The Flesh Is Weak

-We all have weak moments... moments where we lose faith. But it's our flaws, our weaknesses that make us human.

Sarah Connor, The Demon Hand.

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It's all I can do to not have my mouth wide open.

It's her. It's frakking her. The nose with the wide bridge, the hair cut to chin-length, the fairly flat cheek-bones, wide lips, the light ochre eyes...

And she's starting to walk away with her drink.

I grab my drink as soon as it comers, and I thank the bartender. My eyes keep sight of her as she walks to an empty table, and sits down. She's just sitting there, sipping away at her drink, working on something on her Blackberry. She's oblivious to everything around her. It's making me think of mom, of what that fateful night was like, when she found out about Skynet and the Machines. They were planning to replace her. This woman whose life is going on uninterrupted, because of my unintended interference. But I don't get it. What's so important about her? What makes her so special? I need to find out.

And my hand's starting to spasm again. The heat's building up again. I've got to get this done fast. Then maybe I can spend time figuring out what's wrong with me. Because it's scaring me. Without my diagnostic systems, I can't figure out what's gone bad. Put it to one side. I've got a job to do.

"Is it me, or is the music tonight sucking big-time?" The words leave me as I slide into the seat opposite her. She looks up, then carries on with her Blackberry. Okay, she's ignoring me. What does her body language tell me? Well, she's here to be out. I don't think she's here to meet someone, so that means she's massively obsessed with work.

I need to change that obsession.

"I hope it's band night. Maybe they'll have someone cool in. were you her when Abney Park played? They were awesome." She's not even glancing up. Anger is rising inside me. I'm suffering from the effects of this heat build-up. And I'm being ignored by her...

Well, screw that...

My eyes focus onto her. And with as much cold rage as I've got inside of me, I push the heat and it's effects onto her. Onto the workaholic who has no idea that she nearly died today. I feel a tingling in my arms and legs, and something else, a shifting, a passing. Her head jerks back as if punched hard by invisible forces. Her eyes are glazing over, slightly blank. She blinks shaking her head as if snapping out of a daydream. Those light ochre eyes of hers, notice me, and focus on me intensely. Her face, pale from make-up, smiles at me. With a glance, she finishes what she's doing, and and puts the Blackberry away. As I look at her, I suddenly wish the whole world that I could be with Jane once more, be in this nightclub, just talking.

"Hey," she says, her voice indicating to me she's interested in me. The tone reminds me of Jane. She's use it when she was aroused, and was interested in being intimate with me. I'm suddenly aching for that touch just one more time. I fake a smile.

"Don't you agree with me that the music sucks tonight?" I'm trying to be as friendly and flirty as possible. I flick my hair back, tucking it behind my ear. She nods.

"Always does before I get here. I get the DJ a list to play. I always get my list played once a couple or so more songs are played."

"Sounds like you come here a lot."

"Yeah. Used to be to get away from working, but this close to the deadline..." she sighs. I reach out and touch her hand.

"Sounds like an important deadline," I reply, hoping to get more information out of her. I use the Fascination technique to get her to want to open up to me, to feel like she needs to talk to me, tell me personal details. It's not working. All I'm able to do is transfer more and more heat to her. I can't do any thoughts. It must be because of my chip. Because of the damage. Pupil dilation. She's showing clear signs of arousal. She's leaning forward, smiling. Oh no...

The effects of the heat. I know what it is.

It's the state of sexual need. Procreative desire.

And I've transferred a massive amount on to her.

I close my eyes, realising what the words in the Blue-Green Book meant it was a warning, to show how horrible the path using it can be. I've put into her feelings and desires that weren't hers. I've manipulated her. Stole from her the ability to choose. That was wrong. So very wrong.

I feel guilt. And regret. And loss. Because I've lost a piece of my innocence, my virtue in doing this. As of now, I've got new commands. I can't hard-wire them into me – I've completely obliterated that area of my chip – but they are commands I can live by.

Do not kill.

Do not remove someone's free-will.

Avoid harming others.

Basic, but they'll do for now, when I can get more opportunity to think about the matter. Right now, she's stroking my hair. She's leaning really close to me. I shift my chair closer to hers, so she doesn't accidentally spill out drinks. She kisses, and I moan, because the tender touch reminds me of Jane. And the heaviness sinks my chest again. And guilt worms and crawls around in my abdomen. I feel really, really awful. I've made this girl a slave to my malfunctioning desires, and I'm betraying my dead girlfriend.

I'm a terrible individual.

She's whispering sweet nothings into my ear. At least, I think that's what it is. I remember reading a number of romance novels. Mainly Mills and Boon. Jane saw me reading them in the Cathedral's library, and she had a simple response. A snort, and the declaration that they were mushy crap. She was romantic, but in a different way. She was emotionally shut down in certain ways. I don't want to be like that. Damaged inside because of being hurt by people. It seems, though, it's very easy to hurt people emotionally. Because I've just done it to her.

"I'm Jessica, by the way."

"Cameron." I brush her cheek. I smile, though it's utterly false. I want cry. Curl up in bed, and cry. My stomach growls. I'd forgotten I hadn't eaten.

"You know what would be good right now? You, me, my place, hot chocolate and pizza," my voice silkily pours the words into her ears. The reaction is clear. She likes it.

We empty our glasses, and walk out, hands held. My thumb rubs the skin on the back of her hand. I don't understand. I've been without my girlfriend for a matter of hours, and I feel lonely. I can't be alone in bed. Not tonight. My lips lock on to her impulsively, in desperate hope that it might fill the gaping hole inside my chest.

It doesn't.

But it's amazing what going for pizza, and going back to the Roof can do. She's talking away. Jessica Jones. JJ to her friends. She's a graduate student, paying her way by writing books on technology. Her latest book is very negative. The impact of the book is clear: it'll be widely received, and will help to slow down the rise of the Machines. As much as it is immoral, I'm going to keep on Fascinating her. Because I have to stay close to her. I'm going to make sure that her argument against automation, and allowing Artificial Intelligence to have greater control over our lives is stronger than it currently is. I can tell she's missing gaps.

We enter the Roof, shutting down the alarm expertly. I put the pizzas on the coffee table, next to the capsules. Oh. I can't hear them. My Wi-Fi. It's down. I'm repairing it now. JJ notices the capsules, and opens the container to one, holding it in her hand.

"For a moment, I thought you were a pill-head or something," she says. I smile slightly at her, as my fingers remove the capsule from her hand and put it back into the container. We kiss, and she breaks away when she sees something behind me.

"Wow... that's some view," she gasps. I place a hand on her shoulder. She smiles as she tuns around eager to see the view from the other window. She rushes to the computer set-up I have.

"Shit, I've not seen anything as radical as this since Cyberdyne," she mutters as she thoroughly examines the hardware, her black glasses sliding her nose as son as she keeps pushing them back up.

"Cyberdyne?" I ask, dread fear entering me. I hope bringing her here wasn't a bad idea...

"Yeah... my dad worked for them. You should have seen this chip they'd been working on. In any case it's why I'm writing my current book the way I am," she says.

Now I'm very interested.