Hi again! I'm between jobs at the moment, and I don't think I'll ever have this much time to write again, sadly u.u so here's another chapter while I can provide them! Not a lot of Kurtbastian going on in this chapter and the next one, but plenty afterwards :3
P.s. I don't own Glee or Les chansons d'amour.
"Can I take this seat?"
Kurt looked up to meet Quinn's eyes. The cafeteria was less noisy than usual, as most of the students were in the halls, running through the stands of the Career Fair. He could not be less interested, though. Four years he had been at McKinley's, and you'd think they'd improve their fairs or something, but such was not the case. Every year was a lamer repetition of the year before, and he did not need any more stands or pamphlets to know his thing was fashion.
He nodded and made place for Quinn. None of them would normally eat inside, as it got very crowded, but with the rain and the fair, the cafeteria suddenly made for a pretty pleasant choice.
"I guess you're aware of how miserable you look, so I won't comment on that" the blonde said, which only made Kurt snorted bitterly, because she had just done that. "So let me ask instead… how was your weekend?"
Kurt shot her a pointed look.
"Kurt, you need to talk to someone, and seeing as you can only discuss this with me or Finn, I'd suggest you take your chances" she reasoned, then took a bite from a very sad carrot.
Kurt observed her. Only a few days ago, he would've considered Quinn the right (and maybe the only) person to talk to. She was more mature than the rest of the seniors, had endured more, and yet Kurt did not think anyone his age could have possibly experienced all the confusion and contradictions he was feeling because of Sebastian. It was not a silly, exciting crush anymore. It was all kinds of fucked up.
"I really can't, Quinn" he simply said, resigned. "Even if I wanted to, I don't think I could possibly conceal any of this in words, nor could anyone understand it."
Quinn bluntly snorted, which stringed a chord in Kurt. "You honestly think you're the first person to go through pain, Kurt? Confusion? Drama?"
"It's not that simple!" Kurt protested, aggravated. His shrillness caught the attention of the few peers sitting by the tables next to them, which reminded Kurt to calm down a bit. "Really, it's not. I've never, ever, been this confused in my entire life. Ever."
"Let's take a walk down the stands, Kurt" the blonde simply suggested, not affected in the slightest. She got up and made him a gesture, a gesture that said 'don't-fight-me-on-this'.
Reluctantly, Kurt got up and intertwined his arm with hers. No matter how much time he got to spend with Quinn over these years, whenever they walked together arm on arm down the halls, he couldn't help but feel sort of nervous that someone would look at them and think: What the hell is Fabray doing with that fagot?
But things were not that bad anymore. People did not pick at him that much since he was a senior. And also… well, Quinn was not the popular girl she used to be. Which seemed to be fine with her, finally.
"You think I could not possibly understand how you're feeling because I've only had sex once, right?" The girl suddenly prompted, taking Kurt aback.
"What- No! I've never said that" he defended.
"But you think so. You think you're the only one who finds sex confusing?" She asked, no malice, but pure inquisition on her eyes.
They were walking right by a group of sophomores, and there was a silence as Quinn made way for herself, all of them staring at her like lost puppies. Not because they had heard a word she said, but simply because the blonde was as pretty as ever.
"So what? You feel used? Disregarded? Objectified?" She kept asking, then stopped right on her tracks and shot the sophomores a cold glare. "Jeez. I've got no idea how that must feel like" she rolled her eyes.
Kurt looked at the sophomores again. This time, more carefully. He had always noticed the way people looked at Quinn, of course he had. But Kurt had always found it pretty stupid, and harmless. Like a boring dynamic that only fed her ego without further casualties. But now he looked harder. And he was shocked to find lust on some of the sophomores' eyes. Not even hidden, disgusting lust. His stomach twirled.
"I'm sorry-" he found himself saying, but had no time to further elaborate because now there were a couple of seniors just bluntly making obscene gestures between them as they checked out Quinn from head to toes. This time it angered him. Badly. "Those bastards!"
Quinn took a firm grip on his arm, asking him to stay right where he was and not to lose his temper. All of that with a grip and a look.
"And yeah" she continued and resumed their walking, "I only had sex once. But sex is not just the act, the- penetration, to be precise. Everything that led to that moment, and everything that followed… God, sometimes you'd think everything in this life is about sex" she sighed.
