maybe the first time ever, I'm beginning to think the odds are in my favor.