"Except sex" Kurt smiled sadly, "Woody Allen said that. Not that he's the best example."
"Let's focus on everything that followed my big moment" she smiled back, sarcastically. "You think that- even if I managed to find some enjoyment during it, the aftermaths wouldn't have tainted the memory for me forever?"
"Quinn..." Kurt breathed out, shaken. He had never seen this side of her. He felt so simple-minded. "That's… that must have been terrible."
"As if being a catholic wasn't enough, I not only had to deal with my own prejudices towards the act itself, but I've also been slut-shamed for it ever since. And what makes it worse is… I'm not even sure I liked it, Kurt" she said, her voice quite shaky now, quite blunt but scared. "It was painful, and awkward, and freaking dishonest, but somewhere along the- the interactions, the kisses, I… I enjoyed some of it. I thought: of course, it's pure physics, pure biology. Only human."
Kurt regarded her astonished, unsure of what to say. He had never given a thought or two to Quinn's story, to Quinn's one time. Suddenly he got the feeling she felt terribly lonely.
"But that's just it: I just think, I suppose I might've liked it" she paused, tiredly. "How could I know for sure? How could anyone, when there was so much more going on? How could I even be 100% sure that I really wanted it? What if… what if it got nothing to do with that? Nothing to do with biology? What if… it just got to do with self-esteem?"
Something broke inside Kurt when the blonde articulated that last sentence.
"I was such a kid, Kurt. I still am. But I had zero self-esteem. Zero" she emphasized. "So did I like it because it gave me physical pleasure, or did I like it because it made me feel wanted? Acknowledged?" She asked him, and for a moment there Kurt wondered if she actually wanted him to answer the question. "Does it matter, though?" She asked now, rhetorically, with a hint of bitterness on her tone. "I don't think I'll ever know" Quinn admitted, more to herself than to him. "The thing is sex is confusing, Kurt. So I get it."
Kurt's chest felt heavy. Really heavy. He related to Quinn more than he could have ever imagined.
"Do you think is the same for everybody?" He couldn't stop himself from asking.
Quinn shrugged. "I don't know. Don't think so. Just look at Puck" she gave him a sad smile.
They reached a bench at the end of the corridors, after dozens of stands, and sat down next to each other in silence.
"Thanks for telling me your story, Quinn" Kurt finally said, grabbing the blonde's hand and hiding it between his own. "It's not like- like I can truly get what you've gone through, but some of it… I do."
Quinn nodded, her eyes once wide opened and vibrant now heavy and tired. She rested her head on top of Kurt's shoulder, leaning on him. "Thank you for listening."
/
"What's with those three?" Santana asked as she placed a bowl of popcorn on her lap, cuddling right next to Brittany on the couch. "Could you please turn it up? I can't hear a thing over the Broadway weirdos."
Brittany shrugged, then held on tighter to her girlfriend. It felt so great to be with Brittany again. Nothing has ever felt as good for Santana. Not even her first love, a distant cousin she used to see every summer in Florida. Not even Julie when they first started sneaking on Sebastian, poor clueless fool. Not even when-
"Seriously, doesn't that annoy you?" Santana asked the blonde now, exasperated.
Brittany's little brother was singing his lungs out in what had to be the shrillest rendition of Rolling in the deep she had ever heard. What made it even worse was that his two other friends were shouting just as badly during the chorus, and this was the fourth song they sang on a row. Brittany simply got up and closed the door to the hall.
"There. Nothing's getting in the way of our Sanny-Brinny time now!" She grinned like a little kid.
Santana made a face. "Are they trying to kill someone or what?"
Brittany sighed. "No, I think they all just have their period" she chuckled. "It happens every so often."
"Including your brother?" Santana arched an eyebrow, amused.
"Specially him. Kurt's got two go-to songs: one's for heartaches and one's for diva time."
"And the one he's freaking yelling right now is…?"
"Can't you guess?" Brittany giggled. "Heartache, of course."
"What about the other two?" Santana asked, out of curiosity, "Are they a thing…?"
But Brittany was giving her a 'watch-it' look. Santana took a mouthful of popcorn, trying to appear uninterested and casual, but it might be too late. In fact, Brittany had caught her eye-fucking Quinn's features earlier in the kitchen, and it had taken about a dozen of kisses to calm her girlfriend down.
Santana had been unable to control herself, though. Quinn ought to be one of the most beautiful women she had ever met. The petite brunette that accompanied her was not that bad either, although she looked absolutely exhausting.
Brittany scoffed, dignified. "Okay, here's an idea: why don't you just join them?!"
Santana had to chuckle. "Brit, hun, don't be like that" she said, coming closer to kiss the blonde on the neck. Brittany shivered underneath her.
"I mean, aren't you curious?" Santana smirked. "I'm sure the blonde's got to at least play for both teams."
Brittany got somewhat serious then. "Why do you wanna know? You're with me, in case you've forgotten!" She defended. "I don't care how fun and generous Sebastian is- I'm simply not sharing you with anybody" she stated, her lip almost trembling while doing so. "I don't know how else to put it."
Santana was taken aback by the blonde's display of insecurity and possessiveness. Sometimes Brit made her regret ever telling her about the whole Sebastian-Julie ordeal. She was getting tired of justifying herself.
She stroked her girlfriend's cheek, though. "And I don't know how else to tell you is only you I need right now. You get that? Only you who makes me feel good."
Brittany nodded, somewhat unsure, and Santana sighed. It was like trying to reason with a little kid. Still, Santana was being quite honest: she needed Brittany right now. The only thing helping her through all the grief was the blonde's enormous heart, and she wasn't about to let that go.
"I think Quinn might be an unicorn too" Brittany conceded, probably trying to light the air. "We can go bother them a little, would you like that?" She side smiled, childishly.
"No, I wanna be with you right now" Santana said, sincerely, and searched for the other girl's lips. If only her kisses weren't so sweet… So careful, so sincere. Santana doubted anyone had ever kissed her with so much honesty.
The door suddenly opened and Brittany's freaking little brother came in carelessly, followed by the two girls into the kitchen. They didn't even spare them a look, nor feel remorse for interrupting them.
"For Christ's Sake..." Santana coursed, annoyed.
That caught Quinn's attention, who startled and mumbled a "sorry" and "Kurt, we should go".
Brittany was far from aggravated. She sat at the edge of the couch and regarded them excitedly. "Hey guys, were you rehearsing a number for Nationals?"
The little brunette snorted. "I wish. God help us we might sing anything other than Journey for the competition."
Kurt gave her an exasperated look. "At least you're getting your solo, as usual."
"Uh oh. Do I sense some tension?" Santana couldn't help but observe.
Kurt locked eyes with her then. The kid looked terrified, as if her sole presence scared him. Santana had noticed this earlier, but lately it seemed to have only gotten worse. She dammed herself – the last thing she wanted was to be on bad terms with anyone on Brit's close circle.
"It's called envy" the brunette diva told her, giving her a full-on annoying grin.
Santana winced. "It's called being an attention-whore."
Quinn and Kurt snorted and almost let out a chuckle, but the sound didn't go unnoticed by the annoying brunette.
"San" Brittany told her off, "what did I say about insulting strangers?" The blonde patronized her, making her feel like the little kid now. "Apologize to Rachel."
Santana gave her girlfriend a fake smile. "My sincere apologies, girl I don't give a crap about."
"Wow" Quinn said kind of lowly, then grabbed Rachel by the arm and took her to the kitchen before the brunette could get more upset.
Santana was about to chuckle when she got a glimpse of Kurt's uncomfortable gesture. Dammit. She should be nice to him, and his friends. Dammit.
"So Kurt" she got up and stretched, following them to the kitchen, which was barely separated from the living room by a wooden bar. "What matters of the heart are you pining about?" She asked, casually, sitting on a stool before him. The boy almost jumped. "Why don't you tell Auntie Snixx? Let the third Mexican eye show you the truth" she pointed at her forehead, getting all ceremonial.
Brittany sat right beside her. "Oh, you should totally tell Santana, Kurt!" She clapped, excited. "She's kind of a psychic, just like me!"
"Just like you?" Kurt frowned at her stepsister. "Brittany, please, the only reason you find places you've never been to in this town is because Lima is ridiculously small."
Santana chuckled, which gained her a pointed look from Brit, but she also needed to gain the kid's favor.
Kurt smiled nervously, though.
"What matters of the heart is she talking about?" Rachel asked Quinn, confused. Kurt gave the blonde an alarmed look, but Quinn smirked. Oh, that smirk. Santana lived for mischievous smirks.
"Yeah, Kurt, why don't you tell Santana, and all of us, those matters that have you aching?" Quinn asked with a malicious tone, malicious enough to show that there was some sort of shared secret between her and Kurt. Some sort of complicity.
"I'm impressed" Santana rubbed her hands together. "Sounds like there's some exciting shit going on for you, Kurtie" she gave him her brightest smile, which only seemed to scare Kurt further. "Come on, Kurtie, just spit it out already."
Kurt looked really pale all of a sudden. And uncertain. He kept looking between his sister and Quinn, all confused, and it looked like he might throw up any minute. Santana frowned.
"All right" Quinn patted his back and took a seat in front of them. "I'll tell them."
Kurt gasped and turned around to face the fridge, visibly anxious.
"Kurt's seeing an older guy" Quinn started, and Kurt gasped again, "well, not that old, I mean, he's a senior in college- but you know, older than him."
Santana nodded, intrigued.
"So..." Quinn looked around, cautiously, then smiled for herself in a way that said 'I like having your attention' and continued, "so this guy is trouble. The definition of trouble. And definitely more than Kurt can take."
"Oh my God. Oh my Barbra" Rachel stated rather dramatically, emphasizing every syllable. "Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, I cannot believe I did not know anything about this. What do you have to say in your defense?" The brunette folded her arms, upset.
Kurt hid his face between his hands. "Just kill me already."
"Wait. Is that all?" Santana asked, confused. "What am I missing here? Why do you look like you're about to die? Did he dump you?" She asked Kurt, directly.
"No!" The boy clarified, as if that was unfathomable. "I mean, we're technically not even dating..." he murmured.
"Not even…?" Santana wondered out loud. "Uhu! So you're just fuckbuddies."
"Oh Good God" Brittany covered her ears in a childish way. "I don't wanna hear it, my little brother has not been stolen her precious flower."
"His" Rachel corrected her, tiredly, as if she could not catch a break.
"You sure?" Brittany asked, playfully.
"I don't think the world is ready for this jelly..." Kurt mumbled, his gaze fixated on the floor.
"It sure is" Santana grinned, cheerily. Good for him! Who would have guessed the effeminate, over-the-top affected little brother would be getting some? Definitely not her. "What I fail to see here is the problem..." She eyed Kurt with all she had, trying to see underneath the nervousness and drama that surrounded him. "He's your first?"
Kurt observed her, somewhat mesmerized, then simply shook his head.
"Nice, Kurtie, real nice" she smiled, "oh trust me, this would be a thousand times worse if he was your first."
"Indeed" Quinn agreed, sheepishly.
"So you're falling for him and you shouldn't. Is that it?" Santana guessed, trying to hide her boredom, because just how basic and simple teenagers were. "You want him to be your boyfriend?"
"God no" Kurt blurted out, even more shaken. Then, as he realized what he had just said, he adopted a poker expression. "I mean. It's hard enough as it is."
Santana frowned. "Why?"
Seeing as Kurt would not answer, Quinn interfered, amicably, "This guy's going through a rough patch, and Kurt's getting caught right in the middle."
Rachel seemed overwhelmed. "Kurt" her voice broke, dramatically. "Is he hurting you in any way?"
Kurt seemed shocked to hear that question. "Of course not. He's just…-"
The look Quinn gave the boy after that statement didn't go unnoticed by Santana. So he is, he is hurting Kurt.
"He's just selfish" Quinn completed for him.
"Oh, Kurt" Rachel pitied him, treating him like a kicked puppy, "why would you be with someone like that?"
"'Cause we all are selfish" Santana scoffed, dignified. "We are. But just a few of us choose to wear our true colors" she defended, "or what, did he lie to you? Pretend he was kind?"
Kurt's eyes finally stayed on hers, still cautious but now somewhat receptive. Somewhat curious, studying hers. "No" he simply admitted.
"There you go" Santana said, not letting go of his stare. The kid did have mesmerizing eyes, so big and blue. "And you're not gonna stop seeing him, aren't you?" Kurt did not reply, but his stare fixated even more in her, if that was possible. "Of course not. You like it: the fuck ups, the selfishness, the-"
"The dark side" Brittany supplied, giving his brother a rather scared look. "The dark side of the force."
Santana couldn't help but chuckle. Brittany was such a dork. "Yeah, little padawan, he's troubled and you're into that" she told Kurt. "There's nothing wrong with that, lady."
Rachel scoffed at "lady", but Santana couldn't care less. "I'm curious, though" she smirked, "how is he selfish?" She asked Quinn now, "Selfish in bed?"
Much to Santana's displeasure, the blonde high schooler seemed to be quite the prude, because she looked the other way and made a disturbed face. Kurt remained mute.
"He is" Santana had to deduce. "Of course. That's just how men are, babyface" the girl told Kurt, who didn't seem to take any offense at her nicknames. She was glad to see the boy was smart enough to see the fondness behind her words. I mean, maybe 'fondness' was a strong word, but she didn't hate the kid either. "Take Sebastian, the last guy I screwed" she looked at her girlfriend then, but heard a little dead chuckle somewhere over the group of little divas, "oh right, you know him as well, Kurt" she remembered. "That horny motherfucker made me swear off men forever, the insatiable bastard."
Kurt chuckled nervously, all of a sudden, as if this conversation was making him uncomfortable somehow. But soon enough he was joined by her sister, who didn't seem to have the first clue what she was laughing about.
"Well he is!" Santana cleared her throat, somewhat uncertain about all the laughing. "He's needy, and clingy, and high maintenance, and… God" she sighed, "so insecure. You have no idea how exhausting it is to be with someone like that, really."
"So why would you?" Quinn asked, her sharp eyes filled with confusion. "Why would you put up with someone like that?"
Santana sighed. "Hell if I know... I mean-" she ran a hand through her hair, feeling somewhat uncomfortable all of a sudden, "the bastard's a good friend. He's also real, and honest. And good in bed, while we're at it" she admitted.
Quinn didn't seem too convinced with her response, while Kurt seemed to be smiling, for some reason. Perhaps he found Sebastian attractive?
"Don't even think about it, Kurt!" Santana warned the kid. "Your guy's a lamb compared to Sebastian, trust me. Besides, Sebastian's not into guys. So just- don't. Ew" she couldn't help but make a face. Sebastian and she carried out different lives now, thank-you-very-much. The mere thought of having Sebastian back into her sex life made her wanna barf.
"Oh no, God help me" Kurt chuckled awkwardly, "Barbra help me. Gaga help me" he giggled now, cornily. "Ain't got the time for that."
"Sebastian… why does that name ring a bell?" Rachel wondered out loud, then gestured dramatically, "oh, isn't he the guy who played the movie quizz with you, Kurt?"
"The movie what?!" Santana asked, suddenly riled up. Dear Lord, Lima was way too small.
"Oh, no no no" Kurt gestured nervously. "I mean, yeah- he did, he played, but just for like- five minutes. But nothing to worry about, Satan- I mean, Santana" he blushed furiously at his slip, while Santana found it hilarious, "I don't even like him."
"Got your back, baby powder" Santana patted his shoulder, motherly-like. "Don't sweat – I'll have a word with him and he'll stay the fuck away from my favorite couple of siblings."
"Funny – Sebastian said he didn't even like you either" Brittany suddenly mumbled, cheerily. "And here I thought you two would make a lovely couple."
Santana laughed, nervously. Was she out of her mind? Sebastian, had she met Sebastian?
"Popcorn ready!" Kurt opened the microwave before the machine could even beep, then grabbed Quinn's elbow and motioned for them to leave the kitchen.
"Maybe we should invite him over" Brittany kept wondering out loud. "He seems so lonely."
Kurt almost tripped but his pace got friskier. Santana was too distracted by what her girlfriend had just said to comment on his weirdness. She would not have it. He might be her best friend and all, but God, they both needed a much deserved break from one another.
"I thought you wanted me all for yourself, babe" she joked, trying to clear the air. The kids closed the door to the hall behind them and left them alone once again. Finally.
"I do" Brittany grinned, wrapping her arms around Santana's waist. "Mmm. Well, Sebby's getting some, though, so he might be just fine."
Santana arched an eyebrow, amused. "Where did you get that?"
Brittany simply pointed at her own forehead, getting all ceremonial.
Santana chuckled. "He's been texting an awful lot lately. Tinder, if I had to guess."
/
"It's a school night!" Rachel protested, giving both Quinn and him a disapproving look.
"So what?" Quinn scoffed, which was quite unlike her, actually, being this rebellious. "Tomorrow marks the start of our last month of high school. Ever" she emphasized. "We've got no more tests left, no more projects, no more… anything. Hell, we're not even expected to make an effort anymore. All we have to worry about is prom, and graduation, and Nationals. That's it."
"Oh, you make quite some good points, Fabray" Kurt smiled sheepishly.
"But we've got glee club tomorrow!" Rachel kept arguing, "Mister Schuester was counting on me to perform a mash-up of two ballads, and I need to keep my vocal chords safe and nurtured until then!"
"For crying out loud, you can do that assignment in your sleep, Rachel Berry" Kurt tried to appeal to her ego, which was known to be a soft spot. Quinn was not having any of it, though.
"Rachel, this is very simple. Either you get drunk with us, or you go. We don't need any party poopers tonight, and we'll do just fine without you, thank you."
Rachel went mute. Kurt saw her bottom lip get all wrinkled, which was a pretty safe indication that she was really reluctant. But then she surprised them.
"Can I call Finn?"
Quinn sighed. "For Christ's sake."
"Hey!" Rachel protested.
"Of course you can" Kurt intervened. "But you keep him on check. I'm not babysitting anyone tonight."
Rachel rolled her eyes. "Fine. What's the super plan, oh you evil plotters?" She asked sarcastically.
"It's pretty simple" Quinn repeated. "We're gonna get slightly drunk, allure Santana and Brittany in, get them more drunk than us, then steal Santana's phone."
Just hearing it again made Kurt feel all kinds of sick with nervousness. Oh Good God. Why had he agreed to this? He reckoned Santana was very capable of killing them without even blinking. This was their worst idea ever.
"Kurt, relax" Quinn said tiredly, since she seemed to see right through him lately. "It's gonna be just fine, I'll distract them, I know they like me."
Rachel made a face. "Um. I'm not doing that."
Quinn frowned. "No one asked you to. You and Finn will make for some wonderful human props. You're gonna love it" she said, maliciously. Kurt understood perfectly what she meant, though. Most of the time, that's how being in glee club felt like.
"That was quite unnecessary" Rachel protested, but let it be. "But if we wanna keep Santana off your hair, Kurt, then I think it should be me the one to steal her phone while she's uh- distracted."
Kurt wanted to die. Why had they told Rachel, again? As if handling Quinn's judgment and Finn's good-for-nothing comments wasn't enough, now he also had to do with Rachel's pity looks. Unfortunately, the little diva wasn't as clueless as her boyfriend, so she had kind of put two and two together after the disastrous convo with Santana in the kitchen.
Santana. Just her mere presence made Kurt wanna flee the country. She was as fierce as Sebastian, but for some merciful reason she seemed to be trying to make nice with him lately, Kurt had noticed. And now he was going to jeopardize that just for what? For Quinn's craziness?
"That's easily the only smart contribution you've ever made" Quinn scratched her chin, thoughtfully. "See, only a few hours without Finn and you seem a capable person once again."
Rachel folded her arms and ignored the blonde, then looked at Kurt instead. "You've got nothing to fear, Kurt" the brunette said, giving him her best 'I'm-on-a-mission-to-succeed' look. And Kurt knew by now those looks were to be taken seriously. "If this whole plan is contingent on my acting skills, then we're bound to win, 'cause they never fail."
Kurt didn't know whether to laugh at that or to gasp a little. Confident Rachel was kind of a thing of beauty. He envied that confidence greatly.
"All right" he gulped down the first of many nods on his throat. "Supplies?" He asked, 'cause it seemed pretty obvious to him that there was a great flaw to their plan: they had no booze.
"That's where Finn will come in handy" Rachel smiled her brightest smile, then took out her phone and started typing.
"I won't argue that" Quinn smirked, looking at him.
"This is gonna be a disaster" Kurt blurted out. "Besides, what do you think we're gonna find in her phone? A map to Sebastian's disturbing head?"
"Obviously not" Quinn said, exasperated. "But I'll do you one better: intel. You've been playing with disadvantage for far too long" the blonde said, gesturing with her hands as if she was some kind of great strategist. "It's time we meet Julie."